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RE: Need advice on a rebellious boy - 1/12/2010 11:38:12 PM

adx

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I don't think punching the walls a big deal at all most guys do it at some point in there life many more then once. Its not losing control of your anger to express it and punch a wall it just plain feels good to do so. As a matter of fact I punched a few inanimate objects today slammed some shit around and generally had a good time doing it. theirs a huge different between punching a wall and hitting your girl. But maybe hes weak and did not hit the wall because he wanted to but actually could not control his outburst that would be rather pathetic if that were the case he should be terminated I suppose. relay im just some asshole on the internet though so its all just like a cinny viddyed through words.

(in reply to SimplyIsaac)

RE: Need advice on a rebellious boy - 1/12/2010 11:58:39 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: adx

I don't think punching the walls a big deal at all most guys do it at some point in there life many more then once. Its not losing control of your anger to express it and punch a wall it just plain feels good to do so. As a matter of fact I punched a few inanimate objects today slammed some shit around and generally had a good time doing it. theirs a huge different between punching a wall and hitting your girl. But maybe hes weak and did not hit the wall because he wanted to but actually could not control his outburst that would be rather pathetic if that were the case he should be terminated I suppose. relay im just some asshole on the internet though so its all just like a cinny viddyed through words.

While I'm not going to disagree that there is a difference between hitting a wall and hitting your girl, the idea that you punch inanimate objects just because it is "fun" speaks volumes about your immaturity.

Whenever someone needs to "express their anger" by hitting something it IS a loss of control. It is a matter of becoming SO angry and SO frustrated that you are losing control.

Seriously if you are punching walls and inanimate objects simply because it is "fun" and you want to, you have some serious issues that you should get some help with. The fact that you also identify as "dominant" and do this should be worrisome to anyone who would submit to you.

(in reply to adx)

RE: Need advice on a rebellious boy - 1/13/2010 12:06:32 AM

adx

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady

quote:

ORIGINAL: adx

I don't think punching the walls a big deal at all most guys do it at some point in there life many more then once. Its not losing control of your anger to express it and punch a wall it just plain feels good to do so. As a matter of fact I punched a few inanimate objects today slammed some shit around and generally had a good time doing it. theirs a huge different between punching a wall and hitting your girl. But maybe hes weak and did not hit the wall because he wanted to but actually could not control his outburst that would be rather pathetic if that were the case he should be terminated I suppose. relay im just some asshole on the internet though so its all just like a cinny viddyed through words.

While I'm not going to disagree that there is a difference between hitting a wall and hitting your girl, the idea that you punch inanimate objects just because it is "fun" speaks volumes about your immaturity.

Whenever someone needs to "express their anger" by hitting something it IS a loss of control. It is a matter of becoming SO angry and SO frustrated that you are losing control.

Seriously if you are punching walls and inanimate objects simply because it is "fun" and you want to, you have some serious issues that you should get some help with. The fact that you also identify as "dominant" and do this should be worrisome to anyone who would submit to you.

You make it sound like a bit of the old ultraviolence is all Baddiwad. It is not a need to express it is a want I could or I could not I decide to or to not. You need not worry about those that are mine I reward loyal service my Droogs are all well maintained. Now i dont give a dam for any other poor veck on bogs miseribal earth.

< Message edited by adx -- 1/13/2010 12:13:19 AM >

(in reply to LafayetteLady)

RE: Need advice on a rebellious boy - 1/13/2010 5:01:38 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: adx

quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady

quote:

ORIGINAL: adx

I don't think punching the walls a big deal at all most guys do it at some point in there life many more then once. Its not losing control of your anger to express it and punch a wall it just plain feels good to do so. As a matter of fact I punched a few inanimate objects today slammed some shit around and generally had a good time doing it. theirs a huge different between punching a wall and hitting your girl. But maybe hes weak and did not hit the wall because he wanted to but actually could not control his outburst that would be rather pathetic if that were the case he should be terminated I suppose. relay im just some asshole on the internet though so its all just like a cinny viddyed through words.

While I'm not going to disagree that there is a difference between hitting a wall and hitting your girl, the idea that you punch inanimate objects just because it is "fun" speaks volumes about your immaturity.

Whenever someone needs to "express their anger" by hitting something it IS a loss of control. It is a matter of becoming SO angry and SO frustrated that you are losing control.

Seriously if you are punching walls and inanimate objects simply because it is "fun" and you want to, you have some serious issues that you should get some help with. The fact that you also identify as "dominant" and do this should be worrisome to anyone who would submit to you.

You make it sound like a bit of the old ultraviolence is all Baddiwad. It is not a need to express it is a want I could or I could not I decide to or to not. You need not worry about those that are mine I reward loyal service my Droogs are all well maintained. Now i dont give a dam for any other poor veck on bogs miseribal earth.

Oh geez, a young 19 year old dominant speaking in Nadsat, thinking he's clever.

FYI - when Anthony Burgess cooked up that little slang for Alex and his Droogs, he used ultraviolence to mean rape, not hitting walls. I suggest you get your cultural reference right, lest you look like a nazz. Oh horrorshow!

- LA

< Message edited by LadyAngelika -- 1/13/2010 5:05:35 AM >

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(in reply to adx)

RE: Need advice on a rebellious boy - 1/13/2010 6:00:44 AM

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Adx, please consider what your goal in posting is. Do you want to feel as though you are all neato and stuff, or do you want to communicate with others? I could type each of my posts in Spanish if I wanted to, but I don't. Why not? Because most people would not understand me. The only thing I would achieve would be a certain feeling of superiority that I possessed a secret language that many others did not. I'm here because I want to interact with others.

Also, just because this is an online forum does not mean that it is the Land of the SciFi Dorks.

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Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

RE: Need advice on a rebellious boy - 1/13/2010 6:30:54 AM

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The Clockwork Orange? Oh Please!

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The treehugger formerly known as Domahpet

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VMnjF1O4eH0

''ahhhh you gonna take me home tonight....''

(in reply to RedMagic1)

RE: Need advice on a rebellious boy - 1/13/2010 7:10:10 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: redwoodgirl

The Clockwork Orange? Oh Please!

Oh, I don't know. I think it's rather sweet that the kids of today want to watch those charming oldies.

(in reply to redwoodgirl)

RE: Need advice on a rebellious boy - 1/13/2010 7:13:40 AM

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And it had a happy ending...:)

Jeff

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(in reply to Venatrix)

RE: Need advice on a rebellious boy - 1/13/2010 7:18:24 AM

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Which will not be the case for adx, if he continues on his current track.

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My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to Jeffff)

RE: Need advice on a rebellious boy - 1/13/2010 7:25:49 AM

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True true, We were just the other day hashing over old the looney tunes cartoons.
Remember Felix the Cat? or Fritz the Cat hehe!

_____________________________

The thing about music is, when it hits you, you feel no pain- Bob Marley

The treehugger formerly known as Domahpet

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VMnjF1O4eH0

''ahhhh you gonna take me home tonight....''

(in reply to Venatrix)

RE: Need advice on a rebellious boy - 1/13/2010 9:39:24 AM

adx

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Joined: 1/6/2010
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I must admit im most pleased to see some of you know from where my words came. I speak like this through out my day and very few recognize exactly where its from. As for ultraviolence meaning rape exclusively im afraid you are wrong while rape can be a part of ultraviolence it is certainly not the whole. As for thinking of my goal when posting it was well met I did not make what I wrote at all incomprehensible by using nadsat replacing one or two words hardly makes it hard to understand and if some poor bratchny gets lost guess what it is exactly there sitting in front of? As for what I hoped to accomplish with my post I already have another nochy has past now the dawn breaks and I will soon be away from this cal and on to my next. Now the remark about my ending not being a happy one, first let me say the ending is all the same there is not one that is more happy or more sad in that let me inform you is all still death. Now ill assume you mean my life will not be a happy one and I will say that there isn’t really a happy or a sad only but i have all the commodities that one at my age finds them self in need of money, a mess of droogs, a fine little devotchka so as I can get the old in out in out when ever I desire and my one true love a real horrershow britva that has served me well and true oh that it has. A few more things than before I goo really dont feel all "neato" very nice word by the way by posting in nadsat its just how I talked since about 15 or so only a score of words my brothers and I did it all through highschool when we lived the ultraviolence as well not that ive completely abandoned it. So think of it like a foreigner using different slang if that helps you. Now ive wasted enough time here for the day my droogs await the orders of there chief droog and master to start their days so I must say goodbye for now and I hope the situation with your little wall hitter is doing fine and what not

(in reply to redwoodgirl)

RE: Need advice on a rebellious boy - 1/13/2010 9:55:26 AM

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Ok then.... glad you cleared all that up dude. Let me just add that if you and I hung out together and you talked like that all the time, I would have an over powering urge to slap the shit out of you.

Jeff

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"If you don't live it, it won't come out your horn." Charlie Parker

(in reply to adx)

RE: Need advice on a rebellious boy - 1/13/2010 11:05:18 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: adx
I hope the situation with your little wall hitter is doing fine and what not

lol ty so much ;)

Hi Jefffffffffff!!!!!!

_____________________________

The thing about music is, when it hits you, you feel no pain- Bob Marley

The treehugger formerly known as Domahpet

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VMnjF1O4eH0

''ahhhh you gonna take me home tonight....''

(in reply to adx)

RE: Need advice on a rebellious boy - 1/13/2010 11:13:03 AM

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redwoodgirl,

I looked at the OP, scanned through many of the replies, and caught the tail end of the conversation about hitting inanimate objects. Here's my quick take.

This...

quote:

I've been with my honey for almost a year, and Ill brag and say he's pretty darn amazing. Happy, helpful, handsome, horny, everything you'd want in a boy :)

and this...

quote:

But lately he has been rebelling against EVERYTHING, his chores, his responsibilities, me, everything. He's become argumentative as well, he actually punched a hole in the wall a couple weeks ago. (snip) When he is calm, and I talk to him, he tells me still wants to be my everything, but accepts little to no responsibility for either his attitude or his actions, but instead seems to lay blame everywhere else.

...are a contradiction. Your partner isn't presently "everything you want in a boy" and that's why you've written the thread.

I'm not going to be black and white in my advice because I don't know you or your boy. Arguing and breaking/hitting stuff? This shows a lot of stress and frustration. I know people who let go of stress this way and it doesn't mean they're a timebomb waiting to attack you. It's just how they let go of stress when they've reached a very high breaking point. In some cases though, it *does* indicate a timebomb waiting to shift its focus (to you). You know the boy and we don't so you'll have to use your best judgment.

When I was quite a bit younger, sometimes, when I was really, really frustrated, I'd pick an inanimate object (like a clock radio) and take it out to the back lane. Then, I'd smash it to bits. I'd pulverize the thing. And ya know what? Afterward, I laughed. I felt much better and my stress was considerably diminished. Is this a sensible or productive way to deal with stress? Probably not. It worked at the time though. These days, I manage my life and stresses in very different ways... 'cause... ya know... replacing clock radios can be a tad inconvenient. :-)

Being more serious now. It's jarring that your partner broke a wall. If this type of behaviour continues, personally, I wouldn't want to be around it and I wouldn't recommend anyone else stay around it either. However, these kinds of things happen from time-to-time. Men and women alike sometimes do things they later regret (throw things, break things, etc.). Were I you, I'd let some time pass and discuss what happened with your boy again. If he's still unable to accept responsibility and to recognize his behaviour effects not only himself but you too, then I'd be thinking more seriously about what to do next. For the time being though, given that the two of you don't live together, I'd allow your boy time for reflection.

You mentioned understanding some of the factors contributing to your boy's stress. Perhaps, in your later conversation, you could discuss these with him again. Demands at work and school, and things of this nature, can all be adjusted. Ditto for family politics and the like. It's sometimes easy for people to think they can't change things, but you can always make changes. Drop a course and take it later. Say "no" to overtime at work. Change jobs if necessary. Every time I've encountered a situation where I felt so boxed in that I couldn't make changes, upon taking a break for reflection, I realized there were many options available to me. It's the old "can't see the forest for the trees" scenario. Perhaps your boy needs to take a few days off work and/or away from school (or away from whatever the situation is that is causing him so much stress). After that, he may well be able to make better decisions about the situation and he'll likely be more open to hear your concerns and advice.

The approach I've recommended doesn't fit the "I'm dominant, do as I say now" school of BDSM. As you're probably aware, real world dominants deal with people and people aren't always so easily redirected. You'll have to decide if this is a temporary hurdle for your boy or something more indicative of a continuing problem.

Elan.

(in reply to redwoodgirl)

RE: Need advice on a rebellious boy - 1/13/2010 3:55:24 PM

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Elan,

Actually they DO live together and their are kids in the house. That is a major factor in a great deal of the advice.

However, I do agree with the majority of what you said. I had suggested that he be provided with something that WAS permissible to beat the crap out of...heavy bag, chopping wood, etc.

(in reply to ElanSubdued)

RE: Need advice on a rebellious boy - 1/13/2010 3:56:42 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff

Ok then.... glad you cleared all that up dude. Let me just add that if you and I hung out together and you talked like that all the time, I would have an over powering urge to slap the shit out of you.

Jeff

Get real Jeff, this guy has spoken like an idiotic buffoon since he was 15? I'm sure that he has been the start of more blanket parties than any of us can realistically count.

(in reply to Jeffff)

RE: Need advice on a rebellious boy - 1/13/2010 6:02:01 PM

Drifa

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From: Rural Texas
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quote:

ORIGINAL: adx
I don't think punching the walls a big deal at all most guys do it at some point in there life many more then once. Its not losing control of your anger to express it and punch a wall it just plain feels good to do so.

Write us back when you manage a boxer's fracture doing that and let us know how that's working for ya. Having those annoying wires sticking through the bone then out the skin, and being in a cast for weeks is such a thrill.

(in reply to adx)

RE: Need advice on a rebellious boy - 1/14/2010 7:55:00 AM

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I m glad its not like I imagined it and I hope it never gets there. Trust me depression is one of the worst things anyone can experience and I would nt wish it on anyone
Best regards
Kevin

(in reply to redwoodgirl)

RE: Need advice on a rebellious boy - 1/14/2010 11:51:19 AM

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LafayetteLady,

quote:

Actually they DO live together and their are kids in the house. That is a major factor in a great deal of the advice.

Thanks for clarifying this. I misunderstood the first post and a few, subsequent follow-ups. Children being exposed to this sort of thing isn't great, but it happens and sometimes can't be prevented. It's not possible to shield children from everything (though this doesn't mean I promote a "throw it all out there" policy either). With my new understanding of the situation, I don't think I'd change much of my advice. Again, thanks for the clarification.

quote:

However, I do agree with the majority of what you said. I had suggested that he be provided with something that WAS permissible to beat the crap out of... heavy bag, chopping wood, etc.

I have mixed feelings about enabling the behaviour, even if this is done in a constructive way. But, I get where you're coming from. Sometimes, when I need to let go of something, I go for a really long run. The physical exercise helps clear my mind and refocuses me. Chopping wood, working out with a punching bag... these are reasonably equivalent. I suppose my concern is the boy's headspace. Ex: using exercise and physical activity for stress relief versus "I want to hit someone so I'll hit the punching bag instead". Now I'm not saying the boy wants to hit someone, but where this the case, the fundamental drivers need to be addressed, not just pressure relief. I'll add though, that if someone does want to hit a person, in lieu of being able to mitigate the desire any other way, redirecting the behaviour to a punching bag is an immediate, first-step solution. I still think the drivers and anger management issues ultimately need to be addressed.

Elan.

(in reply to LafayetteLady)

RE: Need advice on a rebellious boy - 1/14/2010 12:11:52 PM

GloriousMorning

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I agree, sometimes a boy just has to let off some steam, and finding a healthy outlet is a good idea. Physical exercise or exertion can help expel some of the negative energy from dealing with anger, but the psychological reasons are still there and I'm not convinced that physical release in itself will be enough to prevent a boy from lashing out or destroying (even their own) property. Like Elan said, the anger management issues need to be looked at.

I would set extremely clear boundaries. I would try to be forgiving and understanding, but at the same time making it clear that I will not tolerate this behavior in your home. Give him an opportunity to change, but the rest is all up to him. I feel children being present in the home makes it imperative that the boy either make those changes or leave. Children do learn by example. I wouldn't tolerate a 5, 10 or 15yr old throwing a tantrum and destroying property and I wouldn't tolerate it from a 35yr old either.

< Message edited by GloriousMorning -- 1/14/2010 12:12:56 PM >

(in reply to ElanSubdued)

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