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Can you be a Dom and a Masochist? - 1/12/2010 7:51:45 AM

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I'm fairly new to the lifestyle and this place has been a great resource. I'm definetly a Dominant without an inclination to being submissive. I'm also a bit of a sadist. All pretty standard issue until last night.

My girlfriend and sub (both the same girl) and I were doing the deed. I wasn't being Dominant and she wasn't being submissive....it was fairly vanilla until she had come a few times. I had been drinking a bit and knew that I wasn't going to come. For some reason I asked her to scratch my back with her nails. She did this several times leaving deep and lightly bleeding scratches. To me it felt like heaven! I writhed and got a really good buzz from it. It was a real rush.

Every time the pain would start to die down I would ask her to do it again. After three or four times I asked her to bite me as the last "event". All of it felt so incredible....

So my question is...can I be a Dom, sadist and masochist all at the same time without being a sub? I have zero desire to submit but I love hardcore pain. Is that switch?

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RE: Can you be a Dom and a Masochist? - 1/12/2010 9:24:43 AM

stef

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Burzul

So my question is...can I be a Dom, sadist and masochist all at the same time without being a sub?

Yup.

Have fun :)

~stef

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RE: Can you be a Dom and a Masochist? - 1/12/2010 11:48:37 AM

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Yes. Top and bottom (sadist and masochist) describe physical sensations. We're all free to like whatever physical sensations we wnat.

Master Fire

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RE: Can you be a Dom and a Masochist? - 1/12/2010 11:17:08 PM

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Yep. You can be that so long as you are that. Don't let anyone try to tell you otherwise. You are precisely what you are.

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RE: Can you be a Dom and a Masochist? - 1/13/2010 1:10:29 AM

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I would term myself as a true Sado/masochist and my partner is one too. The dominance rises up in me naturally and whilst dominant I love to inflict pain. I also love pain but find I don't submit.
If your like us then your going to have a fun journey ahead. People will try telling you that your this or your that or that your not serious. Just enjoy and embrace your Sado/masochism.

I think the only word of warning I would give is making sure your sub understand. Submissives often look at Sado/masochists as closet submissives and can deem it unatractive. Is she cool about this? or is she concerned?

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RE: Can you be a Dom and a Masochist? - 1/13/2010 5:00:07 AM

Level

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Echoing the others. Yes.

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RE: Can you be a Dom and a Masochist? - 1/13/2010 7:25:40 AM

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You can be whatever you want to be. That is the only truth.

Jeff

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RE: Can you be a Dom and a Masochist? - 1/13/2010 8:21:00 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff

You can be whatever you want to be. That is the only truth.

Jeff

Such a smart anteater!

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RE: Can you be a Dom and a Masochist? - 1/13/2010 8:37:54 AM

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It's the power exchange. As long as you are ordering her to give you pleasure (in whatever form) you are the Dom. In the gay world we have Doms ordering subs "Get it hard, boy. I want a good ride. You lay back and I'll climb on it." Now, who is the Dom?

As above: make sure she understands that you are in control regardless of what you tell her to do. You might want to use a bath towel analogy. When you get out of the tub/shower she rubs you down with a towel, pleasuring you. This is same thing, at a more intense level.

ETA: There's lots of strings discussing whether or not FemDoms are "allowed" to give oral sex to their male subs.... do a little searching and you'll find essentially the same answer: you as the Dom get to use your slave/sub in whatever way you want.

Sounds like you are moving toward a slave/Master relationship and are right at the cusp/dividing line.

Have a little more confidence in your abilities to command and in hers to perform and you'll both have fun!

Been there, done that.......crossed that line, that is. Sometimes <not often> have to remember that I'm in a Master/slave relationship, but as they say, "practice makes perfect." One of my New Year resolutions is to get more practice. LOL!

quote:

So my question is...can I be a Dom, sadist and masochist all at the same time without being a sub? I have zero desire to submit but I love hardcore pain. Is that switch?

Nope, not a switch. You are a Dom that likes to both deliver and accept pain.

Again, watch the yin-yang aspects very carefully. Again, the voice of experience.... :::sigh::: "Lost" a great slave/sub because I told him to "top" me. Shoulda, coulda, woulda told him "I order you to flog me because I want to be flogged and there's no else around to do that to me. You are to think of yourself as just an attachment to the flogger that makes it move." Instead, I went into sub-space....... what a mess.

< Message edited by LanceHughes -- 1/13/2010 8:59:51 AM >

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RE: Can you be a Dom and a Masochist? - 1/13/2010 11:39:16 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: allthatjaz
Is she cool about this? or is she concerned?

yep i'm cool with it! he is still my Dom the bestest Dom in the whole world!

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RE: Can you be a Dom and a Masochist? - 1/13/2010 12:23:11 PM

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Playing while intoxicated is NEVER a good idea. :/

That being said, if you liked it, you liked it. There are plenty of D/s couples who enjoy being wild and hurting each other during sex; rather like a struggle rather than cooperation. It's not quite my cup of tea, but I can understand how some people would like it. Rape fantasies often incorporate this kind of play as well; the sub pretends to struggle while the dom pretends to force him/her. Just make sure everything's consensual before you do it.

And again, it's very dangerous to play at all while intoxicated, especially when you're the Dom. It's irresponsible. If you hurt her badly, due to being unable to judge your actions properly because of drinking, you'll never forgive yourself and she'll never trust you like a true submissive trusts a true Master. For her sake and for yours, don't drink and dom.

EDIT:: typos.

< Message edited by winterrose77 -- 1/13/2010 12:25:14 PM >

(in reply to Burzul)

RE: Can you be a Dom and a Masochist? - 1/13/2010 12:28:11 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: winterrose77

Playing while intoxicated is NEVER a good idea. :/

Why?
Playing with a stranger, while shitfaced is probably a bad idea. I suppose it would depends on the people involved and their relationship......no?

Jeff

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(in reply to winterrose77)

RE: Can you be a Dom and a Masochist? - 1/13/2010 12:31:46 PM

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.

< Message edited by VirginPotty -- 1/13/2010 12:37:49 PM >

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RE: Can you be a Dom and a Masochist? - 1/13/2010 12:34:23 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff

quote:

ORIGINAL: winterrose77

Playing while intoxicated is NEVER a good idea. :/

Why?
Playing with a stranger, while shitfaced is probably a bad idea. I suppose it would depends on the people involved and their relationship......no?

Jeff

In the beginning that's the only way I could play and he allowed that. Made me more "pliable"

**Eta, he'll indulge in a couple of glasses of JD or beers & it's never affected his Domly abilities, merely enhanced them.**

< Message edited by VirginPotty -- 1/13/2010 12:35:44 PM >

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RE: Can you be a Dom and a Masochist? - 1/13/2010 12:51:27 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: VirginPotty

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff

quote:

ORIGINAL: winterrose77

Playing while intoxicated is NEVER a good idea. :/

Why?
Playing with a stranger, while shitfaced is probably a bad idea. I suppose it would depends on the people involved and their relationship......no?

Jeff

In the beginning that's the only way I could play and he allowed that. Made me more "pliable"

**Eta, he'll indulge in a couple of glasses of JD or beers & it's never affected his Domly abilities, merely enhanced them.**

Well, unless you're in a long-term/permanent relationship and you've played sober many times, I think it'd be a really bad idea. Then again, this is the girl whose aunt was stabbed twelve times in the chest and face by her drunk husband, who'd never shown a single violent gesture til then.

All I'm saying is that I think it's better to play sober and enjoy being in control of your own bodies. Just my opinion, though.

(in reply to VirginPotty)

RE: Can you be a Dom and a Masochist? - 1/13/2010 12:52:27 PM

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It being your opinion... changes everything.....:)

Welcome to the boards

Jeff

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(in reply to winterrose77)

RE: Can you be a Dom and a Masochist? - 1/13/2010 12:57:12 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff

It being your opinion... changes everything.....:)

Welcome to the boards

Jeff

Thank you :) No, I certainly wasn't meaning to force my opinion as some kinda fact XD Just what I think.

I'm not a horrid person, I promise~

(in reply to Jeffff)

RE: Can you be a Dom and a Masochist? - 1/13/2010 12:58:33 PM

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Thats ok... I am.

Jeff

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(in reply to winterrose77)

RE: Can you be a Dom and a Masochist? - 1/13/2010 1:01:09 PM

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***SNORT***
Yes you are, Jeff!

**Eta, I'm sorry about your Aunt, Winterrose. I can definitely understand your desire to play sober**

< Message edited by VirginPotty -- 1/13/2010 1:03:06 PM >

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RE: Can you be a Dom and a Masochist? - 1/13/2010 1:10:23 PM

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As can I

Potty... you bitch

Love

Jeff

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(in reply to VirginPotty)

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