I swear it's not a generic forced fem thread (Full Version)

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somethingXclever -> I swear it's not a generic forced fem thread (1/13/2010 9:36:38 PM)

OK, so before lynching starts, this is a thread about cross dressing but i swear i have no intentions of asking “oh hai Dommes, who wants to make me a bimbo hurr durr.” i've lurked this forum since i was like 19 (i'm 21 now) so i know there are too many idiots posting the same thing over and over trying to get off on responses. My question is instead how many Dommes enjoy, or are at least comfortable/accepting of cross dressing? i will admit, forced feminization a really hot fantasy, but it is of course merely that but when dressing is introduced into something else i enjoy like Domination/submission, but that's not the point. The point is that i've seen my share of responses to the weekly forced fem threads saying things like “if I wanted a girl I'd get a girl” or similar, seemingly, anti-femme sub comments, so my question is: Would You be ok with a sub who cross dressed because they actually enjoyed it and it was merely a part of who they were? And if yes would You allow them to dress during times when You were playing or would that be a no-no?

Thank You for Your time, and please don't hate me, i tried really hard to not sound like the average morons who post bad threads here...



LadyPact -> RE: I swear it's not a generic forced fem thread (1/13/2010 11:14:53 PM)

Well, I'm one of those who is very specific about saying that if I wanted a girl, I would get one.  I suppose that qualifies Me to answer your question.

My personal answer is no.  Just like submissives have every right to their hard limits, Dominants are entitled to theirs.  I have no interest in that type of kink in My life, just the same as I would have no interest in a sub who felt he needed to express his AB side in a D/s context.  I'm fine with those who want to engage in that form of self expression, but it is not one that I would be willing to participate in or accept in a submissive of My own,.



WyldHrt -> RE: I swear it's not a generic forced fem thread (1/13/2010 11:48:13 PM)

Off topic, but you might want to change your main profile pic before it gets reported/removed. Genital shots are ok as secondaries, but not main pics... and I'm pretty sure balls seen from behind qualify as genitals, even if they are under a really cute skirt. [:D]






somethingXclever -> RE: I swear it's not a generic forced fem thread (1/14/2010 1:02:33 AM)

thanks for the warning. i changed, now i just have to wait for it to update lol



WyldHrt -> RE: I swear it's not a generic forced fem thread (1/14/2010 1:49:35 AM)

Updated.... and, nice pic [:)]



somethingXclever -> RE: I swear it's not a generic forced fem thread (1/14/2010 2:02:40 AM)

why thank you very much :)



SweetDommes -> RE: I swear it's not a generic forced fem thread (1/14/2010 3:11:32 AM)

You and I have talked before, so you know my basic feelings on it. However, as you pass fairly well, I'd be happy to go out in public with you dressed ... but during play - no. Not a turn on for me, or Holly. We are in the group of wanting our boys to be boys. When we want fem, we have each other.



wildroses -> RE: I swear it's not a generic forced fem thread (1/14/2010 3:33:44 AM)

inexperienced in bdsm/s&m as i am, i do have experience with dudes who are heavy into feminization. in that experience, most of those guys gave me this real heavy vibe of "oh noez, i'm being virtually castrated, being a girl is sooo embarrassing". they played it like they were being made weak when the gender roles were changed, and i found that offensive and confusing: like, it's okay for a chick to do this for you, to hold all this power and control you, but at the same time, being made into one yourself makes you something to laugh at?

that said, i've known guys who got off on it for the sake of getting off on it. there weren't any connotations about gender roles, no humility because they were being "lowered into a woman's role," just good ol' getting off on something they like.

if that's you in your avatar, then you pass so fucking well that i think you don't take it as any sort of humiliation by way of being turned into "the weaker sex". i also get the vibe, from your post, that you're just gender fluid and are having fun with it. that's way more tolerable than the douches i mentioned earlier, and you do make a pretty girl, so fuck anyone who rains on your parade. far as i know, you're not doing anything fucked-up.

sorry for the ramble: it's a subject i feel strongly about, and i'm tired.



SweetDommes -> RE: I swear it's not a generic forced fem thread (1/14/2010 3:59:28 AM)

wildroses - yes, that's him. He's a cutie, isn't he? [:D]

Edited for a *doh!* moment lol



CarrieO -> RE: I swear it's not a generic forced fem thread (1/14/2010 5:35:35 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: somethingXclever
Welcome,  I wanted to focus on a few things you mentioned....

The point is that i've seen my share of responses to the weekly forced fem threads saying things like “if I wanted a girl I'd get a girl” or similar, seemingly, anti-femme sub comments,

Do you really see this as anti-femme sub?  If a woman is stating her preferences and you aren't one of them, it doesn't make her wrong....just wrong for you. 

so my question is: Would You be ok with a sub who cross dressed because they actually enjoyed it and it was merely a part of who they were?

If I chose to become involved with a sub who cross-dressed, I would be "ok" with it because we both enjoyed it and not because it was a forced act. In my opinion, there's a big difference between someone who is gender fluid and comfortable in their skin verses someone who either will resent the forced act because it goes completely against his nature or it has become such a fetish as to rule out him being able to see past it.

And if yes would You allow them to dress during times when You were playing or would that be a no-no?

Awhile ago, another person posted a thread about taking part in learning to serve a Japanese Tea Ceremony.  His thread got me thinking just how cool it would be to celebrate such a formal service with the gender roles switched.  I guess that would mean yes as an answer to your question.

Thank You for Your time, and please don't hate me, i tried really hard to not sound like the average morons who post bad threads here...

You did a great job and btw...the photo is nice.




sunshinemiss -> RE: I swear it's not a generic forced fem thread (1/14/2010 6:00:37 AM)

Hello clever,
There have been 2 times in my life I've enjoyed cross dressers.  They were both gay men dressed as women and they did it because they enjoyed it.  Something about their comfort made them incredibly sexy.

Good luck and blessings,
sunshine

(ETA:  Enjoyed means to have a good time chatting with... nothing else - just so we're clear)



LadyHibiscus -> RE: I swear it's not a generic forced fem thread (1/14/2010 7:31:53 AM)

At Kinky Kollege this past fall, I met an ADORABLE boy dressed semi-femme, he was a vendor. He was an adorable GUY, with some femme stuff on. Uber HOT. Like, take him home level hot. Because in spite of the cute stockings, he was a GUY.

I appreciate crossdressing, but I do not want a sub who crossdresses for me. Not my thing. Friends who crossdress and genderblend? You betcha.



wildroses -> RE: I swear it's not a generic forced fem thread (1/14/2010 7:45:26 AM)

it is all about confidence. if it's humiliating for a dude to "lower" himself to the role of somebody whose genitals are innies rather than outties, then they can stick their outtie in a light socket.

if it's about having fun, being comfortable as something you're not usually, etc, then fuckin' aces.



OttersSwim -> RE: I swear it's not a generic forced fem thread (1/14/2010 7:50:00 AM)

Yes there are Ladies out there who are into girlie boys.  I serve one, and I know several more couples just in my little area of Colorado.  However, as I have said in previous posts, my being girlie is only part of our dynamic albeit an important one for me.

I think that if you make being girlie something in you to be celebrated rather than (as Ms. Wildroses so aptly said) something where the person is "affected or afflicted" with this female thing and it is soooo demeaning.  How can you serve a Lady if being forced to dress like one is demeaning?  I make a distinction here between feelings of being "humiliated" and feelings of being "demeaned" as the attitudes are quite different and some guys do get off on being "unmanned" as it were and the vibe is not that "girls are lower and I have been forced to be one", it is more "my manhood has been taken from me".  Not my groove, but I have seen it work in others without being offensive or feeling squicky.

So yea, a celebrated part of an overall well rounded package is in my view, a really positive thing and will definitely enhance your search for those that are open or even into girlie boys. 

Nice first post, great pic!  Welcome to the forums.  [:)]



GYPSYMAMBO -> RE: I swear it's not a generic forced fem thread (1/14/2010 7:51:09 AM)



OP:
Cross dressing is not listed in my interests in my profile..
IF I meet a potentially compatible sub male and part of his
life is cross dressing I can accept this up to a point..because it is PART OF HIM..

If he beleives it to be humilating then NO I want no part of it...femininity is precious.
If it is about explorations that are PART of a whole journey..sure..
If it is the CENTRE OF THE DAY and every interaction that goes on..noooooooooooooooooooooooo

IN the forced feminization thread a post really really resonated for me
and has added to my NOW cautious interaction with such men..

"some men mistake cross dressing and masochistic tendencies with submission.
IN fact many of these men are highly controlling and mainpulative individuals who are adept at creating an envrionment with a "MISTRESS" in it to serve their kink"

WOW...that hit the nail on the head for me..twice!!
IN 2 situations in the last year a possible match very quickly but subtly and insediously became an attempt to MOULD ME
in to the perfect server of a CD kink.

I found it disheartening to say the least..but I STILL will not lump all these gentelmen into one category.

GM



SolangeRichards -> RE: I swear it's not a generic forced fem thread (1/14/2010 9:43:29 AM)

Something from my profile,

"I'm very interested in female-led relationships. I'm a lover of feminization as well. I'm not seeking forced femme however. None is required in my case, it's something that is a part of my nature. I have a strong attraction to and admiration for the feminine in all things. I see this as apart from my interest in dominant women, but for all parties, a Lady with an interest in the transgendered would be a better match"

You are right that for some who crossdress, it is a part of them. For some it would be true to say that it is the whole show as well.

There certainly are those of us out here that do not link feminization to weakness, humiliation, loss of male status or submission. Some of us in fact see it as a vehicle to becoming everything we are and becoming all we can be. There are lessons that can be learned that can be carried throughout ones life, lessons that can benefit when the dress and heels have been returned to the closet

For me, someone with an interest in it would be a better fit, because it's something I enjoy and would like to continue enjoying it, but there are many other facets of my personality I want to explore as well within the framework of a Female led D/s relationship, and obviously learning about the Lady in my life is the true priority.



SylvereApLeanan -> RE: I swear it's not a generic forced fem thread (1/14/2010 11:17:15 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: somethingXclever

My question is instead how many Dommes enjoy, or are at least comfortable/accepting of cross dressing?
Would You be ok with a sub who cross dressed because they actually enjoyed it and it was merely a part of who they were? And if yes would You allow them to dress during times when You were playing or would that be a no-no?


First, I'd like to tell you that I love your primary photo.  The pink hair is so cute!  I also like the one of you with the goatee and glasses.  Also adorable. 
 
Ok, on to your questions...
 
I'm one of those people who generally say "if I want a girl (and I do), I want the real thing."  However, I say this because there really is a difference in energy between a man wearing women's clothes and a genetic woman.  There's even a difference between transgender women and genetic ones.  I want the energy that comes with the XX chromosome.  When I want to play with a submissive man, I prefer alpha male personalities who choose submission because it makes them happy and because something about me inspires them to submit to me.
 
That being said, I would be open to the possibility of partnering with a man who enjoyed and wanted to cross-dress if certain conditions were met.  Those conditions include passability (i.e. he has to be able to pass as a woman, not look like a dude in bad drag) and the ability to engage in a generally healthy relationship that is not obsessively focused on his kink.  I like making my partners happy, but I am not an automated fetish delivery system.  As the dominant, I expect my needs and desires to be of equal, if not greater, importance to my submissive partner.  In return, I'll often go out of my way to make playtime enjoyable for him/her, sometimes spending days planning just the right outfit and activities to achieve the desired effect.
 
If part of what makes a partner happy is to cross-dress, then I'm willing to spend a lot of time and money making sure he or she is passable, and I expect my partner to contribute equally to the process.  When playtime rolls around, I may or may not incorporate cross-dressing into it, depending on my mood.  I just don't want the cross-dresser to expect to get that particular kink met every single time we play.  I also don't like the lie that is "forced femme."  Sorry, but you can't force the willing.  "Directed femme" in which a dominant partner tells you when, where, to what extent, and for how long is not the same thing as force/coersion.  If you want to roleplay that type of scene, I'm okay with that, but call it what it is -- roleplay. 
 
However, all of this hinges on one unavoidable truth: The person with whom I'm playing dress-up must also be someone with whom I'm in a relationship with all the responsibilities that word implies.  Unfortunately, the majority of men who come on this site are too self-absorbed to grasp this concept.  Props to you for not coming across as another HNG.



Andalusite -> RE: I swear it's not a generic forced fem thread (1/14/2010 6:55:17 PM)

A couple of my ex-boyfriends have cross-dressed occasionally at my direction, and I've helped/loaned clothes to a few gay drag queen friends of mine. Playing around with other people's conceptions of gender is kind of fun, but *just* dressing up in lingerie isn't enough to turn me on, they still have to put some effort out/do other things. "Forced femme" is pretty much a hard limit for me, unless it's explicitly a joke/roleplaying scene. A "girls night" vibe picking out the right clothes, shopping, doing nails/hair/etc. can be fun, but it doesn't particularly feel kinky to me. Verbal humiliation play (as the giver) makes me feel stupid/awkward, and specifically doing so about him being feminine pushes my buttons all the wrong way.



somethingXclever -> RE: I swear it's not a generic forced fem thread (1/15/2010 1:28:20 PM)

Thanks for all the feed back E/everyone. Just for clarification im not gonna lie and say that forced femme roleplay isnt hot, but i do realize it is just that, a scene to roleplay and not every fantasy gets acted out so thats not a huge deal. also i would like to say that i do cross dress because it's just something i enjoy, as some have said i am gender fluid, and when im a guy i'm pretty manly and when i'm a girl i'm pretty girly, i like being both, so in case any of You were confused about my intentions there they are :)



Andalusite -> RE: I swear it's not a generic forced fem thread (1/16/2010 2:43:36 PM)

I realise that "forced femme" is about roleplay for most people, rather than them seriously being degraded or feeling there is something wrong with expressing their feminine side. However, it's still hard for me to imagine doing a verbal humiliation scene like that with a straight face, or getting anything out of it.

At the next big playparty we attend, my female submissive playpartner plans to dress in a button up shirt, boxers or tighty-whities, a baseball cap, and jeans or some such. Then, I'll "force feminise" her by ripping/wrestling her clothes off and wrestling her into a cocktail gown, opera length gloves, heels, a garter belt, and stockings, while she struggles to get away. [:D] That appeals to both our sense of humor, and I enjoy wrestling around.

If a guy wanted to feel embarrassed about dressing up as a woman, I might put him into a safe situation where he has to come to terms with that, but not from verbal humiliation from me. For example, taking him en femme dancing in the Castro with me and my gay friends, or even entering a drag queen contest or some such, feeling on display. I suppose I could even do a scene where I criticised his makeup, hair, clothes choice, etc. and made fun of his fashion sense. Calling him a slut or making fun of him being a girl just feels forced (in the sense of artificial) to me.



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