RE: Forced Masculinity, Take 2 (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress



Message


MsHValentine -> RE: Forced Masculinity, Take 2 (1/19/2010 1:29:36 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: InvisibleBlack



quote:

ORIGINAL: Psychonaut23
...while having an interest in hot rods and pro-sports are masculine characteristics but not male characteristics.


I don't know if having an interest in hot rods and pro-sports would head my list of "masculine" characteristics. They're probably not even on it. This is probably extremely illustrative of the discrepancies between our views.


Gracious me, I'm doomed. I'm waiting for the next Batmobile inspired Lambo to come out.




Lockit -> RE: Forced Masculinity, Take 2 (1/19/2010 1:30:16 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Psychonaut23

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

VideoAdminAlpha is a bad moderator. She put me on active moderation for expressing a political opinion that does not violate the TOS. It's an abuse of her position and power, and she should not be allowed to moderate this or any other forum.

psychonaut... I am not going to speak for our moderator... but I will say, you should have been moderated for a number of things and all having nothing to do with a political view and a lot to do with inflamitory comments.


You should be moderated, running around trying to start flame wars and then hitting the report button.  But I guess I'm not True Dom like you...it never occurs to me to report other users to mommy.  I tend to see myself as the authority I turn to, rather than instinctively hiding behind the skirt of those with more power.

To bad this won't survive moderation.



LOL Dude.. I have people at my house right now and can't focus on a lot of this, but let me tell you... when you post a picture like you did... I have nothing I can do about it, but reporting it to a mod might help. A child and a seriously wounded child at that has no business being put on a site like this.

When you say inflamitory things as you do... including that I should fuck a rabid wolverine and try to use your take on what is a feminine woman, dominant and all that with insults... then you are going to get moderated. Funny, you can say whatever you want and when you get upset can take the low road to insults and such and then when held to some standard or rule... run your mouth again like a lil whinny baby.




Lockit -> RE: Forced Masculinity, Take 2 (1/19/2010 1:33:54 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Politesub53

Lockit my sweet. We dont get colds, its the dreaded man flu, only we know how much suffering is associated with it. [;)]


LOL... I think we may have to have a lab do a work up and convince me!




RedMagic1 -> RE: Forced Masculinity, Take 2 (1/19/2010 1:36:54 PM)

Psychonaut, I know you are unaware of CollarMe history, but a lot of us are not.  Alpha, just recently, was singlehandedly responsible for calling "Ollie Ollie Infree" to all the banned posters in the history of the site.  And, to my (very pleasant) surprise, even the ones with the greatest reputations for assholosity have been willing to control themselves, and leave threads like this one and redwoodgirl's alone.

The jackasses on these threads are brand new people, like you and Ultraviolence Adx.  Everyone else is following an unspoken gentlemen's agreement among sadists, and everyone seems to be happy with the "new" CM, except, well, you.  You're going to have a hard time recruiting allies to your side in your Alpha Censors Me So She Sucks campaign.

Bottom line: this is a benevolent dictatorship.  Ain't no First Amendment here.  This sandbox is a private place, not a public one, and if you want to play in it, it's a good idea to remember that you are a guest.  And frankly, my experience has been that the dictators around here are pretty damn benevolent, given all the crap they have to deal with.  But be clear: having a Poster's License is like a Driver's License: privilege, not a right, baby.

Please change your sig.  Consider it a request from one gentleman to another.  I can predict this: if you change it, posters will have more respect for you than they do now, because you will demonstrate you are mature enough to walk away from a confrontation.




MarcEsadrian -> RE: Forced Masculinity, Take 2 (1/19/2010 2:00:57 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Psychonaut23

But using masculine as a synonym for male is confusing the discussion, because it denies the possibility of effeminate men and masculine women.  And as you'll note, none of the synonyms listed were "male," only "male-oriented." 


Likewise, you'll notice none of the synonyms listed for "masculine" were "dominant", nor antonyms "submissive". I think this is the crux of what others are attempting to illustrate to you.



quote:

ORIGINAL: Psychonaut23
As your use of the dictionary demonstrates, masculine refers to a set of qualities that are typically associated with men. 


My reference to two current dictionary publications was to demonstrate the logical insinuations you (perhaps unwittingly) made about weakness and submission, which you seem to claim you're not making. But since strength and manliness is associated with "masculine", when you claim something is not masculine, one can conclude you are insinuating it is devoid of manliness, and thus, by cited association, strength, boldness, virility, and so on.

I think many of us agree that a submissive man can be (and often is) strong in many senses. Anyone with a pinch of experience in M/s will note submission is not easy past eros. It in fact takes great personal strength, integrity and focus to be submissive when you:

a. know intellectually, the only real bond is your choice and loyalty;
b. know that physically, you can overpower the one you serve, but will never do so.

Taking those two points into consideration, it's fitting to mention that passivity is not always the sign of weakness. Being compliant, being amenable, being patient and subdued takes tremendous inner discipline when serving as a consensual slave. Paradoxically, it takes great strength to be "weak", one might say. It is merely an example of controlled power. If you are speaking only in physical terms, varying muscularity of any given submissive male aside (which will vary from slender to brick house body builder), his ability to take a whip or horse crop at full swing by no other bond than his obedience is far from "weak", I'd posit. I'm sure you agree with me further "stating the obvious".

With that in mind, we can—obviously—take "weakness" off the table of "submissive" as an absolute. What more is left to consider about this "not masculine" argument? There are many adjectives, but I'll touch upon some of the more popular ideas. I can like hotrods and sport statistics (if you insist this is so important to being masculine) and still kiss my woman's feet. I can dress, walk, talk, posture and hunt in the jungle—concrete or otherwise—like a man during the day and spend my evenings naked, cleaning, serving drinks and providing oral sex on tap. I can keep a dominant female sexually satisfied with the libido of a bull. I can still (and in all likelihood will) go about being handy around the house. I can draw blood for the honor of my woman, and have my own drawn in turn. The more one extends this thinking onward, the more one sees submission doesn't preclude me from being "masculine" at all.


quote:

ORIGINAL: Psychonaut23
If we go back to that list of masculine and feminine traits, what do we find under feminine traits (in addition to the obvious "to be submissive"):  Being passive, being easily influence, etc.


In the three dictionaries and two thesauruses I have, nowhere is "feminine" linked to "passive", "being submissive" or "being easily influenced", though I do recognize that if this discussion were taking place back in the 1800's, your statements would certainly have more validity via popular appeal. Thankfully, these are modern times in which we live, and we're smarter than that.




VaguelyCurious -> RE: Forced Masculinity, Take 2 (1/19/2010 2:02:24 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Psychonaut23

You should be moderated, running around trying to start flame wars and then hitting the report button.


It wasn't Lockit who reported you first. She was by no means the only one. And I'm not sure I would say she started a flame war-she was here discussing kink with Lady Angelika very peacefully and happily.

She wasn't the one who brought out the wolverine, mate.




Politesub53 -> RE: Forced Masculinity, Take 2 (1/19/2010 3:43:26 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Drifa

quote:

ORIGINAL: Politesub53
Lockit my sweet. We dont get colds, its the dreaded man flu, only we know how much suffering is associated with it. [;)]


Is that worse than the dreaded man cold?



See, some of you are starting to understand how we feel......lol




LadyAngelika -> RE: Forced Masculinity, Take 2 (1/19/2010 4:08:16 PM)

quote:

Please change your sig. Consider it a request from one gentleman to another. I can predict this: if you change it, posters will have more respect for you than they do now, because you will demonstrate you are mature enough to walk away from a confrontation.


Ah and here we are back to the OP. Gotta love a gentleman!!

- LA




LadyAngelika -> RE: Forced Masculinity, Take 2 (1/19/2010 4:22:20 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Politesub53

quote:

ORIGINAL: Drifa

quote:

ORIGINAL: Politesub53
Lockit my sweet. We dont get colds, its the dreaded man flu, only we know how much suffering is associated with it. [;)]


Is that worse than the dreaded man cold?



See, some of you are starting to understand how we feel......lol

Brilliant!

- LA




LadyAngelika -> RE: Forced Masculinity, Take 2 (1/19/2010 4:23:49 PM)

quote:

In the three dictionaries and two thesauruses I have, nowhere is "feminine" linked to "passive", "being submissive" or "being easily influenced", though I do recognize that if this discussion were taking place back in the 1800's, your statements would certainly have more validity via popular appeal. Thankfully, these are modern times in which we live, and we're smarter than that.


You are right on the nose MarcEsadrian. And I wish he were alone in his thoughts.

I have recently experienced a little bit of this attitude from submissive men. I happen to be very girly, soft blonde hair, blue eyes. I have a soft voice, soft moves, soft smile... and I've been called anything from adorable Domme to too cute to be a Domme. This floors me honestly. Are they expecting me to look like a mean bitch?

I wonder if they would think I'm so "cute and adorable" if they saw me in Sadistic Domme space or when I become very set in my ways about when I want something done...

The bottom line, is that many can't reconcile the two. Stereotypes and misconceptions run rampant on both sides of the D/s slash unfortunately.

- LA




InvisibleBlack -> RE: Forced Masculinity, Take 2 (1/19/2010 4:41:35 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Psychonaut23
Your usage is at odds with the traditional usage. 


Evidence, please.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Psychonaut23
Your usage, and several other people's,  seems to be mired in exactly the sort of confusion and vagueness that Judith Butler hoped to introduce with her work Gender Trouble. 


I am completely unfamiliar with both her and her work. I suspect it's related to blurring gender roles or to there being no need for gender roles.

I am not making the case that the terms masculine and feminine are interchangeable or that their definitions share a great deal of commonality. I am arguing that the term "weak" does not correspond with "feminine". I would agree that the term "strong" does correspond with "masculine" but that does not necessarily imply that "weak" must apply to "feminine" - Gollum in Lord of the Rings is probably the antithesis of what one would consider "masculine" (including being weak and craven) but I don't think he could be described as feminine.


quote:

ORIGINAL: Psychonaut23
I prefer the more traditional usage, including Eastern conceptions such as found in Taoism, simply because I prefer my words to actually refer to something, rather than refer to a huge mess of postmodern academic babble.


Your assertion - that your words actually mean something - does not necessarily follow from your stated premise. Stating an opinion as fact doesn't make it so.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Psychonaut23
Instead you need to start with a definition of femininity and then seek out women who exemplify that.  Otherwise you run the danger of picking women from the middle of the curve instead of at the end.


That would work if we weren't disagreeing about the definition of femininity. In my experience, when two people are viewing the same word or concept in different ways, the most reliable method for driving down to the core of a definition, when a dictionary or a thesaurus is too simplistic to capture the nuance of a term, is to run through instances which exemplify the word and then attmpt to derive the commonality between those instances.

A definition in the abstract isn't very helpful without some application or validity in the real world.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Psychonaut23
There is also a question of what "weak" means.  It's the opposite of strong, of course.  Delicate things are weak.  Pretty things are weak.  Sensitive things are weak.  These are necessarily ideas I agree with, but these are the associations that people generally have with these terms.


Delicate things are weak, by definition. However, I don't think the term used was delicate - as in fragile - I think it was delicacy as in "the quality of requiring great poise or tact" or "sensivity with regard to what is fitting and proper" - Delicacy would not permit her to be rude. To my mind, a certain degree of gentility or elegance is a component of something being feminine.

Pretty has to do with aesthetics and I consider such terms to to be "strength-neutral". When I say "The Christmas lights are pretty" I'm not making a value judgement about their innate strength or weakness.

Sensitivity is a tricky one depending on how you use the term. I'd have to ask Mister Webster what he was thinking. I read it as "sensitive" as in "having a higher perception than normal" not as in "being more emotionally vulnerable". I suppose a case could be made for the other way. I'm now curious what other people think - is being "sensitive" a feminine attribute and in which sense - or is Noah Webster off -base here?


quote:

ORIGINAL: Psychonaut23
quote:

I'll use the same genre I was using for "gentleman". I consider Morticia Addams (in either the Carolyn Jones or Anjelica Huston incarnation) quite feminine. I don't believe she is weak.


Quite feminine in appearance, perhaps, but not in temperament or demeanor.  There's very little about Morticia that is yielding and soft.  Morticia is more a femme fatale, and the femme fatale is generally quite masculine in her being, while quite feminine in her appearance.  This is what makes her so deadly, of course.


Ah, you've now introduced "yielding" and "soft" as feminine requirements. I suppose that goes with "weak".

I view the femme fatale as a feminine archetype, as such I reject your claim that it displays masculine attributes. I'd have to say that the femme fatale goes about achieving her aims in an entirely un-masculine way and this what makes the character so compelling - her strength is not masculine and that is what inspires both the allure and the trepidation in the men around her.


quote:

ORIGINAL: Psychonaut23
Now, I consider Morticia to be a magnificent example of the many ways women can be, and the only woman I ever fell in love with was very Morticiaesque, both in appearance and temperment, but a paragon of feminity?  Not quite.


I think the character is exactly a paragon of feminity and I find it interesting that you can't see it. If what you're saying is that the only way a woman can be strong as by functioning as a sort of ersatz man, I think you're doing the entire gender a disservice. I think there's a type of strength that is distinctly feminine, that there are a host of women who display it (both fictional and non-) and that strength is one of the benefits that gender differences bring to social interactions as it is different in outlook and implementation than the male-oriented "masculine" strength.

If the only woman you ever fell in love with was "Morticiaesque" and Morticia is "quite masculine in her being" then what you're saying is, at an intellectual and emotional level - you view yourself as drawn to the masculine?

That aside - I'm trying to get a handle on your view of femininity - can you put forward a couple of examples? Who do you consider extremely exemplifying the feminine?

quote:

ORIGINAL: Psychonaut23
Except that both examples you gave are of men who are in control of themselves entirely, who act entirely indepdently -- often against great resistance -- and force their concept of right and wrong on to the world.

And again, can you imagine the Man With No Name submitting?  To anything except his own will?  Of course not, because he is the idealized masculine man.  He has no desires except the good, he has no need for social relationships at all, he is the perfect loner, complete lacking in feminine traits... 

And Gary Cooper's most famous western hero, Marshall Will Kane, was -- in fact -- the town's Marshall, so he was -- in fact -- a man in a position of authority.  Also, as anyone who has ever seen the movie can tell you, he was a man who would not submit.


I wasn't trying to put forward the Western hero as an example of a masculine submissive. I was trying to show that masculinity does not require dominance. Being independent is not being dominant. Refusing to submit is not being dominant. Being in complete control of yourself is not being dominant. Dominance and submission are by their very nature social attributes. Someone alone, the "perfect loner", can be neither dominant nor submissive.

My point is, it is possible to be the "idealized masculine man" without being dominant.

Moving on - since the Western hero is only one masculine archetype - when we look at such masculine models as the football star, the marines raising the flag at Iwo Jima, the Spartans at Thermopylae and the like - would you agree that it's possible to be extremely masculine and be a team player? That independence is not a prerequisite for being masculine?


quote:

ORIGINAL: Psychonaut23
No, I was just pointing out that the only example you gave were examples which most people would not cite as "exemplars of how to succeed in life."


I didn't think we were discussing "how to succeed in life" - although I do think most people would probably regard Julius Caesar as successful. Most of the "Great Romances" end badly. I think it's a component of the genre.


quote:

ORIGINAL: Psychonaut23

quote:

VideoAdminAlpha is a bad moderator. She put me on active moderation for expressing a political opinion that does not violate the TOS. It's an abuse of her position and power, and she should not be allowed to moderate this or any other forum.


To bad this won't survive moderation.


For what it's worth, I don't see a lot of mileage in getting into a pissing contest with the moderator. I missed your actual post so I can't comment on its content or what about it was objectionable or violated the TOS, but in the time I've been on the boards the moderation here hasn't been very extreme and recently has only gotten more lenient. Active moderation is very rare these days.

I'd advise just letting this go and moving on.

[Edited for typos - not so many of them this time.]




InvisibleBlack -> RE: Forced Masculinity, Take 2 (1/19/2010 4:53:14 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsHValentine
Gracious me, I'm doomed. I'm waiting for the next Batmobile inspired Lambo to come out.


Are we talking the Batman Begins "ATV Batmobile" or the the Adam West "Big Fins" Batmobile? [;)]




LadyAngelika -> RE: Forced Masculinity, Take 2 (1/19/2010 5:36:08 PM)

quote:

My point is, it is possible to be the "idealized masculine man" without being dominant.


I so appreciate your contributions!

- LA

PS: I sent you a little CMail to thank you yesterday but you might be filtering out Canadians like others here ;-)




WyldHrt -> RE: Forced Masculinity, Take 2 (1/19/2010 10:50:41 PM)

I popped in to see Psycho's latest, but Oops! Looks like someone is still doing "corner time" [8D]




stef -> RE: Forced Masculinity, Take 2 (1/19/2010 11:28:54 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: WyldHrt

I popped in to see Psycho's latest, but Oops! Looks like someone is still doing "corner time" [8D]

I wonder why that is?  He's such a charmer. 

~stef




LadyAngelika -> RE: Forced Masculinity, Take 2 (1/19/2010 11:35:18 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: stef

quote:

ORIGINAL: WyldHrt

I popped in to see Psycho's latest, but Oops! Looks like someone is still doing "corner time" [8D]

I wonder why that is?  He's such a charmer. 

~stef


Yeah, he must have one hell of a major crush on me to focus so many wasted efforts on my thread ;-) He and Domiguy will battle for my love! ;-)

- LA




seekingOwnertoo -> RE: Forced Masculinity, Take 2 (1/19/2010 11:40:52 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika


quote:

ORIGINAL: stef

quote:

ORIGINAL: WyldHrt

I popped in to see Psycho's latest, but Oops! Looks like someone is still doing "corner time" [8D]

I wonder why that is?  He's such a charmer. 

~stef


Yeah, he must have one hell of a major crush on me to focus so many wasted efforts on my thread ;-) He and Domiguy will battle for my love! ;-)

- LA


chuckles and laughs




LadyAngelika -> RE: Forced Masculinity, Take 2 (1/20/2010 4:59:06 AM)

quote:

So, tying this back into the whole topic of the thread, I was deeply confused by what Lady Angelika was saying


Psychonaut, perhaps you missed the irony in the title, which people alluded to throughout the thread, including myself. What you are missing is a little bit of back story. The Ask A Mistress section gets flooded with threads started by boys who want us to dress them up as women. I mean I am willing to bet a sweet sum that when the majority of the Dommes here see the title, their eyes roll. And though many crossdressers will interpret this as a slight against them, what they fail to realise is that the sheer amount of "please Miss, do me like a girl" far outweighs the "I'd like to be a gentleman to server you" posts.

I wrote in my OP: I call it "forced masculinity" to sort of counterbalance this incredibly huge demand for forced feminization.

I have over and over again said that I agree you can't force masculinity, you can't force anything. I've alluded to that somewhere too in this thread I believe.

quote:

But, nonsense aside, it seems what she is actually talking about is "gentleman training" with a bit of "encouraging chivalry," but that's a pretty far cry from the concepts loaded into the term "forced masculinity."


Yes! I think most people who are accustomed to the realities of Dominas and the history of the Ask A Mistress forum got this by page 2 ;-)

On the flip side, I've said it before and I'll say it again, when you take the flames out of your posts, you come up with some amazing thought provoking stuff. I just wished you posted like that more often and were less reactionary. We could benefit from your ideas but we sometimes have a hard time seeing them through the flames.

Yeah, I've picked on you. I tend to get a little overprotective of people I care about. On the flip side, I see you as young man with potential and I'll like to see you develop boundaries and grow. I say this with the most sincerest intentions.

- LA




sunshinemiss -> RE: Forced Masculinity, Take 2 (1/20/2010 5:54:08 AM)

sleep... good.




LadyPact -> RE: Forced Masculinity, Take 2 (1/20/2010 6:06:27 AM)

Let's take a look at the abstract for a moment.  Since part of the concept is about training as well, I'm going to suggest that the whole moderation business that has happened within the course of this thread, to go along with that same person's theories, now makes him more feminine by his own description.  (This is not what I believe.  I'm using the illustration to prove otherwise.)

Parallel the desire to actively contribute to these boards with the desire to participate in a female led D/s relationship.  In both cases, a standard of behavior was set.  This standard for CM's rules, or protocols, if you will, is TOS.  Just in the same way that the protocols, or rules for behavior by the submissive in the dynamic is set down by the Dominant.  When willful disobedience to comply with these protocols was evidenced, a privilege was withdrawn, in addition to the communication provided as to why.  Very much like those of us in authority would do with our submissive was willfully disobedient within a dynamic.  I won't go as far as to say it is a punishment, but when we want to convey that a behavior isn't acceptable for our submissive, a good number of us communicate the desired behavior, and then alter a circumstance so that the behavior that we want is acheived.

That could very well be said is what is happening here.  In a sense, the poster on moderation has submitted to the protocols of the D/s dynamic which is participation on the CM forums, controlled by our wonderful 'Dominant' Alpha.  Rather than the flaming, attacking posts that were not acceptable (watch the list above), he has submitted and changed his approach.  He is now cooperative in holding the discussion at hand.  He is now dependent on Alpha's approval of what he writes, if he would like it to be seen by the CM public.  He is incapable of changing the situation until such authority removes the moderated status and will have to remain passive in his approach until his probationary period is up.

Does this make the writer of those words more feminine?  Of course it doesn't.  It merely makes him a man who wants to continue his situation where someone, who happens to be female, has the authority.




Page: <<   < prev  16 17 [18] 19 20   next >   >>

Valid CSS!




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy
0.046875