is it easier to be a good submissive or a good dominant?

is it easier to be a good submissive or a good dominant? (Full Version)

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cillydom -> is it easier to be a good submissive or a good dominant? (3/25/2006 11:37:54 AM)
Out of curiosity, which is it easier to be a good submissive or a good dominant? I vote it’s easier to be submissive.

Angeni -> RE: is it easier to be a good submissive or a good dominant? (3/25/2006 11:42:32 AM)
It is my opinion that neither is easier than the other. Both have their own set of hardships and rewards.

ownedgirlie -> RE: is it easier to be a good submissive or a good dominant? (3/25/2006 11:43:03 AM)
Depending on how one views dominance or submission, it could be either. i believe they are both equally difficult. On what do you base your opinion?

BitaTruble -> RE: is it easier to be a good submissive or a good dominant? (3/25/2006 11:44:04 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: cillydom Out of curiosity, which is it easier to be a good submissive or a good dominant? I vote it’s easier to be submissive. Without a frame of reference, how can you make a choice? Celeste

cillydom -> RE: is it easier to be a good submissive or a good dominant? (3/25/2006 11:50:37 AM)
Well from my point of view (dominant) I assume most of the responsibility for success or failure of the relationship. After all I’m in charge. Well at least I like to think I’m in charge. As most of the submissives responsibility is in obedience it’s up to the dominant to guide and think up ways to amuse her and believe me some submissives need/demand a lot of amusing. And as a male I can tell you thinking is hard work.

Angeni -> RE: is it easier to be a good submissive or a good dominant? (3/25/2006 11:59:02 AM)
quote: Without a frame of reference, how can you make a choice? Since you state that you believe, in your opinion, that being submissive is easier, I would have to ask what kind of differing experiences do you have to support this opinion? Have you ever been submissive? If not, how can you firmly believe that it would be easier? I have never been in a dominant situation in this respect, so I would never presume to assume that being either would be easier.

cillydom -> RE: is it easier to be a good submissive or a good dominant? (3/25/2006 12:04:51 PM)
Well if the submissive runs out of ideas not much goes wrong, but if the dominant runs out of ideas or has some bad ones things can go wrong in a hurry. And it is the dominant that has to watch out after the submissives welfare. Haven’t you heard it’s lonely at the TOP?

Vancouver_cinful -> RE: is it easier to be a good submissive or a good dominant? (3/25/2006 12:05:17 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: cillydom Out of curiosity, which is it easier to be a good submissive or a good dominant? I vote it’s easier to be submissive. It's always easier to be true to WHO you are...masochist, poly, vanilla, slut...whatever that may be. Cin

ownedgirlie -> RE: is it easier to be a good submissive or a good dominant? (3/25/2006 12:11:36 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: cillydom Well from my point of view (dominant) I assume most of the responsibility for success or failure of the relationship. After all I’m in charge. Well at least I like to think I’m in charge. As most of the submissives responsibility is in obedience it’s up to the dominant to guide and think up ways to amuse her and believe me some submissives need/demand a lot of amusing. And as a male I can tell you thinking is hard work. You seem to assume obedience is simple, and the slave (submissive) is only given simple things to obey. This is not always true. Yes, there is a huge responsibility on the part of the dominant, but as a slave i have had to re-evaluate, re-think, re-analyze who and what i am, what i believe, what my barriers are and then go through breaking them down. So, as a woman and slave i can tell you thinking is hard work. It is unfair to compare. We are not in competition. And such an answer really depends on circumstances. my slavery may be easy compared to someone else's, and excrutiating compared to another's. It's all relative, therefore i stickwith my initial reply of, they are both difficult.

cillydom -> RE: is it easier to be a good submissive or a good dominant? (3/25/2006 12:20:56 PM)
I never said anything was simple and if you read my essay I acknowledge obedience can be very dificult aand even require someones help at times. And I dare say that in any new relationship you may have this reevaluation will need be done again. And I agree that both are difficult, but on whose shoulders lays most of the responsibility? As a dominant in a relationship I accept the most responsibility, as I don’t want to burden her with that load, I want her concentrating on what she needs too and that is obedience. Call me a romantic, call me a softy if you will, but that’s how I feel.

Angeni -> RE: is it easier to be a good submissive or a good dominant? (3/25/2006 12:26:21 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: cillydom I never said anything was simple and if you read my essay I acknowledge obedience can be very dificult aand even require someones help at times. And I dare say that in any new relationship you may have this reevaluation will need be done again. And I agree that both are difficult, but on whose shoulders lays most of the responsibility? As a dominant in a relationship I accept the most responsibility, as I don’t want to burden her with that load, I want her concentrating on what she needs too and that is obedience. Call me a romantic, call me a softy if you will, but that’s how I feel. I would call that unrealistic at best. There is nothing romantic about setting oneself up for failure.

BitaTruble -> RE: is it easier to be a good submissive or a good dominant? (3/25/2006 12:28:08 PM)
For me, it's not, at all, about reactive obedience, it's about proactive anticipation. I don't sit around with a thumb up my butt waiting for orders. I 'think' about what he'd like, what I can do to make things easier for him, better for him, more fun or less harsh or less stressful. I'm not a Barbie doll that you just bend in to place and dress up who gives nothing back. I'm interactive! Of course, thinking doesn't hurt my brains, so it's not unduly arduous to be proactive, but then I've spent 10 years getting to know Himself well enough to be able to serve him as he requires I should. As for the responsibility in the relationship.. that rests on the shoulders of both parties, not just the dominant. That's true in the vanilla world as well as alternative lifestyles. If only one makes an effort in a relationship, that relationship is doomed before it's started. Celeste

RavenMuse -> RE: is it easier to be a good submissive or a good dominant? (3/25/2006 12:33:42 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: cillydom Out of curiosity, which is it easier to be a good submissive or a good dominant? I vote it’s easier to be submissive. Frankly I don't see how that can be answered. Someone who is naturaly a sub or a slave will find that just as easy as being Dominant is for me. It is the way you are.... or it is not! Also, so much of it is based on the dynamic and the relationship. If the dynamic works well between person A and person B, does that mean person A is a good Dom? If the Dynamic doesn't work well between person A and person C does that make person A a bad Dom? IMO they simply can't be viewed in that manner, If the 'relationship dynamic' works well then it is just as easy to be a good Dom as a good sub!

cillydom -> RE: is it easier to be a good submissive or a good dominant? (3/25/2006 12:36:44 PM)
Cant there be proactive and reactive obedience, it dosen,t have to be one or the other and in no relationship is responsibility evenly shared at best it can shift from one to the other. But in a d/s relationship I still think the one who is nominally in charge should assume most of the responsibility. And it’s not a matter of setting yourself up for failure, I like to think of it as setting myself up for success.

MHOO314 -> RE: is it easier to be a good submissive or a good dominant? (3/25/2006 12:50:48 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: cillydom And as a male I can tell you thinking is hard work. I rest My case...martini anyone?

Wolfspet -> RE: is it easier to be a good submissive or a good dominant? (3/25/2006 1:14:55 PM)
Believe it or not, this is not meant as bitchy as it is coming across, but seriously dude, have you even had a real time M/s realtionship? If you have, may I ask how long it lasted? Honestly, I find your dissertations truly fantasy driven with no emperical data to back the theory up. I know people manage to relate in all types of extremes in the vast murky pool of M/s, some of my best sounding boards are slaves in relationships that make mine seem odd in comarison. But all of them are based in reality. No one person does "all the work", no one role is entirely responsible. Both parties make it or break it.

BitaTruble -> RE: is it easier to be a good submissive or a good dominant? (3/25/2006 1:18:48 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: cillydom Cant there be proactive and reactive obedience, it dosen,t have to be one or the other Reactive obedience means I'm not anticipating as I should because Himself must take time out of his schedule to have me do things I didn't or couldn't think of on my own. Reactive obedience isn't failure, because there are times when it would be impossible for me to anticipate something he needs or wants, but, for the most part, 90% is proactive anticipation. quote: and in no relationship is responsibility evenly shared at best it can shift from one to the other. It's my experience, based on having a successful, long term, fulfilling relationship with Himself, that it takes two, not one. Each party giving 100% to the relationship keeps it healthy. I don't give part of myself in anything.. I give all or nothing. quote: But in a d/s relationship I still think the one who is nominally in charge should assume most of the responsibility. Well, if your way works for you, that's great. My way works for me and has been for 10 years. Master is not 'nominally' in charge. He's completely in charge so perhaps that's why he has a slave. quote: And it’s not a matter of setting yourself up for failure, I like to think of it as setting myself up for success. Well, hopefully, you'll find, eventually, some success with your way. Good luck. Celeste :edited for grammar correction:

cillydom -> RE: is it easier to be a good submissive or a good dominant? (3/25/2006 1:23:24 PM)
No where did I say it was all one sided and I’m very much based in reality an I’ve only had 2 d/s affairs

LadyMorgynn -> RE: is it easier to be a good submissive or a good dominant? (3/25/2006 1:24:54 PM)
Yeah, but I think he's coming at it from a play-party Dom perspective, in which case it's quite true, the Dom (I'd more say that was a Top, not necessarily a Dom) does all the work and a lot of work it can be, too! I've seen Dom's come out of an intense scene as sweaty and breathless as the sub is shaky. If you're talking a LTR involving more than just BDSM play, the dynamics become a lot different and, as you say, it takes both parties to make it work, and also a lot of work goes into that! quote: ORIGINAL: Wolfspet Believe it or not, this is not meant as bitchy as it is coming across, but seriously dude, have you even had a real time M/s realtionship? If you have, may I ask how long it lasted? Honestly, I find your dissertations truly fantasy driven with no emperical data to back the theory up. I know people manage to relate in all types of extremes in the vast murky pool of M/s, some of my best sounding boards are slaves in relationships that make mine seem odd in comarison. But all of them are based in reality. No one person does "all the work", no one role is entirely responsible. Both parties make it or break it.

cillydom -> RE: is it easier to be a good submissive or a good dominant? (3/25/2006 1:30:19 PM)
I don’t believe I said work or how much both put into it I said responsibility and how many submissives want to assume responsibility for their dominant?

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