RE: is it easier to be a good submissive or a good dominant? (Full Version)

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enslavegirl -> RE: is it easier to be a good submissive or a good dominant? (3/25/2006 3:30:55 PM)

Your question is openended and the variables are unstated.

could You please set some parameters ?



wytchywoman -> RE: is it easier to be a good submissive or a good dominant? (3/25/2006 3:32:43 PM)

-thinks hard- But, you did just say that the submissive has all the fun. Some submissives, although not all, endure pain for the pleasure of their Dom/mes even though some subs don't enjoy pain at all.

How does that fit in with your idea that submissives have more fun?



wytchywoman -> RE: is it easier to be a good submissive or a good dominant? (3/25/2006 3:36:15 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MHOO314

quote:

ORIGINAL: cillydom

hey! i'm a wimp i cant stand the pain


Here is a shovel, you're going to need it. 


-giggles- You do have such a way with words, MH. I so do enjoy reading your posts. [;)]



IrishMist -> RE: is it easier to be a good submissive or a good dominant? (3/25/2006 3:37:03 PM)

quote:

Dum dom iso dummer subbie

On the contrary. DUMB Dominant = no SUBMISSIVE

quote:

I don’t like play parties so much as I don’t enjoy playing with women I don’t know well 
 

Thank the Goddess that you don't enjoy the play parties because I feel sorry for anyone who would come in contact with you on any kind of basis.

quote:

  and in a m/s relationship the master is the more responsible partner


Ok, now you are starting to contradict yourself. In one part you say D/s, on another you say M/s. Which is it?

quote:

  and this isn’t a put down , but from my observations the dynamics in a mistress/slave relationship are different than a master/slave one.


/SNORT




cillydom -> RE: is it easier to be a good submissive or a good dominant? (3/25/2006 3:44:03 PM)

tell me what you want to know?



PlayfulOne -> RE: is it easier to be a good submissive or a good dominant? (3/25/2006 3:57:14 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: cillydom

I don’t believe I said work or how much both put into it

I said responsibility

and how many submissives want to assume responsibility for their dominant?




Or you saying the sub has no responsibility ?  

My little one assumes much resposibility in my care and happiness.  She takes her own steps to ensure my needs are taken care of, whether that detail involves stocking the fridge or seeing to it that my eye apptointments are taken care of.  I might have thought you would have picked up on that earlier when the wonderful Celeste ponted out her views on being proactive in her service.

Responsibility takes many forms

K



fyreredsub -> RE: is it easier to be a good submissive or a good dominant? (3/25/2006 4:02:05 PM)

when i spent time as a Domme i found it much easier to restrain and paddle.

i need to feel a connection on much more than a physical level as a slave to Master,my heart is involved when i serve.there is intimacy involved.

whenever there are emotions involved it is harder,imo.

however i must ad i am a happier as a slave.

i am not interchangeable, i found male subs don't care so much about the woman, they are mor einterested in the whip.



cillydom -> RE: is it easier to be a good submissive or a good dominant? (3/25/2006 4:11:28 PM)

I’ve known some male subs that were so conflicted by their sub feelings that they actually held most women in disdain



fyreredsub -> RE: is it easier to be a good submissive or a good dominant? (3/25/2006 4:22:02 PM)

another reason why i prefer being a slave, i understand my place and what is expected much easier.
trying to figure out sub males is hard,lol,imo, ecspecially when one's last subbie was a SAM.
life is way to short for games.
the life of a Gorean slave is much easier for me.



wytchywoman -> RE: is it easier to be a good submissive or a good dominant? (3/25/2006 4:25:31 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: cillydom

I’ve known some male subs that were so conflicted by their sub feelings that they actually held most women in disdain


I think (most respectfully, of course) that you need to learn the difference between a male sub and a passive-aggressive man who thinks he's a sub. -shrug-

One of my best friends is a male sub, and he simply lives to please his Mistress....with almost no sexual contact at all at any time. He's quite thrilled to just to clean her house, run her errands, take her clothes to the dry cleaners and pick them up...and drive her wherever she wants to go. You're making a rather general sweeping generalization that male subs hold women in "disdain". Maybe the ones you personally know really do hold women in disdain.

But then again, you often say a lot of things that just don't ring true with the other...oh maybe...70% of us. -shrugs-



fyreredsub -> RE: is it easier to be a good submissive or a good dominant? (3/25/2006 4:31:40 PM)

he sounds more slave than submissive



MHOO314 -> RE: is it easier to be a good submissive or a good dominant? (3/25/2006 4:36:29 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: cillydom

I’ve known some male subs that were so conflicted by their sub feelings that they actually held most women in disdain


Yep, men parading as Doms who are too embarassed to serve, so they lure a submissive and turn the tables or UH, better yet try to secretly serve a Domme--keep digging, your trench isn't deep enough.[image]http://www.collarchat.com/micons/m26.gif[/image]



wytchywoman -> RE: is it easier to be a good submissive or a good dominant? (3/25/2006 4:36:49 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: fyreredsub

he sounds more slave than submissive


I agree with you, fyre, but still, my friend identifies as a sub. I can't change his mind on that. But my point is that cillydom insinuated that some male "subs" really dislike women.

Again, if that is the case, they're fooling themselves and the Mistresses they hope to serve by simply being passive-aggressive.

Sorry...I tend to use terms like that since I was once married to a psychologist and had to listen to his rants all the time. [:D]



cillydom -> RE: is it easier to be a good submissive or a good dominant? (3/25/2006 4:44:19 PM)

please reread what i said



fyreredsub -> RE: is it easier to be a good submissive or a good dominant? (3/25/2006 4:53:18 PM)

mine wanted to be sub in the bedroom only, he was actually quite dominant,altho he liked to say equal...lol....but that is a whole 'nother story to save for the boards one day....but to make a long story short, i don't think he did like woman but again another thread[8D]

perhaps your friend feels he looses too much masculinity by self-defining as slave(i have psych degree)and sub sounds more like he still maintains an element of control.(which basically subs do).

as to passive-aggressive(it sux) in any partner....



slavejali -> RE: is it easier to be a good submissive or a good dominant? (3/25/2006 5:03:51 PM)

quote:


Original Quote: cillydom
Out of curiosity, which is it easier to be a good submissive or a good dominant?


I think they are both different animals.

When someone feels comfortable with what and who they are, whatever that is, life is easier for them and less stressful and less conflicted, things run more smoothly.

When someone is uncomfortable with what and who they are, whatever that is, life is difficult, more stressful, very conflicted, things run chaotically.

So depending on each person knowledge of themselves, this is going to be directly reflected in their perception of how easy or difficult their role is and will make a mark on just how "good" they are in that role.



Wolfspet -> RE: is it easier to be a good submissive or a good dominant? (3/25/2006 5:28:14 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: cillydom

I don’t believe I said work or how much both put into it

I said responsibility

and how many submissives want to assume responsibility for their dominant?




I do but then again I do not identify as "submissive".

We are both responsible, neither one more than the other.  In fact, we have come to a point that we both "serve" & are responsible to  the relationship.  It took alot of tears, laughter, blood, sweat and effort to build the foundation, and more of the same to build each wall and room within it.

While "textbook" ideals are great wank fodder & awesome for "refresher" times, they do nothing for longevity.  They are not flexible enough.  IF you want longevity, there must be a meeting of the minds, and willingness to compromise on both sides.  No one facet of a person is the sum of their being, all facets have to be inspected, & utilized to their fullest extent.  In your essays you seem to only focus on the facet of a potential partner you find attractive, the "submissive" part.



BrianSenior -> RE: is it easier to be a good submissive or a good dominant? (3/25/2006 5:35:23 PM)

I am not submisse at all- Being a Top is natural, for Me to submit (as if) would be impossible. I cant say how it is for a submissive hard or not. I know what I see and what I am told by them- if the Top  is strong then the submissiveness comes easily. As far as taking responsibility being hard, it is what I like- responsibility, control- It is what I am. Not hard. Not one person is in charge or control of the relationship. Takes all parties to make it work. Ony  one to mess it up, but both to make it work. A Top should be getting feed back from the bottom on scenes as well as having thier own ideas. 2 minds are better then 1. ~BK~



PlayfulOne -> RE: is it easier to be a good submissive or a good dominant? (3/25/2006 5:57:20 PM)

cillydom,

Please put down the crack pipe and step away form the computer

K



BitaTruble -> RE: is it easier to be a good submissive or a good dominant? (3/25/2006 6:01:05 PM)

I've meet some really good slaves who had really crappy Masters. I've never met a really good Master who had a really crappy slave.

Just something to ponder.

Celeste



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