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An Experiment - 2/6/2010 1:05:45 PM

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I know this is not going to make me particularly popular, but I've just finished an experiment that I think had VERY interesting results, and I wanted to share. I started a fake profile as a straight male dom, and I made him very average looking, early 40s, with a profile that was very well thought out and tailored to sound extremely attractive to your average female sub. I said that I was "not looking for something casual," and that submission was something I felt I had to earn, as I earned a person's trust and respect. I put that I was looking for a partner in this, and that while I had quite a bit of experience and a passion for dominance, each person was unique and I had no illusions that I knew everything. I put all my interests as non-sexual things.

Then I proceeded to email a ton of women, all from around age 20 to 40, and I wrote very personal, kind, and warm messages. I took my time with each of them, and didn't push them to email, IM, or do ANYthing. Generally I closed out each email with "Good luck with everything, and I sincerely hope that you find you're looking for." Guess what? Every single woman I wrote to responded, and told me that my email and profile were "refreshing." I let them know about the experiment, and most told me that they were completely taken aback by how personal and kind and non-demanding my message had been - that it was incredibly rare to receive an email with any thought at all, much less one that made them feel respected.

So all the men complaining that women don't respond to messages: make a better profile, and write a kind, warm, respectful, personalized email. We may be on this website because of our sexuality, but our sexuality is not what's going to make us want to talk to you.

RE: An Experiment - 2/6/2010 1:10:50 PM

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quote:

I know this is not going to make me particularly popular

You are quite right with that assumption.

I did the same thing on Bondage.com years ago and got the same results as you. In retrospect however, I think it was unethical and would not do it again today.

- LA

< Message edited by LadyAngelika -- 2/6/2010 1:11:27 PM >

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to jujubeeMB)

RE: An Experiment - 2/6/2010 1:11:38 PM

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From: Pyroaquatica
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Now.... if I almost broke my lappy top because of how hard I am laughing I would be very upset.... (but still laughing).

The sad thing Jujubee is that males are still going to complain, experiment or not. That is the nature of the ignorant beast.

_____________________________

You are what your deep, driving desire is.
As your desire is, so is your will.
As your will is, so is your deed.
As your deed is, so is your destiny.
-Brihadaranyaka Upanishad IV.4.5

(in reply to jujubeeMB)

RE: An Experiment - 2/6/2010 1:12:39 PM

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Yes, you wrote to my experimental female profile.

Don't forget we are having a long session of experimental sex later.

(in reply to jujubeeMB)

RE: An Experiment - 2/6/2010 1:16:40 PM

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Wow - I wish I had that much free time on my hands.
On 2nd thought, I did have that much free time not so long ago - when I was unemployed.

~Dave

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He said I'd blown a seal. I said fix the damn thing and leave my private life out of this!
What happens in the event horizon STAYS in the Event Horizon!
I have zero tolerance for Zero Tolerance

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RE: An Experiment - 2/6/2010 1:17:29 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

In retrospect however, I think it was unethical and would not do it again today.

- LA

I agree with you - I won't do it again. I just couldn't help myself, as you probably couldn't either, at the time.

quote:

ORIGINAL: pyroaquatic

Now.... if I almost broke my lappy top because of how hard I am laughing I would be very upset.... (but still laughing).

The sad thing Jujubee is that males are still going to complain, experiment or not. That is the nature of the ignorant beast.

I know. I just wanted to be smug for two seconds

(in reply to pyroaquatic)

RE: An Experiment - 2/6/2010 1:20:01 PM

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From what i have seen and read i don't understand why that experment was needed. Some of these profiles are so ridiculous that you know the contact E-mail's have to be as well. Also who knows who they are contacting. Maybe they just look at the face and say "She's hot. I'll write her." and not even bother looking at her profile to see who she wants to hear from.

i do feel bad though for all those ladies who thought you were for real. imagine how they felt when they read your e-mail and was full of hope.

(in reply to EbonyWood)

RE: An Experiment - 2/6/2010 1:20:09 PM

HisSweetElysium

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Much like Milgram's experiment on obedience, interesting results, but shady and unethical.

_____________________________

“This is love: to fly toward a secret sky, to cause a hundred veils to fall each moment. First to let go of life. Finally, to take a step without feet.” Rumi

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RE: An Experiment - 2/6/2010 1:21:12 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ThatDaveGuy69

Wow - I wish I had that much free time on my hands.
On 2nd thought, I did have that much free time not so long ago - when I was unemployed.

~Dave

Gee, all it took me was about fifteen minutes per person I emailed. So... ten hours over the course of a week? I bet most people spend more time looking at porn.

(in reply to ThatDaveGuy69)

RE: An Experiment - 2/6/2010 1:29:36 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: HisSweetElysium

Much like Milgram's experiment on obedience, interesting results, but shady and unethical.

I do agree with you. That's why I said it wasn't going to make me popular. I've just been growing increasingly annoyed with all the complaining about women and wanted to see if it was remotely true. All the people I emailed seem pretty amused - not hurt or anything. It was an initial email, not a promise of love and devotion. But I do agree.

(in reply to HisSweetElysium)

RE: An Experiment - 2/6/2010 1:33:42 PM

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quote:

i do feel bad though for all those ladies who thought you were for real. imagine how they felt when they read your e-mail and was full of hope.

I feel worse for people who are so desperate and simple-minded that all it takes is one email to fill them with hope.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

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RE: An Experiment - 2/6/2010 1:34:52 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: jujubeeMB

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

In retrospect however, I think it was unethical and would not do it again today.

- LA

I agree with you - I won't do it again. I just couldn't help myself, as you probably couldn't either, at the time.

Actually it wasn't a question of not being able to help myself at the time. There are 2 reasons why I did it:

1) I was doing research in undergrad studies and reading Sherry Turkle's Identity in the Age of the Internet, and Janet Murray's Hamlet on the Holodeck: The Future of Narrative in Cyberspace mixed in with a little Donna Haraway and Judith Butler. The Internet was relatively new and there weren't many rules.

2) Also, I hadn't had research methods classes like I have had since where I discovered what ethics in research are.

That said, I don't offer the above explanation as an excuse but rather as a context.

What is different in my situation and yours is that I didn't announce it. Maybe that made me more a hypocrite, but it also saved me from being the target of some of the flames you might receive.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to jujubeeMB)

RE: An Experiment - 2/6/2010 1:38:04 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: HisSweetElysium

Much like Milgram's experiment on obedience, interesting results, but shady and unethical.

And yet, that isn't stopping people from replicating it. In 2006, scientists have recreated Milgram’s classic obediency psychology experiment using virtual reality.
(Read more here: http://bps-research-digest.blogspot.com/2006/12/classic-1960s-obediency-experiment.html)

quote:

ORIGINAL: jujubeeMB
I do agree with you. That's why I said it wasn't going to make me popular. I've just been growing increasingly annoyed with all the complaining about women and wanted to see if it was remotely true. All the people I emailed seem pretty amused - not hurt or anything. It was an initial email, not a promise of love and devotion. But I do agree.

Sometimes however, the end doesn't justify the means. :-)

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to jujubeeMB)

RE: An Experiment - 2/6/2010 1:41:37 PM

WinsomeDefiance

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My dearest Jujubee,

You break my heart. I had so desperately sought what you offered, only to find you a fraud. How dare you give me hope, only to dash that hope upon your cruel and callous experimental ways. I demand you do the honorable thing, and be my forever dominant. Sex change optional.

PS - Pick up some milk on your way to me, and my drycleaning. Then, and only then, shall you find redemption.

WinD

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

RE: An Experiment - 2/6/2010 1:47:21 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: WinsomeDefiance

My dearest Jujubee,

You break my heart. I had so desperately sought what you offered, only to find you a fraud. How dare you give me hope, only to dash that hope upon your cruel and callous experimental ways. I demand you do the honorable thing, and be my forever dominant. Sex change optional.

PS - Pick up some milk on your way to me, and my drycleaning. Then, and only then, shall you find redemption.

WinD

It would be an honor and a pleasure, Winsome. Your milk is en route

(in reply to WinsomeDefiance)

RE: An Experiment - 2/6/2010 1:49:26 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: jujubeeMB

It would be an honor and a pleasure, Winsome. Your milk is en route

(in reply to jujubeeMB)

RE: An Experiment - 2/6/2010 1:57:06 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

quote:

ORIGINAL: HisSweetElysium

Much like Milgram's experiment on obedience, interesting results, but shady and unethical.

And yet, that isn't stopping people from replicating it. In 2006, scientists have recreated Milgram’s classic obediency psychology experiment using virtual reality.
(Read more here: http://bps-research-digest.blogspot.com/2006/12/classic-1960s-obediency-experiment.html)

quote:

ORIGINAL: jujubeeMB
I do agree with you. That's why I said it wasn't going to make me popular. I've just been growing increasingly annoyed with all the complaining about women and wanted to see if it was remotely true. All the people I emailed seem pretty amused - not hurt or anything. It was an initial email, not a promise of love and devotion. But I do agree.

Sometimes however, the end doesn't justify the means. :-)

- LA

By the way, I'm flattered at the comparison to a major social experiment that's been traumatizing undergrad psych students for years, but I do think it's a little different than sending one email on a dating site. I'll own that it wasn't the nicest thing to do, but don't get too carried away

As for flames, I'll sit here and take them.

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

RE: An Experiment - 2/6/2010 2:01:44 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: EbonyWood

Yes, you wrote to my experimental female profile.

Don't forget we are having a long session of experimental sex later.

It's in my experimental planner, right after I'm done experimentally pissing everyone off

(in reply to EbonyWood)

RE: An Experiment - 2/6/2010 2:05:35 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: jujubeeMB

quote:

ORIGINAL: EbonyWood

Yes, you wrote to my experimental female profile.

Don't forget we are having a long session of experimental sex later.

It's in my experimental planner, right after I'm done experimentally pissing everyone off

That seems to be ACTUALLY working, but I still think you're a cute man er...woman.

8 o'clock sound good?

I need to go fix my hair, nails and call my BFF.

(in reply to jujubeeMB)

RE: An Experiment - 2/6/2010 2:05:53 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: jujubeeMB

quote:

ORIGINAL: HisSweetElysium
Milgram's experiment on obedience

By the way, I'm flattered at the comparison to a major social experiment that's been traumatizing undergrad psych students for years, but I do think it's a little different than sending one email on a dating site.

I don't think you were being compared to Milgram. Your experiment's methodology wasn't even close to being as complex. It was simply a point of reference for unethical research.

quote:

I'll own that it wasn't the nicest thing to do, but don't get too carried away

Some will. Some won't. Some like me will simply comment. I clearly am in no position to school you, but I will share my reflections on the experiment.

quote:

As for flames, I'll sit here and take them.

Masochist ;-)

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to jujubeeMB)

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