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RE: A Domme in sub's clothing - 2/8/2010 9:16:22 PM

Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

Sorry to dissapoint Domiguy, there is not going to be a cat fight as I'm not going to let her engage me. She can think what she likes. No skin off my ass ;-)

- LA

Yes I will think what I like. The point is, whether you like it or not, is that you took a very holier than thou attitude on the other thread, and then come and post how you "played at" (which is deceitful) and "manipulated" others. It is hypocritical and there really isn't a way to deny it.

Certainly, had you posted that you were being submissive because you thought that was the role that was "expected" and you realized that was who you were, that would be different. But when you openly admit that you manipulated people for your own personal "growth," you are in no position to admonish anyone if they manipulate others.

You say you won't "engage" me, but I would really love to hear how you can justify what you did versus what the OP did in the other thread. When is manipulating people to get your way considered appropriate behavior?

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

RE: A Domme in sub's clothing - 2/8/2010 9:23:00 PM

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline

Does anyone have a gagball handy? Seriously...

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to LafayetteLady)

RE: A Domme in sub's clothing - 2/8/2010 9:26:40 PM

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Reform

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika
So here are my questions:

Has anyone else gone down/or is going down a similar path? What have you learned/gained from it?

Do you think with more and more online forums such as these ones, younger women will most likely skip a lot of this?

- LA

Me! Though I'm a submissive in domme's clothing. I first identified as a sub, and still consider myself to be one even though I now switch. I made the decision to corrupt my vanilla bf into being my sub, and I think it's been going wonderfully. I have learned more about my myself then I thought I would. The best thing I've learned is that I do have a sadistic side, and it was there the whole time without my noticing.

Very cool! :-)

quote:

Younger women will skip what? Experimenting? Nope. Forums like this one are part of the reason I decided to try switching sides to begin with.

That's sort of what I meant. You have the forums to give you are more human aspect to it. Also, via these online communities you can find local people to add an even deeper human dimension to it. That's sort of what I meant by the internet possibly changing things.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to Reform)

RE: A Domme in sub's clothing - 2/8/2010 10:11:25 PM

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

Does anyone have a gagball handy? Seriously...

- LA

LA, it is not really like you, from what limited knowledge I have of you, that you would not engage in all sides of a discussion. Do you only want to discuss something when someone agrees with you?

I thought the question was interesting you posted and so were the replies.

From my perspective, way back when I was a first time sub, I knew I had power in the relationship and I always felt then, as I still do, that many submissive women (I cannot speak for submissive men) have most of the power in relationships.

Again, I am only speaking from my own experiences. It is really more mutual for me, than one sided, so perhaps I feel the power is full exchanged, equally.

I have been told many times, that I have not discovered my "inner Domme" yet, but that was always from submissive men wanting me to switch for them. I also have been told by prospective Doms that I am not submissive enough. I always took that to mean they were not the right Dom for me, as they would not be able to inspire any submission in me.

< Message edited by sexyred1 -- 2/8/2010 10:13:35 PM >

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

RE: A Domme in sub's clothing - 2/8/2010 10:16:28 PM

Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

Does anyone have a gagball handy? Seriously...

- LA

Seriously, you aren't dominant enough to do it, trust me. The bottom line is that you can't answer the question I asked. There is no difference between what you blasted jujubee for and what you did. You can attempt to spin it any way you like, but the position you took there was that of someone who was completely above reproach, going so far as to say that she owed the "whole community" and apology for what she did as though you were given the authority to speak for the whole community here. Yet, you find it completely appropriate to manipulate for your own personal gain. When you learn to practice what you preach Angelika, perhaps your comments about the actions of others will be more than a hypocritical joke.

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

RE: A Domme in sub's clothing - 2/8/2010 11:51:24 PM

Posts: 151
Joined: 1/11/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

quote:

ORIGINAL: Reform
Younger women will skip what? Experimenting? Nope. Forums like this one are part of the reason I decided to try switching sides to begin with.

That's sort of what I meant. You have the forums to give you are more human aspect to it. Also, via these online communities you can find local people to add an even deeper human dimension to it. That's sort of what I meant by the internet possibly changing things.

- LA

The internet can definitely change things. I'd say it facilitates experimenting, and perhaps helps to eliminate fumbling around while doing so? As long as you know where to look anyway.

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

RE: A Domme in sub's clothing - 2/9/2010 1:08:35 AM

Posts: 2878
Joined: 8/20/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

I have been told many times, that I have not discovered my "inner Domme" yet, but that was always from submissive men wanting me to switch for them. I also have been told by prospective Doms that I am not submissive enough. I always took that to mean they were not the right Dom for me, as they would not be able to inspire any submission in me.

BINGO! better words could never be spoken.

As for the ops question on how common this is?
I have seen a lot of submissives become dominant and personally I tend to believe they become dominant because they have never found a man that can dominate them and consequently being a sub becomes very yawn worthy.
Most of the subs that have become Dommes on the scene, eventually become subs again if they hang around long enough.
I know of 3 sub females on the scene at the moment that have all been known as formidable Dommes but who were subs way back when they first came out.

_____________________________

S&M (Steve and Maria) persona libre de convencionalismos

Fan of edgeplay.co.uk

(in reply to sexyred1)

RE: A Domme in sub's clothing - 2/9/2010 2:55:24 AM

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

Does anyone have a gagball handy? Seriously...

- LA

LA, it is not really like you, from what limited knowledge I have of you, that you would not engage in all sides of a discussion. Do you only want to discuss something when someone agrees with you?

I've actually decided tht when people come at me with accusations rather then questions, it is best to just leave it alone. When something is phrased as an accusation, then it always starts off as a lose scenario.

But I guess that unless I clear the air now and cater to Madame's demands, this will go on for 6 pages and further derail this thread. Sorry that this will take away from my response to your experience, but hey, them's the brakes.

I don't expect that any answers I will give her will appease her. I've seen her in attack mode on these boards. I'll give her now only for her to throw it viciously back in my face. I expect that another full out attack. This is not the first time and I'm sure it will not be the last. But you know what, sexyred, for you, I will answer the question.

First and foremost, I did not manipulate people into being with me for my own growth nor did I use them to fulfil some sick fantasy. I was in a genuine relationship with men and/or women that I cared for deeply. It was in the dynamic, as it got deeper and we played, that I realised what I was able to do to get my way. Yes, I admit it, I like to get my way and I've known that from a very young age. Yes, I was aware that there was a very dominant facet to my personality but I also saw some very strong submissives in my environement and I also figured that everyone had a enough dominance to survive. But I figured someone they would be dominant enough that I would have to stop getting my way, but they didn't. I was very naive about all of this at the time, for the record.

As I've said earlier on this thread, I somehow expected that I would be in the submissive role. It is actually hard for me to explain why I though that. I think a great deal was out of fear of being in the dominant role at the time, the prospect being a tad scary (when I think back to the Dominatrix images).

So when I talk about being able to manipulate whatever I wanted, it wasn't the person themselves but rather, my dominant nature was having a hard time accepting their dominance and I found that I could easily manipulate them. I felt that when they were demanding things of me, I had to pretend to be submissive or "play the submissive" in order to cater to their dominance. Now we aren't taking heards, we are talking a few. I am also still friends with 2 of them today and we talk about these time laughing. What is left out in the OP is that these were all people with whom I actually had a lot of fondness and attraction with. And for the record, dating is all about discovering who we are and what we desire. That is what I was doing.

As for the other accusations, she can ask me them on that thread. I think I know which one she is refering too (actually I edited the message because I saw her next flame and the message in question was confirmed), that is the expirement. The irony is, that if it is what she is refering to, she would be very suprised if she read the whole thread properly. I actually told the OP early on that I was in no position to judge her because I had done something similar on a much lesser scale about 10-11 years prior and later on when I came back to the thread 6 hours later and it had blossomed, I simply remind her that she had said she was going to take the flames, then to do so, but to stop being defensive and should apologize only because she openly wanted to discuss it. I also told her that I had gotten reemed by my undergrad professor for doing so and I'm still grateful to this day that he didn't flunk me in that course. In his position, I might have flunked me. If someone wants the links to those posts, they can CMail me. I will not derail this thread to discuss another one.

But I will hold that there is a difference between knowlingly taking on another personality and misleading someone and discovering one's self while trying to be authentic in a dynamic.

Now back to your post sexyred:

quote:

I thought the question was interesting you posted and so were the replies.

Me too actually. And I hope there will be more. I'm not convinced that my situation was a common one. I guess the influx or lack of responses will determine that.

quote:

From my perspective, way back when I was a first time sub, I knew I had power in the relationship and I always felt then, as I still do, that many submissive women (I cannot speak for submissive men) have most of the power in relationships.

Again, I am only speaking from my own experiences. It is really more mutual for me, than one sided, so perhaps I feel the power is full exchanged, equally.

I have been told many times, that I have not discovered my "inner Domme" yet, but that was always from submissive men wanting me to switch for them. I also have been told by prospective Doms that I am not submissive enough. I always took that to mean they were not the right Dom for me, as they would not be able to inspire any submission in me.

I know exactly how you feel as that is how I felt for about 4 years. Now I'm not saying that "you" haven't discovered your inner Domme, but that was the case for me. Now perhaps you better than anyone right now could understand what I mean when I said that I felt that I could control the relationship. The thing is, while it feels natural for you because Im under the impression that you've exlored this and you are at ease with being a submissive, I was exploring this and I was less and less at ease with it. There was something off about the whole thing, something for me that didn't feel right about having that much power within that role of the dynamic but I couldn't put my finger on it. What also kept me in that dynamic for so long was that I actually cared deeply for the individuals that I was with.

I sincerly hope that some of this post appeases some false presumptions that individuals have of me. If it doesn't well I'll just have to live with the fact that some people just chose to see me in such a way and move on. I know that enough people understand where I'm coming from and enough people respect me for my views, approach and integrity that I feel just fine with ignoring any future inflamatory remarks.

- LA

< Message edited by LadyAngelika -- 2/9/2010 3:15:06 AM >

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to sexyred1)

RE: A Domme in sub's clothing - 2/9/2010 3:13:12 AM

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: allthatjaz

quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

I have been told many times, that I have not discovered my "inner Domme" yet, but that was always from submissive men wanting me to switch for them. I also have been told by prospective Doms that I am not submissive enough. I always took that to mean they were not the right Dom for me, as they would not be able to inspire any submission in me.

BINGO! better words could never be spoken.

As for the ops question on how common this is?
I have seen a lot of submissives become dominant and personally I tend to believe they become dominant because they have never found a man that can dominate them and consequently being a sub becomes very yawn worthy.
Most of the subs that have become Dommes on the scene, eventually become subs again if they hang around long enough.
I know of 3 sub females on the scene at the moment that have all been known as formidable Dommes but who were subs way back when they first came out.

The beauty is that everyone's personality is different. That could have been the situation for me and who knows, never say never, right? I know that at this point in my life it is highly unlikely to happen. In addition, I'm not part of any "scene" (CM being the closest I know to a scene).

I actually did meet my match if you read the OP. I did meet a man who was strong enough to dominate me and to be honest, he was rather successful at it. It's not so much that he is rare but rather there was a very important element of timing that I explained in the link provided in the OP, that I met him at a time when there was quite a bit of chaos in my world.

Regardless of all this, I know what I've discovered is that I'm most comfortable in a female-led relationship and this way, identifying as a Domme, knowing now what I do, I feel I come across it authentically and honestly. While I can submit "to a moment" because I desire to do so, I feel that to engage in a relationship with a dominant man wanting to assume the dominant role today would be wrong if I did it under the pretense of being submissive, as he and I would find ourselves very miserable, very quick.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to allthatjaz)

RE: A Domme in sub's clothing - 2/9/2010 4:47:15 AM

Posts: 2878
Joined: 8/20/2008
Status: offline

I understand what you are saying LadyAngelica. No two of us are alike and to suggest such would be ridiculous. I have seen so much change in what people start off as and what they become. I have seen submissive girls blossom into beautiful dominant women, I have seen some of the best Dommes blossom into what I would consider some of the best slave girls, I have seen adamant Dom/Dommes become switches and many of them feel ultimately liberated that they have at last found what this is all about for them.

I have also seen far too many submissive women suddenly becoming dominant. I have seen through the veneer that they are not really happy, they can't settle down or form an ongoing relationship and these are the women that will eventually come back to their calling (lets hope). I'm not even sure why they do it but my guess is that they are confused about their submission and are trying to keep everyone happy including submissive men. The only people they are really coning is themselves.

I am by no means pointing a finger at you but you did ask if this was common and my answer is yes, it is.

< Message edited by allthatjaz -- 2/9/2010 4:52:28 AM >

_____________________________

S&M (Steve and Maria) persona libre de convencionalismos

Fan of edgeplay.co.uk

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

RE: A Domme in sub's clothing - 2/9/2010 4:56:11 AM

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: allthatjaz

I understand what you are saying LadyAngelica. No two of us are alike and to suggest such would be ridiculous. I have seen so much change in what people start off as and what they become. I have seen submissive girls blossom into beautiful dominant women, I have seen some of the best Dommes blossom into what I would consider some of the best slave girls, I have seen adamant Dom/Dommes become switches and many of them feel ultimately liberated that they have at last found what this is all about for them.

Well firstly, thank you for acknowledging that we ebb and flow through life. I appreciate that you see this and not judge to some of the conclusions that others have jumped to. It is quite refreshing.

quote:

I have also seen far too many submissive women suddenly becoming dominant. I have seen through the veneer that they are not really happy, they can't settle down or form an ongoing relationship and these are the women that will eventually come back to their calling (lets hope). I'm not even sure why they do it but my guess is that they are confused about their submission and are trying to keep everyone happy including submissive men. The only people they are really coning is themselves.

I can see this happening, actually. The thing is, I know that if I'm not with the right kind of submissive man, that is a strong and chivalrous one, I will be unhappy. I know that if I settle with a worm/doormat I will not be satisfied. I've never denied the fact that I'm actually attracted to men with dominant personalities (it is actually written in my profile) and that is all I've ever dated. It all lies in the dynamic that I have with them and that is what took me so much time to figure out. You talk about women who suddenly become dominant against their true calling. After much self reflection, I think my late twenties was a period where I became submissive against my true calling.

quote:

I am by no means pointing a finger at you but you did ask if this was common and my answer is yes, it is.

I never felt like you were pointing a finger at me. I actually very much appreciate the points you bring up.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to allthatjaz)

RE: A Domme in sub's clothing - 2/9/2010 5:57:51 AM

seekingOwnertoo

Posts: 1323
Joined: 8/1/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Reform

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

quote:

ORIGINAL: Reform
Younger women will skip what? Experimenting? Nope. Forums like this one are part of the reason I decided to try switching sides to begin with.

That's sort of what I meant. You have the forums to give you are more human aspect to it. Also, via these online communities you can find local people to add an even deeper human dimension to it. That's sort of what I meant by the internet possibly changing things.

- LA

The internet can definitely change things. I'd say it facilitates experimenting, and perhaps helps to eliminate fumbling around while doing so? As long as you know where to look anyway.

And the Internet is a relatively new phenomena. Prior to it's explosion, i knew a number of Dommes who, at the time, told me of experiences similar to those written about here.

It was only when they found a strong mentor (Domme or Dom), and perhaps MATURED a bit ... that they developed their own style.

So in my view, many of the remarks here seem unsurprising ... and quite normal.

That said ... NOT TO DERAIL THE THREAD ... but

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

I know that enough people understand where I'm coming from and enough people respect me for my views, approach and integrity that I feel just fine with ignoring any future inflamatory remarks.

In my interactions with Lady Angelika, i have found Her to have the HIGHEST HONOR AND INTEGRITY in all matters ...

She is a Lady i admire and respect ... as well as a Lady i trust ... She is open minded and willing to debate ...

but ... i will add ... sometimes, it takes two open minds ... to rationally debate an issue where the adversaries are at odds with each other and passion flares ...

< Message edited by seekingOwnertoo -- 2/9/2010 6:47:36 AM >

(in reply to Reform)

RE: A Domme in sub's clothing - 2/9/2010 6:10:41 AM

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: allthatjaz

I have also seen far too many submissive women suddenly becoming dominant. I have seen through the veneer that they are not really happy, they can't settle down or form an ongoing relationship and these are the women that will eventually come back to their calling (lets hope). I'm not even sure why they do it but my guess is that they are confused about their submission and are trying to keep everyone happy including submissive men. The only people they are really coning is themselves.

I have seen this first hand myself. I think in SOME cases, the reason for becoming dominant is out of anger. I met a pro-Domme many years ago who was actually submissive but would never let anyone know it. I asked her why and she said she was furious at how men treated her and other women and she decided to hurt them back.

Even though I was much more innocent of my knowledge of people in this world other than myself at the time, I did say, but how are you hurting these men? Submissive men come to you wanting to be Dominated, and you give them what they want and in many cases get paid for it.

She said, yes, but at least I don't have to worry about my heart getting broken again. And I told her that maybe, but also she would never meet anyone who could actually make her happy (which would be a Dominant male) if her heart was closed off completely and what Dom male would even try to get closer to an angry Domme?

She ended up marrying a vanilla guy and stayed Pro. :)

(in reply to allthatjaz)

RE: A Domme in sub's clothing - 2/9/2010 6:28:01 AM

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

Does anyone have a gagball handy? Seriously...

- LA

LA, it is not really like you, from what limited knowledge I have of you, that you would not engage in all sides of a discussion. Do you only want to discuss something when someone agrees with you?

I've actually decided tht when people come at me with accusations rather then questions, it is best to just leave it alone. When something is phrased as an accusation, then it always starts off as a lose scenario.

But I guess that unless I clear the air now and cater to Madame's demands, this will go on for 6 pages and further derail this thread. Sorry that this will take away from my response to your experience, but hey, them's the brakes.

I don't expect that any answers I will give her will appease her. I've seen her in attack mode on these boards. I'll give her now only for her to throw it viciously back in my face. I expect that another full out attack. This is not the first time and I'm sure it will not be the last. But you know what, sexyred, for you, I will answer the question.

First and foremost, I did not manipulate people into being with me for my own growth nor did I use them to fulfil some sick fantasy. I was in a genuine relationship with men and/or women that I cared for deeply. It was in the dynamic, as it got deeper and we played, that I realised what I was able to do to get my way. Yes, I admit it, I like to get my way and I've known that from a very young age. Yes, I was aware that there was a very dominant facet to my personality but I also saw some very strong submissives in my environement and I also figured that everyone had a enough dominance to survive. But I figured someone they would be dominant enough that I would have to stop getting my way, but they didn't. I was very naive about all of this at the time, for the record.

As I've said earlier on this thread, I somehow expected that I would be in the submissive role. It is actually hard for me to explain why I though that. I think a great deal was out of fear of being in the dominant role at the time, the prospect being a tad scary (when I think back to the Dominatrix images).

So when I talk about being able to manipulate whatever I wanted, it wasn't the person themselves but rather, my dominant nature was having a hard time accepting their dominance and I found that I could easily manipulate them. I felt that when they were demanding things of me, I had to pretend to be submissive or "play the submissive" in order to cater to their dominance. Now we aren't taking heards, we are talking a few. I am also still friends with 2 of them today and we talk about these time laughing. What is left out in the OP is that these were all people with whom I actually had a lot of fondness and attraction with. And for the record, dating is all about discovering who we are and what we desire. That is what I was doing.

As for the other accusations, she can ask me them on that thread. I think I know which one she is refering too (actually I edited the message because I saw her next flame and the message in question was confirmed), that is the expirement. The irony is, that if it is what she is refering to, she would be very suprised if she read the whole thread properly. I actually told the OP early on that I was in no position to judge her because I had done something similar on a much lesser scale about 10-11 years prior and later on when I came back to the thread 6 hours later and it had blossomed, I simply remind her that she had said she was going to take the flames, then to do so, but to stop being defensive and should apologize only because she openly wanted to discuss it. I also told her that I had gotten reemed by my undergrad professor for doing so and I'm still grateful to this day that he didn't flunk me in that course. In his position, I might have flunked me. If someone wants the links to those posts, they can CMail me. I will not derail this thread to discuss another one.

But I will hold that there is a difference between knowlingly taking on another personality and misleading someone and discovering one's self while trying to be authentic in a dynamic.

Now back to your post sexyred:

quote:

I thought the question was interesting you posted and so were the replies.

Me too actually. And I hope there will be more. I'm not convinced that my situation was a common one. I guess the influx or lack of responses will determine that.

quote:

From my perspective, way back when I was a first time sub, I knew I had power in the relationship and I always felt then, as I still do, that many submissive women (I cannot speak for submissive men) have most of the power in relationships.

Again, I am only speaking from my own experiences. It is really more mutual for me, than one sided, so perhaps I feel the power is full exchanged, equally.

I have been told many times, that I have not discovered my "inner Domme" yet, but that was always from submissive men wanting me to switch for them. I also have been told by prospective Doms that I am not submissive enough. I always took that to mean they were not the right Dom for me, as they would not be able to inspire any submission in me.

I know exactly how you feel as that is how I felt for about 4 years. Now I'm not saying that "you" haven't discovered your inner Domme, but that was the case for me. Now perhaps you better than anyone right now could understand what I mean when I said that I felt that I could control the relationship. The thing is, while it feels natural for you because Im under the impression that you've exlored this and you are at ease with being a submissive, I was exploring this and I was less and less at ease with it. There was something off about the whole thing, something for me that didn't feel right about having that much power within that role of the dynamic but I couldn't put my finger on it. What also kept me in that dynamic for so long was that I actually cared deeply for the individuals that I was with.

I sincerly hope that some of this post appeases some false presumptions that individuals have of me. If it doesn't well I'll just have to live with the fact that some people just chose to see me in such a way and move on. I know that enough people understand where I'm coming from and enough people respect me for my views, approach and integrity that I feel just fine with ignoring any future inflamatory remarks.

- LA

LA, thanks for the reply back.

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

RE: A Domme in sub's clothing - 2/9/2010 6:37:49 AM

Posts: 2878
Joined: 8/20/2008
Status: offline

Thats pretty sad and disturbing stuff sexyred but it doesn't surprise me.

It must of been about a year ago now that I was having a few drinks with a Domme friend. She's a mature woman and in my opinion a very skillful and popular dominant but after one too many drinks she confessed that she was totally submissive but she came onto the scene late in life and considered she was far too old to go down that route. 'who would want an old crock as a submissive? she asked and continued 'as a dominant everyone wants and loves me'.
I find it very sad that people, especially women are brave enough to come out but not quite brave enough to be the person they always desired to be and I think its a lot more common than we think.

_____________________________

S&M (Steve and Maria) persona libre de convencionalismos

Fan of edgeplay.co.uk

(in reply to sexyred1)

RE: A Domme in sub's clothing - 2/9/2010 6:44:53 AM

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
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I hear you. And I do think that ageism has a lot to do with it. Doms can be older, and that is sometimes desired by younger subs.

Some older women fear rejection as an older sub so they go the route of a Domme, thinking that will change.

I think older women are sexy and know plenty of younger men who agree.

Confidence is what is needed, not a change of your essential nature.

(in reply to allthatjaz)

RE: A Domme in sub's clothing - 2/9/2010 8:08:13 AM

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

I bottomed years ago, for the thrill and the hope of subspace, but I couldn't fake submission. I don't even UNDERSTAND submission! I just say "thank you very much"!

I know several young (early 20's) doms who started as submissives because it seemed the only apparent path---they changed their minds in a hurry! I think they learned that you cannot be something you're not. At least women can't... (cynicism!)

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(in reply to sexyred1)

RE: A Domme in sub's clothing - 2/9/2010 8:45:45 AM

Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
Status: offline

Younger Domme reporting for duty!

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika
I wasn't 100% aware of what all this back (about 12 years ago) then or why I was doing what I did, all I knew is a) I liked the dynamics that power exchange provided and b) I had strong enough maso tendencies and a high enough sex drive to pull it off.

This. Exactly this (apart from the twelve years bit, because that would be illegal and very very wrong...).

quote:

My goal was to learn about Dominants, but what I learned was that batting my eyelashes, being manipulative or trading off something they liked for something I didn't want to do always worked. I had the Doms I was involved with wrapped around my little finger.

I identify less with this part-I can flutter my eyelashes with the best of them but I had extreme difficulty with behaving like a submissive-for instance, I can't beg for toffee,. I try, and I just run out of words after 'please'. I don't think I've ever successfully pulled off the image of a sub, let alone properly submitted.

quote:

There were a lot of barriers in the way of me becoming a Domme.

This was also true for me, but I think my barriers were different to yours: I didn't believe (and sometimes I still don't believe) that anyone would take an eighteen year old female Domme seriously, especially when you factor in the fact that I'm like five foot something tiny and I still look young enough to buy child cinema tickets. An eighteen year old sub, on the other hand, is massively popular...

It took me a while to get the confidence together to stop kneeling and get on the fun side of the fence. I tried it, found that I enjoyed it (and that I was bloody good at it :-p), and never really looked back.

quote:

Has anyone else gone down/or is going down a similar path? What have you learned/gained from it?

I feel like my dominance has been enriched by experiencing how others do things on a firsthand basis, even if I wouldn't choose to repeat those experiences.

quote:

Do you think with more and more online forums such as these ones, younger women will most likely skip a lot of this?

No. There is always going to be a slight bias against younger Dommes in a place like this (I'm not pointing fingers at anyone in particular. I'm not bothered at all, really-but it took me a while to be able to say 'you know what? I'm good at this. I don't care if you think I'm too young', and I think anyone coming fresh to the 'community' is going to get some degree of that feeling, no matter whether that community be online or offline).

And to LafayetteLady, I would say that IMO there is a difference between not being sure what you want out of a relationship at its inception, and deliberately lying to forty complete strangers for no apparent reason other than your own entertainment, and I think that is the situation here.

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(in reply to LadyAngelika)

RE: A Domme in sub's clothing - 2/9/2010 11:49:07 AM

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika
So here are my questions:

Has anyone else gone down/or is going down a similar path? What have you learned/gained from it?

Do you think with more and more online forums such as these ones, younger women will most likely skip a lot of this?

Also, if you are a submissive who seems to be always getting her way, do you think you may have an inner Domme?

- LA

I'm going to address this part and only this part.

Let Me say first that I have never taken the submissive role. The very reason for that is, for Me, that's all it would be. A role that I was playing. I have never once looked inside Myself and said that was who I was. I see this very much in the same way as I see orientation for sexuality. I'm never going to look inside Myself and see a lesbian. Could I fake it? Maybe. It's not especially something that I have that much motivation to find out and I honestly don't believe that I'd be happy doing it. Sure, there are absolutely folks out there who are switches or bi-sexual that can be happy doing either when they find the right person. I don't fit into those categories either.

With that said, somewhere along the line, somebody mentioned the stereotypical female Dominant found in porn. (We are talking about generalizations, right?) Now, that I have done and I admit that I struggled with that My first year. I had the same kinds of issues within Myself over 'why not sadism' (which I wasn't at the time) and a few other things. None of that would have been any better for Me than attempting to be submissive.

I don't particularly see this as a lifestyle issue or a female Dominant one. Anytime we try to be something that we are not, there are going to be problems. It may not show a whole lot on the outside, but you can bet your ass that it's going to be on the inside. Just ask any male who got married thinking it would get him to be straight or any kinky person who tried going vanilla to keep up appearances. You may not necessarily be unhappy, but there's something in there that isn't 'right'.

Which leads Me to the next thing. Do I think they'll skip it? No, I don't. Because, no matter what outside influences they have, it really boils down to just that. They are outside influences and they still have to find what makes them feel inside.

The forums are great, and they are certainly a better representation of what porn comes across, but it really is still just a representation. For all the reader out there knows, it's still just that much fantasy. They honestly don't know if I am who I say I am or not. I could just as easily be some guy in Jersey pounding out what I think it might be like to be a femdom while I'm sitting in My mother's basement. Unless they go out and find out for themselves, what feels right for them, they aren't going to know if it's fact or fiction.

While the internet has certainly provided a means of education, it's also taken one away. True, it may be easier now to have a more well rounded picture of femdom, I'm kind of glad it wasn't the method that I used when I started out. It was better for Me to go out into the world and figure out the kind of Domme that I was. Even in those times that I thought I was doing it all wrong. The day that I came to the conclusion that I wasn't going to be what other people thought I was supposed to be, was a hell of a better discovery than anything I've ever found on the internet. You can't do that through a screen. You have to do it in your life.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

RE: A Domme in sub's clothing - 2/9/2010 11:57:31 AM

Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

quote:

ORIGINAL: dreamerdreaming

If they gave in to you, then they were doing what they wanted. Or they'd not have done it. Maybe they got off on you thinking that you'd manipulated them, when really you were playing right into their hands.

If I accede to my slaveboy's wishes, that is still my decision. He may suggest all he wants, if I let him. The outcome is still in my control.

Perhaps. But I definitely did a lot of topping from the bottom nonetheless.

But that wasn't really the point of my OP. It was about how I came to be a Domme and was wondering if it was a rare or common path.

- LA

Men can be easy to manipulate because they are ruled by their boner...

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Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

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