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RE: Dom/me Couples - 9/17/2004 8:41:54 PM

sweetpleaser

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

quote:

In a relationship, in this lifestyle, someone has to dominate and someone has to submit.

In the D/s lifestyle, yes, I agree with you.

However if you are defining the lifestyle as BDSM, I would disagree with you. There doesn't need to be D/s in S&M for it to work, though of course, it also can be there.

Thanks LadyAngelika, you always respond so politely. Maybe that is my confusion. I seem to fall into the D/s way of life instead of S&M. I like the deep connection and personally don't see how I could get that meaningful relationship I seek in S&M. Is that right?

Sincerely,
ann

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RE: Dom/me Couples - 9/17/2004 9:20:33 PM

LadyAngelika

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetpleaser
Thanks LadyAngelika, you always respond so politely.

My feeling is that one attracts more bees with honey then with vinegar :)

I really appreciate your polite disposition as well.

quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetpleaser
Maybe that is my confusion. I seem to fall into the D/s way of life instead of S&M. I like the deep connection and personally don't see how I could get that meaningful relationship I seek in S&M. Is that right?

When I can understand how for some who need/live/feel the D/s dynamic so fully, it's (nearly) impossible to imagine S&M without it. But it does exist. I've experienced it many times as have others. The dynamic is significantly different.

And I don't know you well enough to know what would fulfill you or not, but if you need the D/s aspect, an S&M relationship without D/s would probably be almost as unfulfilling as a vanilla one (all depending on what your relationship to pain is).

- LA

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RE: Dom/me Couples - 9/18/2004 12:08:09 PM

sweetpleaser

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You are right, any Bondage and S&M wouldn't work for me without D/s. I have to have that deep connection; however the thought of Topcat playing with me has crossed my mind

don't tell anyone, it will be our secret.

ann

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RE: Dom/me Couples - 9/19/2004 12:19:37 PM

MasterMagick

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I am one half of a Dominant couple, we meet over four years ago and feel madly in love. Since that time we have had a few slaves, all female. As a matter of fact we still have one and are looking for another one (another story). When we are alone we have our moments, we submit to each other in our own way, with love and respect. It was hard at the beginning but we have over come and are still deeply in love with each other. Our slaves understand where we are coming from and they also understand their place in our life.

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RE: Dom/me Couples - 9/19/2004 1:45:03 PM

sweetpleaser

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MasterMagick; your post helps a lot. So, your slaves realize there will be no emotion on your part toward them? If I understand you right, you do not play with your wife much but have a mutually satisfying love life with her? You play with your slaves, right? Thanks again.

ann

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RE: Dom/me Couples - 9/19/2004 3:26:58 PM

Sylverdawn

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Sweetpleaser I dont think it is possible to have NO emotion for a person with whom you are involved in a D/s dynamic and I dont think that is what MasterMagick said.. Rather what you extrapalate from your own personal belief system. I am one half a D/D couple. I certainly share a deep emotional bond with those in my service. SERVICE.. you ken what that means??? To serve \Serv"ice\, n. [OE. servise, OF. servise, service, F. service, from L. servitium. See Serve.] 1. The act of serving; the occupation of a servant; the performance of labor for the benefit of another, or at another's command; attendance of an inferior, hired helper, slave, etc., on a superior, employer, master, or the like;

For some people.. serving in D/s dynamic is not an alternate lifestyle dating game.. we arent jumping through hoops trying to find MR. or Mrs. Right who will sweep us off our feet and lock us in a pretty little gold collar ( ie wedding band ) and we never have to worry about life again. For some of us its about interacting in a power exchange in which one person surrenders coontrol and another person accepts that responsiblity of control. You are there not becuase your looking for love in the dark places but because you have a viseral need to interact within the framework of a TPE D/s dyanamic. To say that that comes without emotion is foolish.. it comes with many emotions.. care, concern, adoration, devotion, humility, respect, and yes even love. Love in a sense that is without boundries placed on it by the strictures of a vanilla defination. I am so lucky to watch that sort of dynamic btwn my husband and his girl. Neither she nor I feel that we are less because of the other... simply different.. I am without the words to explain how frustrated I am by people who assume that it cant be fullfilling to be on either side of the fence.. it can; it is and yes I am happily married in a loving, sexually dynamic relationship with a man who manages to be both husband and Master without compromising either.

As to play it has never been my belief that an act is inherently submissive.. you enjoy the sensations of bondage, corporal punishment, single tails , electrical play.. in themselves the act of giving and or receiving them is not submission.. it is the intent in your everyday life.. it is two whom you give obidence that makes you submissive.

< Message edited by Sylverdawn -- 9/19/2004 3:53:29 PM >

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RE: Dom/me Couples - 9/19/2004 3:45:04 PM

stormiKnightBEAR

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Dom/Domme couples are plentiful. Not as plentiful as Dom/sub (Master/slave).

However, it is this girl's opinion that it takes very special circumstances and people to make this work. Especially if they are bringing their own girls/boys into the mix.

There are those that come and go for play reasons only. As with our poly family. Master and stormi are 24/7, SylverDawn still seeks a male to complete the poly. We are a closed poly which tends to blows other's minds. There is no swinging in this poly family that is not what it means to any of us and yes that means that stormi is Master's alone. SylverDawn and stormi are not sexually intimate with each other and never have been.

Master and stormi have their relationship.

SylverDawn and stormi are friends first, just as we started out. We both cook, clean, and do the daily chores that make a home a home and make it a working home.

Master and stormi work outside our home. SylverDawn works in the home.

And then you add the fact that we are very active in public with both vanilla and bdsm clubs. That bewteen Master's profession and club committee meetings we are out of the house a minimum of 4 nights a week.

Yes we live on schedules, time with Master is very important to both of us. SylverDawns is basically vanilla, stormi's is that of slave to Master.

Do not read this wrong or misunderstand what stormi is saying. It is stormi's belief even in the most vanilla couple there is some form of dominance, someone gives and someone takes.
Think about it ... everyone is a submissive at times (even to your boss), if you work outside of the home. It depends on the day who's in charge.

From this girl's stand point...... the biggest problem is fools who ASSUME that because stormi lives in a home with two Dominants, her ko'lar belongs to both. Wrong. Again SylverDawn is a friend first and foremost. LOL.. Wanna see folks jump? Let them say or imply she's stormi's Mistress, in front of stormi and SylverDawn at the same time, that person quickly has two women correcting them.

There is devotion, loyality, respect, and so many more things including love in our relationship.
There is also a lack of tolerance if you hurt one of the 3 of us. To get to Master there is two very hot tempered women to go thru..... not many are brave enough to run that gauntlet. LOL but the worst is .... someone being ugly one of us..... Then they have Master to deal.. that is never pretty.

Dom/Domme couples work.... but make no mistake it is WORK.

Be Well,
stormi
property of Master Bear

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GOD BLESS TEXAS AND THE U.S.A !!!!

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RE: Dom/me Couples - 9/19/2004 3:45:52 PM

sweetpleaser

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I am happy that you found a fulfilling relationship. I said on many posts that I couldn't have that kind of relationship. I personally believe that I would be jealous of the attention his slave gets; that is just how I am wired. I am not condemning poly relationships. Obviously it works for some. My original question was how a Dom/me couple works and believe I received that answer. I thank everyone for their posts.

Sincerely,
ann

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It's not the men in my life that count, it's the life in my men.--Mae West

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RE: Dom/me Couples - 9/19/2004 8:01:37 PM

stormiKnightBEAR

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For the record.....

This girl believes that there is a limited amount of jealousy in any poly.
Dom/Domme couples are going to seek someone to play with. That's the
way it is. The partner may very well feel a twinge of jealousy over how
the spouse/other Dominant reacts to a certain scene..... example.

Dominant #1 is putting a familiar sub thru a very sensual, intimate, (not
intercourse) scene.
Dominant #2 sees a certain look of .... satisfaction, lust, pleasure, (choose
the name you wish to call it) and might wonder if that is how
Dominant #1 feels looks when touching in a similar way or being touched
in a similar way by #2.

Some would call that natural, some might call it jealousy even a twinge,
some might even call it envy for the submissive.

There are times there is jealousy even in a poly. SylverDawn and stormi
most assuredly do agree on that BUT the difference is it is
a fleeting thought/feeling. All either of us have to do is think of the riches
that Master has given us.

For stormi, Master has given her more than she asked for and then alot more.
He enjoys spoiling this girl.... as long as she admits she is a spoiled girl.
(*smiling* remembering the "brother bear" popcorn)

Again bottom line is Dom/Domme just like any other mixture is always alot
of work, but if it truly does work, then this girl is sure it is worth it.

stormi
property of Master Bear

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PROUD TO BE TEXAN AND AMERICAN BY BIRTH~
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RE: Dom/me Couples - 9/19/2004 8:49:38 PM

Sylverdawn

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given your mindset on the topic.. I am curious as to your motivation at posting the orginal question.. to me it seems a bit of spoon sticking ... but as long as you feel you got your question answered I suppose thats the end of it then....

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RE: Dom/me Couples - 9/21/2004 9:44:11 AM

sweetpleaser

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Hi Sylverdawn: I have been thinking about your response for awhile now. I believe that in my second post to this thread, I explained why I asked the question. It had to do with Dom/me couples first but somehow the thread evolved into poly situations. That is what I have a hard time with in my mindset, as you put it. I should not have assumed, however, that MasterMagick had no emotion toward his slaves. (my apologies Sir) They serve him, as you explained to me. I just wanted to clarify because I never intend to "spoon stick" anything. And, again, I appreciate all responses.

Sincerely,
ann

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~ann~

It's not the men in my life that count, it's the life in my men.--Mae West

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RE: Dom/me Couples - 9/22/2004 9:27:06 PM

WayHome

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What is "spoon sticking?"

I'm not familiar with this phrase and I really hate that