RE: "I'm a dominant! Ok, what do I do now?" (Full Version)

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MzMia -> RE: "I'm a dominant! Ok, what do I do now?" (2/12/2010 2:58:58 PM)

Whip, I admit to being domineering, but even more than that, I am controlling as hell.
I let people know that up front.
I also have a little bit of OCD, so that really fuels the controlling desires!

Let's see: Dominant, domineering, controlling and stubborn as hell!  That would be me!
Let's go party!!

[:D]



osf -> RE: "I'm a dominant! Ok, what do I do now?" (2/12/2010 3:08:54 PM)

no one just reading books ever became a worthwhile dominant



Whiplashsmile4 -> RE: "I'm a dominant! Ok, what do I do now?" (2/12/2010 3:11:19 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: MzMia

Whip, I admit to being domineering, but even more than that, I am controlling as hell.
I let people know that up front.
I also have a little bit of OCD, so that really fuels the controlling desires!

Let's see: Dominant, domineering, controlling and stubborn as hell!  That would be me!
Let's go party!!

[:D]


Clearly not a submissive. :-)



Whiplashsmile4 -> RE: "I'm a dominant! Ok, what do I do now?" (2/12/2010 3:13:13 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: osf
no one just reading books ever became a worthwhile dominant

Only Librarians can be true Dominants in this case.



AlexandraLynch -> RE: "I'm a dominant! Ok, what do I do now?" (2/12/2010 3:13:32 PM)

There was a little bit of that for me when I got into this. Of course, then I started reading, and found out that most of the mental side of D/s was stuff I was already familiar with from raising and training German Shepherd Dogs and two sons. Once I realized this, I started getting comfortable with topping, and am now happily seeing what gets me wet, specifically. 



LanceHughes -> RE: "I'm a dominant! Ok, what do I do now?" (2/12/2010 3:30:13 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: osf

no one just reading books ever became a worthwhile dominant


I think you misunderstood.  That's where a baby-Dom starts to learn the skill set to make sure they don't make a (possibly fatal) mistake.  Also, 'tis like a menu..... "HMmmm, fire-play looks interesting, but I think I'll start with rope bondage."

Classes and seminars and muches and on-hands learning were not / are not excluded from the Dom's School that I run, based on the greatest book of all: "How to be a Dominatant" aka the "Dom Manual."

For those of you interested in obtaining your own, autographed copy,....... /choke, cough...."My heart, my heart."/

Lance keels over onto his key-board as the Devil appears..... "I told you that if you ever revealed even the existence of that book, I'd have to kill you."



osf -> RE: "I'm a dominant! Ok, what do I do now?" (2/12/2010 3:33:32 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LanceHughes

quote:

ORIGINAL: osf

no one just reading books ever became a worthwhile dominant


I think you misunderstood.  That's where a baby-Dom starts to learn the skill set to make sure they don't make a (possibly fatal) mistake.  Also, 'tis like a menu..... HMmmm, fire-play looks interesting, but I think I'll start with rope bandage."

Classes and seminars and muches and on-hands learning were not / are not excluded from the Dom's School that I run, based on the greatest book of all: "How to be a Dominatant" aka the "Dom Manual."

For those of you interested in obtaining your own, autographed copy,....... /choke, cough...."My heart, my heart."/

Lance keels over onto his key-board as the Devil appears..... "I told you that if you ever revealed even the existence of that book, I'd have to kill you."


the operative was "JUST" , with out the drive and natural insight, books mean squat



Mercnbeth -> RE: "I'm a dominant! Ok, what do I do now?" (2/12/2010 3:46:18 PM)

quote:

For female subs, I imagine this has to be the most frustrating - are there are a lot of men that slap a label of "dominant" on themselves to give it a test drive and you realize they are just kind of guessing their way around it - or, asking YOU how they should behave to get you to submit?


no one has ever asked this slave how to behave so that she would submit...submission is her default, knee-jerk, automatic reaction to others, so it would have been sort of a moot point. now that she is owned, all one would have to do is get Master's approval---which is a little bit more difficult.[;)]
this slave has not had much experience with folks who identify specifically as dominant, but in her limited experience, most that identify as dominant don't want someone who is inclined to submit to them in all things in all ways, anyway. asking a submissive to supply lists of limits(hard and soft) and requiring a submissive to use a safe-word resembles topping, not dominance, to this slave.

quote:

Or, are you able to see, sense, actually feel it when a guy just is naturally drawn to controlling, dominating or enjoying consensual sadism? Do you have femsub radar to help pick it up?


no. this slave cannot discern the intentions of another in most situations unless they are being blatantly obvious. a serious drawback to the intensive "believe-what-I-say-not-what-you-feel-is-true-in-your-gut." training.

quote:

Have you submitted to a man before and found out later he really had no idea what he was doing? Do you get an overwhelming feeling some men dominate you physically but desperately want approval for it, or are worried the whole time they are doing it wrong?


sexually? only once...we were both virgins (15 and 18) and this slave had to encourage him the whole time to ignore the crying and wincing and keep trying to push it in further. LMAO---what a funny memory!!!

the rare and attractive dominant, as far as this slave's experience and preferences goes, is the one who NEEDS...not just finds it a fun idea to try out for awhile...to be in control/ultimate authority/shot-caller all the time...not just in the bedroom, or on Friday night dates or over the things they are allowed to by their partner. it is intrinsic, not just a role they adopt in order to effectively top an intimate partner who agrees to bottom to them, under certain conditions.



Whiplashsmile4 -> RE: "I'm a dominant! Ok, what do I do now?" (2/12/2010 3:56:18 PM)

I'm sitting here reflecting upon the past. The first time experiences. Wonder perhaps how lost I'd be without having experienced so many things with somebody else.



DesFIP -> RE: "I'm a dominant! Ok, what do I do now?" (2/12/2010 5:54:43 PM)

Beth, if you didn't think of limits as things the sub controls, but as health hazards, would that seem to be less toppish to you? Because that's what my limits are, the things that make me ill both physically and mentally/emotionally.

Inverted suspension will give me vertigo and it won't stop for a week. Which means I am bedridden for a week, unable to safely walk or drive or cook etc. Duct tape gags will give me a panic attack. And they take hours to subside leaving me terrified that another one will happen, and I distrust the person who caused this.

If I had a cardiac condition, I would expect no electrical play so as not to require an automatic defibrillator to restart my heart.

To me, limits are just a list of my health problems and what will bring them on.



Whiplashsmile4 -> RE: "I'm a dominant! Ok, what do I do now?" (2/12/2010 6:43:48 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Beth, if you didn't think of limits as things the sub controls, but as health hazards, would that seem to be less toppish to you? Because that's what my limits are, the things that make me ill both physically and mentally/emotionally.

Inverted suspension will give me vertigo and it won't stop for a week. Which means I am bedridden for a week, unable to safely walk or drive or cook etc. Duct tape gags will give me a panic attack. And they take hours to subside leaving me terrified that another one will happen, and I distrust the person who caused this.

If I had a cardiac condition, I would expect no electrical play so as not to require an automatic defibrillator to restart my heart.

To me, limits are just a list of my health problems and what will bring them on.


Say, ain't you the one that was hung upside down on a questionable beam at a dungeon that looked like it was gonna break, got zapped with a violet wand over and over.. and ended up going to the hospital? Think I read about you on another thread. :-P



LadyAngelika -> RE: "I'm a dominant! Ok, what do I do now?" (2/12/2010 6:44:03 PM)

Some people discover their true nature early on.
Some people discover it later on.

Some people discover it and it scares the hell out of them and they retreat back for a while
Some of them discover it and go ahead full force and never look back.

The path taken to get to where we are today is an individual journey that most definitely influences the outcome. But the outcome is the end result which is the discovery of one's true self. Both the journey and getting there are what's important.

- LA



catize -> RE: "I'm a dominant! Ok, what do I do now?" (2/12/2010 7:16:33 PM)

quote:

aka the "Dom Manual."

For those of you interested in obtaining your own, autographed copy,....... /choke, cough...."My heart, my heart."/

Lance keels over onto his key-board as the Devil appears..... "I told you that if you ever revealed even the existence of that book, I'd have to kill you."


Damned manual...........[:D]



Whiplashsmile4 -> RE: "I'm a dominant! Ok, what do I do now?" (2/12/2010 8:00:11 PM)

Just about anything you want to know is covered in a "For Dummies" book.

[image]local://upfiles/718516/29A6353A95224C248428A81C8E6DFE78.jpg[/image]



LadyAngelika -> RE: "I'm a dominant! Ok, what do I do now?" (2/12/2010 8:09:32 PM)

[image]http://www.lifeaftercoffee.com/wp-content/uploads/2006/06/dummies.png[/image]



seekingOwnertoo -> RE: "I'm a dominant! Ok, what do I do now?" (2/12/2010 8:35:49 PM)

Oh my .... i live by THAT book !!! ROFL



Whiplashsmile4 -> RE: "I'm a dominant! Ok, what do I do now?" (2/12/2010 9:04:30 PM)

For the Shy and Timid Dominants just starting out. I hope this might give you an idea for how to practice up on your caging technique with the added touch of public humilation by displaying your submissive in a sidewalk sale.

This picture illustrates this Advanced BDSM concept.

[image]local://upfiles/718516/DB86E3BF6D924EFF85409B33728EB0DD.jpg[/image]



OriginallyFromLA -> RE: "I'm a dominant! Ok, what do I do now?" (2/12/2010 9:16:21 PM)

quote:

Inverted suspension will give me vertigo and it won't stop for a week. Which means I am bedridden for a week, unable to safely walk or drive or cook etc. Duct tape gags will give me a panic attack. And they take hours to subside leaving me terrified that another one will happen, and I distrust the person who caused this.


One word. Klonopin.



LadyPact -> RE: "I'm a dominant! Ok, what do I do now?" (2/13/2010 1:04:24 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: OriginallyFromLA
One word. Klonopin.

Sorry, but terrible suggestion.  While Klonopin has been used to treat such disorders, as well as epilepsy in the past, there are much better resources without the degree of side effects.



allthatjaz -> RE: "I'm a dominant! Ok, what do I do now?" (2/13/2010 1:06:42 AM)

My journey to becoming a switch was a hell of a long one and it amuses the hell out of me when people are expected to prove that they are 'real' and not just kinky misfits.

Sometimes I wonder if the player/kinkster is actually more real than any of us because they are the ones that are more accepting, more open minded.

The people who don't need to compete to be the 'purest of submissives' or 'the most natural of dominants' actually don't need to explain themselves unless they mislead.

I am dominant and sometimes submit to the moment. I have had accusations thrown at me that Im a 'player, not the real ma coy, confused, baffled' and all the rest of it.
I was a domineering little girl that got my way but then I bet half the submissives in here had similar child personality traits or do the Dom/Dommes think that adult submissives spent their childhood being bullied, being passive and always tried desperately to please?!?!
Sexual dominance comes from a mind of sexual fantasy and not from an obnoxious nature. There are many bossy, pushy and controlling people on this earth that wouldn't have an interest in sexual dominance and so in my opinion has absolutely nothing to do with it.
We can analyze people till the cows come home. We can compete with other dominants and submissive in a desperation to get the message accross 'IM real but many are not!!!'

So some people aren't real enough, purist enough or convincing enough and we can continually talk about them because it makes us feel better. Its actually very laughable.



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