|
lizi -> RE: BDSM and abuse (3/17/2010 6:46:59 AM)
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: PrimalConsonance
I feel that there is a correlation between BDSM and abuse on the bell curve of kink, and I would say a good number have been touched (in a bad way) or effected by some form of abuse. Abuse doesn't have to be physical or sexual, but also can manifest in a mental way. You don't have to be beaten everyday to be subjected to some form of abuse. A withdrawal of affection, or a lack of praise and approval, can sometimes be just as damaging as a punch.
But with any bell curve, you will find those with no history of any abuse and are just kinky little pervs for whatever floats their boat. And you will also find those that find BDSM as an extension of their abuse from a younger time. It reminds me of a phrase I once heard concerning torture..."The best form of torture, is where the victim begins to torture themselves [unaided by outside influences]." So how you picture yourself on this curve, doesn't mean anything bad or good except what you do with it. For some, BDSM has had a more therapeutic outcome for them to be able to deal with their past and be exceptionally functional in their present. I have known a few in this situation, and it warms my heart to see someone take something negative and make it not only a positive, but also a vehicle of obtaining genuine happiness and contentment.
I was never physically abused in childhood or in any relationship but the highlighted words above characterize how i grew up. I was basically neglected and left to myself and I compensated for that by being a good girl - hoping to get positive attention. I personally have found in D/s a breathtaking amount (for me) of attention. When I'm with a partner I just feel like there is a spot light on me, and us, and it feeds me. It's easier for me to accept attention coming to me if its not completely based on me...if it's within the framework of pleasing someone else. I long for that connection that can exist between the two people involved.
I feel as though a lot of female s types have evolved into that by not necessarily having negative physical attention - although that certainly happens - but by being neglected emotionally. You try to get attention by being good...it's harder for girls to act out in an overt negative way. You start trying to anticipate what might get you a nugget of 'love' by doing things for people, by not being a bother, by being polite, or a good student. This type of sub/slave wants to belong somewhere and be present in someone's mind and life. This is me. When I'm with a Dom I feel as though I've come home in a way that I've never been home before. It's also scary because I can't blend into the woodwork like I usually do, I have to play an active role and that of course is fulfilling as well. I can't always take an active role for myself, but I can do it for someone else if they expect me to.
I have found by talking to others that there seems to be some type of abuse factor in the background of many of the people drawn to BDSM but it could be as other posters have mentioned that it's just easier to talk about within the BDSM context, and maybe it isn't really a greater percent of the population as a whole. Another frequent poster to the boards has said that more extreme lifestyles draw more extreme people and I have always thought that was true. You're talking about people with some courage to follow their desires - what gives them the courage? Maybe there is some internal characteristic there that comes about as a result of abuse, or whatever lends that strength to getting what you need. I'm not sure.
Anyway, this turned out to be longer than I thought, a whole bunch of things ended up going through my head.
*edited to add a thought.
|
|
|
|
