RE: You're in charge, so do you delegate or do you do it yourself?

Collarchat.com

Home Login Search

RE: You're in charge, so do you delegate or do you do it yourself?

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> RE: You're in charge, so do you delegate or do you do it yourself?

Page: << < prev 1 [2]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: You're in charge, so do you delegate or do you do i... - 3/21/2010 9:28:58 AM

AlexandraLynch

Posts: 778
Joined: 3/24/2008
Status: offline

It really depends on the situation. There are aspects of my life where I don't want to mess with it. This pile of items goes to the play party tonight, see that it all gets in the vehicle. And I let him load the toys and the sodas and the hostess gift and I just don't worry about it until he comes and says, "The van is ready, Mistress". I much prefer to be in a situation where I can simply issue an order and have it be made so, without having to micromanage. That is lovely and happy making.

_____________________________

I use fastreply. Don't take offence where none is meant.

Just because I'm not a bitch doesn't mean I'm not perfectly capable of making sure you'll be very sorry if you disobey.

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

Profile

Post #: 21

RE: You're in charge, so do you delegate or do you do i... - 3/21/2010 1:29:07 PM

madderrose

Posts: 11
Joined: 10/2/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

quote:

ORIGINAL: madderrose
Hello, first post.

quote:

Welcome!

But, if I'm not sure about the person yet, or if it's early in the relationship I will do everything (from when and where we eat to how we get there, to what the sub wears. And what goes underneath.) until he knows what I want.

I really, really dislike it when things aren't the way I want them to be....

Much of what you say resonates with me except for the in the beginning part. I like to see a man hit the ground running ;-)

- LA

Thank you! :D

Hehehe, yes, but this is where my inner control freak starts frothing at the mouth. Though, he can certainly try.... Correcting can be so much fun and practice does make perfect!

"Bad puppy!" *smirk*

< Message edited by madderrose -- 3/21/2010 1:35:57 PM >

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

Profile

Post #: 22

RE: You're in charge, so do you delegate or do you do i... - 3/21/2010 2:18:06 PM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline

As much as what Alexandra rings true about how a well trained boy who requires very little supervision is happy making, training them to get that way is a whole lot of fun as well!

quote:

"Bad puppy!" *smirk*

Indeed!!

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to madderrose)

Profile

Post #: 23

RE: You're in charge, so do you delegate or do you do i... - 3/21/2010 7:01:29 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

I am not into total control, but there are times when I want things done exactly how I have shown my partner, that I want them, like them and expect no variation. I wouldn't be happy with him deciding to make it better somehow without some discussion. Then there are other times when it doesn't matter so much and I enjoy him going about getting to the end goal, however he wishes to make it happen. All of this is from my direction and he learns by my telling him how I want things done and whether he can change things up a bit. It comes from a lot of communication and time together.

I direct where we are going with our relationship, but will always get his input. If I find he enjoys something I will work that in. I want to see how creative he can be, how wonderfully intelligent, loving or attentive he is in all that he does. I also wish to show him how creative I can be and he needs to understand that if every time I give him instructions or expectations on what I want and he wants to change that in the moment or decides it needs to be changed, I am not going to be happy. There are times to do exactly as I say and others where he can do it however he wishes.

I will make sure there are times for him to shine, as I love him shining!

While I do take total control in various situations, I am also very relaxed in others. The main goal for me is that we both live within a very happy relationship and have as much laughter as we can find and that is achieved by us both shinning.

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

Profile

Post #: 24

RE: You're in charge, so do you delegate or do you do i... - 3/22/2010 1:07:30 AM

mcbride

Posts: 333
Joined: 1/14/2005
Status: offline

The other thing worth noting is this: in the real world, domming is inherently more active. Whether it's fucking with someone's brain or telling them which bath oil to add, it's more work.

A sub isn't gonna have much of a future if he lets that happen, and becomes a bit of a chore...so, presumably, plucky fella that he is, he'll work on holding up his end of the delegation thing, particularly by being creative about his role.

(in reply to Lockit)

Profile

Post #: 25

RE: You're in charge, so do you delegate or do you do i... - 3/22/2010 10:14:38 AM

AAkasha

Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

For me, it depends on who is doing the courting and also what the nature of the relationship is. If I am pursuing, and it's more of a top/bottom type situation or he's going to be a "plaything" for me, I like to establish and keep control by being in charge of everything - from location to driving to paying and even telling him what he is allowed to eat. It's all part of the game, so to speak.

If he's pursuing me, I expect to be courted traditionally. Once there's chemistry, I start to take control back. If I have chemistry out of the gate, I may start taking control earlier, it's just how I flirt.

For long term relationships, ie with my primary, he takes care of every single detail of things. He makes things smooth and flawless for me so I am comfortable.

Akasha

_____________________________

Akasha's Web - All original Femdom content since 1995
Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

Profile

Post #: 26

RE: You're in charge, so do you delegate or do you do i... - 3/22/2010 3:58:48 PM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline

Would you be surprised if I told you that's pretty much how I see it as well, Akasha? ;-)

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to AAkasha)

Profile

Post #: 27

RE: You're in charge, so do you delegate or do you do i... - 3/22/2010 4:49:24 PM

slvemike4u

Posts: 17896
Joined: 1/15/2008
From: United States
Status: offline

Every once in awhile I drop in on this side just to see whats being said and by whom.....this was one of those occasions where I walk away just so damm happy to be who I am and in the lifestyle I am in....You Ladies are awesome

_____________________________

If we want things to stay as they are,things will have to change...Tancredi from "the Leopard"

Forget Guns-----Ban the pools

Funny stuff....https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eNwFf991d-4

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

Profile

Post #: 28

RE: You're in charge, so do you delegate or do you do i... - 3/22/2010 5:07:29 PM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline

Well if you are going to drop by and say nice things like that, you are more than welcome to drop by more often :-)

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to slvemike4u)

Profile

Post #: 29

RE: You're in charge, so do you delegate or do you do i... - 3/22/2010 7:46:08 PM

slvemike4u

Posts: 17896
Joined: 1/15/2008
From: United States
Status: offline

Awww shucks,now I'm embarressed

_____________________________

If we want things to stay as they are,things will have to change...Tancredi from "the Leopard"

Forget Guns-----Ban the pools

Funny stuff....https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eNwFf991d-4

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

Profile

Post #: 30

RE: You're in charge, so do you delegate or do you do i... - 3/23/2010 7:12:39 AM

cloudboy

Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline

I'm glad my relationships don't complicate eating out.

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

Profile

Post #: 31

RE: You're in charge, so do you delegate or do you do i... - 3/23/2010 8:29:51 AM

Andalusite

Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline

I'm not sure what being discreet has to do with who orders - unless the person was doing other things at the table. My Master likes me to order for him when we're at one of the restaurants we go to regularly. I'll ask him "Your usual, Sir?" and he'll either say yes, or else no, and then decide what he wants. Generally, if there's a waiter, there's not a whole lot of room for me to be of service to him there.

When I was with my submissive, he would hold the door for me, and flag down the waiter or waitress when needed. I ordered, since I'm rather picky and usually didn't know what I wanted until I'd read through the menu a few times.

(in reply to cloudboy)

Profile

Post #: 32

RE: You're in charge, so do you delegate or do you do i... - 3/23/2010 10:48:12 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

I think one of the most difficult things many women face in F/m dynamics is letting go of their trained need to do everything either as a sign of independence or a sign of them taking care of others.

Learning to delegate, indeed, learning to relax is a very hard thing for many of us to do. When we are expected to cater to another person's fantasy, either explicitly or implicitly, we are may resist or simply fall in line. Learning to do what you want, how you want, and when you want first and foremost is one of the most important lessons we can learn.

That said, like the OP, I consider my slave's job to be of making my life easier and that means I do expect him to learn my desires and needs and to actively serve at all times. You can call it delegation but it was part of the training program we followed for many, many months and one which constantly evolves.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

Profile

Post #: 33

RE: You're in charge, so do you delegate or do you do i... - 3/23/2010 4:13:52 PM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo

I think one of the most difficult things many women face in F/m dynamics is letting go of their trained need to do everything either as a sign of independence or a sign of them taking care of others.

Learning to delegate, indeed, learning to relax is a very hard thing for many of us to do. When we are expected to cater to another person's fantasy, either explicitly or implicitly, we are may resist or simply fall in line. Learning to do what you want, how you want, and when you want first and foremost is one of the most important lessons we can learn.

That is an excellent point TammyJo. Whether it be in my personal or professional life, when I learned to delegate, things got much better for me.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to thetammyjo)

Profile

Post #: 34