RE: Not many switches?

Join Our Community

Collarchat.com

Home Login Search

RE: Not many switches?

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Switch >> RE: Not many switches?

Page: << < prev 1 2 [3]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: Not many switches? - 4/6/2006 2:53:25 AM

bignipples2share

Posts: 611
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline

Well, at least a switch has a catagory. Just think about the "dreaded" person who tops from the bottom. You think Switches are having a hard time? I list as a sub because of certain things that I enjoy and what do I receive in my mail, but people to want to control me, train me, they want a slave or have me do their housework and lets not forget, lots of ridicule. I'm a very strong personality and listing as a sub is the closest that I can come to trying to find what I'm looking for. Listing as a switch is wrong, as there are only very minor things that I would enjoy doing to someone else (actually having them do for me). Looking for someone who would want to do things solely to please me would put me in a Dom catagory, because I wish to control the play, yet I'm also a giver.. I would like someone like that who is manly and can walk beside me, not behind or ahead, puts me back to switch.......aggghhhhhhh Talk about frustration.

(in reply to Flame73)

Profile

Post #: 41

RE: Not many switches? - 4/6/2006 4:32:34 AM

SimplyV

Posts: 351
Joined: 11/5/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dustyn

As a dominant, I find the concept of beina switch difficult to grasp, at best. It's somewhat similar, to me, to asking a painter to write a book. Both can very artistic and emotionally fulfilling way to express who and what you are, but paint a picture with paints and brushes is a world's difference from painting with words.

I don't grasp how someone can be dominant and yet be submissive. The only time I am submissive is when it comes to my job, but then again, I was hired to do a job to the expectations of my boss, so I don't know if that really counts or not. But, then again, that is why I am here, to at least attempt to better understand other people.

Ok.. you are submissive to your boss. You do what your boss expects of you and you get to keep your job and get your reward (paycheck) for doing as you're told. While it is not the exact same thing as a BDSM relationship the principles are similar. You and your Boss have an agreement, just as any Dom/sub relationship would be based on a similar agreement. The Dom and sub would come to an agreement of what the expectations would be. When you entered your job, you agreed to certain things and your boss accepted certain limits (aka you wouldn't work 100 hours a week for peanuts, or do any illegal activies such as sleep with him or some such). Similar to any D/s relationship. The Dom (boss) states what is required. The sub states the limits they need in place in order to do that required task.. or states what they would need in return (love? respect? praise? stability? etc.).

While you are submitting to your boss, does that make you any less Dominant to those who submit to you? No it shouldn't. If a conflict arrises, as your boss suddenly wants you to work a Saturday and it conflicts with time with your sub.. you talk about it with both parties and make arrangements accordingly. (Thus like a switch who is submissive to One and Dominant to another)

Now.. lets say your boss is strong in one area.. but you're strong in another area. And the job that needs to be done is in your area of strength. Now your boss if s/he's smart will either put you in charge (switch so you're Dom now) or will defer to ask your opinion on all decisions (he's still Dom, but you're the assistant). - Is switching starting to make sense yet?

Now if you and your boss have a prior agreement to be partners in business (equals in all things, or equal shared power). Now you're partners. No two people have the same skills sets, so you'd come to an agreement on how best to share the work, right? In this situation, if something is the strength of yours, you'll be the boss (Dom) in that area and he'll defer to you. If something is a strength of his, he'll be the boss (Dom) and you'll defer to him. (This to me is similar to a two switch relationship where they switch roles with each other. Each taking turns being Dom or sub as is needed for the happiest relationship outcome.)

Hope that made some kind of sense.

V

(in reply to Dustyn)

Profile

Post #: 42

RE: Not many switches? - 4/6/2006 7:56:06 AM

Evanesce

Posts: 2325
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline

quote:

I don't grasp how someone can be dominant and yet be submissive. The only time I am submissive is when it comes to my job, but then again, I was hired to do a job to the expectations of my boss, so I don't know if that really counts or not. But, then again, that is why I am here, to at least attempt to better understand other people.

I don't think one must necessarily be submissive in order to perform acts of submission. You submit to your boss because he is the authority on your job. That doesn't make you submissive, because it is your nature to be dominant. However, it makes your boss the alpha dominant in that situation.

I am a switch, but there is nothing submissive about me. I am slave to one man, because there's something about Him that inspires me to want to serve Him. However, in every other aspect of my life, and in my relationships with others, (He'll say even in my relationship with Him) I am the one in charge. My personality is dominant. My behavior is dominant. I choose to submit because He's a bigger, badder dominant than I, and I love the challenge of submission. It forces me to step outside myself and let someone else lead the way for a change.

_____________________________

Denise

Give a slave what he truly needs, and he will do what you want.

"There's never a hero in a battle of ego." - Big & Rich

(in reply to Dustyn)

Profile

Post #: 43

RE: Not many switches? - 4/6/2006 8:42:14 AM

Laura

Posts: 573
Joined: 6/22/2004
From: Ontario, Canada
Status: offline

quote:

As a dominant, I find the concept of beina switch difficult to grasp, at best. It's somewhat similar, to me, to asking a painter to write a book. Both can very artistic and emotionally fulfilling way to express who and what you are, but paint a picture with paints and brushes is a world's difference from painting with words.

That's an interesting way of looking at it. Especially as I am a writer who loves to draw and take photos. I can paint with words or turn my words into an image too.

I think there are far more Switches than either Dom or sub. They just don't want to label themselves. I introduce myself (in a relevant situation) as a Switch. Often when I am talking to a Dom or sub they will admit they also Switch.Others are curious about it and ask a lot of questions, trying to fit me into their concept of D/s without options for Switches.

_____________________________

Bait & Switch - Adult column

(in reply to Dustyn)

Profile

Post #: 44

RE: Not many switches? - 4/6/2006 8:46:55 AM

Laura

Posts: 573
Joined: 6/22/2004
From: Ontario, Canada
Status: offline

I list as Switch to avoid all those nuisance emails from subs or Doms. If someone actually searches for Switch they will know what that means. Write your specifics in your bio/ profile. Don't rely on the categories, I almost never read them myself. If the profile doesn't interest me I don't scroll down for more.

_____________________________

Bait & Switch - Adult column

(in reply to bignipples2share)

Profile

Post #: 45

RE: Not many switches? - 4/6/2006 9:52:02 AM

Dustyn

Posts: 1044
Joined: 4/5/2006
Status: offline

This is exactly what I was looking for when I started asking questions. Thank you, Simply.

On the other hand, though, it is making me wonder if I am completely dominant or a switch now, because there are other sections of my life where I have this same conflict of interests, I guess one could say.

Well, I guess it is time to simply re-evaluate who and what I am. Done it before, no reason to not do it again. Knowledge breeds understanding.

(in reply to SimplyV)

Profile

Post #: 46

RE: Not many switches? - 4/6/2006 10:40:55 AM

SuzanneSxySadist

Posts: 7
Joined: 9/16/2005
From: Suzanne SxySadist
Status: offline

The way I see it, the feminine / masculine, submissive / dominant, dynamics are much like the taoist principle of yin yang. Although they may seem like opposites to most but they are actually complimentary forces that need each other. Like night and day, you cannot have one with out the other and each one gives rise to it's compliment.
Further, like the yin yang symbol, we each have elements of the other force inside of us. No submissive / slave worth owning is unable to be at least somewhat self sufficient in areas of their life where that is required and a dominant that does what he / she wants with no regard to serving the needs of their submissive would probably not fair well in the community for long.
Although people do not fit into neat little categories or boxes easily, I believe that each of us has a core essence that is either more yin (feminine and receptive) or yang (masculine & dominant). That is not to say that feminine cannot be dominant and masculine cannot be submissive obviously this is the case .. but women that have very strong dominant tendencies are more at home in their yang and me that prefer to let the woman be in charge are more comfortable with their yin energy. Each of us can develop skills and strengthen our complimentary energy but we have a tendency to want to gravitate to that which feels most like "home".
I find that a lot of switches have an easier time moving from one side to the other in a more balanced fashion but in my opinion far fewer of them enjoy or are able to go to the extremes as those who do not switch. I should probably qualify that with saying again that this is not ALWAYS the case .. but I feel that a good percentage of the switches I meet enjoy moderate play in both the mental and physical elements of the scene. There are not many that wish to are are able to let down their other side well enough to explore the depths of slavery for example or really know what it is like to own a slave heart and soul.
Ok that is probably enough out of me for the moment…

_____________________________

Namaste’ Suzanne SxySadist

“Sensual sadism is an artform, the body & soul is my canvas”

http://www.sxysadist.com
http://www.shibarilover.com
http://www.nursenasty.net
http://www.smantics.com

(in reply to Laura)

Profile

Post #: 47