Cuckolding

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MsKittyBlack -> Cuckolding (4/4/2010 9:54:29 PM)
Hello everyone, I've never actually posted here-but you all know My boi pretty well and I do know some of you. This is actually Me-and not the boi who just forgot to log out :-) Because of some discussion boi and I had tonight, I am compelled to re-evaluate all of what I considered cuckolding. Basically, I hadn't thought of it cuckolding per se if it's a situation of Me having sexual relations with someone besides the boi and she is participating in some way. Not so much a full-on three way (or four or whatever) because it's not likely boi would have much (if any) sexual interaction with the other partners-actvity would primarily focus on Me and them, with her participation in some way. OR-if she's just watching Me "do stuff" with friends and then seek comfy, snuggly stuff with her afterward. I had assumed "cuckolding" involved a feeling of humiliation and that her participation in the ways described above would not result in that feeling for her. The discussion re-taught Me the valuable lessons of assumptions. My re-evaluation leads me to figure it's easier for Me to take her admitted humiliation at face value in all situations rather than try to convince her that I'm not in the "cuckoldress headsapce" at the time, therefore she should not feel cuckolded. Has anyone else ever made these types of assumptions or differentiated certain headspace in this way? To the boi, the actions are the same, the feelings are the same. To Me there had been some variation on this based on circumstance, not activity. Thoughts?

LadyAngelika -> RE: Cuckolding (4/5/2010 4:55:16 AM)
Hello MsKitty and so nice to have you post here. BoiJen speaks only highly of you. I have a feeling that I know where you are coming from in terms of these types of assumptions. The thing is that as Dommes, we rely on our instincts and our empathy—putting ourselves in our submissive's place—to try to get a handle of what they are going through in order to gauge what we are doing and how intensely we are going to do it, whether it be mental or physical. The physical stuff is a bit easier as the feedback that confirms or not our assumptions is usually pretty evident. The mental stuff, not so much. I had made sort of an opposite assumption at one point that because cuckholding was humiliating for most of the men I had talked with, that it would be for all. I was very surprised to hear from one submissive man that the whole idea for him was a turn on, fed into his voyeur fantasies and adored the idea of me getting pleasure no matter how. The humiliation factor was little to none. It's great that you and your boi were able to discuss this and that she was able to get her feelings about it out. I'm sure it will only make the whole dynamic stronger in the future. - LA

Rochsub2009 -> RE: Cuckolding (4/5/2010 5:15:17 AM)
Interesting question. However, i don't think there is one universal answer. The true answer is going to be the one that You and your boi come up with. Personally, i have always felt that any situation in which my Domme was having sex with another person (even if i was also involved) was cuckolding. i tend to be a bit possessive, and i don't particularly like the idea of my Domme being with anyone else. That makes any outside lovers on Her part humiliating and cuckoldry to me. It doesn't matter whether i am there or not. But i know quite a few subs who LOVE IT when their Domme has sex with others. To them, there is no humiliation. EVER. It is all sexually satisfying to them. Nothing is better to them than watching their Domme get pleasured by another lover. For subs like that, humiliation will never be a factor. But i still consider any sex with a secondary partner to be cuckolding, even if the primary partner does not feel humiliated.

slavekal -> RE: Cuckolding (4/5/2010 7:27:50 AM)
The ones who do not feel humiliation and jealousy are rare, but they do exist. For most of us, those emotions are nearly overwhelming. If they can be redirected into sexual energy however, the whole experience can be very exciting.

BoiJen -> RE: Cuckolding (4/5/2010 8:24:46 AM)
slaveKal, This is all your fault.... ;-) boi

LadyPact -> RE: Cuckolding (4/5/2010 8:42:30 AM)
Kitty, I feel like I'm seeing an old friend! You should think of coming on the boards more often. It's been far too long since I've seen you in person. On the subject of cuckholding itself, I'm not surprised that you had to re-evaluate. You've got yourself a boi who is fiercely devoted and loyal to you. One who, if given the opportunity, would do whatever it takes to do a better job at doing anything better than anyone else would ever wish to do for you, even if it meant dropping from exhaustion. You may not be in that humiliation/jealousy provoking/inadequacy stirring kind of place, but I'm betting boijen can get the just fine all on her own. That's not something you'd have to encourage. It can be there without you doing a thing. Basically, you're looking at the old adage of, two people can witness or participate in the very same thing, and interpret it two different ways. The perceptions and the feelings are different, and the mental/emotional reaction of your s-type is the determining factor. So, now that you've made this discovery, since you are the person in charge, exactly what would you like to do with it? Do you want to explore it, change it, utilize it to deepen your bond, see it as a reaffirmation process, or maybe something else? To your more direct question of have I ever made assumptions on things that I found were quite incorrect? Absolutely.

JhonDean -> RE: Cuckolding (4/5/2010 11:41:51 AM)
From a very masculine standpoint and from extensive experience I wager to say cuckold conjures mental pictures totally removed from the mindset itself. Assuming the male cuckold is a micro penis performing services from a desperate, weak sniveling impotent standpoint or exclusive product of humiliation and/or degradation is often the perception and in the female cuckold, much the same mindset all too often prevails and that reveals there is far more unknown than known about what is going on beneath the cognitive level.

BoiJen -> RE: Cuckolding (4/5/2010 5:09:31 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: JhonDean From a very masculine standpoint and from extensive experience I wager to say cuckold conjures mental pictures totally removed from the mindset itself. Assuming the male cuckold is a micro penis performing services from a desperate, weak sniveling impotent standpoint or exclusive product of humiliation and/or degradation is often the perception and in the female cuckold, much the same mindset all too often prevails and that reveals there is far more unknown than known about what is going on beneath the cognitive level. Fail.

AlexandraLynch -> RE: Cuckolding (4/5/2010 5:32:03 PM)
I've never personally myself gotten into cuckholding. Mainly because my husband and I both were poly before we got into this, and our reaction has been, "I'm glad you're having fun, if it's okay with everyone I might enjoy watching, if not, I'm going to go surf the net, y'all have fun". Of course I came out and gave them a round of applause when she had him moaning so loudly I could hear it despite listening to heavy metal with headphones with the door shut, but he would have done the same for me. (grin)

BoiJen -> RE: Cuckolding (4/5/2010 6:04:50 PM)
I guess I should actually take a moment to reply with something more serious than a dismissal of being accused of impotence and the accusation of have a small cock (neither of these things are true...ask MsKitty). I'm pretty simple in the sense that the same actions are going to pretty much get the same reactions from me. What MsKitty was pointing out is that because She felt differently about the situation based upon who's involved, She assumed I would feel differently. This isn't so much as Her empathizing as to how I would feel...more it's akin to projection. MsKitty and I have a basic understanding that dynamic oriented activities are not likely going to result in either one of us attempting to empathize with one another in the sense of putting ourselves in "each other's shoes". The reason for this is that, as a boi (Her boi specifically), I'm not gonna get the D-type thing on anywhere near the same level that She's coming from. There are many reasons for this...I'm masculine identified, She's female identified, I'm a boi, She's a Domme, I'm monogamous, She's not. The list goes on. I don't understand in a large part all of Her actions...I simply choose to accept them because I am Her boi and because I promised to accept Her decisions when making the agreement to be Her boi. Cuckolding, for me (as the cuck), is lack of involvement in and during Her extracurricular, sexual activities. There is an aspect of indirect voyeurism for me...I like knowing She's getting off. It does something for me on a very deeply sexual level. And, where my level of humiliation (not embarrassment, let me be clear...I have no shame at all around my ability to "perform") comes from has to do with my own body dismorphic and gender identity issues...because God damnit...I want to do that (lol)! And this is the boi's contribution to the topic. boi P.S. I still blame MsM and slaveKal. :-)

KneelsANDYields -> RE: Cuckolding (4/5/2010 7:56:48 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009 Interesting question. However, i don't think there is one universal answer. The true answer is going to be the one that You and your boi come up with. Personally, i have always felt that any situation in which my Domme was having sex with another person (even if i was also involved) was cuckolding. i tend to be a bit possessive, and i don't particularly like the idea of my Domme being with anyone else. That makes any outside lovers on Her part humiliating and cuckoldry to me. It doesn't matter whether i am there or not. But i know quite a few subs who LOVE IT when their Domme has sex with others. To them, there is no humiliation. EVER. It is all sexually satisfying to them. Nothing is better to them than watching their Domme get pleasured by another lover. For subs like that, humiliation will never be a factor. But i still consider any sex with a secondary partner to be cuckolding, even if the primary partner does not feel humiliated. Then again, there are submissives that LOVE cuckholding because of the humiliation associated with it. I personally think that the number of subs that are humiliated when cuckholded and yet they still love being cuckholded is MUCH, MUCH higher than those that feel no humiliation when cuckholded.

slavekal -> RE: Cuckolding (4/5/2010 9:05:41 PM)
Jen...I am truly sorry. Seriously, gender may play a big role in this whole thing. Men are jealous and threatened by other men in different ways than women are than each other. And if a man's Mistress takes on another girl, that can complicate things. And in your situation, if Ms. K took on a guy, it would be different than if she picked up another girl. So complicated.

Bradley61 -> RE: Cuckolding (4/6/2010 12:41:32 AM)
I bulled for a domme for three years and only ever saw glimpses of the cuck, he would invariably be in the playroom in whatever state she left him and we would be elsewhere in the house. She would pop in and out to do whatever she was doing with him. She said his imagination was far worse than what we were actually getting up to so I guess that means it was a headspace thing. Apologies for the new profile, my last one got deleted for some reason. Bradley

slavekal -> RE: Cuckolding (4/6/2010 11:09:04 AM)
All psychology aside, Ms. Mlicious tends to be a bit laid back as far as procuring new bulls/lovers. Perhaps a trip to the casino in thigh high boots will attract a few candidates.

BoiJen -> RE: Cuckolding (4/6/2010 1:15:18 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: slavekal Jen...I am truly sorry. Seriously, gender may play a big role in this whole thing. Men are jealous and threatened by other men in different ways than women are than each other. And if a man's Mistress takes on another girl, that can complicate things. And in your situation, if Ms. K took on a guy, it would be different than if she picked up another girl. So complicated. Well for me the guy feels more like competition than if She picked a feminine female. The only thing I have in common with a femme is parts...in terms of meeting needs in a specific manner, the "threat" would come from a guy or masculine female. All kidding aside, I think MsK will be spending more time talk to MsM about all of this ...I don't know if that's a good thing or not for both of us. But I'll also be spending more time reading your blog and prolly sending some texts here and there for advice. I'm pretty good with how things are going and very grateful to count both MsM and yourself among friends. An update though is MsKitty works fast...She's meeting with a guy to "size him up" this weekend. You're awesome slaveKal and thanks for being a part of the inspiration. boi

slavekal -> RE: Cuckolding (4/6/2010 2:29:44 PM)
We all have our strengths and shortcomings. Ms. K is action oriented. Ms. M tends to be slower moving, and she can default to vanilla quite easily. Please contact us any time. I actually wish Ms. M would talk to other dommes more often. Nothing like sharing ideas and enthusiasm to get things kicked into a perpetually higher gear.

trueshadow -> RE: Cuckolding (4/9/2010 7:23:10 PM)
Cuckolding can be a mixed bag. I have found that if I'm with someone new, and they make it plain from the start that they are not going to be exclusive, then I have fair warning. If a woman swears fidelity, and then has sex outside of the relationship, then it can be painful and very destructive. I have been in several D/s relationships where the Domme is active with other men. It is just something that is. The slave has to either accept it or leave. I personally enjoy being with a woman who is active sexually outside of our relationship, such as it is (if it even is). I find it erotic and enjoy thinking about it. As long as it is anticipated.

slavekal -> RE: Cuckolding (4/9/2010 8:13:09 PM)
Honesty is key. That is the beauty of cuckolding. You never have to wonder, never have to be suspicious. I know for a fact if/when milady is cheating. Security in that.

Domin8tingUrDrmz -> RE: Cuckolding (4/10/2010 12:35:22 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: trueshadow I personally enjoy being with a woman who is active sexually outside of our relationship, such as it is (if it even is). I find it erotic and enjoy thinking about it. As long as it is anticipated. If more men spoke this way of cuckolding, more men would likely find a woman willing to explore this. Unfortunately, many insist on trying to push a woman into seeing other men, men she may have no interest in, just so he can experience his kink. Those who are willing to accept it on the terms of the lady are much more likely to be succesful in finding such a relationship. Kudos to you.

DommeDebz -> RE: Cuckolding (4/11/2010 11:14:18 PM)
Hi All,My subby hubby is locked up in a belt made by him, I would like to find a lover and demand that my subby watch. I would not call it cheating as I would tell him and he would be there. Has it actually worked without the jealousy or "love"factor? DD

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