How common are subs? (Full Version)

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ParanoidSadist -> How common are subs? (4/26/2010 3:58:31 PM)

I mean around the high school if that makes a difference. Subs that are submissive both in the bedroom and outside of it. How would you suggest I find one?

Also, if a girl has a crush on me, is she likely to be submissive towards me? Should I tell her that I'm a dom or instead tell her I only like subs? Should I not say anything about the matter at all and slowly dominate her?



Toppingfrmbottom -> RE: How common are subs? (4/26/2010 4:38:15 PM)

In highschool, I doubt there's very many, and no if a girl likes you it don't automatically mean she'll act submissive to you.



ResidentSadist -> RE: How common are subs? (4/26/2010 4:43:07 PM)

highschool - highschool?
The forums are for 18 yr and up. If any of us start answering highschool submission questions or BDSM tips & tricks for playground equipment (love monkeybars) we are gonna get in trouble.



ParanoidSadist -> RE: How common are subs? (4/26/2010 4:46:29 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

highschool - highschool?
The forums are for 18 yr and up. If any of us start answering highschool submission questions or BDSM tips & tricks for playground equipment (love monkeybars) we are gonna get in trouble.
I am 18.



CarrieO -> RE: How common are subs? (4/26/2010 4:55:39 PM)

http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=3141590

You were given a very good answer to your first question already (post #30).  Actually, if you really take the time to read what was written, the answer to your second question is also there.




Toppingfrmbottom -> RE: How common are subs? (4/26/2010 4:57:12 PM)

RS You can be in highschool and still be 18. In fact I was in highschool clear up untill I was in my 20's. I would of been just about to turn 21 when I graduated, if I had not of dropped out.
quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

highschool - highschool?
The forums are for 18 yr and up. If any of us start answering highschool submission questions or BDSM tips & tricks for playground equipment (love monkeybars) we are gonna get in trouble.



January -> RE: How common are subs? (4/26/2010 5:05:46 PM)

Dear Paranoid,

High school girls are unlikely to self-identify as subs. Most don't even know what the word means. Just try dating, son. Get to know girls/women as marvelous humans. Sure, girls have rounder parts and smell nice--but even if they were sub, they would still be more than the sum of your sexual fantasies.

January

PS Nobody ever thinks of themselves as a "common" sub.



AquaticSub -> RE: How common are subs? (4/26/2010 5:12:40 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

highschool - highschool?
The forums are for 18 yr and up. If any of us start answering highschool submission questions or BDSM tips & tricks for playground equipment (love monkeybars) we are gonna get in trouble.


Depending on the particular person's birthday and if they are ever held back, it's entirely possible to turn 18 before graduating from high school. The real question is what year are they - I've not heard of an 18 year old high school freshman. I turned 18 in the midst of high school and was never held back.

OP: Given that you are in high school, I really wouldn't worry about dom and sub. You are still learning about yourself, they are still learning about themselves and what you want now could well be 180 from what you want in a few years. Just interact with the girls you are interested in and figure out what kind of dynamic makes you happy right now.



Musicmystery -> RE: How common are subs? (4/26/2010 5:25:18 PM)

quote:

How common are subs?


Anyone who has to ask this question isn't ready to have one.

You will know when you are.



DarkSteven -> RE: How common are subs? (4/26/2010 5:28:47 PM)

D/s is nothing more than a relationship with "something extra".  Get experienced with relationships first.



Toppingfrmbottom -> RE: How common are subs? (4/26/2010 5:31:36 PM)

I considered myself submissive when I was 18 19 20 21 ect ect, but I wasn't a very good one. I was very head strong and it required someone very strong and dedicated, which I never found.

Now I identify as a switch bottom lol.



FetishRose -> RE: How common are subs? (4/26/2010 5:33:44 PM)

Statistically?  Not very.  At least, not many that will actively identify as submissives.  Say your highschool has 1000 students in it.  Of that, maybe 500 will be girls.  Then subtract all the ones who don't understand what D/s or BDSM is, and you may have a total of 30 girls.  Of those 30, probably 10 will consider themselves dominant.  Another 3 will be lesbian.  Out of the remaining 17, you won't be attracted to 10 of them.  Of the remaining seven, 5 of them will have boyfriends.  Of the 2 that don't, you may not be their type, or they might not be looking, etc.

Submissives aren't everywhere, contrary to how it may sound.  This is why many kinksters and lifestylers meet their partners online, in a community such as this, or at a munch, where everyone is kinky, and it is easier to find a compatible soul there.  Even then, look at how many people have a problem finding a partner that has what they want...
We are a select group, my friend, but we are people like any other, and compatibility is incredibly important.

**Disclaimer...my statistics are totally made up, based on my memories of high school.



ParanoidSadist -> RE: How common are subs? (4/26/2010 5:39:43 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Toppingfrmbottom

In highschool, I doubt there's very many, and no if a girl likes you it don't automatically mean she'll act submissive to you.
Isn't a submissive personality something that starts at childhood? I still have no idea how common they are.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Toppingfrmbottom

In highschool, I doubt there's very many, and no if a girl likes you it don't automatically mean she'll act submissive to you.
Isn't a submissive personality something that starts at childhood? I still have no idea how common they are.
quote:

ORIGINAL: January

Dear Paranoid,

High school girls are unlikely to self-identify as subs. Most don't even know what the word means. Just try dating, son. Get to know girls/women as marvelous humans. Sure, girls have rounder parts and smell nice--but even if they were sub, they would still be more than the sum of your sexual fantasies.

January

PS Nobody ever thinks of themselves as a "common" sub.
Girls smell nice? You don't mean perfume, do you? I hate that stuff. Each person's room smells different to me. I'm not sure if it's just me, but I wonder how a girl's bed smells like. I hope it smells good. Done with the smell talk.

I could just say "Do you like doing things for people?" or something in similar.

I want more than just sex from a girl. I want a girl that I can actually love. I thought I couldn't love, but I was wrong. I just need to be in control.
quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub
Just interact with the girls you are interested in and figure out what kind of dynamic makes you happy right now.
What do you mean? I'll be happy when I bond with a sub. I can't go on without a mate.
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

D/s is nothing more than a relationship with "something extra".  Get experienced with relationships first.
I don't think so. D/s isn't an addon, it's an alteration.



Toppingfrmbottom -> RE: How common are subs? (4/26/2010 5:46:46 PM)

Well, there's a few schools of thought to that. There's some that believe you either are or  are not, and there is no made or learned sub or dom . And then there's the school of thought that believes you can become one or the other it doesn't have to be something inherent to you and born with in you.

I certainly was not a submissive personality as a child. I was very strong willed very determined, very brass if you will.  Now of course people can say that subs can be that way too, but I certainly wasn't a submissive type child.

Now days I CAN be submissive, if it's the right person and I deem them worthy of it, but like I said earlier, they'll have  a struggle on their hands for a while.
quote:

ORIGINAL: ParanoidSadist

Isn't a submissive personality something that starts at childhood? I still have no idea how common they are.





Wolf2Bear -> RE: How common are subs? (4/26/2010 5:47:43 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ParanoidSadist

Isn't a submissive personality something that starts at childhood? I still have no idea how common they are.



Does it really matter at this point in your life? As RS pointed out, get more life experience under your belt. A person should know thyself before they can acccurately state what role suits them perfectly. Some don't find out until later in life and some a bit earlier and some never do. 



SimplyMichael -> RE: How common are subs? (4/26/2010 5:48:59 PM)

You are a kid, just fuck them. You got a few decades to figure the rest out.



AquaticSub -> RE: How common are subs? (4/26/2010 5:54:24 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ParanoidSadist

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub
Just interact with the girls you are interested in and figure out what kind of dynamic makes you happy right now.
What do you mean? I'll be happy when I bond with a sub. I can't go on without a mate.


You're 18. I'm 25 so understand I'm saying this having been there not long ago myself.

Don't focus on finding "a mate" or "a sub". Focus on finding someone you get along with and you have fun with. You've got a lot more that life is going to throw at you before you really know who you are and so will any girl you get together with. People change. Right now, just focus on your life and what you are going to do with it. Your mate(s) will come along in time, probably when you aren't looking so hard.



ParanoidSadist -> RE: How common are subs? (4/26/2010 6:40:07 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

You are a kid, just fuck them. You got a few decades to figure the rest out.
Is this serious? Look below.
quote:

thyself
quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

You're 18. I'm 25 so understand I'm saying this having been there not long ago myself.

Don't focus on finding "a mate" or "a sub". Focus on finding someone you get along with and you have fun with. You've got a lot more that life is going to throw at you before you really know who you are and so will any girl you get together with. People change. Right now, just focus on your life and what you are going to do with it. Your mate(s) will come along in time, probably when you aren't looking so hard.
That sounds kind of like me.
"Wait for the perfect girl"

What I'm thinking in real life:
"Wait for the perfect moment to say ______"
You know what usually happens?
"Oh crap it's too late!"

Once you say something, you cannot say it again. Once you have a mate, you can get another one.



bluefireeyez -> RE: How common are subs? (4/26/2010 7:02:26 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ParanoidSadist

Once you say something, you cannot say it again. Once you have a mate, you can get another one.


While you can always find someone else, every relationship changes you. Some may not be as obvious as others, but you will change with each person (and with time in general). Why would you want to find someone you might end up hating later? Why would you want to be with someone just because they are there?

Others have said it, but wait for a relationship rather than trying to make one happen. Speaking from experience, the result will be much more pleasant.



myotherself -> RE: How common are subs? (4/26/2010 11:18:38 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: ParanoidSadist

Isn't a submissive personality something that starts at childhood? I still have no idea how common they are.

Not always. Not for me. Not for many of my friends. We discovered through having relationships that we preferred to be submissive. Give the relationship thing a try first, then worry about being D/s.
And please stop using the word 'common'...it's coming across as being a bit..well...dickish.

quote:

Girls smell nice? You don't mean perfume, do you? I hate that stuff. Each person's room smells different to me. I'm not sure if it's just me, but I wonder how a girl's bed smells like. I hope it smells good. Done with the smell talk.

No...girls don't need perfume to smell nice. Nor do boys. It's called 'pheremones'. Have a relationship with a girl and you'll find out that, with the right girl, her natural smell is not only delicious, it's an aphrodisiac. If you've never smelled a girl's bed, then you REALLY need to think about making yourself attractive enough to a girl to spend time with her in one.

quote:

I want more than just sex from a girl. I want a girl that I can actually love. I thought I couldn't love, but I was wrong. I just need to be in control.

You're running before you walk here. Wanting more than sex is great. Wanting to be in love is great. But you're cynicism at such a tender age about 'I thought I couldn't love' is not attractive. While some girls may admire cynicism, many of your age just want uncomplicated 'meet, fall in love, happy times' relationships.

quote:

What do you mean? I'll be happy when I bond with a sub. I can't go on without a mate.


Come on...take a reality check here! You're only 18. You don't NEED a 'mate' or to 'bond with a sub' - you need to interact with girls, find out how they tick, maybe fall in love with a girl.
And again I'm picking up on the negativity and desperation here. So will the girls you meet. Back to smells again - the scent of desperation is rather unpleasant.

My advice? Lighten up! At the moment you are not in control of your own emotions...so how can you expect to control a woman? It's not just about issuing orders, it's also about nurturing her, supporting her, providing a bedrock for her existence. So while you're going all emo about how crap your life is, how is a woman supposed to see you as the centre of her life? Get counselling, or better still, get out there with your friends and BE A TEENAGER!!!!




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