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beardsley -> RE: The natural power that women have over men... (5/22/2010 8:45:14 PM)
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Ever since I first heard the Siren's Song of dominant women, I marvelled at the power of the response I felt. Long have I wondered - why was the desire I felt so strong? I have come to believe that males' urge for female domination stems in many cases from unresolved Oedipal desires.
Consider: Here's the new mother and her baby boy. He is the object of her focus, her attention. She feeds him, comforts him when he doesn't feel well, cleans him up when he poops or pisses, bathes him.
For him, every contact with her is delight. She touches him intimately, she's warm and soft, her loving touch is comforting, satsifying his every desire, fulfilling evey need. Her voice is music, he loves to hear her praise.
She is big, he is small.
He is helpless, she is all-powerful.
Her attention is like the sunshine. He basks in her glow.
Her affection and care are like the ocean.
He wants this forever.
But the father begins to demand more of mother's time and attention. The boy begins to sense the father as a competitor. He wants father OUT of the way so that he - the boy - can have mothers attention all to himself. But father is bigger, stronger. His demanding voice is harsh, and mother accedes more and more to father's will, at the expense of the boy's desire.
Now, let's say that at this point, a sibling is born; boy or girl, it doesn't matter. Mother is busy with the new baby. The young boy has lost his place in the center of mother's universe. For him, it is the loss of the golden glow, he no longer basks in her attention. He is like Adam cast of out Paradise, stumbling into a cold, harsh, dark world.
Too young to be able to verbalize this, he nonetheless is filled by a great longing to regain the bond he had with Her - a great desire to have - no, to possess - the mother's attention and to be, as we might say now, DOMINATED by her again in that global way. He wants to possess her - so that he might again be her prized possession.
This longing, this desire, this WANT is unverbalized; but it's always there in the background, monitoring every relationship he has with females. Indeed, this longing is just like a program running in the background on a computer. It is always scanning the environment, looking for cues that might signal a restoration to maternal Eden.
And, when puberty kicks in, his orientation toward females is compounded by testosterone's raging desires. He begins to meld and mesh the unspoken feelings for mother with the sexual feelings he now experiences toward girls.
What is happening, then, when an adult male submits to a woman? First, his emotions must make the identification of her with the maternal ideal. There must be enough matches between the would-be dominant female and the goal set up in his 2-year old (let's say) emotional structure. And there must be few enough mismatches that the identification of the potential domme with Mother is not cancelled out.
Second, the potential domme must encourage him to drop the trappings of male adulthood and move back into the being of the 2 year old. He must set aside enough his adult sense of self, his adult sense of what is socially acceptable, his adult sense of independence and self reliance. This can sometimes be a difficult step for him, as the gains of maturity were hard won during the struggles of adolescence. An uneasy tension may exist between his two-year old and his adult beings.
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