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can i be an indepent submissive? - 4/7/2006 6:06:26 PM   
zenditz


Posts: 13
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Hello,

my name is katie.  i am a submissive and have had all of my D/s relationships result from real life meetings, munches, and just like finding Him.  my last Dom was without any doubt amazing, but sadly due to my now disabiling physical handicap, i'm like looking online to meet my next Dom.  And well my experiences have been less than ideal.  i'm asking one main question.

i've spent much of my life ashamed of my past, myself, and just like me being a submissive at heart.  but i've grown to learn to accept myself and embrace aspects of myself i used to run from.  Like most of this, at least when it comes to like my submissive personality, was helped by my last Dom, and my current therapist.  i like can't go into what happened that ended my last 24/7 D/s relationship, but it was painful, for both of U/us, but had nothing to do with me like not being submissive enough or not... it was like very much connected to my handicap, not that He got rid of me like because of it, but for other like reasons, ones that are like to emotional for me to like go into again today.

what i'm like wonderring though is, like, well my last Dom not only encouraged my submissiveness, but also my independance and my own knowledge of myself.  Growth which He helped me with in ways i like couldn't describe in like a million years.  But like since i've like started looking online, to like move forward, now that i like feel it's ready.  Well i'm wonderring if maybe i'm either just meeting a lot of fake Dom's, or if i'm not exactly what most real life Dom's look for in their submissive.  i am very submissive, and it's like so totally just part of who i am, like to my very soul, but i also like who i am, and cherish what makes me like me.  and most, like almost all, Doms i've like been contacted by online... well they seem to desire a submissive who is like totally submissive and like reliant on them to like make all of their desicions... and i'm not like that, and i'm not like looking for that.  So i guess i'm wonderring if i'm looking in the right place... and if looking for a Dom is right for me.  i like totally know i need to be submissive, and i need a caring Dominate, but am i like being realist to feel that like i can find one, especially has like hard core most online Doms seem to like come across?

i like hope that makes sence,
       katie
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RE: can i be an indepent submissive? - 4/7/2006 6:19:25 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
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From: Pennsylvania
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There are a lot of fake people on-line, in general.  It only stands to reason that you'd find some Dom/Masters of that ilk as well.  Take you time and find someone who truly meets your needs.  They are out there....

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(in reply to zenditz)
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RE: can i be an indepent submissive? - 4/7/2006 7:04:04 PM   
slavejali


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You can be whatever you want to be, just have to find a compatible partner to that

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RE: can i be an indepent submissive? - 4/7/2006 7:24:38 PM   
windchymes


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I guess we can have GDI's in BDSM world too, lol.

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RE: can i be an indepent submissive? - 4/7/2006 7:42:18 PM   
acctonthelook


Posts: 245
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I really 'like' your topic, but b4 I can get into reading it, can you please edit and revise it dissing all the 'likes' you use please.  I couldn't even finish reading your post.  And for that I'm sorry b/c it's a great topic.  I just don't know what you have to say.  Sorry for being blunt. 

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RE: can i be an indepent submissive? - 4/7/2006 8:39:21 PM   
CERCKL


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The 'like' aspect is what I tease my son over...
Responding to what is/is not a question; of course personal growth, awareness, sense of self is very important to a lot of individuals in a D/s relationship.
Seek what you need not what you find.

C

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RE: can i be an indepent submissive? - 4/7/2006 9:23:47 PM   
SirKenin


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From: Barrie, ON Canada
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I got part way through the OP and I burst out laughing.  I was like laughing so hard that like My eyes went out of focus and like My sides hurt.  That is hilarious.  I can not answer the OP, because I have not the foggiest clue what was said.

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RE: can i be an indepent submissive? - 4/7/2006 11:40:09 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
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From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
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The way I see it is, every un-collared submissive is an independent submissive simply because they are not depending one anyone for anything. The same may be said for a slave for the same reason, however a collared submissive may also be independent if, she only interacts with her Dominant, say on an infrequent or regular but not live in  basis and thus in the non contact times she has to be independent to survive. Yet it could be said also, that all submissives and slaves who are not living with their Dominant ones or Masters/Mistresses and at the best semi-independent, because they have to be independent for the periods of time when they are not with their Owners or Dominants. Having stated thus it can be argued that even slaves including Gorean slaves and who are living in a 24/7 situation, but who work away from home are semi-independent because, during the periods in which they are working they are independent of their Masters or Dominants. However, it may be viewed that even though they are independent from their Masters and Dominants during work hours, the Employers are a form of proxy Master. Thus it could be postulated that only the submissives or slaves who are living 24/7 and do not work outside their Dominants' or Masters' homes are truly non independent..........
 
 
Of course if a submissive wants to become a professional independent submissive, she needs have the required licenses or permits and become a professional Submissive, in which case she is not really submitting to a paying Dominant but to his wallet....... 

Q.E.D.


< Message edited by IronBear -- 4/7/2006 11:44:28 PM >


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RE: can i be an indepent submissive? - 4/8/2006 1:52:37 AM   
VikingHouse


Posts: 57
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Las Vegas
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I see that, I'm not the only one having trouble with the Valley talk. lol
Anyone that is searching for a girl that's totally dependent on them is probably seeking a girl for sexual pleasure and little else that might expose her to the realization that anyone that's goal oriented would be searching for a contributing partner and reluctant to begin the tiring task of micro-management because they're only versed in the sad nonsense that fills some of the groups.
  Poseurs, fakes, charlatans, wannabe's, etc are a known "disease" to those that meet them on a daily basis while checking the offerings available to any and all that care to search. I have little patience for them whenever, I discover them online and I often make pointed reference to them, especially if they're pouncing on a novice.
  Independent thought, furthering their education, totally open communications between us is the norm' in My House, not the exception. Parrots can be persuasive, seemingly enlightened and experienced until one starts questioning them closely and beyond their knowledge levels. The clubs and groups have been of service to seekers, but the "Parrots" adapt and survive, trapping girls into,, sheesh, I seem to be preaching again. Imagine that. lol

Gentry

(in reply to acctonthelook)
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RE: can i be an indepent submissive? - 4/8/2006 5:04:57 AM   
SusanofO


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Well if people are each unique individuals then I am thinking there is definitely someone out there for you - maybe more than one person, too. If a person is looking for a relationship (as opposed to a few "scenes" with someone), as you are - then getting to know the actual person - and finding out if you like them (and they like you) - as a person - I am thinking might be an important thing.

So even if there are lists and info out there that state (in general)  what "most Doms" may look for, I am hoping you find someone who will treasure you - as a person - I mean: How can someone be a Dom in your relationship if they don't know  you? I realize it's a process getting to know someone. I have faith there is someone out there just for you and wish you well in your search - I think there are probably as many different kinds of Doms as there are submissives; there must be! Don't you think? I do. Good luck. - Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 4/8/2006 5:08:38 AM >


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That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to zenditz)
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RE: can i be an indepent submissive? - 4/8/2006 5:53:06 AM   
cuddleheart50


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From: Kentucky
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like, I dont know what to say!

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RE: can i be an indepent submissive? - 4/8/2006 6:25:30 AM   
ScooterTrash


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From: Indiana
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Your (female) profile seems to be, like, confusing as well.
quote:

Like cuddle, or just lay there like together with my cock in his mouth. 
Hmmm



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RE: can i be an indepent submissive? - 4/8/2006 7:55:52 AM   
LadyWolfdreams


Posts: 24
Joined: 9/25/2005
From: Wyoming
Status: offline
Hi Katie,

One of the things that I absolutely hated when I began the serious search for a submissive partner was that so many of the people I talked with seemed to have no personality of their own. They had no thoughts, no opinions, no ideas, no fantasies, and no self-worth. Getting an answer to the question "What do you like to do in your spare time?" was like pulling teeth!!

I have come to believe that one of two things is true of submissive's who behave like this - either they aren't for real and are trying to play some sort of fantasy game, or they have become so focused on appearing submissive that they've lost themselves in the process. Either way, it drives me CRAZY (and not in a good way). If I'm going to spend my life with someine (I don't go into relationships thinking short-term, but that's just me), I want someone who can hold up their end of a conversation, who has interests and thoughts of their own, and who can operate independently of me telling them every little thing to think and do.

I think that it's easier to be fake online because you can say whatever you want to. You don't have to prove anything about yourself. So, maybe these subs have been trained by online "dom/mes" that to be a proper sub you have to be a robot and have no thoughts or feelings of your own.

My best advice to you is to be very clear about what you want from a future partner. If you want someone who will value your spirit and personality and nurture your independence and growth, than don't settle for any less. Be clear with a prospective Dom that this is what you're looking for. It may take time to find the right match, but it's well worth the wait!

Lady Wolfdreams

(in reply to zenditz)
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RE: can i be an indepent submissive? - 4/8/2006 7:59:59 AM   
Cristalin


Posts: 84
Joined: 10/16/2005
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once again i agree with what IronBear said, it is exactly the way i think about being an independent submissive...the question is: do you really want to be independent or you prefer to give your Master/Dom total power and let him be the keeper and the care-taker?...i guess it`s about the way each partener from a D/s relationship see it...i`ve been told i am a natural submissive, yet i am very independent and run my life by myself...cause i`m not involved in a 24/7 relationship...this doesn`t make me less submissive

< Message edited by Cristalin -- 4/8/2006 8:03:14 AM >

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RE: can i be an indepent submissive? - 4/8/2006 9:15:17 AM   
LaMalinche


Posts: 2077
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Katie,

I think that the question you are asking is "Can I find a Dom online that will be with me in real life/time?"

If that is your question, the answer is: Yes.  But it will take time. 

If you had a different question, then, like I totally did not get it.  *Cocks head to side*

Best,

LaMalinche


(in reply to Cristalin)
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RE: can i be an indepent submissive? - 4/8/2006 11:55:04 AM   
zenditz


Posts: 13
Joined: 6/2/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyWolfdreams

Hi Katie,

One of the things that I absolutely hated when I began the serious search for a submissive partner was that so many of the people I talked with seemed to have no personality of their own. They had no thoughts, no opinions, no ideas, no fantasies, and no self-worth. Getting an answer to the question "What do you like to do in your spare time?" was like pulling teeth!!

I have come to believe that one of two things is true of submissive's who behave like this - either they aren't for real and are trying to play some sort of fantasy game, or they have become so focused on appearing submissive that they've lost themselves in the process. Either way, it drives me CRAZY (and not in a good way). If I'm going to spend my life with someine (I don't go into relationships thinking short-term, but that's just me), I want someone who can hold up their end of a conversation, who has interests and thoughts of their own, and who can operate independently of me telling them every little thing to think and do.

I think that it's easier to be fake online because you can say whatever you want to. You don't have to prove anything about yourself. So, maybe these subs have been trained by online "dom/mes" that to be a proper sub you have to be a robot and have no thoughts or feelings of your own.

My best advice to you is to be very clear about what you want from a future partner. If you want someone who will value your spirit and personality and nurture your independence and growth, than don't settle for any less. Be clear with a prospective Dom that this is what you're looking for. It may take time to find the right match, but it's well worth the wait!

Lady Wolfdreams


Thank You LadyWolfdreams... and everyone else,

Well like everyone else who like took my question seriously.  if my 'valley' talk or like whatever you want to call it was to confusing, i like don't mean it to be.  it's just how i talk, type, and like i even like do computer programming in like a kinda valley, it's just like how my mind works.

i wasn't like asking if 'i could just find like any Dom online', but one that would embrace my true soul.  and not to like the existential level that like some took it to, but i like totally enjoyed those comments to... mostly like in a hurmorous way, but i like got what you meant, about like you know 'is any one really free / independent etc'... i wasn't like meaning it to that level.

LadyWolfdreams and VikingHouse, but like mostly LadyWolfdreams' comments have like totally helped me feel better about like how things are going.  i'm not like new to D/s, like at all... just kinda new to like the online community verus like my local community, in Denver, which like i used to spend tons of time with.  So thank you both, for like helping me relax.

And yeah LadyWolfdreams i'm looking for something long term, like no way something short term, or just like for scenening or like whatever.  So thanks for letting me feel validated and like i'm not like the only one who like wants it all .

(in reply to LaMalinche)
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RE: can i be an indepent submissive? - 4/9/2006 7:16:04 AM   
ladychatterley


Posts: 132
Joined: 3/10/2006
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I certainly hope one can be an independent submissive!  And I've started wading in these waters and have found that there are men who are delighted to have a woman with a career, ideas, intelligence who submits to him and him only.  Some find it a turn-on that a woman with that much strength would relinquish it.  In my opinion there are as many variations on wiitwd as people doing it.  I would never be with a man who didn't want me to work or wanted to control my work.

I think, however, you can be more effective in your search.  I'm sorry to be blunt, but you have chosen a very distracting mannerism and it makes you come across as if you are 12.  You are clearly smart, but we judge people on the way they use language.  The way you are choosing to use language will turn off many intelligent people.  You say "it's just how i talk, type, and like i even like do computer programming in like a kinda valley, it's just like how my mind works."  No, it is how you choose to talk.  As for typing, we all edit for spelling and style, you can choose to edit out the likes.  This is just basic courtesy--if people take the time to read your posts, you should want to communicate as easily as possible. If you want someone who will take you seriously, you must present yourself seriously. 

I had to work very hard at learning to speak in my chest rather than my head because I sounded like a little girl; it took me a very long time to do it (several years, actually, before I didn't have to think about it), but when I was finishing my PhD. someone had the guts to take me aside and tell me that I was really handicapping myself by the way I spoke.  I was very angry, then self-conscious, and then felt like it was hopeless.  But, I started doing voice exercises every morning and being aware of how I use my voice and where I place it.   It is still a little high-pitched than I'd like, but it is much more resonant, warm and authoritative; people take me much more seriously without me having to prove anything.  If I can change where I place my voice, you can change your choice of words. 

It isn't easy to change the way you speak, but it will make your professional life much easier, and I expect will make it easier to find someone who takes you seriously.


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RE: can i be an indepent submissive? - 4/9/2006 10:52:47 AM   
crystalamber


Posts: 20
Joined: 6/26/2005
From: Nebraska
Status: offline
Hi,

The ToPic is like totally gnarly.....dude.

I've been exploring within myself the issue of independence in a D/s relationship.  I think independence has a lot to do with a sense of Self.  If someone doesn't have a strong sense of self, they would likely be dependent on a Dom, or in any relationship.  A sense of self gives you boundaries, and you can hold your own when it comes to other people.

I'm just now learning this, so I'm no expert.  But, to answer the original question; yes, you can be independent in a D/s relationship.  You just have to find someone who's compatible with your degree of independence.
And, it is hard to find someone on-line. 

Good luck,
crystal amber

(in reply to ladychatterley)
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RE: can i be an independent submissive? - 4/9/2006 1:28:50 PM   
zenditz


Posts: 13
Joined: 6/2/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ladychatterley
I think, however, you can be more effective in your search.  I'm sorry to be blunt, but you have chosen a very distracting mannerism and it makes you come across as if you are 12.  You are clearly smart, but we judge people on the way they use language.  The way you are choosing to use language will turn off many intelligent people.


your like opinions are noted,

and like ignored.  i'm not stupid, nor naive, so like i'm not going to just like let any like wanna be Dom control me.  i've like worked hard on being proud of like who i am in all aspects of who i am.  i talk like, how i talk, cause of like how i've lived, my friends, and like everything.  So like one of my hard limits is personality modifications... and so like i'm like so totally not going to not be just like exactly whoever i am just to like 'entice' Doms to like contact me... cause i'm like still gonna be me, and i like actually like who i am.  and like if like how i talk turns of intelligent people, than not only are they not like as intelligent as they seem to like think they are, they're being like totally shallow, and judgemental, and than i like wouldn't want that kinda Dom any way.  i am like smart, despite how you like may have liked judged me.  i can talk about just about as much geeky like whatever You want, like physics, politics, philosophy, or like millions of other stuff.  So if like just cause like how i talk makes someone think i'm stupid, well than that would just like totally show which one of us was like being judgemental and shallow, and like more than a lil.... dump.

So, like no i have like no plans on changing who i am, i'm like looking for someone to love me... and that's like all of me.  even ditzy cheerleader part, and geeky web designer, and m theory physics geek.  So like OMG i'm like not exactly just two dimensional and shallow... but like if that's where someone like wants to like put me cause i'm like blond, with blue eyes, and kinda like talk valley, than that's T/their lose, cause like that means T/they've at least like lost a chance to having like a way fun friend.

Like buh-bye grammar teacher,
     Kate

(in reply to ladychatterley)
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RE: can i be an indepent submissive? - 4/9/2006 2:07:40 PM   
zenditz


Posts: 13
Joined: 6/2/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: crystalamber
You just have to find someone who's compatible with your degree of independence.
And, it is hard to find someone on-line. 


Yeah, your like last part was like my main question,

i like know i can be, from like my two previous D/s relationships, like my last was like really good.  i've just like started with like online stuff though, and like my first couple of weeks were just like over whelmed with like, i guess, with like fakes, or just like to many like jerks, or just like wanna be's and have been feeling very confused and even like sad about like having to look online, especially with like how many Doms were like contacting me, and how many were just like way over board, like they were already like my Dom just cause they like messaged me.  But this thread has helped me feel much better about things, though i'm still trying to adjust to how much like filtering i have to do with like all these online creep-o's... it's just like a way different experience, than like meeting someone in real life, but because of my disability, i'm just glad i like at least have someway to like try and like find my Dream Dom.  So like at least i can remain hopeful.

Take care,
       Katie

(in reply to crystalamber)
Profile   Post #: 20
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