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leadership527 -> RE: Role Desires Inquiry/Discussion (5/16/2010 7:22:50 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Difahrint
I have a curious thought...if the desires of the dom and the sub conflict each other. Where do they draw the line in their relationship? Let's say the Dom's desires is to toy, dominate and tease the Sub. However, the Sub's desires is to be loved and taken care for like a prized possession rather than an objectified possession. Do the desires of the two have to reflect upon one of another to have a successful relationship? Or do the personalities of the two have to resonate with each other? Or maybe it's a mix of all these things and more intangible factors? Someone educate me, I'm new to this community and I'd like to be enlightened further. In my world, such a thing is not possible. I only form deeply intimate relationships. I don't "play". As such, her needs and desires become mine and vice versa. Knight said it in a different post quite eloquently. We start out as blue and yellow. But those two colors merge into a shared green and it is the green color that both of us are focused on.
Specifically within our marriage. Carol never wanted to be a slave. She originally proposed being my "sub" which really meant sexual submissive or bottom. I said I had no interest in a bottom, how about a slave instead. Now she not only is a slave, but she very much wants to be one... not so much because she gives a rat's ass about being a slave or even being obedient. She just wants to please me. For her, that is what drives all of this. If it pleased me to have an objectified possession, a bottom, a pain-slut, or any other thing you could name, then that is what she would become.
The same thing works in reverse with me. When I came to the conclusion that her being my slave was not good for her, I could no longer want it. The both of us are more driven by the desire to be as close to perfect as we can be for our partner than by any internal desire to please ourselves. We are both givers more than takers.
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