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How do you find yourself? - 5/20/2010 8:35:51 AM

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Joined: 4/29/2010
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Hello to everyone.

I have a quick question that may lead to a not quick answer. How do you find your place within this world?

I am completely new to all of this... I have always felt the need to submit to women but having a look around just submitting is not enough.

Danny

RE: How do you find yourself? - 5/20/2010 9:48:31 AM

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Joined: 1/7/2007
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Danny,

At your age, I was probably more than a bit submissive to women because it was the only way I knew how to get close to women even if I was then domineering to them. I tended to pick women that were physically and emotionally tiny but be a sort of kiss up to the sort of women I really wanted.

Today physicallyand emotionally tiny women are a huge turn off, I no need to be domineering, and while I no longer kiss up to the sort of women I want, I do spoil them when I am not forcing them to do unspeakable things. I am now also a talented and creative dominant.

Bottom line, you are a kid at 21, worry less about some of this stuff and go live, try things, make mistakes, and let life happen a bit!

(in reply to xdannyboyx)

RE: How do you find yourself? - 5/20/2010 10:05:51 AM

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Joined: 10/25/2005
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Time, experience. Same as anyone.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

RE: How do you find yourself? - 5/20/2010 10:10:48 AM

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Joined: 4/17/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: xdannyboyx
How do you find your place within this world?

By this world, do you mean the BDSM world? Or the world-at-large?

January

_____________________________

[link: http://www.bookstrand.com/miss-you-sir] Miss You, Sir by January Rowe is available from Siren now! It's my latest smokin' hot bdsm romance.[/link]

(in reply to xdannyboyx)

RE: How do you find yourself? - 5/20/2010 10:12:30 AM

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I mean the BDSM world

(in reply to January)

RE: How do you find yourself? - 5/20/2010 10:17:42 AM

cpK69

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Joined: 5/9/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: xdannyboyx

How do you find your place within this world?

By thoroughly analyzing both, within myself, and the existing world around me; along with lots of work toward riding myself of false perceptions, originating from either place.

Kim

_____________________________

Humility is where weakness and strength meet and humanity begins.

one voice

(in reply to xdannyboyx)

RE: How do you find yourself? - 5/20/2010 10:28:16 AM

Posts: 717
Joined: 3/13/2010
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Don't be so quick to put yourself in a box and stick a label on it. Take time to experience the different aspects of life. I've spent most of my life being in charge of everything and everyone close to me and now at 50 years old am discovering the submissive in me.

At 21 you still have so much growing, learning and changing to go through...don't be in such a rush to decide who and what you are.

_____________________________

'Smile... it's the second best thing to do with your lips.'

I have an explosive personality...

(in reply to xdannyboyx)

RE: How do you find yourself? - 5/20/2010 11:23:25 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: jbcurious
Don't be so quick to put yourself in a box and stick a label on it.

I'll go you one better. How about don't EVER put yourself in a box and stick a label on it? In my experience, the tidy little boxes that people like to make don't actually fit humans well.

OP: So you think you want to submit to women? Fine, then do so. As others have said, explore around and try different things. It's probably REALLY important to remember that every relationship is unique. That means that what works well for you with one partner may be totally different than what works with another partner.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to jbcurious)

RE: How do you find yourself? - 5/20/2010 12:20:27 PM

SylvereApLeanan

Posts: 8275
Joined: 11/1/2007
From: Hell
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Finding your "place" is a matter of exploration and introspection. If possible, find a local kink group that offers demonstrations, presentations, or other educational activities and attend them. Read reputable books such as Different Loving or Screw The Roses, Send Me The Thorns. Talk to people about their experiences with the understanding that your experiences will be different but you can still learn from them. If you find the idea of a mentor appealing, find one to teach you.

There are a wide variety of ways to learn. Try several and see which works best for you. Eventually, you'll find what feels right or most comfortable. That's your place. Just remember, your "place" is a fluid thing and may change as your situation or goals change.

_____________________________

Sylverë
Dark Muse
30 Fluffy Points
Grumpy Cat is my spirit animal.
Shadow Governess & Mean Girl

"There's something that doesn't make sense. Let's go and poke it with a stick."— The Doctor

(in reply to leadership527)

RE: How do you find yourself? - 5/20/2010 12:24:16 PM

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I found myself behind the couch. I am always the last place I think to look.

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"If you don't live it, it won't come out your horn." Charlie Parker

(in reply to SylvereApLeanan)

RE: How do you find yourself? - 5/20/2010 2:40:08 PM

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Pay no attention to the strange man behind the curtain......

Welcome to the Forums! Explore, read, talk...but always remember, be what you are, not what anyone says you should be.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to Jeffff)

RE: How do you find yourself? - 5/20/2010 5:49:29 PM

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Joined: 9/6/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: xdannyboyx

Hello to everyone.

I have a quick question that may lead to a not quick answer. How do you find your place within this world?

I am completely new to all of this... I have always felt the need to submit to women but having a look around just submitting is not enough.

Danny

I pretty much had to carve my own niche in the world.

_____________________________

~Resident Sadist Approved~

Take the pain
Take the pleasure
I'm the master of both
Close your eyes, not your mind
Let me into your soul
I'm gonna work it 'til your totally blown

(in reply to xdannyboyx)

RE: How do you find yourself? - 5/20/2010 8:09:12 PM

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Joined: 12/27/2005
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~Fast Reply~

I use Google maps usually.

Seriously, I don't know what my "place" is in the BDSM world and I don't really care about it. My place is by Valyraen, forging our life together. Anything else doesn't really matter to me.

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 5/20/2010 8:12:53 PM >

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Wolf2Bear)

RE: How do you find yourself? - 5/20/2010 8:42:10 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff

I found myself behind the couch. I am always the last place I think to look.

/Puts Jeffff back behind the couch/

Let's see how long he takes to find himself this time...

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to Jeffff)

RE: How do you find yourself? - 5/20/2010 9:07:22 PM

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Joined: 6/19/2005
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Well let's see...

I'm in my mid 30's, deep into a very strong "lifestyle" relationship, and my place is as a submissive...No wait... a slave... but wait.... You know what? Let me get back to you on that one. LOL

The point is that this, like all of life, is a journey. And I'll tell you a secret. It's a journey with no destination. It is just a pleasant path to walk along if you've got the right company along the way. I do a lot of self reflection. At the end of the day, I am only going to have as good a partner as I am able to BE a good partner. Work on yourself first and get to know who YOU are as a person, then get into the rest. Look around. Read. Meet people and hash over ideas and questions. Take your time. Be both clear minded and open minded. Take risks. That's all I've got for you. All my best!

lovingpet

_____________________________

If you put your head into more, you'd have to put your back into less. ~Me

10 Fluffy pts.

(in reply to DarkSteven)

RE: How do you find yourself? - 5/20/2010 9:10:29 PM

Posts: 5133
Joined: 7/26/2007
Status: offline

We don't ever find ourselves, do we? If we do, what happens next?

The only thing I know for sure is that I don't know what I will know.

_____________________________

Don't believe everything you think...

(in reply to lovingpet)

RE: How do you find yourself? - 5/25/2010 8:33:46 PM

Posts: 7
Joined: 5/25/2010
From: Jamaica
Status: offline

Well I found myself here via luck actually

I always enjoyed thoughts of bdsm and kinky things but based on where I live such practices were kinda taboo topics so I had no way of expressing that side of me. Then finally I was on a social site where they have bdsm and master/ slave groups I jumped on the chance learning all I could there and from there I began asking questions of how its done in rl. As on that site its only done as role play or pretend you don't ever meet you master or slave in real life unless you live close or you really want to. Spending time there I heard of them speaking of having real life slaves and asked if there is an online community dedicated to this sort of thing and that's how I ended up on this site today.

_____________________________

You can't hide what's really there.... It will some out sooner or later than you think....

(in reply to subtee)

RE: How do you find yourself? - 5/25/2010 9:43:29 PM

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: VonTeese

Well I found myself here via luck actually

I always enjoyed thoughts of bdsm and kinky things but based on where I live such practices were kinda taboo topics so I had no way of expressing that side of me. Then finally I was on a social site where they have bdsm and master/ slave groups I jumped on the chance learning all I could there and from there I began asking questions of how its done in rl. As on that site its only done as role play or pretend you don't ever meet you master or slave in real life unless you live close or you really want to. Spending time there I heard of them speaking of having real life slaves and asked if there is an online community dedicated to this sort of thing and that's how I ended up on this site today.

Fella, that's close enough to an intro that I'll welcome you!

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to VonTeese)

RE: How do you find yourself? - 5/26/2010 12:24:08 AM

Posts: 14
Joined: 4/24/2010
Status: offline

Not everything in life is always in reach. Don't fall in love too easily (or cling on to the first person that comes your way -- you're not in it for life when you haven't even said hello). Its natural to feel a little disappointment if things don't work out but don't dwell on it. Rejection is a part of life; learn to get over it quickly.

If you live with your parents, work on becoming independent. Get the rest of your life in order (job, car, any other financial issues, health/fitness) and pursue interesting things. In any kind of relationship (vanilla, romantic, D/s, friends, work friends or whatever) not many people will be interested in associating with you if your main contribution to the relationship is simply that you show up. It's not very interesting to most people if you define yourself by knowing them rather than having your own identity.

Be confident, meet people, go out and enjoy life.

(in reply to DarkSteven)

RE: How do you find yourself? - 5/26/2010 1:05:59 AM

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Joined: 7/3/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff

I found myself behind the couch. I am always the last place I think to look.

/Puts Jeffff back behind the couch/

Let's see how long he takes to find himself this time...

Dude, that's just fucking harsh, he took ages to find himself last time.

(in reply to DarkSteven)

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