RE: I need to understand......

RE: I need to understand...... (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master

Message

bignipples2share -> RE: I need to understand...... (4/10/2006 4:25:35 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: nenakajira I'd like to pipe up and say that obviously, we probably do not have the whole story. In every relationship there are two sides to things. I was involved with a man.. it started as local dating.. ended up LDR as he moved though he wanted me to move to be with him. Every time I tried to tell him that we should end it he threatened to commit suicide... he would call me in the middle of the night.. ect.. He was emotionally draining, to say the least. Finally, I couldn't take it any more. I stopped calling. I stopped taking his calls. I changed my e-mail address. I just.. let it go.. and hoped that he'd get the hint at some point. I'm not even sure if he really did decide to kill himself. Who knows. He thought he loved me but I knew that I did not love him and I could not handle any more drama, any more scenes, any more crying. I had tried to do things the right way and he did not listen. So, vanishing was the best alternative. -nena{R} I would say you did give this person plenty of notification as to your intent and where the relationship. He probably knows full well why you vanished too.

la90066 -> RE: I need to understand...... (4/10/2006 5:10:01 PM)
This is neither a Dom or sub, or Master or slave, or Guy/Girl thing... It's a compete fucking COWARD thing! Count your blessings and move on -- easier said than done, I know, but today will be easier than yesterday and tomorrow easier than today. I'm very sorry for your loss and that your heart was hurt.

kajira4aMaster -> RE: I need to understand...... (4/10/2006 8:18:52 PM)
yes.. today is easier than it was yesturday that is for sure.. thank you. ~kajira girl

kajira4aMaster -> RE: I need to understand...... (4/10/2006 8:20:27 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: JoeT2000 kajira4aMaster A piece of advice for you. You can't rationalise the irrational. Trying to understand what was / is going on in his mind is impossible. There is also the possibility he doesn't know or understand himself (trust me on this one, and I'm not being flippant). There are a few personality disorders, where, when the person with the disorder becomes stressed (and their stress tolerance levels can be much lower than the norm), they have a fight or flight reaction. One of these is a condition called Borderline Personality Disorder. The person can appear charming and charismatic, and many people around them have no idea. It doesn't mean he has this, but it is one possible suggestion. Once the stressors die down, it is quite common for them to want to return. It doesn't mean they're necessarily violent or dangerous. However, due to their problems, they may be unhealthy to be in a relationship with. I think the lifestyle can attract people with this condition, and have known several people in the lifestyle diagnosed with this condition, both as Doms and subs. On the Dom side, lacking control over their own emotions and feelings, their way of being in control is controlling other people. You also get submissives with this, although they react differently, wanting to give control up to another person, and be punished due to poor self esteem. People with this condition are known as BPDs. Often, they are hypervigilant, and as a result, something inconsequential may have happened, which to anyone else would be meaningless, but which triggers a reaction in them. It's more common than you probably realise. As someone else has in their signature... don't have a stable full of partners, have a partner who is stable (or something like it). Joe True.. I will think on this..... ~kajira girl

ehlovindom -> RE: I need to understand...... (4/11/2006 6:36:04 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kajira4aMaster yes.. today is easier than it was yesturday that is for sure.. thank you. ~kajira girl And tomorrow will be even easier....

Wolfbythesea -> RE: I need to understand...... (4/12/2006 2:58:20 AM)
To me, thisis the act of a child or a coward,one that doesnt have the strengh of character to confront and discuss problems within a relationship,regardless of whether it happens to be d/s or vanilla in nature. of course its only my personal opinion,and many would disagree, but i believe a master has a duty to his sub/slave in that as his property its his responsibility to look after her,by giving herself to him she also puts herself under his protection-this is a huge responsibility, not to be taken lightly. This is how it is for my slave and myself,and even if we ,she,or i did have such a significant problem that one felt the need to leave, it certainly wouldnt be a case of packing up the toys in secret and running away-such a lack of respect for another person i find frankly deplorable. long winded i know, i wish you well, as does mywonderful kimba slave ps the old ones are often the best,and as we have all heard in the past, you ARE truly better off without such as him!

kajira4aMaster -> RE: I need to understand...... (4/12/2006 8:25:33 AM)
ehlovindom: I think today is a bit harder.. but that might be because I am packing up my apt. today and moving tomorrow. <smiles> Trying to keep my chin up! Wolfbythesea: "i believe a master has a duty to his sub/slave in that as his property its his responsibility to look after her,by giving herself to him she also puts herself under his protection-this is a huge responsibility, not to be taken lightly. " This is what I thought also.. but at least with this one, the case was not so. I am one who needs to talk about my feelings though and I guess he wasn't/isn't. Yes.. I am coming to believe that I am better off w/o him.. It will take time to even think about trusting another but it will come when the time is right.

CrappyDom -> If you were a true slave (4/13/2006 9:18:28 PM)
First off I must confess I find Gor offensive in the extreme because it is based on really really idiotic FICTION, so take my rant with a double dose of salt. Relationships are just that, if you can't form real ones in vanilla life, S&M in whatever form isn't the magic pill to fix it. In fact, S&M relationships are harder, require more self reflection and self knowledge than any others. That said, the guy leaving you had VASTLY more to do with him than you. He knew what he was doing was wrong and his shame required that he leave before you knew about it. Who knows how many things were wrong with the relationship but I will bet you a box of stale doughnuts that most of it was on his side although if you are playing with GOR, my bet is you got some homework to do to. Collars are cheaper than wedding rings, mean less and how good are wedding rings at keeping people married? If someone has a fucked up past, string of broken relationships, no friends or just losers, do I really have to tell you what that means? Join a REAL LIFE S&M club, shut your legs, socialize. Join some real world stuff, socialize. Spend a LOT of time figureing out what it is you want, DON'T CHAT! Find some place you can watch people in long term relationships interact in real ways and learn the sort of hard work that goes into one. I wish you the best!

ownedgirlie -> RE: If you were a true slave (4/14/2006 12:50:26 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CrappyDom First off I must confess I find Gor offensive in the extreme because it is based on really really idiotic FICTION, so take my rant with a double dose of salt. You are offended by fiction? i am not a gorean slave but to be offended by a work of literature (be it good or bad) which does not attack, insult or criticize any third party seems a bit...thin skinned, no? i might suggest, if so interested, you do a forum search on Gorean practices, or simply peruse the Gorean forums, as many have incorporated such customs quite successfully into their own M/s relationships. Or, if uninterested, perhaps a refrain from insulting an entire group of people, with whom you likely have not interacted, would be considered. quote: Collars are cheaper than wedding rings, mean less and how good are wedding rings at keeping people married? If someone has a fucked up past, string of broken relationships, no friends or just losers, do I really have to tell you what that means? Actually....my collar was twice the cost of my wedding ring and means so much more. [;)] (another thread to check out is one which we discussion the comparison between the two) While your advice may come from a place of good intentions, speaking in such absolutes often does not bode well for such a diverse audience. i have read most of your 10 or so posts here so far. They appear filled with anger and strong opinions toward people you can not possibly know in your 2 or 3 days here. Whether such negativity or hostility is implied, it is certainly what i am sensing. Regardless, i welcome you to our great discussion board, and i offer that we're a (mostly) friendly and fun bunch. Relax and enjoy!

tears4him -> RE: If you were a true slave (4/14/2006 7:11:15 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie quote: ORIGINAL: CrappyDom First off I must confess I find Gor offensive in the extreme because it is based on really really idiotic FICTION, so take my rant with a double dose of salt. You are offended by fiction? i am not a gorean slave but to be offended by a work of literature (be it good or bad) which does not attack, insult or criticize any third party seems a bit...thin skinned, no? i might suggest, if so interested, you do a forum search on Gorean practices, or simply peruse the Gorean forums, as many have incorporated such customs quite successfully into their own M/s relationships. Or, if uninterested, perhaps a refrain from insulting an entire group of people, with whom you likely have not interacted, would be considered. quote: Collars are cheaper than wedding rings, mean less and how good are wedding rings at keeping people married? If someone has a fucked up past, string of broken relationships, no friends or just losers, do I really have to tell you what that means? Actually....my collar was twice the cost of my wedding ring and means so much more. [;)] (another thread to check out is one which we discussion the comparison between the two) While your advice may come from a place of good intentions, speaking in such absolutes often does not bode well for such a diverse audience. i have read most of your 10 or so posts here so far. They appear filled with anger and strong opinions toward people you can not possibly know in your 2 or 3 days here. Whether such negativity or hostility is implied, it is certainly what i am sensing. Regardless, i welcome you to our great discussion board, and i offer that we're a (mostly) friendly and fun bunch. Relax and enjoy! Why thank you Owned.

truesub4u -> RE: If you were a true slave (4/14/2006 7:33:11 AM)
Tears, you're quicker than me... lmao Owned..... about said it all there. To the OP.... not sure of what all happened. But sometimes it's best to just think our luck stars. I recently had a "Dom" disappear on me before he actually made it to the front door. We talked on Sunday March 13 around midnight. He was due to leave Houston at 5 am on the 14th. Be here in NC between noon and 3pm on the 15th. Well here it is April 14th, a month later... still not a word. Not on line, off line, nothing... he's just Poofed. All phone numbers are gone. No finding him anywhere. Not as bad as being in a relationship as what you had... but sometimes it's best to let things go and try not to let it feel it's all your fault. I seen where you said you had things planned for that evening after work, just like I made arrangements for Jeff's arrival to be more celebrated, shame he didn't show. But the steaks and shrimp that was planned for dinner that night was still enjoyed by others. [;)] I spent a few days trying to figure out what I did wrong. But with the help of some special people on here at CM, I was able to cry, rant, rave and then listen to and learn from them that it was best it happened now and not later. Not too sure I agree with that totally but it helped me get past it and realize I didn't do anything. On the last night we talked on line, he even told our cribbage league about his move. He even stated what song he played for our wedding. He spent like 14 months playing me. Actually longer because I was to blind to see him trying to get my attention to begin with. Now mind you, we didn't meet on line or CM. We actually met for the first time in person at a cribbage tournament in Houston. So it's not like we had just an on line relationship. He even made 2 trip out to meet me and my girls. So this went on for bit. It takes all kinds, and al we can do is look back, try to figure out where it happened that we didn't see it the first time. And then rant, rave, and move on. Always easier to say than do. But with each passing day... it does get better and you start remembering .... and then you'll learn from it. Hope all works out for you, and you can find peace again. And then you'll be able to move forward and seek out the one that really is the one for you and you for them. friendly hugsssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

ownedgirlie -> RE: If you were a true slave (4/14/2006 7:38:51 AM)
Warm and tight hugs to you True, for a beautiful and encouraging post to the OP. i am sure it will touch others, as well. [sm=flowers.gif]

CrappyDom -> RE: If you were a true slave (4/14/2006 7:53:57 AM)
As someone who has created and run largish S&M groups, run and owned public play spaces, and lives near a large vibrant S&M community (San Francisco) I have a tiny bit of experience in this stuff. I have yet to see a single relationship based on GOR that I would call healthy, I am sure there are places in Idaho that are full of them but here in California we are having a dire shortage of them. If you want to hear what others who beat people in real life think of Gor, go here...http://www.sexuality.org/l/bdsm/morgr_tw.html As for my arrogant assumptions about other people, sorry but deal with it. I will bet you a box of stale doughnuts that I am right on the mark. Besides, we are all just guessing here, offering your opinion, just mine isn't couched in soft mushy terms. Having seen god knows how many relationships blossom and shrivel, even a few of my own, I am sure some find something worthwhile in my mean, horrible, angry posts. Don't forget, there is an ignore button after all...

ownedgirlie -> RE: If you were a true slave (4/14/2006 8:39:55 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CrappyDom As someone who has created and run largish S&M groups, run and owned public play spaces, and lives near a large vibrant S&M community (San Francisco) I have a tiny bit of experience in this stuff. We are neighbors, Crappy, in basically the same town, same distance to SF. Not sure if proximity lends to experience. my Master is a stone's throw from SF...i guess that makes him more experienced than both of us [;)] quote: I have yet to see a single relationship based on GOR that I would call healthy, I am sure there are places in Idaho that are full of them but here in California we are having a dire shortage of them. These threads are filled with quotes like yours: "If I haven't seen it, it must not exist." While i understand that the likelihood may be less, in your eyes, because with your vast experience you have not witnessed success in this area, you are speaking in an absolute, which in my opinion, is a bit close-minded. quote: If you want to hear what others who beat people in real life think of Gor, go here...http://www.sexuality.org/l/bdsm/morgr_tw.html my life isn't about wanting to hear about people beating other people. You call it sugar-coating; i call it trying to retain a positive perspective. i have been through enough unfair beatings in my life and know that keeping my focus on the good attributes in others does me more good than not. quote: As for my arrogant assumptions about other people, sorry but deal with it. I will bet you a box of stale doughnuts that I am right on the mark. Besides, we are all just guessing here, offering your opinion, just mine isn't couched in soft mushy terms. Having seen god knows how many relationships blossom and shrivel, even a few of my own, I am sure some find something worthwhile in my mean, horrible, angry posts. Stale donuts aren't really my thing, but thanks for the offer [;)] If you are restating your posts now, that you were simply offering an opinion, then i thank you for the clarification. Your verbiage reflected absolute statements, in my opinion, as though your truth was everybody's - we're just too ignorant to see it. i stand corrected. As for couching words in soft, mushy terms or not, that is never an issue with me. my Master is far from soft and mushy by any means; i have no problem "dealing with it." quote: Don't forget, there is an ignore button after all... i don't make a practice of putting people on ignore. i might miss out on something valuable they have to say. Just because i might disagree with what someone is saying or the way in which they say it, does not mean they might not shed light on future issues. Plus, my post to you wasn't a rant about you, in fact it was a welcome, which contained my own point of view about your words - a discussion on the discussion board as it were. Regardless, thank you for your post. i see it was to tears4him, but i appreciated it anyway. Best day to you, and hey it looks like Sac town is getting sunshine today.

kajira4aMaster -> RE: If you were a true slave (4/14/2006 11:13:48 AM)
quote: CrappyDom said "Join a REAL LIFE S&M club, shut your legs, socialize. Join some real world stuff, socialize. Spend a LOT of time figureing out what it is you want, DON'T CHAT! Find some place you can watch people in long term relationships interact in real ways and learn the sort of hard work that goes into one. " this is where this kajira gets pissy.... how do YOU know if I am not a part of another S&M club... hmmmm.. YOU don't!!! who are YOU to tell me to shut my legs.. is that all you think this is about????? Real world stuff you say.. well um.. let me think.. THIS is REAL ... we have beliefs and we stick to them... They might not be yours <thanks the Gods> but they are mine. Socialize... hmm ok.. and what would you like me to socialize about oh great crappydom?? and you know what.. you are not even worth what I had to say about the ltr values... And just so you know.. My collar was NOT cheap and neither was my public collar.. and I am not the type to get married just to get a ring.. I will take my collar any day over a ring.. much more special to ME!!

kajira4aMaster -> RE: If you were a true slave (4/14/2006 11:20:17 AM)
Thank you and I am trying to move past.. I still have my ups and downs.. but I don't feel so broken. Yes... People on CM really help..and I thank them all.... it is nice to know that thier are others out there that will listen and then give thier honest opinion and/or support. I am learning from this everyday.. and in time.. when I am ready and the 'one' finds me I will be a better kajira for it..

SirCumsSlut -> RE: If you were a true slave (4/14/2006 11:24:30 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CrappyDom As someone who has created and run largish S&M groups, run and owned public play spaces, and lives near a large vibrant S&M community (San Francisco) I have a tiny bit of experience in this stuff. I have yet to see a single relationship based on GOR that I would call healthy, I am sure there are places in Idaho that are full of them but here in California we are having a dire shortage of them. If you want to hear what others who beat people in real life think of Gor, go here...http://www.sexuality.org/l/bdsm/morgr_tw.html As for my arrogant assumptions about other people, sorry but deal with it. I will bet you a box of stale doughnuts that I am right on the mark. Besides, we are all just guessing here, offering your opinion, just mine isn't couched in soft mushy terms. Having seen god knows how many relationships blossom and shrivel, even a few of my own, I am sure some find something worthwhile in my mean, horrible, angry posts. Don't forget, there is an ignore button after all... No wonder you chose the name "crappydom" What an insensitive jerk you are..........considering all you claim to have "ran" in Frisco is in the past tense...............leave the girl alone

kajira4aMaster -> RE: If you were a true slave (4/14/2006 11:34:25 AM)
quote: As someone who has created and run largish S&M groups, run and owned public play spaces, and lives near a large vibrant S&M community (San Francisco) I have a tiny bit of experience in this stuff. And this says what about you? Should I bow at your feet 'oh great crappydom' because you are so wise? quote: I have yet to see a single relationship based on GOR that I would call healthy, I am sure there are places in Idaho that are full of them but here in California we are having a dire shortage of them. If you want to hear what others who beat people in real life think of Gor, go here...http://www.sexuality.org/l/bdsm/morgr_tw.html ok... just so we all know... my previous Master did NOT abuse me, he did not BEAT me in an abusive way at all!!!! if you are really a dom.. have you ever spanked your subs butt? have you ever let her taste the end of the flogger or paddle? If so (if I am reading your post right and you are a real dom) then didn't you beat your sub???? or maybe you have never had your sub beg for the flogger.. hmmm I will have to think on this.. maybe that is your problem... lmao!! Actually I am feeling pretty darn good now... wanna play some more?

kajira4aMaster -> RE: If you were a true slave (4/14/2006 11:38:01 AM)
quote: Having seen god knows how many relationships blossom and shrivel, even a few of my own, I am sure some find something worthwhile in my mean, horrible, angry posts. you have seen god... which one? actually I find it quite funny, your posts, oh mean,horrible, angry crappydom.

kajira4aMaster -> RE: If you were a true slave (4/14/2006 11:44:34 AM)
Actually crappydom.. I am enjoying this... gets my blood moving again.. and just because I may not view my 'kajiraness' the same way you do.. I value opinions and that is what these boards are for.. yes??!!

Page: << < prev 1 2 [3] 4 5 next > >>

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.03125