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inexperienced submissive male needs help - 5/29/2010 5:26:29 AM

Posts: 7
Joined: 6/25/2008
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Although, in reality, i am unfortunately inexperienced as to a D/s relationship, my submissiveness has grown intensely through the years, being enhanced by the many wonderful Femdom websites. Through the internet i have learned that my lifelong submissive feelings to Women, is very natural and normal, and that a D/s lifestyle is the best of all worlds.

My question is this: How can i best get started in experiencing this lifestyle in "reality" even though i am a newbe? Recognizing that i will need to be reprogrammed from the vanilla life i have lead for so long, i am concerned that i may require more time and patience than a superior Woman deserves or may want to invest. Should i first seek out a Professional Domme in order to become more experienced, and then hope that i can find a dominant Woman partner for a long term D/s relationship?

RE: inexperienced submissive male needs help - 5/29/2010 5:44:10 AM

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
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I would not recommend going to see a ProDomme. That will only add to building up the fantasy in your head. Though I've met many men who've done the ProDomme thing, I found I had more unlearning to do than anything.

And as for this Female Superiority thing: Dommes with both feet firmly planted in reality generally think this is a load of baloney. It also leads me to believe you might have been reading some Domme websites built by men to attract men.

I'd say try to meet real life Dominant women. You might find them at munches in your area. I won't push that aspect too much as I'm not a fan, but others find them beneficial. You might hang out here and interact with some relatively level headed people and peruse the adds on the other side to see if you might meet people in your area or not too far away from you (that is my methodology when I'm seeking).

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to subbietom2)

RE: inexperienced submissive male needs help - 5/29/2010 6:00:00 AM

Posts: 2432
Joined: 1/27/2008
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OP,

In looking over your profile, I'm struck by the words "reprogramming", "weened away" and the ever popular "discreet". Personally, the idea of weening a self-proclaimed submissive man away from "the dreadful vanilla world" in order to have any kind of relationship is not for me.

If you want to meet people, dominant women in particular, you need to get out and away from the porn websites. If you have a look at the FAQs thread for this forum, you'll find a link at the bottom of the page for organizations. Ohio, your area in particular, has it's share of munches and groups. That doesn't mean you can only find dominant women at bdsm functions but it does mean you'll increase your chances by getting away from the computer.

_____________________________

"No matter what happens in the kitchen, never apologize"~Julia Child~

(in reply to subbietom2)

RE: inexperienced submissive male needs help - 5/29/2010 6:34:46 AM

Posts: 529
Joined: 7/7/2009
Status: offline

How could you have had a profile here for 2 years and still be this unaware of anything but porn?

(in reply to subbietom2)

RE: inexperienced submissive male needs help - 5/29/2010 6:36:59 AM

Posts: 1486
Joined: 7/20/2004
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This subject comes up a lot. There are many ways, and I suggest you utilize them all. Profiles, parties, munches, gauging women you meet in vanilla settings.....

_____________________________

"The Courage to Submit: the submissive male's guide to finding a dominant woman"
http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/the-courage-to-submit-the-guide-for-the-submissive-male-seeking-a-dominant-woman/5968917

(in reply to GraciousLady)

RE: inexperienced submissive male needs help - 5/29/2010 6:54:25 AM

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Joined: 5/2/2008
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You'll need to be weaned away from the porn sites more than from vanilla.

Use all means slavekal mentioned, and be prepared for women that want to spend time talking as well s beating you. And women who placed their needs before yours.

Also - you're a 58 year old guy. You specifically state that you want a beautiful thin woman to Domme you. You may not be able to get a 25 yo to show interest in you unless you pay a proDomme.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to slavekal)

RE: inexperienced submissive male needs help - 5/29/2010 6:58:26 AM

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Joined: 5/10/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven
You specifically state that you want a beautiful thin woman to Domme you.

He does? Well, that's frikkin stupid. There's a lot of beautiful thin women who will decide they are uninterested, just because of that preference. Who wants to start something with someone, knowing that it will only last as long as she never eats a Dorito?

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to DarkSteven)

RE: inexperienced submissive male needs help - 5/29/2010 7:04:51 AM

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Joined: 7/4/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven
You specifically state that you want a beautiful thin woman to Domme you.

He does? Well, that's frikkin stupid. There's a lot of beautiful thin women who will decide they are uninterested, just because of that preference. Who wants to start something with someone, knowing that it will only last as long as she never eats a Dorito?

I'm going to agree with Red on this one. I'm a fairly attractive woman (attractiveness being in the eye of the beholder of course) but I will absolutely turn away from any profile where I see such superficiality. Most intelligent attractive women that I know feel exactly the same way.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to RedMagic1)

RE: inexperienced submissive male needs help - 5/29/2010 7:07:17 AM

Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

I'm a very attractive woman.

You got confused. Don't worry, I fixed it for you.

_____________________________

Sthetic on FetLife.

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

RE: inexperienced submissive male needs help - 5/29/2010 7:19:59 AM

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Joined: 5/2/2006
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We men are a visually stimulated lot. It's one of our most admirable qualities. We want what we want.

Hannibal Lecter: No. We begin by coveting what we see every day. Don't you feel eyes moving over your body, Clarice? And don't your eyes seek out the things you want?

_____________________________

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

RE: inexperienced submissive male needs help - 5/29/2010 7:23:19 AM

Posts: 2254
Joined: 12/18/2004
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The gentleman in question seems to be a little full of himself. He has no experience, his profile states "... i would only be available on a discreet, somewhat limited basis" and his journal provides this gem, "If You are a beautiful, thin Dominant Woman ... pleeeeeeeeeeeze send me a message."

_____________________________

In order for you to insult me, I would first have to value your opinion.
I love it when someone insults me. That means I don't have to be nice anymore.

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

RE: inexperienced submissive male needs help - 5/29/2010 7:30:31 AM

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Joined: 7/4/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

I'm a very attractive woman.

You got confused. Don't worry, I fixed it for you.

You are too sweet. But now the OP perved my profile ;-)

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to VaguelyCurious)

RE: inexperienced submissive male needs help - 5/29/2010 7:31:55 AM

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

We men are a visually stimulated lot. It's one of our most admirable qualities. We want what we want.

Hannibal Lecter: No. We begin by coveting what we see every day. Don't you feel eyes moving over your body, Clarice? And don't your eyes seek out the things you want?

Yes but even Hannibal Lecter realised that Clarice, though a gorgeous woman, was also highly intellectual and he piqued her interest with intelligence.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to domiguy)

RE: inexperienced submissive male needs help - 5/29/2010 8:05:55 AM

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Being fair, there are some decent websites out there, but there is also a lot of crap on the internet. Not knowing which sites you were visiting, there's no way of telling if you have been reading things that are more based in fantasy or in reality. You may have been reading fact or fiction.

You specifically asked about a D/s relationship, so I wouldn't recommend a pro domme. Not unless you consider a two hour visit to be what a relationship consists of. That's a business transaction. It's not a relationship any more than you have with your hair dresser or your doctor.

If you're interested in the real thing, then go for the real thing. Munches are a good way to meet people that have the same interests as you. It may open the door to learning real things because you'll see real people doing them. Also, you may have an opportunity to make some friends along the way. Chances are, you probably won't hear many people around the table talk about being de-programmed, but you might just hear how D/s or BDSM has added spice to their lives.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

RE: inexperienced submissive male needs help - 5/29/2010 8:15:30 AM

MistressEllen444

Posts: 109
Joined: 7/21/2007
Status: offline

I am in the vast minority here. I say go see a pro. Learn the feel of rope, the sting of a crop before you make a fool of yourself with someone who finds you attractive.
Newbies are studies in pure frustration.
The real world, although not in any reationship sense, can be experienced with a pro. See if you actually are suited for someone giving orders. Are the clamps really exciting when applied or distracting to the point of no fun for you?
Internet porn is a far cry from reality and if you are seeking discreet then it signals to me "married" - the last thing many want who are looking to invest time and emotional connections to find a worthy sub.

(in reply to subbietom2)

RE: inexperienced submissive male needs help - 5/29/2010 8:16:47 AM

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

Being fair, there are some decent websites out there, but there is also a lot of crap on the internet. Not knowing which sites you were visiting, there's no way of telling if you have been reading things that are more based in fantasy or in reality. You may have been reading fact or fiction.

I did make an assumption LP, but based on his profile and what he reported here, I stick by my assumption.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to LadyPact)

RE: inexperienced submissive male needs help - 5/29/2010 8:20:26 AM

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Joined: 1/17/2008
Status: offline

i find munches good. Though im on the boards a lot longer than the man in question i feel lonely and isolated.Outside the munches i find life quite difficult.
kevin

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

RE: inexperienced submissive male needs help - 5/29/2010 8:23:37 AM

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressEllen444
I am in the vast minority here. I say go see a pro. Learn the feel of rope, the sting of a crop before you make a fool of yourself with someone who finds you attractive.
Newbies are studies in pure frustration.

Really? I guess I don't like the men I date to have been *pre-trained* by someone else. I actually used to seek out vanilla men to convert because I found them to be much more refreshing and their inexperience was actually really, really hot. I like being the one that makes someone experience something for the first time.

quote:

The real world, although not in any reationship sense, can be experienced with a pro. See if you actually are suited for someone giving orders. Are the clamps really exciting when applied or distracting to the point of no fun for you?

The guy is looking for a D/s relationship apparently. You don't need to go to see a ProDomme to understand how relationships work. I agree 100% with LP that he will not get a real life portrayal of a real D/s relationship with a ProDomme. He will get what he pays for.

quote:

Internet porn is a far cry from reality and if you are seeking discreet then it signals to me "married" - the last thing many want who are looking to invest time and emotional connections to find a worthy sub.

On this point, I will agree. Discreet usually means married. I have to be discreet about the D/s part of my life but when I'm in a relationship with someone, I don't hide my partner. He is in my public life, my partner. I am just discreet about what it is that we do. If that is what the OP means, he should specify because otherwise it does give the impression of a married man.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to MistressEllen444)

RE: inexperienced submissive male needs help - 5/29/2010 9:00:24 AM

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressEllen444

I am in the vast minority here. I say go see a pro. Learn the feel of rope, the sting of a crop before you make a fool of yourself with someone who finds you attractive.
Newbies are studies in pure frustration.
The real world, although not in any reationship sense, can be experienced with a pro. See if you actually are suited for someone giving orders. Are the clamps really exciting when applied or distracting to the point of no fun for you?
Internet porn is a far cry from reality and if you are seeking discreet then it signals to me "married" - the last thing many want who are looking to invest time and emotional connections to find a worthy sub.

I'm going to disagree with this. While it is the easy answer, it isn't especially the best answer. The very same things about play can be experienced in the local BDSM community. In addition, it opens more doors to meeting people that the OP might be compatible with on a relationship basis. It will also give him a chance to meet and talk with people who have various experiences and skills, rather than just one person.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to MistressEllen444)

RE: inexperienced submissive male needs help - 5/29/2010 9:19:35 AM

seekingOwnertoo

Posts: 1323
Joined: 8/1/2009
Status: offline

subbietom2,

I read this thread, as well as your profile, and I felt I should share my thoughts.

Had to put my thinking cap on to remember what is was like to really be curious, and not know what to do. So I thought you might appreciate the viewpoint of a man who has gone through this.

With the caveat, that what I experienced, is not the only way, nor is it necessarily the best way. It is just what I did, and it seems to have worked.

That said, the Ladies here have given you wonderful accurate advice. Don’t disregard it … but their advice is not what I did! LOL

As I recall, I had a tremendous fear of even approaching a Domme. I read a lot of pornography … and eventually worked my way to doing phone domination. After a few times, I began to wonder what it would be like to do it for real. So I eventually worked up the guts to see a Pro Domme.

Because as Lady Ellen said earlier, I needed to feel restrained, and the crack of the crop. Period. I needed to experience BDSM acts, in real life. Just to get over my fear.

I continued to see Pro Dommes on occasion for several years. Before I met a real life Domme, and got involved in my first real life D/s relationship.

The point here is that for me it was a process. It took time, and I needed to learn, if this was even something I wanted.

And it would have been disingenuous, to even seek out a relationship, just to learn.

A couple of key points I can remember learning:

1. Pro Dommes come in all shapes, sizes and experience levels. The best, are usually not the silky sexy variety, portrayed in porn. In fact, one Lady was older than I and would spend weekends with me. She required me to read books, like “screw the roses, give me the thorns” and “different loving”. Something far more than a two hour business transaction. But that was perhaps, unusual.

2. Eventually it dawned on me, that seeing Pro Dommes was NOT PROVIDING the mental and emotional relationship aspects that I really need in my life. So the BDSM was not really all that fulfilling. BUT, I needed to learn this …

It was a process … and to really gain some insight … I really had to experience. And again I will say, that for me, I would have been entering a relationship under false pretenses … if I had skipped the Pro Domme step.

Now, your profile is kind of laughable. It does reflect fantasy … big time. I would suggest reading some books. I mentioned two here, and there are a number of lists on collar me you can choose from. Perhaps someone can point you to them. Then rewrite your profile.

The other thing is … these Ladies are real … and they are Women. Treat them much like a vanilla Woman … and you will get a lot farther with them.

Yet I suspect, if you really want to learn, you have a lot to learn before you seriously pursue a relationship.

That is my view … you have to find what works for you.

(in reply to subbietom2)

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