How many subs have a vicious streak?

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How many subs have a vicious streak? - 5/30/2010 4:48:49 PM

gungadin09

Posts: 3232
Joined: 3/19/2010
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i have a vicious streak that sometimes bothers me. It comes into play a lot at work. i work in the restaurant industry where the the job requires you to be aggressive. But sometimes i take it too far. i've worked in some really hardcore French restaurants where people were extremely aggressive. Under those circumstances it was considered completely normal to behave like that. It was everyone's responsibility to make sure service was perfect, even if it meant criticising or even coercing others. You had to get in people's faces sometimes. It was understood that this was just the way people behaved during service, and at the end of the night, we all shook hands and let it roll off our backs.

But in lesser restaurants, i have sometimes blown people away by being too aggressive, even when i didn't mean to be. When someone made a mistake, i would be very direct in criticising them for it. It's not that i was trying to be "mean", per se. My intent was never to humiliate someone, to get them in trouble, or to make them feel bad. i was attacking their work, not them. The idea was that it was my responsibility to say something if i saw someone doing wrong, instead of turning a blind eye; that if i failed to act i would be an accomplice in their guilt. i would have expected the same treatment from them if they saw me make a mistake.

However, people had a tendency to take it personally, and i had to learn to keep my mouth shut and let things go. But even so, i know i sometimes came off as aggressive or even mean. i tend to see this as being the consequence of my learning to cook in really hardcore kitchens; that my behavior is just being misunderstood by people who have never worked in that kind of an environment. However, i've had problems outside of work, too.

Most of these other problems have come from my relationships. i can have a crush on someone, but the second they like me back i start pushing them away. i have been downright mean to people who were flirting with me. Then, from high school onward, i had a series of relationships with men who i kind of treated like shit once we were going out. i found their niceness really tiring. The nicer they were, the meaner i was in return. There were times when i shocked myself by being so mean. My relationships were disasters, and eventually i stopped dating all together. This last January, i finally began the first relationship i'd had in 9 years. It only lasted a few months, but at least i didn't treat the guy like shit. He was a Dom, anyway. i wouldn't have got away with it.

i think part of the problem is the fact that i really don't like sex. But, i don't think that's the whole problem. Anyway, i'm curious to know if other subs have had similar problems.

Thanks for reading.
pam

< Message edited by gungadin09 -- 5/30/2010 4:49:29 PM >