RE: Does the BDSM D/s dynamic have any appeal for you outside the sexual? (Full Version)

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domiguy -> RE: Does the BDSM D/s dynamic have any appeal for you outside the sexual? (5/30/2010 10:25:18 PM)

I think the majority of you fuckers are full of shit. Yeah you can have all of the D/s you can eat....At the end of the day if someone ain't getting fucked hard you are outta there.

Now I know there are no absolutes.....Only because some of you wackjobs are.............well, wackjobs!



SocratesNot -> RE: Does the BDSM D/s dynamic have any appeal for you outside the sexual? (5/30/2010 10:34:04 PM)

quote:

I think the majority of you fuckers are full of shit. Yeah you can have all of the D/s you can eat....At the end of the day if someone ain't getting fucked hard you are outta there.

Now I know there are no absolutes.....Only because some of you wackjobs are.............well, wackjobs!


Abosolutely!



NicoleNorth -> RE: Does the BDSM D/s dynamic have any appeal for you outside the sexual? (5/30/2010 11:28:38 PM)

for me there is a defnite strong sexual component

but on the other hand there is a lot of thrills on a pschological perspective to. and i love submitting and giving myself, not just my body but also my heart, to the One i love best.

so i guess for me there is a whole lot of things to it. pleasure for the body, totally but also for the heart and very stimuleting for the mind as well



Ishtarr -> RE: Does the BDSM D/s dynamic have any appeal for you outside the sexual? (5/31/2010 12:11:54 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SocratesNot

OK, I could then turn my statement into question.
How many of you would serve the Master / Mistress of the same sex as you are, if you are not homosexual, not bisexsual, not even bicurious?





For the past two years (until the relationship ended 2 weeks ago) I've served a Dom/Domme couple.
I had a sexual and emotional relationship with him, though sex was very infrequent (less then once a week on average) and I only saw him about 1 or 2 days a week due to his line of work.
I had no sexual or emotional relationship with her whatsoever, and yet I served her as her slave/maid/handyman/gardener and anything else you can imagine. I had no BDSM relationship with her, and we never engaged in play or in any BDSM related behavior.
Yet, she was my Mistress and I was expected to serve and obey her flawlessly in every and any way.
Our relationship and my service rendered to her was strictly platonic in every way we weren't even friends and our emotional attachment towards one another was probably most similar to that which a butler or maid had towards their employer in the Victorian era.





lally2 -> RE: Does the BDSM D/s dynamic have any appeal for you outside the sexual? (5/31/2010 1:46:37 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SocratesNot


quote:

But you misunderstood my message.  i said that only ONE of those situations involved chastity.  The others were completely asexual.


If you felt any erotic desire or attraction to your Domme during your service, even if this desire was never satisfied, then the relationship has a sexual component.
If you were EVER turned on by her or by thinking about her or by your submission, then it was sexual, even if no sexual acts were ever performed.



does that mean that every time a guy looks at a pretty girl in the street and gets a hard on - theyre having a sexual relationship.  you do know thats bollox dont you, youre just trying to blagg us into believing you - [:D]



heartcream -> RE: Does the BDSM D/s dynamic have any appeal for you outside the sexual? (5/31/2010 6:46:17 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

I think the majority of you fuckers are full of shit. Yeah you can have all of the D/s you can eat....At the end of the day if someone ain't getting fucked hard you are outta there.

Now I know there are no absolutes.....Only because some of you wackjobs are.............well, wackjobs!


I know it seems like rough hard sex is par for the course but I dont think so. Sex doesnt neeeed to be hard and rough to count does it?



SocratesNot -> RE: Does the BDSM D/s dynamic have any appeal for you outside the sexual? (5/31/2010 7:47:45 AM)

quote:

does that mean that every time a guy looks at a pretty girl in the street and gets a hard on - theyre having a sexual relationship.  you do know thats bollox dont you, youre just trying to blagg us into believing you -


Yes it does. It is extremely short-lived (few seconds or few minutes) one-sided sexual relationship, but yes, this is sexual.
It's not sex, but it is sexual in its nature.



CallaFirestormBW -> RE: Does the BDSM D/s dynamic have any appeal for you outside the sexual? (5/31/2010 8:01:52 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: pompeii

Does the BDSM D/s dynamic have any appeal for you outside the sexual?

For me, the whole D/s thing has no value outside sexual overtones. Just curious if most others are similar ...



I'm almost completely the opposite. Authority-based relationships, for me, are primarily asexual. Though sex -may- become a part of a relationship over time, my D/s relationships are primarily -not- based in the sexual.

Calla



LanceHughes -> RE: Does the BDSM D/s dynamic have any appeal for you outside the sexual? (5/31/2010 8:12:25 AM)

I'm looking for a Victorian style servant (male only) with the occasional blow-job and/or BDSM scene thrown in.  Chaffuer, valet, house-keeper, secretary - both social and business, dish-washer.  I'll cook, he will serve the meal.

Emotional content?  As said above, (paraphrasing) "same as Victorian Master with valet."

ETA: That's NOT all I'm looking for, but finding that man and asking for more in that one man might be difficult.  And Lance states, "Sure, I'm thinking about a "House" (capital "H.")  The House already has a name. LOL!  So, emotional with BDSM is certainly another person, maybe a man for each of those needs.  Etc.

Your mileage WILL vary.



SocratesNot -> RE: Does the BDSM D/s dynamic have any appeal for you outside the sexual? (5/31/2010 8:17:36 AM)

For me personally, it must be sexual. Sexual attraction comes first, kink second.
First of all I want to have a girlfriend, and eventually a wife, children etc.
If my girlfriend happens to be kinky, it would be great, if not, we'll still have a good relationship.

Kinky scenes are great, but sex is more important for me.
If I had to eliminate one of those two things from my life, I would eliminate kink and keep sex.



LanceHughes -> RE: Does the BDSM D/s dynamic have any appeal for you outside the sexual? (5/31/2010 8:22:06 AM)

SocratesNot: Over and over, I've seen a kink-orientation destroy relationships.  It grows.  That is, you might find - after 10 or 20 or whatever years, that your choice MUST be for the other.

ETA:  Calm down, everyone!  I meant "I've seen relationships that are mis-matched w.r.t. kink not able to reconcile the mis-match." 



Andalusite -> RE: Does the BDSM D/s dynamic have any appeal for you outside the sexual? (5/31/2010 11:03:44 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SocratesNot
quote:

does that mean that every time a guy looks at a pretty girl in the street and gets a hard on - theyre having a sexual relationship.  you do know thats bollox dont you, youre just trying to blagg us into believing you -

Yes it does. It is extremely short-lived (few seconds or few minutes) one-sided sexual relationship, but yes, this is sexual. It's not sex, but it is sexual in its nature.

So, since he's unconsensually interacting with her sexually, should he get prosecuted for sexual assault? [:'(] I think you're taking this way too far.



insearch0f -> RE: Does the BDSM D/s dynamic have any appeal for you outside the sexual? (5/31/2010 11:15:23 AM)

Yes sex plays a role in d/s but more so for the one serving - the submissive. Sexual attraction as a necessity differs among doms and subs. Subs don't give of themselves unless something about the Dom/me appeals to their sexual desires, or the act of submission itself - being used in and of itself turns them on. Doms/mmes don't have to be turned on to be served in all cases.



Ishtarr -> RE: Does the BDSM D/s dynamic have any appeal for you outside the sexual? (5/31/2010 12:01:32 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SocratesNot

For me personally, it must be sexual. Sexual attraction comes first, kink second.
First of all I want to have a girlfriend, and eventually a wife, children etc.
If my girlfriend happens to be kinky, it would be great, if not, we'll still have a good relationship.

Kinky scenes are great, but sex is more important for me.
If I had to eliminate one of those two things from my life, I would eliminate kink and keep sex.



This is exactly your problem: you have noticed and registered that this is how it works for you, and from that you assumed that this is how it works for everybody.

For me, and a whole lot of other people. kink gratification comes first, sexual gratification comes second.
I can (and have in the past) perfectly imagine myself have an extremely fulfilling relationship with a man while never having sex with him.
I cannot imagine myself every having a fulfilling relationship with a man while never sharing kink with him.

If I had to choose tomorrow between never having sex/orgasm again, and never engaging in BDSM behavior again, then the sex would go.

My need to be dominated by a man come PRIOR to my need to have sex with him. Cut out the domination part, and I will simple never even get to the point where I would desire to have sex with him.



SocratesNot -> RE: Does the BDSM D/s dynamic have any appeal for you outside the sexual? (5/31/2010 12:28:33 PM)

OK, Ishtarr, this works for you, but not for me. I don't think that what works for me must work for everybody. I don't see that I am having a problem.
Power exchange and kink is great for me, but if someone forced me to give up one of those two things, I would keep sex.



LillyoftheVally -> RE: Does the BDSM D/s dynamic have any appeal for you outside the sexual? (5/31/2010 12:42:05 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: SocratesNot

OK, Ishtarr, this works for you, but not for me. I don't think that what works for me must work for everybody. I don't see that I am having a problem.
Power exchange and kink is great for me, but if someone forced me to give up one of those two things, I would keep sex.



Well thats just weird. I mean seriously? I think it is unhealthy to think that sex is more important than kink personally spending time playing with someones mind and body is far more erotic than either shoving/having a cock shoved up you ... I wonder if that sounds at all similar?

To actually answer the OP kink and BDSM is always erotic for me but the D/s dynamic is about something else, it is hard to pinpoint but I guess freedom and security its more of a relationship structure, all relationships have one



BitaTruble -> RE: Does the BDSM D/s dynamic have any appeal for you outside the sexual? (5/31/2010 12:52:38 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: SocratesNot


I don't think that what works for me must work for everybody.


It's sinking in. A very good thing. :D

Me, I'd give up sex before D/s.

With somewhere around 50% of men over 50 having ED, some of those guys turn to BDSM because they didn't necessarily want to give up sex, but age, illness or what have you forced them into the position and medication doesn't work for everyone.



SocratesNot -> RE: Does the BDSM D/s dynamic have any appeal for you outside the sexual? (5/31/2010 12:53:47 PM)

quote:

Well thats just weird. I mean seriously? I think it is unhealthy to think that sex is more important than kink personally spending time playing with someones mind and body is far more erotic than either shoving/having a cock shoved up you ... I wonder if that sounds at all similar?


I think that sex belongs to the base of Maslow's pyramid as one of the basic human drives, while kink belogs to the top - kink is a form of self actualization.
For me personally, (and probably for the most of people) satisfying basic needs from the base of pyramid (food, shelter, sex) is more important than self-actualization (which includes kink).

Actually, in order to be able to achieve self-actualization, basic needs must be satisfied first.

Of course, there are notable exceptions, and there are people who are completely asexual, but for most of people (including me) I think this is the way it works.



LillyoftheVally -> RE: Does the BDSM D/s dynamic have any appeal for you outside the sexual? (5/31/2010 12:59:45 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: SocratesNot
I think that sex belongs to the base of Maslow's pyramid as one of the basic human drives, while kink belogs to the top - kink is a form of self actualization.
For me personally, (and probably for the most of people) satisfying basic needs from the base of pyramid (food, shelter, sex) is more important than self-actualization (which includes kink).


Ummm really? You think sex is a base need?

I know you think you are bringing up smart theory here but if anything surely it would fall into the middle? That is of course if you place much stock in the theory, which I personally don't

I have NEEDS I need to eat to live, I need to sleep, I need to drink, I need to breathe, I need to be warm enough

I do not NEED to fuck.

Also I think your opinion on most people doesn't really compel me to believe with you. I was being tongue in cheek with you, but I will assure you that there are plenty of people who do not view sex as a base need.



Rochsub2009 -> RE: Does the BDSM D/s dynamic have any appeal for you outside the sexual? (5/31/2010 1:04:09 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyoftheVally


quote:

ORIGINAL: SocratesNot
I think that sex belongs to the base of Maslow's pyramid as one of the basic human drives, while kink belogs to the top - kink is a form of self actualization.



Ummm really? You think sex is a base need?

I have NEEDS I need to eat to live, I need to sleep, I need to drink, I need to breathe, I need to be warm enough

I do not NEED to fuck.



[sm=agree.gif]



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