RE: Does the BDSM D/s dynamic have any appeal for you outside the sexual?

RE: Does the BDSM D/s dynamic have any appeal for you outside the sexual? (Full Version)

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lally2 -> RE: Does the BDSM D/s dynamic have any appeal for you outside the sexual? (5/30/2010 7:13:03 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SocratesNot OK, I could then turn my statement into question. How many of you would serve the Master / Mistress of the same sex as you are, if you are not homosexual, not bisexsual, not even bicurious? well im female and not even bi, but there are one or two female dominants i can think of that i would happily submit to. are you saying then that every single homosexual relationship is based on some religion or martial art or whatever else was on that list of youres because if you are then youre completely off youre gourd

Andalusite -> RE: Does the BDSM D/s dynamic have any appeal for you outside the sexual? (5/30/2010 7:13:35 PM)
Like Winsome, I know a few gay men who are in M/s relationships with lesbian or straight women. I've occasionally played with a gay friend of mine who I've known for years, and my femsub playpartner is a bit bicurious, like I am, but we don't engage in overtly sexual play. I haven't taken her panties off or given her orgasms, but there are strong erotic overtones occasionally. We're generally more focused on the endorphins than on eroticism. I can't keep it casual if I develop a strong attraction toward someone, so I generally preferred to play casually with couples, women, men outside my usual age range, etc. who I already had an established friendship with. If I was dating someone with a view to developing a LTR, we generally did some light play before officially beginning the relationship. However, I didn't want an ongoing playpartner-only interaction with someone when there was a one-sided attraction, or if we were attracted to each other, but not compatible for a relationship. I think it would be too hurtful and confusing. In my previous M/s and D/s relationships, they did indeed extend beyond sexual or S/M activities into service-oriented tasks and so forth. Scrubbing the toilet or cleaning the catbox or standing in line or driving him to the airport didn't turn me on, but it made me feel useful and valued.

AnimusRex -> RE: Does the BDSM D/s dynamic have any appeal for you outside the sexual? (5/30/2010 7:20:51 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: leadership527 For me, it is the other way around. I don't eroticize the whole thing at all. It's just a comfortable fit for Carol's and my personality. That's pretty much how it is for us. She is submissive, just in the very fabric of how we interact. She tends to my needs, and defers to my judgment. I oversee the household and provide the overall direction and decisions for where our lives lead.

lally2 -> RE: Does the BDSM D/s dynamic have any appeal for you outside the sexual? (5/30/2010 7:23:14 PM)
back to topic - no. but then i dont play casually. i know of a few that have play partners where there is no sex involved at all, they go home to their vanilla spouses for that. since im mostly into the Ds and by dint of that, need to be in a full relationship, sex has to be part of it cos i have the normal urges like everyone else. can i enjoy BDSM without sex, yes, absolutely - it doesnt have to be part of the play or on the agenda at all, but i need to be in a relationship where sex is a large part of it. i dont need to be sexually submissive to enjoy it, it can be totally vanilla

leadership527 -> RE: Does the BDSM D/s dynamic have any appeal for you outside the sexual? (5/30/2010 7:25:54 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SocratesNot That's what I'm talking about. I think majority think so. And yes, this IS generalization. [:D] nods Just be careful to not allow your generalizations to become reality. Generalizations are useful, but it is always important to remember that a lot of detail is lost in the broad brush strokes. Insofar as there being a sexual link, even for me, you are correct and I didn't argue with you. But it would be incorrect to call it "driven by" as you did. In real life, things don't have a single cause. Typically there are lots and lots of motivating factors. I would only use the phrase "driven by" for the single most deterministic of those factors. And again, I point out, that for me and Carol, sexuality is fairly low on the list. You'll note Animus' response below also. And again, I urge you to remember that you are on a KINK site. The fact that a lot of people here have sexuality as a driving or significant force really talks more about the people in question than the fundamentals of D/s. Again, I know of at least one vanilla couple that I could reasonably describe as M/s even though they have never given any of this a moment's thought. In fact, Carol and I were like that also 4 years ago.

SocratesNot -> RE: Does the BDSM D/s dynamic have any appeal for you outside the sexual? (5/30/2010 7:32:52 PM)
quote: I suspect much if not most of this 'misinformation' is actually just information that comes across as inconvenient. Not always, but in many cases this is true. Some inconvenient information is actually undesirable.

AnimusRex -> RE: Does the BDSM D/s dynamic have any appeal for you outside the sexual? (5/30/2010 7:32:56 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SocratesNot I tend to think that the entire D/s and even M/s dynamic is in some subtle ways indirectly driven by sexuality. Well, OK. This seems to be a case of taking a valid observation and stretching it like taffy into a fantastical conclusion. It is a valid observation that sexuality permeates many things- subliminally, subtly, just barely concealed beneath the surface. But to stretch that to encompass the ENTIRE D/s dynamic is pulling the taffy beyond where it makes sense. It delights me to have a partner in Kim, one whose desires and goals complement and complete mine. Is that delight a sexual feeling? Only if you stretch the definition of sexual to be so wide as to encompass nearly every pleasing experience in our lives. I am the most randy, rutting dog of a man that every lived, and spend the vast majority of my days in a state of semi-arousal....and yet, sometimes a cigar is just a cigar my friend.

Silence8 -> RE: Does the BDSM D/s dynamic have any appeal for you outside the sexual? (5/30/2010 7:37:03 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AnimusRex I am the most randy, rutting dog of a man that every lived, and spend the vast majority of my days in a state of semi-arousal....and yet, sometimes a cigar is just a cigar my friend. Errr... maybe a cigar isn't the best example. We could reverse it, and say that, yes, everything, everything at all, is sexual, and that only makes it better! Maybe that's the difference between sensual and sexual, even though the two tend to be connected.

leadership527 -> RE: Does the BDSM D/s dynamic have any appeal for you outside the sexual? (5/30/2010 7:39:27 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AnimusRex I am the most randy, rutting dog of a man that every lived, and spend the vast majority of my days in a state of semi-arousal....and yet, sometimes a cigar is just a cigar my friend. Really? Gosh. Every time I smoke a cigar I feel like I'm giving it a blow job. Oh wait, did I just lost domly credits with that statement?

SocratesNot -> RE: Does the BDSM D/s dynamic have any appeal for you outside the sexual? (5/30/2010 7:39:40 PM)
quote: are you saying then that every single homosexual relationship is based on some religion or martial art or whatever else was on that list of youres because if you are then youre completely off youre gourd No, I never said this. Homosexual relationships, as their name suggest, are relationships of the people of the same gender, based on sexuality. However, not all relationships between people of same sex are based on sexuality. There are friendships, there are relationships between relatives, between employers and employees and so on. However, I tend to think that all D/s relationships of the people of same sex, which are not based on religion, cults, job, military, marital arts, or family relations, ARE in fact sexual. Not in sense of having sex, but in sense of the presence of some homosexual attraction. There are exceptions to that rule, but not very many.

Rochsub2009 -> RE: Does the BDSM D/s dynamic have any appeal for you outside the sexual? (5/30/2010 7:41:20 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: pompeii Does the BDSM D/s dynamic have any appeal for you outside the sexual? For me, the whole D/s thing has no value outside sexual overtones. Just curious if most others are similar ... Pompeii, There is a large component of my person kink that is sexual. However, there are definitely elements of it that are completely non-sexual. i have, on many occasions, served as a service sub. On one of those occasions, there was long-term chastity and orgasm control involved. But on most of the others, there was no sexual connotation at all. But my kink is power exchange. i am a business executive who is in charge all of the time. People always look to me to make decisions and for direction. So when i leave that environment, i like to engage in power exchange. Let someone else make the decisions. i am not a student of psychology. However, i know of many other executive-types who fall into this same category. There is probably a name for this phenomenon in the psychology journals. But that is not my discipline, so i don't know what it is. i do also engage in D/s activities that ARE sexual in nature. Both types are rewarding to me. However, they each feed a different need within my psyche.

lally2 -> RE: Does the BDSM D/s dynamic have any appeal for you outside the sexual? (5/30/2010 7:42:04 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SocratesNot .That's what I am trying to say, somewhere deeply hidden, I think it is always connected to sexuality. For example, if I ever felt desire to dominate another man, or to be submissive to another man, I would start thinking that I am gay. Even if there is no sex involved whatsoever. . thats homophobia. if you are homophobic the above as youve said would be impossible for YOU. absorb the YOU for a while. absorbed yet or do you need a bit more time.....,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, [8\|] step away from youre homophobic reaction to this idea and then embrace the fact that not everyone has youre hang up. for a while ive been quietly curious about submitting to a female dominant - maybe because im female and its that whole thing about being with someone of the same sex and connecting woman to woman that i find attractive and intreaguing. the reason i havent is because im not gay and in the end id miss the wonderfulness of maleness and not so much on a sexual basis either - just that i love the whole male energy thing they have going there.

Andalusite -> RE: Does the BDSM D/s dynamic have any appeal for you outside the sexual? (5/30/2010 7:42:55 PM)
My interaction with my femsub playpartner might have some sexual elements, but I don't think of it as primarily sexual, and it is not even a tenth as sexual as my relationships with my former boyfriends have been. shrugs It certainly isn't what is driving or motivating our interaction. I generally use the term "relationships" in the context of the forums here as synonymous with "romantic relationships." People have business associates, friendships, relatives, and so forth, but people don't generally refer to those reactions as "relationships" except perhaps in psychology or sociology classes. There are also mathematical relationships, topographical relationships, and so forth.

SocratesNot -> RE: Does the BDSM D/s dynamic have any appeal for you outside the sexual? (5/30/2010 7:44:37 PM)
Rochsub, once again you are forgetting that the sex is not the only sexual thing. Whatever arouses you is sexual! Whatever puts focus on sex is sexual. That's why even your chastity training was very sexual.

WinsomeDefiance -> RE: Does the BDSM D/s dynamic have any appeal for you outside the sexual? (5/30/2010 7:46:07 PM)
I think the cigar reference was brilliant.

Rochsub2009 -> RE: Does the BDSM D/s dynamic have any appeal for you outside the sexual? (5/30/2010 7:46:39 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SocratesNot I tend to think that the entire D/s and even M/s dynamic is in some subtle ways indirectly driven by sexuality. If this is not true, then there would be many same-sex non-homosexual D/s relationships. In reality there are none. Interesting theory, SN. HOwever, i have personal experience that would disprove it. i have had plenty of non-sexual D/s relationships. i know dozens of Dommes who have female subs or slaves that are completely non-sexual in their service. However, to be quite honest, i don't know of many male Doms who have non-sexual male subs/slaves. But that doesn't mean that it doesn't exist, only that i don't know any. i have served a male Dom before, but i don't know if it fits under the umbrella that you mentioned. One of my former Dommes once gifted me to a male Dom. I was to serve him for the weekend. i did so. The service was completely non-sexual. But i did obey him for the weekend. The question is, was i actually obeying him, or was i obeying Her?

sublizzie -> RE: Does the BDSM D/s dynamic have any appeal for you outside the sexual? (5/30/2010 7:48:03 PM)
I am in no way bi-sexual or bi-curious but I have submitted to Dommes with no sexuality being part of that submission. (Hard to find cooking huge meals and serving formal dinners sexual.) There does not need to be any sexual component in my submission. I am looking for a complete relationship with a primary, which would include being sexual, but if that is all that he is interested in, then he won't be the right fit for me. I need to serve in more than sexual ways.

PeonForHer -> RE: Does the BDSM D/s dynamic have any appeal for you outside the sexual? (5/30/2010 7:48:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AnimusRex Is that delight a sexual feeling? Only if you stretch the definition of sexual to be so wide as to encompass nearly every pleasing experience in our lives. I am the most randy, rutting dog of a man that every lived, and spend the vast majority of my days in a state of semi-arousal....and yet, sometimes a cigar is just a cigar my friend. I don't understand that, Animus. It looks to me like the second sentence contradicts the first. If you spend so much time in a state of semi-arousal - what's causing it, if it's not for the sexual nature of your relationship? At any given time of the day I can be turned on - partially, admittedly - but there, nonetheless - at the smallest feeling of submitting, or being dominated, by a woman. (A special sort of woman, that is.) Would I feel that if that turn-on wasn't there at all, nor likely to be, ever? No, I doubt it. But I wouldn't know, because it's never been absent - D/s, and the turn-on, are inextricably connected for me. The one just wouldn't happen without the other. Well, anyway, this thread's been an enlightenment to me. About myself, and about some others.

marie2 -> RE: Does the BDSM D/s dynamic have any appeal for you outside the sexual? (5/30/2010 7:48:29 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: pompeii Does the BDSM D/s dynamic have any appeal for you outside the sexual? Yes. For me, there are mental and emotional aspects that I have to be feeling. In fact, it couldn't even evolve to the sexual aspects without the rest of it being engaged first.

SocratesNot -> RE: Does the BDSM D/s dynamic have any appeal for you outside the sexual? (5/30/2010 7:49:17 PM)
quote: quote: ORIGINAL: SocratesNot .That's what I am trying to say, somewhere deeply hidden, I think it is always connected to sexuality. For example, if I ever felt desire to dominate another man, or to be submissive to another man, I would start thinking that I am gay. Even if there is no sex involved whatsoever. . thats homophobia. if you are homophobic the above as youve said would be impossible for YOU. absorb the YOU for a while. absorbed yet or do you need a bit more time.....,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, step away from youre homophobic reaction to this idea and then embrace the fact that not everyone has youre hang up. for a while ive been quietly curious about submitting to a female dominant - maybe because im female and its that whole thing about being with someone of the same sex and connecting woman to woman that i find attractive and intreaguing. It's not homophobia - it's heterosexuality. As a heterosexual I have no desire neither to submit to other men nor to dominate them. If I tried to do so, I would feel very, very awkward and uncomfortable. With women, however, I am open to all possibilities. I can be submissive, I can be dominant, I can switch, nothing of these things is repulsive to me. It all depends on the women involved and the chemistry.

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