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RE: How do you respond to a direct denial? - 4/10/2006 12:29:30 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Alacrity
Out of curiosity do you care what they think? From your posts, you seem to know who you are and what you want. Given that, why would you care about the opinion of [I'm assuming] a stranger?

Personally, I wouldn't even respond.

The person initially emailed me to tell me I had made a mistake in some response I'd made to them on another thread. So things didn't start out well

I suppose I could have started the thread with "How would you respond?" instead. I know how I would respond, and no I don't really care- though I am curious why people seem to think :

a) "dom" and "sub" are so clearly arranged and fully defined, when it's obvious every other day with a new thread that it's anything BUT clear

b) why switches are simply into play only and can't comprehend the "true depth" of Ds relationships

I was more just curious how others would respond in this situation, perhaps to gain some insight.

< Message edited by LuckyAlbatross -- 4/10/2006 12:30:56 PM >

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Alacrity)

RE: How do you respond to a direct denial? - 4/10/2006 12:39:59 PM

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I guess I would just accept the denial and move on. Since i am a slave, if i knew it was a Mistress who responded, I would apologize for any misunderstanding.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

RE: How do you respond to a direct denial? - 4/10/2006 12:45:05 PM

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From: MentallyDeranged,Tn.
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i see it as yet another attempt for someone to define someone else for them. All should be allowed the option to define OURSELVES. Rules exist in a 2 dimensional world just fine, but humans are complex and 3 dimensional. Shame on someone for suggesting whats right and /or wrong for another besides themselves or someone they are not involved with personally.

_____________________________

"Face Your Fears, Live Your Dreams!"-- Nike Corporation

"I will banish them from my kingdom"--- King Willie Herenton, Memphis Tn. Mayor (choke)

(in reply to entirelyhers)

RE: How do you respond to a direct denial? - 4/10/2006 1:57:00 PM

Laura

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From: Ontario, Canada
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LaMalinche

How about, "Go Away?"

You are not required to respond at all.

I second that. Why do you need to tell them anything at all? They're happy in their little corner. Let them stay there.

_____________________________

Bait & Switch - Adult column

(in reply to LaMalinche)

RE: How do you respond to a direct denial? - 4/10/2006 8:22:16 PM

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Clearly, the man is hog-tied to the concept that dominant and slave are both nouns, and can ONLY be nouns. In HIS mind, a floor cannot be a roof, therefore "a" dominant cannot be a slave. Tell him to go educate himself and get back with you in a few years.

_____________________________

Denise

Give a slave what he truly needs, and he will do what you want.

"There's never a hero in a battle of ego." - Big & Rich

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

RE: How do you respond to a direct denial? - 4/11/2006 7:41:59 PM

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I am not getting that Tross cares or is bothered or has trouble moving on. Even blocking seems like overkill to me. I am getting more that she is idly curious how others would respond to someone that such a different view that simply tells you are impossible.

Anyway, it reminds me of a situation where I worked in college. I would bring in a can of coke for the staff fridge. Sometimes I'd go to drink it, and it would be gone. I tried to assume this was a mistake, as there is lots of stuff in the fridge. I started writing a J for Julie on the top of the lid with a marker. I still had some awol cans. One day I walked in and found a co-worker drinking my coke.

Me: I think you made a mistake -- that is my coke.
Her: No it isn't.
Me: Yeah, actually it is. I wrote that J on the top.
Her: That is not a J.
Me: What? I wrote the J...
Her: No it isn't. It is a C..C for coke.

Umm, well...gee. Who can argue with that?

Okay, I guess that is not the same situation at all.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

RE: How do you respond to a direct denial? - 4/12/2006 1:50:47 AM

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Personally, I wouldn't even bother; trying to reason with someone who's that stubborn is usually a futile waste of energy. We can't call definite positions in BDSM because BDSM is not a science by any stretch of the imagination. If we wanted to come close to a science, we would apply principles of psychology, which define our personalities (in this case, our switch preference) as estuaries of multiple causes and therefore could never explicitly define what we are perfectly into one single category.
I would thank the gentleman (or lady) for their opinion and discontinue the discussion.

-- CM

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

RE: How do you respond to a direct denial? - 4/12/2006 5:07:07 AM

bignipples2share

Posts: 611
Joined: 4/19/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Sensualips

Anyway, it reminds me of a situation where I worked in college. I would bring in a can of coke for the staff fridge. Sometimes I'd go to drink it, and it would be gone. I tried to assume this was a mistake, as there is lots of stuff in the fridge. I started writing a J for Julie on the top of the lid with a marker. I still had some awol cans. One day I walked in and found a co-worker drinking my coke.

Me: I think you made a mistake -- that is my coke.
Her: No it isn't.
Me: Yeah, actually it is. I wrote that J on the top.
Her: That is not a J.
Me: What? I wrote the J...
Her: No it isn't. It is a C..C for coke.

Umm, well...gee. Who can argue with that?

Okay, I guess that is not the same situation at all.

ROFLMAO
This really touched my funny bone. Thanks! I think the only recourse after that would have been to spell your whole name out. >> still laughing <<

ahhhhh I see sounds

(in reply to Sensualips)

RE: How do you respond to a direct denial? - 4/16/2006 8:57:17 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Alacrity
Out of curiosity do you care what they think? From your posts, you seem to know who you are and what you want. Given that, why would you care about the opinion of [I'm assuming] a stranger?

I think the point of this is something that many of us have known for quite sometime...LA is actually human and capable of having peoples judgements hit a little too close to home and hurt...lets not fall over in shock.

LA you're a brillient old soul that frankly defies categorizing. You know more about many lifestyle things than handfuls of Dom/mes on here put together. You identify as a slave but are strong enough in your beliefs that only a very skilled and accomplished dominant would dare to attempt to court you.
Take this dillhole for what he is...someone trying to make themselves look and feel better by hurting you. As you've said before the more discussion that goes on about someone using others to improve their supposed standing, the more we lower ourselves to their level.

(in reply to Alacrity)

RE: How do you respond to a direct denial? - 4/16/2006 10:11:36 PM

bignipples2share

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It's also getting a bit old when people tell you you're not into BDSM because you're not 24/7. As I posted in another thread, that I'm sure I'm going to get alot of flack from...BD is Bondange..SM is Sado/Maso. I don't see ANYthing that says 24/7 OR that it can't be about SEX and the BIG O. If that's the way someone else wants it, fine..but that doesn't mean it has to be like that for everyone. Just because it's NOT about everything that they are not doing, does not mean that it's just kinky vanilla sex.
___________________
Ahhhhh I see sounds
~ Just because I don't have a plug up his butt 24/7 does not mean it's just kinky and vanilla

(in reply to theRose4U)

RE: How do you respond to a direct denial? - 4/16/2006 10:34:05 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Got this email today. Someone just flat out saying that who I am and what I'm saying isn't right and that I'm just confused.

How would you respond (other than f you)?

Is there a point in continuing a conversation with someone who is convinced you are wrong about yourself?

Me: I consider myself a slave who is also a dominant.

Them: An oxymoron - I'm sorry; this is a crime against ontology! You are, instead, merely undecided, unclear about your role - which is fine. Most subs entertain topping from below; and this is an interesting area of debate. But an authentic slave and an authentic Dom are mutually-exclusive, ontollogically, ritualistically, and practically. To attempt to ratify these two position by merely insisting upon the power of one's own subjectivity is like calling black white. It's just bad science.

Me: I've been active in the real world scene for nearly 8 years now. I've been owned and lived as a slave in relationships until last summer. I've been actively topping for a few years now and have developed into relationships as a dominant.

Them: All indications are that you are in transition.

This sounds to me like somebody whose expertise on the subject of BDSM comes from having read a book titled "BDSM for Dummies" or something like that.

It's something I've noticed a lot of online, people who are convinced that everybody else should fit their pre-conceived notions. Most of these people, I believe, have very little real life experience with real life people. Instead, they spend their lives hiding behind their computers, typing with one hand and doing something else with the other, making up rules "Real BDSM."

_____________________________

Harry

"I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book."

Groucho Marx

www.desertdominion.org

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

RE: How do you respond to a direct denial? - 4/16/2006 11:17:10 PM

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From: Sacramento
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LuckyAlbatross,

As someone who in the short time I have been here has impressed me deeply with your intuition and insight, I am surprised you didn't see through that email.

The guy is hitting on you. He is either a dom using that tacky practice of scolding a submissive hoping you will hit a hot botton and she will respond trying to fix the wrongdoing. Or he is a sub male hoping to provoke you into controlling him, berating him so he can get his jollies off.

I am a bit surprised at you, I would figure someone as astute as yourself would know that what others say tells more about them than you. You are who you are, a well grounded woman doing her own thing, keep it up!

(in reply to ServiceNTucson)

RE: How do you respond to a direct denial? - 4/17/2006 2:35:13 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ServiceNTucson
Instead, they spend their lives hiding behind their computers, typing with one hand and doing something else with the other, making up rules "Real BDSM."

Hush now.. I will never tell what I'm doing with my other hand.

(in reply to ServiceNTucson)

RE: How do you respond to a direct denial? - 4/21/2006 6:46:29 AM

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OK so 11 days after my last reply to this person which was essentially "This is who I am." they actually still decided to respond:

My word, I had not realised the length of time you spend in this site's bulletin boards, supposedly - as you seem to think - putting all the little people right on moral and intellectual issues; correcting them on all manner of things. As you say, you 'live for' intellectual discourse, philosophy. For sure you do - at least as you define them. Quantity belies only one kind of application, however; quality belies another. You are profilic in the former; but grandly lacking in the latter it seems. The evidence is there, in those boards. Your ability to grab the wrong end of the stick is simply stunning. You hit upon one part of something someone says, amplifying it, in order to make some tentative, over-egged point, in a hollow self-interested, bullying commitment to a depleted, simplistic quasi-dialects. You moderate on an uninvited basis; a big fish in a little pond. You abandoned our discussion because your limitations came up and bit you. Of course, you'll confect some kind of excuse; groping for subjectivity, emotion; ditching the 'living for discourse' in so doing, but retaining it anyway, as a badge to brandish, but without substance.

If I had known how much you seem to enjoy putting people down, I would have taken off the kid gloves during our exchanges. Do some more reading; ideally, please do some more thinking - especially before opening your mouth or tapping your mistaken, ill-conceived, and corrosive invective into your computer. Additionally, please drop the tedious footer '...Find stable partners, not a stable of partners...'. Cheap poetry doesn't always reveal hidden truths; pithy isn't always smart.

I am actually attempting to help; though I find your activities distasteful.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

RE: How do you respond to a direct denial? - 4/21/2006 7:27:35 AM

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Why is this person taking it upon themself to analyze you? Is he/she/it a doctor of psychology? Furthermore why should they care who you are and what it is that you do? It's none of their business plain and simple.

I'd just say I am what I am and thats all I can, or want to be. I don't require the approval of anyone else to live my life as I see fit.

~Lashra

(in reply to Alacrity)

RE: How do you respond to a direct denial? - 4/21/2006 7:34:26 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lashra
Why is this person taking it upon themself to analyze you? Is he/she/it a doctor of psychology? Furthermore why should they care who you are and what it is that you do? It's none of their business plain and simple.

I'd just say I am what I am and thats all I can, or want to be. I don't require the approval of anyone else to live my life as I see fit.

~Lashra

My guess is that it's a form of getting a rise/making a trap. If they get my attention and get me into a banter with them, they want to try and confuse me with their intelligence and then become the tutor that leads me into the light with their guidance.

Once they learned more about me and how my thought process works (which I think is pretty obvious) then they can get to wedge in more and exploit my insecurities, thus furthering my need to prove myself and gain their favor.

Of course, the fact that I SEE all of it as complete BS here and now kinda ruins the whole idea. But it works on a lot of people.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Lashra)

RE: How do you respond to a direct denial? - 4/21/2006 8:30:23 AM

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From: Pennsylvania
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LA - I'd say that you have really hit a nerve with this person - big time. You know who you are, beyond that, it doesn't matter what he/she thinks. My guess is he/she is suffering from: jealous, much?

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

RE: How do you respond to a direct denial? - 4/21/2006 8:58:29 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied
My guess is he/she is suffering from: jealous, much?

I doubt it's jealousy. I'm thinking it's more just some need to conquer, and a narcissistic desire to wipe the smarm from my face.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to KatyLied)

RE: How do you respond to a direct denial? - 4/21/2006 9:01:24 AM

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quote:

nd a narcissistic desire to wipe the smarm from my face.

Ah, I always thought your face looked funny.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

RE: How do you respond to a direct denial? - 4/23/2006 11:11:21 AM

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LOL! I'm finding this individual extremely entertaining. LA, you must have really bruised their little ego, for them to spend so much time trying to impress (and shame at the same time) you with their superior intellect.

_____________________________

Denise

Give a slave what he truly needs, and he will do what you want.

"There's never a hero in a battle of ego." - Big & Rich

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

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