married subs finding Dommes to serve

married subs finding Dommes to serve (Full Version)

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chicagosubsteve -> married subs finding Dommes to serve (6/16/2010 11:48:24 AM)
i'm new to collar me but, more importantly, have only seriously been exploring by needs to submit for a strong demanding woman for just over a year. my profile sets out my first attempt here to describe what i'm looking for and i have posted a journal entry that shares my feelings after a recent session wtih a Pro Domme. the overall context is that this is all happening within the context of what i generally consider to be a happy marriage. over the course of years i've tried to raise the issue of wanting to be spanked, or have toys used on me but she has zippo interest. to date i've been able to get my needs met with Pro Domme services (escort or Lifestyle) but am hoping for a more consistent relationship with someOne seeking a part-time but regular sub for service and more. i welcome any feedback, input, suggestions and comments You have to offer. thank You very much. humbly in service, chicagosubsteve

LadyPact -> RE: married subs finding Dommes to serve (6/16/2010 11:50:41 AM)
I think you're going to find that a good number of folks are not interested in married submissives if the wife at home has no knowledge of your activities or has given her consent.

LadyNTrainer -> RE: married subs finding Dommes to serve (6/16/2010 1:46:24 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact I think you're going to find that a good number of folks are not interested in married submissives if the wife at home has no knowledge of your activities or has given her consent. Seconded. While I will do professional gym training sessions (no sexual contact) under these circumstances, I am not interested in personally relating to men who are lying, sneaking or cheating on their significant others. There is no doubt in my mind that a person willing to do that is not someone I can rely on to be honest with me, either. Without honesty and trust, there is no relationship possible other than a distant, polite and professional one.

OttersSwim -> RE: married subs finding Dommes to serve (6/16/2010 3:46:00 PM)
Steve, Welcome to the forums. BDSM relationships are built on trust between the parties - rather intense trust. After all, you are both participating in intimate acts and one party is often physically compromised. You need that trust, and you need honesty. Your profile does not say if you are doing this behind your wife's back or not. If so, then I will urge you to realize that if this is something that you decide you -need- in your life, you will have built yourself a neat trap out of which you can not escape into truth and honesty without tears and likely lawyers...Telling this person that you are married to that you want to pursue a BDSM relationship is hard enough...add to that the "Oh yea, and I cheated on you to find that out..." BOOM No coming back from that one...and carrying that lie and betrayal around for the rest of your life is gonna suck because it will put up a wall between you and your wife that you likely will not be able to get around back to a place of authenticity and love should you ever desire. We get a few married guys in here looking around and many don't see that trap until it is too late. Not sure what your situation is, but give it a hard think before you proceed any further. Better to hurt her honestly and separate with honor than betray a sacred trust. Welcome to the forums...

Ladynslave -> RE: married subs finding Dommes to serve (6/16/2010 4:13:15 PM)
I expect my submissives/slaves to be 100% devoted to me. I also expect them to be trust worthy. Neither can be with a little wife on the side. I would suggest that if you are not planning to get divorced, continue your visits to ProDommes. There is less chance she will find out about your other activities if it's a pay for play situation. The fastest way to get found out is to have an ongoing relationship.

LadyHibiscus -> RE: married subs finding Dommes to serve (6/16/2010 8:48:04 PM)
I will take on married submissives with their spouse's permission. Funny, most of them don't respond to me after I tell them that... What Otters said is spot on.

DarkSteven -> RE: married subs finding Dommes to serve (6/16/2010 8:55:49 PM)
It's worse than that. May pro Dommes will not take on a man who is cheating. Aside from the ethical concerns, sooner or later the wife finds out and then it gets messy. And a Domina who will accept the role of the "other woman" for free? Not when there are plenty of other malesubs for her to choose from. Basically, you need to make a decision, Steve.

SamanthaQ -> RE: married subs finding Dommes to serve (6/16/2010 9:04:56 PM)
You want advice on how to cheat on your wife? I consider submitting to someone outside of marriage cheating even if there is no sex. If a man is willing to cheat on his wife then he isn't the type of guy I would want as a D/s partner. If he own wife can't trust him then how can I?

LadyCimarron -> RE: married subs finding Dommes to serve (6/17/2010 2:25:15 AM)
You say you have a happy marriage. If you want it to stay happy, you should stay home with your wife and focus your attention on serving her and keeping her happy. What exactly could you offer a lifestyle domme that a single and free submale could not give her?

LadyHibiscus -> RE: married subs finding Dommes to serve (6/17/2010 9:06:22 AM)
OMG this is an eeeny hijack, but years ago I got a voicemail from a MysteryWoman who said she got my number FROM HER HUSBAND'S WALLET. She wanted me to know that he was married, and that he was into this internet game, and to please stop talking to him. Which I did. The mystery call that I got at dinner from a woman that said WHO IS THIS???? was another charmer!! She'll find out, dude.

chicagosubsteve -> RE: married subs finding Dommes to serve (6/17/2010 12:03:23 PM)
first, thanks A/all for your input. not the answers i was hoping for (why is it guys can't have their cake and eat it too?! s) but the answers i should have expected. i'm glad i could be honest here and put myself out there for Your respectful and thoughtful perspectives.

LadyPact -> RE: married subs finding Dommes to serve (6/17/2010 12:05:56 PM)
I'm glad you were honest about it, but exactly why would you think kinky people have a different attitude on a moral issue such as cheating?

PeonForHer -> RE: married subs finding Dommes to serve (6/17/2010 12:41:48 PM)
Maybe one reason is that for many submales a wife or girlfriend has to be a woman. A femdom, on the other hand, has to be a Goddess (with that obligatory capital 'G', natch). The first is human, the second isn't. No entity can be both of these; therefore, a submale just must find one of both. And different sets of morals apply to each, too, of course.

LadyNTrainer -> RE: married subs finding Dommes to serve (6/17/2010 1:08:03 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: chicagosubsteve first, thanks A/all for your input. not the answers i was hoping for (why is it guys can't have their cake and eat it too?! s) but the answers i should have expected. Same reason a woman can't either. Ethical poly works, cheating and lying to someone you love doesn't. Denying your partner the choice of being in a relationship with someone who chooses nonmonogamy, or worse, exposing them to the risk of disease without their knowledge because you didn't play safe, that's utterly unethical. Lack of trust destroys and undermines intimacy, and makes it impossible to have a healthy relationship. That's equally true for both genders. Having either a dick or a pussy does not make it okay, or very functional or healthy, to lie to your partner. If you are a decent person, you'll quit doing it and come to terms with her in a way that is honest and honorable. That could be a breakup, or that could be ethical polyamory, where you are honest about seeing professionals and seeking a D/s relationship with her permission and under the boundaries and rules that she sets. But as long as you're a lying, sneaking cheater, nobody who isn't the same caliber of person will want you. And think about it - do you really want to submit to someone who lies and cheats? Or do you want a better class of person in your life, someone you can trust and respect? Be the change you want to see. Or don't, and accept that you suck and that nobody worth respecting will want to have anything to do with you. Choices are pretty clear here. quote: i'm glad i could be honest here and put myself out there for Your respectful and thoughtful perspectives. Now go do the same with your wife. That's where it counts, not in a chat room of Internet strangers.

OttersSwim -> RE: married subs finding Dommes to serve (6/17/2010 1:20:46 PM)
See P, I disagree. If our Dominant Ladies cannot be human too, then we are all setting ourselves up for failure. They are going to have good days and bad, strength and weakness, wisdom and folly and we really -have- to give them that! Steve, thanks for coming back and replying. Without doubt, being kinky and having a vanilla partner evokes hard choices. But if we are brought to it, we will be able to get through it if we conduct ourselves with strength, honor, and integrity. Love rarely lasts forever and sometimes two people grow in different directions. This happened to me and I endured for more than a dozen years...I never cheated on her, rather I just went to sleep in my own life. It was not a good choice for anyone. Once I woke up, there were tears on both sides, but today we are still friends and are both happier. I hope for love, light, and happiness for you. And I hope you will consider our words and act as a man should - from a place of strength and honor and integrity. Even if it means pain. Do the right thing, not the easy thing. [:)]

PeonForHer -> RE: married subs finding Dommes to serve (6/17/2010 3:35:37 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: OttersSwim See P, I disagree. If our Dominant Ladies cannot be human too, then we are all setting ourselves up for failure. They are going to have good days and bad, strength and weakness, wisdom and folly and we really -have- to give them that! But you're different, Otters. You performed the ultimate act of submission. You're bound to take a pretty unique perspective. Actually, I don't expect them to have strengths and wisdom. Let's face it - how could they? They're only bloody women, after all. So long as they want to carry on dominating, that suits me.

LadyHibiscus -> RE: married subs finding Dommes to serve (6/17/2010 3:36:48 PM)
Okay, baby, I have to know---what is the ultimate act of submission? Other than MARRIAGE, I mean!

OttersSwim -> RE: married subs finding Dommes to serve (6/17/2010 4:15:16 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: PeonForHer quote: ORIGINAL: OttersSwim See P, I disagree. If our Dominant Ladies cannot be human too, then we are all setting ourselves up for failure. They are going to have good days and bad, strength and weakness, wisdom and folly and we really -have- to give them that! But you're different, Otters. You performed the ultimate act of submission. You're bound to take a pretty unique perspective. Actually, I don't expect them to have strengths and wisdom. Let's face it - how could they? They're only bloody women, after all. So long as they want to carry on dominating, that suits me. How am I different P? Because I honored my vow? Am I that frickin' unique among male-kind that on a day in April in 1993 I said "I will" and I actually did? Even when it hurt?! What hope have we if that were true!? Again, I think this site skews the perception of "Men" because we see so many here that have either given up trying to be a "Man", or those that are confused and waffling on the edge of a crux in their lives. The real "Men" are off living their lives, making hard decisions, sticking to their word, lifting heavy objects and spitting! They don't come here with these questions of cheating because it is already decided -within- them... Ladies, I hereby formally suggest that you all take off and nuke the planet from orbit and start again...it's the only way to be sure...P and I will stay behind and make sure none of the losers sneak on to your ship... ...fuck!... [&o]

LadyHibiscus -> RE: married subs finding Dommes to serve (6/17/2010 4:17:05 PM)
I love you, man![:)]

PeonForHer -> RE: married subs finding Dommes to serve (6/17/2010 4:21:21 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus Okay, baby, I have to know---what is the ultimate act of submission? Other than MARRIAGE, I mean! You got it, Lady Hibbers. Chuckle Nothing gets past you. [;)]

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