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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/27/2006 10:42:18 PM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

I'm trying to put up a bookshelf, but can't get into the concrete.  How do I put it up?


Drill two large holes through the wall. Run some thick chain through the walls and around the bookshelf. Arc weld the ends of the chain to an old car, put the car in gear and let the tension in the chain hold the shelves up. If that is impractical then hire three Jehova's Witnesses to hold up the bookshelf.


I think I broke the sliding door on my closet in my apartment. I don't want to get charged by the landlord for a new door. Please, any help would be wonderful.

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to gooddogbenji)
Profile   Post #: 461
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/27/2006 10:48:21 PM   
yourMissTress


Posts: 1665
Joined: 6/14/2005
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		Duct Tape!!!!!!!!!!!
 
I hate coloring my hair but don't want anyone to know my real hair color...can anyone help me?

_____________________________

Tress


"If you have to tell people that you are a lady, you are not." My Grandmother


(in reply to Gauge)
Profile   Post #: 462
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/27/2006 11:01:06 PM   
CERCKL


Posts: 1039
Joined: 3/4/2006
Status: offline 		Big floppy straw hat over your smoothly shaved head.

I have to replace my transmission in my car but can't afford it, what should I do?

C

_____________________________

AND I AM TOO AN ASSHOLE, I HAVE REFERENCES!!!

"Please, please, please believe me, I really am an asshole. All that Enlightenment and Higher Learning shit was all a ruse."

(in reply to yourMissTress)
Profile   Post #: 463
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/27/2006 11:07:53 PM   
UtopianRanger


Posts: 3251
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CERCKL

Big floppy straw hat over your smoothly shaved head.

I have to replace my transmission in my car but can't afford it, what should I do?

C



Take some very finely ground sawdust and mix it sparingly into a new bottle of ATF

I have a couple of brush goats that won't eat the briars. What should I do?


_____________________________

"If you are going to win any battle, you have to do one thing. You have to make the mind run the body. Never let the body tell the mind what to do... the body is never tired if the mind is not tired."

-General George S. Patton


(in reply to CERCKL)
Profile   Post #: 464
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/28/2006 1:06:31 AM   
rivenmoon


Posts: 330
Joined: 6/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: UtopianRanger

I have a couple of brush goats that won't eat the briars. What should I do?



Replace with a herd of elephants to trample the remains and level the ground.
P.S flat brush goats make nifty bath mats.
 
What do I do to stop my dog from barking at the next door neighbours kids?

(in reply to UtopianRanger)
Profile   Post #: 465
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/28/2006 1:39:54 AM   
sylphgossamer


Posts: 383
Joined: 1/22/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: rivenmoon

Replace with a herd of elephants to trample the remains and level the ground.
P.S flat brush goats make nifty bath mats.
 
What do I do to stop my dog from barking at the next door neighbours kids?


borrow the above said elephants to sit on the kids and have the dog watch; should cease the barking.

i can't seem to get back to sleep, and i got precious little sleep last night as well. what can i do so i will be rested?

_____________________________

got shoes?

(in reply to rivenmoon)
Profile   Post #: 466
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/28/2006 3:41:21 AM   
chainedupnick


Posts: 49
Joined: 8/10/2005
Status: offline 		Hire someone to knock you out with a 2x4... that should put you right to sleep.

i can't stop scratching my zits... what do i do?

(in reply to sylphgossamer)
Profile   Post #: 467
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/28/2006 6:16:54 AM   
Takethiswaltz


Posts: 199
Joined: 3/13/2006
Status: offline 		wear boxing gloves at all times.
 
I went from a blonde to a redhead, but i still act like a blonde.
can anyone help?

_____________________________

Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in...

~Leonard Cohen~

(in reply to chainedupnick)
Profile   Post #: 468
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/28/2006 7:42:41 AM   
siouxie


Posts: 1725
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Southwest UK
Status: offline 		y'know you're gonna have to dye ALL your hair to stop acting like a natural blonde...


how do i stop the puppy making a mess on the carpet?

_____________________________

[/end sarcasm]

My therapist says that would not be appropriate just now

(in reply to Takethiswaltz)
Profile   Post #: 469
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/28/2006 9:29:18 AM   
SylentStryder


Posts: 85
Joined: 6/24/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: siouxie

y'know you're gonna have to dye ALL your hair to stop acting like a natural blonde...


how do i stop the puppy making a mess on the carpet?


Remove all the carpet !

My rent is due again, why does this keep happening every damned month???

_____________________________

I am of Gor, she is in me, I am her.

(in reply to siouxie)
Profile   Post #: 470
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/28/2006 9:53:57 AM   
siouxie


Posts: 1725
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Southwest UK
Status: offline 		move house just before the rent is due each month.

how do i safely dispose of those incriminating photos?

_____________________________

[/end sarcasm]

My therapist says that would not be appropriate just now

(in reply to SylentStryder)
Profile   Post #: 471
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/28/2006 1:06:46 PM   
SylentStryder


Posts: 85
Joined: 6/24/2005
Status: offline 		Send em to me !!!!

Name was removed from GrandPa's will.............damnit....now what?

_____________________________

I am of Gor, she is in me, I am her.

(in reply to siouxie)
Profile   Post #: 472
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/28/2006 1:08:41 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		Remove the other people attached to it.

I need to win a lottery, this day to day working dronage is disconcerting.

Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to SylentStryder)
Profile   Post #: 473
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/28/2006 1:09:17 PM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

how do i safely dispose of those incriminating photos?


Place them under the broiler in your oven. Let them there for at least three hours. You can go for a walk or go shopping, there is no need to watch them.


I am thinking of going to a movie tonight but I am not sure. What should I do?

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to siouxie)
Profile   Post #: 474
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/28/2006 1:11:10 PM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

I need to win a lottery, this day to day working dronage is disconcerting.


Sell everything you own and buy as many lottery tickets that you can.

I am thinking of going to a movie tonight but I am not sure. What should I do?


_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 475
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/28/2006 1:52:30 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:


I am thinking of going to a movie tonight but I am not sure. What should I do?


Don't go to one, make your own. Amateur porn video's are all the rage. Himself got a job offer in Fargo, ND which will add substantial income to the household, but I mean, Fargo, you know?  Should he take the job? 

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to Gauge)
Profile   Post #: 476
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/28/2006 7:14:03 PM   
UtopianRanger


Posts: 3251
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

quote:


I am thinking of going to a movie tonight but I am not sure. What should I do?


Don't go to one, make your own. Amateur porn video's are all the rage. Himself got a job offer in Fargo, ND which will add substantial income to the household, but I mean, Fargo, you know?  Should he take the job? 



No... I'd work on him to stay in Twin Cities and convince him to collect cans on the side of the road.

The pump house for my well is infested with Brown Recluse spiders. What should I do?


_____________________________

"If you are going to win any battle, you have to do one thing. You have to make the mind run the body. Never let the body tell the mind what to do... the body is never tired if the mind is not tired."

-General George S. Patton


(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 477
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/28/2006 7:40:11 PM   
HouseofBear


Posts: 1280
Joined: 2/9/2005
Status: offline 		The pump house for my well is infested with Brown Recluse spiders. What should I do?

Collect black widow spiders and add them to the mix for variety.  Stick your arm in to make sure they are well mixed.

I am relandscaping my backyard, what kind of plants should I add?

(in reply to UtopianRanger)
Profile   Post #: 478
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/28/2006 10:00:42 PM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

I am relandscaping my backyard, what kind of plants should I add?


I understand that there are varieties of poisonous plants that look lovely. And anything with thorns... lots of thorns.


I am thinking of putting up some curtains in my apartment but I am not quite sure how to put them up. Any suggestions other than duct tape which would be too easy?

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to HouseofBear)
Profile   Post #: 479
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/28/2006 10:12:02 PM   
sylphgossamer


Posts: 383
Joined: 1/22/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge

I am thinking of putting up some curtains in my apartment but I am not quite sure how to put them up. Any suggestions other than duct tape which would be too easy?


why, staples of course! fast and used by the professionals.

i have far too many weeds to get rid of and roses to cut back and need a quick way to get rid of the weeds while keeping the flowers (and cut back the roses to thorny canes)?

_____________________________

got shoes?

(in reply to Gauge)
Profile   Post #: 480
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