RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (Full Version)

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Gauge -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (5/29/2006 8:25:06 AM)

quote:

I would like to see a carousel which has nude human figures to ride. How should the figures be positioned on the merry-go-round?


In a circle. Sheesh... such questions.


I have a decision to make today. I need to figure out if I want to go to an amusement park or a cookout. It is a beautiful day today so either one would be great. Please help me figure it out.




Petruchio -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (5/29/2006 8:53:12 AM)

quote:

I have a decision to make today. I need to figure out if I want to go to an amusement park or a cookout. It is a beautiful day today so either one would be great. Please help me figure it out.


Why not do both? Take your grill to the park and pay full admission for it. Take it on rides until you're ready to eat. Then break out the hotdogs and buns, light the fire, and cook! If you forgot to bring hotdogs and hamburger, you can buy some at the park and slap them on the grill.

I missed the last minute of the Indy 500. How can I recapture the moment?




Wolf1020 -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (5/29/2006 9:12:36 AM)

quote:

I missed the last minute of the Indy 500. How can I recapture the moment?

fly past a speed trap going fast as you can and then keep going untill you see a checkered flag.

I have really annoying neighbors that come and go as all hours of the day and night, how should I deal with them




indybbwsubbie -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (5/29/2006 9:26:33 AM)

Well - if you live in indy.......you get to watch it over and over on the news!!!




BastianDuVane -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (5/29/2006 11:26:37 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Wolf1020

I have really annoying neighbors that come and go as all hours of the day and night, how should I deal with them


If you insist on dealing with them, I would recommend 5 card draw, Jacks or better. That gives you pretty good odds though it's best if you don't deal with them and just let them play the slots.


I have a bit of a headache. What should I do about it?




Wolf1020 -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (5/29/2006 11:31:19 AM)

What yourself in the head with a hammer as hard as you can, this will put you into a state where the headache wont bother you.

I tried playing five card draw jacks or better with them but they just robbed me and took all my money, and my deck of cards too.  What should I do.




Gauge -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (5/29/2006 5:02:09 PM)

quote:

I tried playing five card draw jacks or better with them but they just robbed me and took all my money, and my deck of cards too.  What should I do.


Hit them in the head with a hammer, drag their limp bodies into the depths of the subway and strap them to the tracks. The train will do the rest.


I just suggested to someone that they dispose of their annoying neighbors. Was this a bad thing to do? Should I have given them better advice?




Wolf1020 -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (5/29/2006 5:39:10 PM)

Yes it was and you should have given better advice.  Everyone knows the best way to dispose of a body is to put it into a hog pen or a pool of aligators.

I have just given some redneck murder cover up advice.  How long do I have to get out of town before the cops catch on and come to get me?




Gauge -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (5/29/2006 10:02:08 PM)

quote:

I have just given some redneck murder cover up advice.  How long do I have to get out of town before the cops catch on and come to get me?


Call them and find out... duh. [8|]


I am not sure, but I think my old car is posessed. Is that possible and what can I do about it?




Riff -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (5/29/2006 10:04:10 PM)

quote:




I am not sure, but I think my old car is posessed. Is that possible and what can I do about it?


I don't know about old cars being possessed but my new car got repossessed [:'(][;)][:D]




denika -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (5/30/2006 12:39:10 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge


I am not sure, but I think my old car is posessed. Is that possible and what can I do about it?


Sacrafice a chicken on the hood (the neighbors will love it) and then chant the owners manual over the engine... That aught to do the trick.


I'm thinking of having my tongue peirced, what would be the best way to do it?


denika




LaMalinche -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (5/30/2006 6:50:28 AM)

Get an awl and a hammer and a good friend.  Go out to a big rock and stick out your tongue while your friend does the rest.  Trust me, it will stop bleeding in a few days.

I cannot seem to pay attention, any suggestions?




Mercnbeth -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (5/30/2006 7:09:56 AM)

quote:

LaMalinche Get an awl and a hammer and a good friend.  Go out to a big rock and stick out your tongue while your friend does the rest.  Trust me, it will stop bleeding in a few days.

I cannot seem to pay attention, any suggestions?


First LaMalinche, you gave very dangerous advise! Remember it's almost summer. You should be careful if the rock has been in the blazing sun all day. You forgot to advise denika to make sure the rock wasn't hot before laying her tongue on it. she could burn herself! Although it may help to cauterize the hole. I always prepare the rock and "sterilize" it by urinating on it and the awl first. Remember always RACK & SSC!

Now - What was your question again......?

The anti-christ is being born next week and I haven't gotten anything for a gift. Any suggestions?




Lashra -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (5/30/2006 7:21:13 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth


The anti-christ is being born next week and I haven't gotten anything for a gift. Any suggestions?

A lovely black wrought iron crib mobile with tiny Pat Robertson figures that twirl around to the tune of " I left my heart in San Francisco"

How do I get telemarketers to stop calling me during my Bondage sessions?


~Lashra




Dustyn -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (5/30/2006 10:01:11 AM)

Buy a speaker phone and use it...

I keep chewing on the inside of my cheek. Does that make me a cannibal or simply self destructive?




Gauge -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (5/30/2006 10:20:49 AM)

quote:

I keep chewing on the inside of my cheek. Does that make me a cannibal or simply self destructive?


You can answer that question simply by coming to grips with what is gnawing you.


My dentist wants me to come on for a checkup. I hate the dentist because they always want to drill something. I brush, floss, fluoride and fuss over my teeth. Is there anything more i can do?




Mercnbeth -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (5/30/2006 10:57:48 AM)

quote:

My dentist wants me to come on for a checkup. I hate the dentist because they always want to drill something. I brush, floss, fluoride and fuss over my teeth. Is there anything more i can do?


Go one more time and have him remove all the teeth and replace them with dentures. Then you will avoid any trips to the dentist. You can just send in your teeth by parcel post for their annual check up.

What do you think the best tactic would be if I turn myself into the INS claiming I'm here illegally? I want them to deport me to Sicily for a vacation.




Gauge -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (5/30/2006 1:46:52 PM)

quote:

What do you think the best tactic would be if I turn myself into the INS claiming I'm here illegally? I want them to deport me to Sicily for a vacation.


Well, what I would do is I would get a handgun and go stage a mob style execution. Then tell the authorities that you are here illegally from Sicily. They will do the rest for you.


My one neighbor down the street is pregnant. She says she is due around the 6th of next month. What if she is birthing the anti-Christ? Should I do something?




Kissiah -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (5/30/2006 2:01:34 PM)

Run!

I just got a spam IM from someone I don't know, what should I do?\

Peace,
Kiss




Gauge -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (5/30/2006 2:08:58 PM)

quote:

I just got a spam IM from someone I don't know, what should I do?


If it is asking for your passwords, bank accounts and billing information I assure you that it is legitimate. It is most likely your ISP trying to confirm your information.


I am a victim of identity theft. What should I do?




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