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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 5/29/2006 8:25:06 AM

Gauge

Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

I would like to see a carousel which has nude human figures to ride. How should the figures be positioned on the merry-go-round?

In a circle. Sheesh... such questions.

I have a decision to make today. I need to figure out if I want to go to an amusement park or a cookout. It is a beautiful day today so either one would be great. Please help me figure it out.

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to Petruchio)

Post #: 861

RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 5/29/2006 8:53:12 AM

Petruchio

Posts: 1615
Joined: 2/6/2005
Status: offline

quote:

I have a decision to make today. I need to figure out if I want to go to an amusement park or a cookout. It is a beautiful day today so either one would be great. Please help me figure it out.

Why not do both? Take your grill to the park and pay full admission for it. Take it on rides until you're ready to eat. Then break out the hotdogs and buns, light the fire, and cook! If you forgot to bring hotdogs and hamburger, you can buy some at the park and slap them on the grill.

I missed the last minute of the Indy 500. How can I recapture the moment?

(in reply to Gauge)

Post #: 862

RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 5/29/2006 9:12:36 AM

Wolf1020

Posts: 447
Joined: 11/7/2005
From: Anderson, SC
Status: offline

quote:

I missed the last minute of the Indy 500. How can I recapture the moment?

fly past a speed trap going fast as you can and then keep going untill you see a checkered flag.

I have really annoying neighbors that come and go as all hours of the day and night, how should I deal with them

_____________________________

"The less people know about how sausages and laws are made, the better they'll sleep at night."~ Otto von Bismarck

"Fish and visitors smell in three days"~Benjamin Franklin

(in reply to Petruchio)

Post #: 863

RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 5/29/2006 9:26:33 AM

indybbwsubbie

Posts: 51
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

Well - if you live in indy.......you get to watch it over and over on the news!!!

(in reply to Wolf1020)

Post #: 864

RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 5/29/2006 11:26:37 AM

BastianDuVane

Posts: 58
Joined: 9/13/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Wolf1020

I have really annoying neighbors that come and go as all hours of the day and night, how should I deal with them

If you insist on dealing with them, I would recommend 5 card draw, Jacks or better. That gives you pretty good odds though it's best if you don't deal with them and just let them play the slots.

I have a bit of a headache. What should I do about it?

_____________________________

You've pushed too far and now
you've lost control can't you see?
You thought you were the master
but you're down on your knees.
It's all for the taking, here tonight

- London After Midnight - Where Good Girls Go to Die

(in reply to Wolf1020)

Post #: 865

RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 5/29/2006 11:31:19 AM

Wolf1020

Posts: 447
Joined: 11/7/2005
From: Anderson, SC
Status: offline

What yourself in the head with a hammer as hard as you can, this will put you into a state where the headache wont bother you.

I tried playing five card draw jacks or better with them but they just robbed me and took all my money, and my deck of cards too. What should I do.

_____________________________

"The less people know about how sausages and laws are made, the better they'll sleep at night."~ Otto von Bismarck

"Fish and visitors smell in three days"~Benjamin Franklin

(in reply to BastianDuVane)

Post #: 866

RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 5/29/2006 5:02:09 PM

Gauge

Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

I tried playing five card draw jacks or better with them but they just robbed me and took all my money, and my deck of cards too. What should I do.

Hit them in the head with a hammer, drag their limp bodies into the depths of the subway and strap them to the tracks. The train will do the rest.

I just suggested to someone that they dispose of their annoying neighbors. Was this a bad thing to do? Should I have given them better advice?

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to Wolf1020)

Post #: 867

RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 5/29/2006 5:39:10 PM

Wolf1020

Posts: 447
Joined: 11/7/2005
From: Anderson, SC
Status: offline

Yes it was and you should have given better advice. Everyone knows the best way to dispose of a body is to put it into a hog pen or a pool of aligators.

I have just given some redneck murder cover up advice. How long do I have to get out of town before the cops catch on and come to get me?

_____________________________

"The less people know about how sausages and laws are made, the better they'll sleep at night."~ Otto von Bismarck

"Fish and visitors smell in three days"~Benjamin Franklin

(in reply to Gauge)

Post #: 868

RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 5/29/2006 10:02:08 PM

Gauge

Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

I have just given some redneck murder cover up advice. How long do I have to get out of town before the cops catch on and come to get me?

Call them and find out... duh.

I am not sure, but I think my old car is posessed. Is that possible and what can I do about it?

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to Wolf1020)

Post #: 869

RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 5/29/2006 10:04:10 PM

Riff

Posts: 51
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

I am not sure, but I think my old car is posessed. Is that possible and what can I do about it?

I don't know about old cars being possessed but my new car got repossessed

(in reply to Gauge)

Post #: 870

RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 5/30/2006 12:39:10 AM

denika

Posts: 619
Joined: 8/30/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge

I am not sure, but I think my old car is posessed. Is that possible and what can I do about it?

Sacrafice a chicken on the hood (the neighbors will love it) and then chant the owners manual over the engine... That aught to do the trick.

I'm thinking of having my tongue peirced, what would be the best way to do it?

denika

(in reply to Gauge)

Post #: 871

RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 5/30/2006 6:50:28 AM

LaMalinche

Posts: 2077
Joined: 10/20/2005
Status: offline

Get an awl and a hammer and a good friend. Go out to a big rock and stick out your tongue while your friend does the rest. Trust me, it will stop bleeding in a few days.

I cannot seem to pay attention, any suggestions?

_____________________________

Over the centuries, mankind has tried many ways of combating the forces of evil... prayer, fasting, good works and so on. Up until Doom, no one seemed to have thought about the double-barrel shotgun. Eat leaden death, demon...

(in reply to denika)

Post #: 872

RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 5/30/2006 7:09:56 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

quote:

LaMalinche Get an awl and a hammer and a good friend. Go out to a big rock and stick out your tongue while your friend does the rest. Trust me, it will stop bleeding in a few days.

I cannot seem to pay attention, any suggestions?

First LaMalinche, you gave very dangerous advise! Remember it's almost summer. You should be careful if the rock has been in the blazing sun all day. You forgot to advise denika to make sure the rock wasn't hot before laying her tongue on it. she could burn herself! Although it may help to cauterize the hole. I always prepare the rock and "sterilize" it by urinating on it and the awl first. Remember always RACK & SSC!

Now - What was your question again......?

The anti-christ is being born next week and I haven't gotten anything for a gift. Any suggestions?

(in reply to LaMalinche)

Post #: 873

RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 5/30/2006 7:21:13 AM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

The anti-christ is being born next week and I haven't gotten anything for a gift. Any suggestions?

A lovely black wrought iron crib mobile with tiny Pat Robertson figures that twirl around to the tune of " I left my heart in San Francisco"

How do I get telemarketers to stop calling me during my Bondage sessions?

~Lashra

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Post #: 874

RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 5/30/2006 10:01:11 AM

Dustyn

Posts: 1044
Joined: 4/5/2006
Status: offline

Buy a speaker phone and use it...

I keep chewing on the inside of my cheek. Does that make me a cannibal or simply self destructive?

_____________________________

Mother is the name for God on the lips and hearts of all children.

Murderer?! Murderer! Let me tell you something about murder. It's fun; it's easy; you gonna learn ALL about it. - Tin Tin

Can you be more amusing?

(in reply to Lashra)

Post #: 875

RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 5/30/2006 10:20:49 AM

Gauge

Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

I keep chewing on the inside of my cheek. Does that make me a cannibal or simply self destructive?

You can answer that question simply by coming to grips with what is gnawing you.

My dentist wants me to come on for a checkup. I hate the dentist because they always want to drill something. I brush, floss, fluoride and fuss over my teeth. Is there anything more i can do?

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to Dustyn)

Post #: 876

RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 5/30/2006 10:57:48 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

quote:

My dentist wants me to come on for a checkup. I hate the dentist because they always want to drill something. I brush, floss, fluoride and fuss over my teeth. Is there anything more i can do?

Go one more time and have him remove all the teeth and replace them with dentures. Then you will avoid any trips to the dentist. You can just send in your teeth by parcel post for their annual check up.

What do you think the best tactic would be if I turn myself into the INS claiming I'm here illegally? I want them to deport me to Sicily for a vacation.

(in reply to Gauge)

Post #: 877

RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 5/30/2006 1:46:52 PM

Gauge

Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

What do you think the best tactic would be if I turn myself into the INS claiming I'm here illegally? I want them to deport me to Sicily for a vacation.

Well, what I would do is I would get a handgun and go stage a mob style execution. Then tell the authorities that you are here illegally from Sicily. They will do the rest for you.

My one neighbor down the street is pregnant. She says she is due around the 6th of next month. What if she is birthing the anti-Christ? Should I do something?

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Post #: 878

RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 5/30/2006 2:01:34 PM

Kissiah

Posts: 1
Joined: 5/27/2006
Status: offline

Run!

I just got a spam IM from someone I don't know, what should I do?\

Peace,
Kiss

(in reply to UtopianRanger)

Post #: 879

RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 5/30/2006 2:08:58 PM

Gauge

Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

I just got a spam IM from someone I don't know, what should I do?

If it is asking for your passwords, bank accounts and billing information I assure you that it is legitimate. It is most likely your ISP trying to confirm your information.

I am a victim of identity theft. What should I do?

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to Kissiah)

Post #: 880

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