RE: Subs that buy a strap on harness - before he met a femdom?

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RE: Subs that buy a strap on harness - before he met a ... - 6/22/2010 3:00:06 PM

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So you are saying he should throw out whatever collection of things he may have from relationships before you? As DesFIPsaid, toys can be expensive, and not everyone has the ability to just waste money throwing things away.

Now I do not agree with him presenting one to his mistress as a "gift" when purchased before he even met her. But someone having their own toy bag is bound to have things in it that you might not want to use. It also might have things in it that you thought of using, but never purchased, or things you didn't think of using but upon seeing them, think "now I could do some interesting things with that."

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Subs that buy a strap on harness - before he met a ... - 6/22/2010 3:01:34 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer
I think it's good to know where the nearest pet shops are, at least.

I hope to God you meant "for a play collar".

Yes - collars, leashes and the like. What on earth are you implying, LP?! Are you suggesting that I could meet a femdom who might want me to buy a hamster, or suchlike, at short notice?

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RE: Subs that buy a strap on harness - before he met a ... - 6/22/2010 3:07:34 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady

So you are saying he should throw out whatever collection of things he may have from relationships before you? As DesFIPsaid, toys can be expensive, and not everyone has the ability to just waste money throwing things away.

Now I do not agree with him presenting one to his mistress as a "gift" when purchased before he even met her. But someone having their own toy bag is bound to have things in it that you might not want to use. It also might have things in it that you thought of using, but never purchased, or things you didn't think of using but upon seeing them, think "now I could do some interesting things with that."

I pay for all the toys in any relationship I am in, so the first point isn't relevant to me. And yes, that includes replacing anything he may have from a previous relationship.

I don't think it's weird for a sub to obtain toys in the process of self exploration, self play or in the course of meeting partners. But a strapon harness is something meant to be worn by a woman, for *her* control and pleasure. I think it's pretentious for a sub to buy a strapon harness for a girlfriend he's in a relationship with because he's assuming he knows what she wants and likes, and that she wants one at all. I think it's *creepy* for a man to buy one without even having a girlfriend.

Does a vanilla guy go buy panties for his "future" girlfriend, in the sizes and styles he thinks are best for her? And then what does he do with these?

Akasha

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RE: Subs that buy a strap on harness - before he met a ... - 6/22/2010 3:09:09 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer
Yes - collars, leashes and the like. What on earth are you implying, LP?! Are you suggesting that I could meet a femdom who might want me to buy a hamster, or suchlike, at short notice?

You laughed. You know you did.

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RE: Subs that buy a strap on harness - before he met a ... - 6/22/2010 3:13:53 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha
I pay for all the toys in any relationship I am in, so the first point isn't relevant to me. And yes, that includes replacing anything he may have from a previous relationship.

I don't think it's weird for a sub to obtain toys in the process of self exploration, self play or in the course of meeting partners. But a strapon harness is something meant to be worn by a woman, for *her* control and pleasure. I think it's pretentious for a sub to buy a strapon harness for a girlfriend he's in a relationship with because he's assuming he knows what she wants and likes, and that she wants one at all. I think it's *creepy* for a man to buy one without even having a girlfriend.

Does a vanilla guy go buy panties for his "future" girlfriend, in the sizes and styles he thinks are best for her? And then what does he do with these?

Akasha

Akasha, I apologize for the playing/goofing around on your thread. (I'll probably still do it though.)

I am with you 100% on this one. I'm not seeing this as a harness that wasn't thrown away when the last dynamic ended. I'm seeing it as one that someone has purchased in anticipation of meeting someone. Literally, something still in the box that the future person had no input about.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Subs that buy a strap on harness - before he met a ... - 6/22/2010 3:15:51 PM

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I did laugh, I admit it. But I'll keep a weather eye on you, LP, because I have this growing feeling that you have a yen for lustful activities of which you never speak.

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RE: Subs that buy a strap on harness - before he met a ... - 6/22/2010 3:20:12 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

I don't think it's weird for a sub to obtain toys in the process of self exploration, self play or in the course of meeting partners. But a strapon harness is something meant to be worn by a woman, for *her* control and pleasure. Akasha

Surely, it's simple - if a man does that, then he's got the idea of it all fundamentally wrong. I'd assume a femdom would just straighten him out with some pretty sharp comments, were that to happen.

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RE: Subs that buy a strap on harness - before he met a ... - 6/22/2010 3:37:05 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

I'm not fucking him with a pasta maker. Really. It's a different kind of appliance.

OMG. This is sig worthy!! +10 for win!!

And while I do agree that subs should have their own toys, HARNESSES especially are a personal thing. I actually made the one that I like. The sub that comes to me with a toy and says "I got this for YOU" is lying unless I specifically said that I wanted said item. He would be MUCH further ahead just getting me a nice set of ebony knitting needles. Because THAT I would appreciate!!

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RE: Subs that buy a strap on harness - before he met a ... - 6/22/2010 3:47:05 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mummyman321

I am a firm believer that one can never have enough toys!

I bought myself a Vac bed......I cannot use it on myself. Yes, I do hope a Domme will use it on me. If she is offended by the fact that I bought a Vac bed to be used on me, but did not wait until I met her.......

People should be able to build up their toy boxes with whatever they want before meeting thier partner. That goes for the Domme too! Hmm.....that brings up the question......how many Dommes have bought a Strap-on without having a sub to use it on???

I'm on the exact opposite end of that spectrum. I don't own a single toy. Not one. (Oops! Correction: I have a CB2000).

I don't really get into toys. My kink is service and power exchange. Of course, if she has toys that she wants to use on me, I am always accommodating.

(in reply to mummyman321)

RE: Subs that buy a strap on harness - before he met a ... - 6/22/2010 3:50:25 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

I pay for all the toys in any relationship I am in, so the first point isn't relevant to me. And yes, that includes replacing anything he may have from a previous relationship.

I don't think it's weird for a sub to obtain toys in the process of self exploration, self play or in the course of meeting partners. But a strapon harness is something meant to be worn by a woman, for *her* control and pleasure. I think it's pretentious for a sub to buy a strapon harness for a girlfriend he's in a relationship with because he's assuming he knows what she wants and likes, and that she wants one at all. I think it's *creepy* for a man to buy one without even having a girlfriend.

Does a vanilla guy go buy panties for his "future" girlfriend, in the sizes and styles he thinks are best for her? And then what does he do with these?

Akasha

Because you do purchase all the toys, that does put a different spin on things.

As for the vanilla guy...buying panties no, but I have known guys who have purchased toys they hoped to be able to use at a later date. For that matter, doms purchase things they want to use on "future" subs as well. Because of my personal issue with "pre-used" toys, it doesn't happen in my life, but it does happen. Perhaps it is the difference in how men and women view things.

As Peon mentioned though, I would think that a "potential" mistress could easily correct the guy's mistake and that it doesn't necessarily have to be a deal breaker.

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Subs that buy a strap on harness - before he met a ... - 6/22/2010 3:54:57 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009

Of course, if she has toys that she wants to use on me, I am always accommodating.

Your generosity never fails to astound me.

AAkasha: as someone who has yet to get over my slight (sliiiight) fear of strap-ons, I would be seriously freaked out if a potential partner had bought a strap-on and it was just sitting there *waiting* for me.

I get what DesFIP is saying about how insertables should travel with the insertee, but I'm still going aaaaarghnononono at the thought of being presented with a strap-on.

Dildos? Awesome. Beads? Fuck, yes. Vibrators? Wicked.

Strap-on harness? NONONONONONONONONO

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RE: Subs that buy a strap on harness - before he met a ... - 6/22/2010 4:18:50 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009

I'm on the exact opposite end of that spectrum. I don't own a single toy. Not one. (Oops! Correction: I have a CB2000).

I don't really get into toys. My kink is service and power exchange. Of course, if she has toys that she wants to use on me, I am always accommodating.

I love it.....A cheap date :)

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RE: Subs that buy a strap on harness - before he met a ... - 6/22/2010 4:31:13 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious

Dildos? Awesome. Beads? Fuck, yes. Vibrators? Wicked.

Strap-on harness? NONONONONONONONONO

I am guessing a full rubber catsuit with attached harness then is out of the question?

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RE: Subs that buy a strap on harness - before he met a ... - 6/22/2010 4:40:36 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious

Vibrators? Wicked.

You should have said - you can have the one my great aunt gave me. No worries - I've already bleached it! Sorted.

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RE: Subs that buy a strap on harness - before he met a ... - 6/22/2010 4:44:08 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

You should have said - you can have the one my great aunt gave me. No worries - I've already bleached it! Sorted.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Moi

I get what DesFIP is saying about how insertables should travel with the insertee, but...

What a sweet gift! Now bend over.

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RE: Subs that buy a strap on harness - before he met a ... - 6/22/2010 4:51:09 PM

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I love subs who have well-stocked toybags. It's such a delight to browse through them.. makes for some good conversation starters on discussions of kink and negotiations with a potential sub or playmate. I'm all for it.

But, not the harness-dildo. That indicates the male doesn't have much experience with real time mistresses, it's only a sign of his newness on the path. I wouldn't end the thing right there as the OP said she would, because I would see only his inexperience or lack of understanding.

Tops and dommes who favor the harness or other methods of applying the dildo to the ass--are very particular about the fit. That's as personal as a good bra, we're all different in size and preferences. Some ladies like a bit of padding to cushion the thrust impacts--and others like a feeldo experience. There's women who want leather only and others like the feel of fabric. If the sub wants to gift the mistress, he can take her shopping for her to chose or otherwise foot the bill for it. That's a gift. Anything else shows only ignorance.

(in reply to mummyman321)

RE: Subs that buy a strap on harness - before he met a ... - 6/22/2010 4:51:11 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AQuietSimpleMan
I think a large quantity of subs want a service top who only wants to do the things that they want to do anyway.

Truer words are seldom spoken.

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RE: Subs that buy a strap on harness - before he met a ... - 6/22/2010 5:02:10 PM

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From: Apple County NY
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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

I pay for all the toys in any relationship I am in, so the first point isn't relevant to me. And yes, that includes replacing anything he may have from a previous relationship.

I don't think it's weird for a sub to obtain toys in the process of self exploration, self play or in the course of meeting partners. But a strapon harness is something meant to be worn by a woman, for *her* control and pleasure. I think it's pretentious for a sub to buy a strapon harness for a girlfriend he's in a relationship with because he's assuming he knows what she wants and likes, and that she wants one at all. I think it's *creepy* for a man to buy one without even having a girlfriend.

Akasha

I was assuming he bought not just the harness but the plastic penis. And that's an insertable. Which to me means it is something he should own to make sure it is only used on him. Don't the dildos match the harness?

Now if you can put any dildo into any harness, then yes, I agree. But if they aren't, then it isn't out of line for him to own one since this way he knows the only ass it's been in is his. For me, it's a health issue solely.

And again. If he's dreamed of being flogged and bought one of those, but the dominant doesn't like floggers, she doesn't have to use it. I don't see it as a demand, just a hope. I own stuff he's never used on me. It doesn't bother him to use only what he likes.

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RE: Subs that buy a strap on harness - before he met a ... - 6/22/2010 9:15:13 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious
Dildos? Awesome. Beads? Fuck, yes. Vibrators? Wicked.

Strap-on harness? NONONONONONONONONO

This is kind of what i'd think too. i can definitely understand the sub having his/her own insertables not to be used on/in anyone else. i have my own insertables & feel the same way. But buying a strap-on harness when there's No One to wear it? Never. What if the future Domme wasn't into strap-on? And even if She was, what if it wasn't the right size? Those thingies come in different sizes and fits.

~sweetsub~

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RE: Subs that buy a strap on harness - before he met a ... - 6/22/2010 10:38:14 PM

seekingOwnertoo

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

But what about a sub that buys a strap on harness w/dildo - a toy he has no intent to use, at all, on himself - a toy that he bought "for" his Mistress, but he has no Mistress. In other words, he's just waiting, until he meets her, then at some point will say, "Oh hey I got this.." and not only did he get it "for" her, he got it..before he met her.

Is this preparedness on the part of the sub, and good for him. Or is it inappropriate, and probably not something to tell a woman he's met?

Yikes ... do You experience this stuff? Or is it is it ... creative writing? ROFL ...

i am thinking about buying a girl ... towels and soap ... to do the dishes! LOL

Just joking ... but ... it is the same thing.

Generally ... not too smart.

quote:

I think it's *creepy* for a man to buy one without even having a girlfriend.

my thought ... exactly!

< Message edited by seekingOwnertoo -- 6/22/2010 11:17:44 PM >

(in reply to sweetsub1957)

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