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RE: Does collaring always have to be significant? - 7/1/2010 12:53:09 PM

KariCloud

Posts: 74
Joined: 5/14/2010
Status: offline

I bought my first collar when I was too young to go into a sex store, and had never had any relationship much less a D/s one. And yes, I wore it. I love collars, and I don't think I ought to limit myself to only enjoying them when the perfect people come along, see me as the angel they have been waiting for, and collar me. That could be a long wait, after all.

I've also worn what some might consider "protection collars", from close friends who were attending a non-vanilla event with me. If I make "can't speak" signs and point to the collar, BDSM folks generally can understand it as "She can't speak/has been ordered not to speak" and understand my silence without getting offended (typically). There is also the added benefit that even many creeps didn't try to hit on me. The entire goal was for me, and the friends I was with, to be able to enjoy the evening with minimal upset and discomfort, and for that it worked well. I only wish there was as convenient a way to explain away my silence in vanilla settings! I get really tired of "explaining myself" to people over and over and over and over...

Whatever a collar means is as individual as the people using them. I don't see any right or wrong way to use them, they are just a symbol.

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 21

RE: Does collaring always have to be significant? - 7/1/2010 12:56:49 PM

Nineveh

Posts: 1299
Joined: 2/5/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: monochromaniac

quote:

I do have to wonder though, if it is not a sign of a deep commitment to you, and you are not a fan of formality (the ceremony is certainly a big part of why some people do collars) then why do you want one? (or two, I suppose in this case)

It IS a sign of commitment to us, just not as deep as others'. Neither of us want to make a lifelong promise to each other just yet, but it doesn't mean we don't want to promise to protect, care for, and belong wholeheartedly for the other and have a collar as a symbol of that.

I don't really understand why the ceremony is a large part. Maybe you and I have different ideas of what a ceremony entails, but the sort of thing Aileen mentioned is what I'd like to do (probably without the beating, though!). A session where one is dominated to the point of feeling completely owned. That, to me, would put me in the mindset of owning and being owned more than a ceremony ever could.

It doesn't have to be for you. Some people are very into ceremony, other people are not.

(in reply to monochromaniac)

Post #: 22

RE: Does collaring always have to be significant? - 7/1/2010 2:32:12 PM

ShoreBound149

Posts: 622
Joined: 7/2/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: bestheadyet

woooooooooooo
got a video of the event????(wink)

Heh.....no chance.......I didn't listen too much as a teenager....ok not at all......but for some reason 6 months before he died....at my high school graduation.....My uncle Frank pulled me aside and said,

"Remember, have fun...never be a rat.....and no pictures".

_____________________________

"People don't think it be like it is, but it do."

Oscar Gamble

(in reply to bestheadyet)

Post #: 23

RE: Does collaring always have to be significant? - 7/6/2010 7:19:43 AM

CreativeDominant

Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: zephyroftheNorth

Oddly enough, sometimes the collar means everything to the subbie/slave and fuck all to the Dom which is odd since he's the one who collared her. Go figure....

But you have to admit that goes both ways...sometimes the collar means everything to the dominant and fuck all to the subbie/slave which is odd in that she accepted it and the conditions that go along with it.

(in reply to zephyroftheNorth)

Post #: 24

RE: Does collaring always have to be significant? - 7/6/2010 7:30:57 AM

zephyroftheNorth

Posts: 8159
Joined: 10/5/2009
From: The Great Frozen North
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant

quote:

ORIGINAL: zephyroftheNorth

Oddly enough, sometimes the collar means everything to the subbie/slave and fuck all to the Dom which is odd since he's the one who collared her. Go figure....

But you have to admit that goes both ways...sometimes the collar means everything to the dominant and fuck all to the subbie/slave which is odd in that she accepted it and the conditions that go along with it.

I do admit it CD (smooches and welcome back btw) and in both cases it is a case of incompatibility and/or it wasn't discussed and there shouldn't have been a collaring in the first place

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(in reply to CreativeDominant)

Post #: 25

RE: Does collaring always have to be significant? - 7/6/2010 7:36:57 AM

CreativeDominant

Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: zephyroftheNorth

quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant

quote:

ORIGINAL: zephyroftheNorth

Oddly enough, sometimes the collar means everything to the subbie/slave and fuck all to the Dom which is odd since he's the one who collared her. Go figure....

But you have to admit that goes both ways...sometimes the collar means everything to the dominant and fuck all to the subbie/slave which is odd in that she accepted it and the conditions that go along with it.

I do admit it CD (smooches and welcome back btw) and in both cases it is a case of incompatibility and/or it wasn't discussed and there shouldn't have been a collaring in the first place

Thanks girl...~smooches back~.

< Message edited by CreativeDominant -- 7/6/2010 7:37:58 AM >

(in reply to zephyroftheNorth)

Post #: 26

RE: Does collaring always have to be significant? - 7/8/2010 7:28:33 AM

SirJ40

Posts: 164
Joined: 12/21/2008
Status: offline

Like everything else here, it's up to you and what you feel. For us, it was definitely a significant thing, and it's important every time I lock it on. In the case of secondaries that I've had, it would denote commitment to each other, but the "level" of that will depend on the sub involved. I haven't handed out a second one yet, but it might happen yet.
The big thing is that both of you enjoy whatever the dynamic you create with it.

_____________________________

Make your own decisions, and own the decisions you make.

(in reply to CreativeDominant)

Post #: 27

RE: Does collaring always have to be significant? - 7/8/2010 3:14:55 PM

IM4apprenticeBch

Posts: 4
Joined: 7/8/2010
Status: offline

It depends on how much the collar is worth some subs just wear it for play to other people it has a more of a meaning so it actually depends on the people involved.

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 28

RE: Does collaring always have to be significant? - 7/8/2010 4:31:50 PM

porcelaine

Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: monochromaniac

How significant is collaring to you and what does it mean, if anything? Does it seem like a natural progression in a relationship, or is it more like a physical reminder of the power exchange taking place? To you, is collaring something that is/should be restricted to straight D/s relationships, such as Master/slave, or can it be used in any relationship that has a power exchange going on? In other words, do you think only people who identify as slaves (or subs) can be collared?

monochromaniac,

My opinion of collars is largely relegated as a symbol of the commitment shared between the dominant and submissive. That's the extent of it in my mind. I make no assumptions of lifelong obligations and I most certainly don't compare it to being married. While it may represent longevity in the bearers mind, it is an agreement one can easily step away from if the desire exists. We're not legally tied. I would gather if the individual wished to have a permanent bond he would utilize the methods that make the latter a possibility. I'm specifically referencing the men I encounter that are single and unattached. Different rules apply for married persons or those in poly dynamics, neither which I engage.

I don't have a laundry list of guidelines that I adhere to in terms of collaring. I can only speak for my dynamics and I have a real problem applying my standards to other people's relationships. However, it's my belief that both parties should be invested in the relationship and have time under the belt operating as Master and slave. Since the typical interpretation of collaring suggests permanency, I would gather that we're moving towards or currently involved in a 24/7 situation that allows for furtherance in the relationship. The collar is a constant reminder of ones tether. It's my belief that is heavily strengthened with daily interactions that allow each person to illustrate what that means. I have a noticeable preference for receiving such when we're residing together.

~porcelaine

_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to monochromaniac)

Post #: 29

RE: Does collaring always have to be significant? - 7/9/2010 8:30:45 AM

citizen912

Posts: 10
Joined: 4/22/2009
Status: offline

porcelaine, that is one of the best posts I have read. Yes it is something special between the individuals but there is no promise of long term as such just the presence of them in your every moment. I like that symbolism. Maybe one day I shall be having the choice to make, I hope so.

(in reply to porcelaine)

Post #: 30

RE: Does collaring always have to be significant? - 7/9/2010 8:48:30 AM

porcelaine

Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: citizen912

porcelaine, that is one of the best posts I have read. Yes it is something special between the individuals but there is no promise of long term as such just the presence of them in your every moment. I like that symbolism. Maybe one day I shall be having the choice to make, I hope so.

citizen912,

Thank you for the compliment. I would rather have the ring as opposed to the collar in all truth. That's a recognized symbol and measure of investment in the relationship. While it offers no guarantees, it indicates the individual is willing to take the leap and legally attach himself to me. In terms of dynamics where the cessation of earnings or other large sacrifices would be in play, it's almost mandatory in my mind. However, the collar can be a notable step in the direction.

Best of luck.

~porcelaine

_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to citizen912)

Post #: 31

RE: Does collaring always have to be significant? - 7/9/2010 9:09:01 AM

Spyke1985

Posts: 65
Joined: 3/11/2007
From: Conyers, GA
Status: offline

While we all have our preferences for what a collar means to us, in my relationship, it is much like a wedding band, in that it is a commitment to each other that is solid, that we can touch and wear and see, and that has a special significance to us both. We collared each other, though I am the more dominant of the two of us, I am a switch, so it fits for us.

I won't repeat what everyone else has said, since there's no need to, but it's more about what your personal interpretation of what a collar means to you than anything else.

That's my two cents.

~Spyke~

_____________________________

A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
~Herm Albright~

I admit that I should have not waded through so many thorns before I made a left turn into the soft grass. Spyke1985

(in reply to porcelaine)

Post #: 32

RE: Does collaring always have to be significant? - 7/9/2010 11:24:47 AM

citizen912

Posts: 10
Joined: 4/22/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: porcelaine
citizen912,

Thank you for the compliment. I would rather have the ring as opposed to the collar in all truth. That's a recognized symbol and measure of investment in the relationship. While it offers no guarantees, it indicates the individual is willing to take the leap and legally attach himself to me. In terms of dynamics where the cessation of earnings or other large sacrifices would be in play, it's almost mandatory in my mind. However, the collar can be a notable step in the direction.

Best of luck.

~porcelaine

Well, I would hope that with time and growth the two could be in the offing. Having been married for many years until recently I am hesitant to go down the ring route but one can never say never.

(in reply to porcelaine)

Post #: 33

RE: Does collaring always have to be significant? - 7/9/2010 2:11:02 PM

Arpig

Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline

Simple answer....Nope

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(in reply to monochromaniac)

Post #: 34

RE: Does collaring always have to be significant? - 7/9/2010 2:15:16 PM

porcelaine

Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: citizen912

Well, I would hope that with time and growth the two could be in the offing. Having been married for many years until recently I am hesitant to go down the ring route but one can never say never.

citizen912,

That's a positive mindset to embrace. Hopefully the future provides opportunities that allow you explore the fullness an appropriate pairing can offer.

~porcelaine

_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to citizen912)

Post #: 35

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