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RE: Punishment - 7/5/2010 8:30:08 AM

Andalusite

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Joined: 1/25/2009
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delicatelydirty, I was only punished twice, both when I was a submissive over the course of 3 years. My former Master this past year had the authority to punish me, but I didn't do anything (or fail to do anything) which he felt required punishment. When he and I first started dating, I expressed my concerns about corporal/physical punishment. One of the times when I was punished in the previous relationship, I enjoyed it on some physical levels, even though I knew I wasn't supposed to. I felt horridly guilty about it, and it made me cry and feel crappy whenever I felt good when he hurt me for a couple of weeks afterward. I also was worried that pain that I completely didn't enjoy and went on to an unendurable level would make me frightened of him, the tool he was using on me, or both. He agreed there were plenty of non-physical methods of punishment, if he deemed one necessary. In general, I want to please, and it's fairly unlikely that I would deliberately mess up, rather than miscommunicating, accidentally forgetting something that hadn't come up in a long time, or some such. I'm not perfect though, so it's conceivable, even if unlikely, that a punishment might be the best solution in a particular situation. I haven't really experienced "funishment," since most of my S/M hasn't included that sort of roleplay, but I don't see anything wrong with it.

(in reply to zephyroftheNorth)

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RE: Punishment - 7/5/2010 9:17:14 AM

graceadieu

Posts: 1518
Joined: 3/20/2008
From: Maryland
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I think it's interesting to read other people's perspectives, but I'm much in line with the the OP in my feelings and relationship approach.

We're both adults. If there's a problem we deal with it together, I apologize, change my behavior and we move on. I guess I just don't need the catharsis of having the shit beaten out of me.

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RE: Punishment - 7/5/2010 10:23:23 AM

txurinal

Posts: 209
Joined: 9/26/2009
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In this slave's experience, it has found there is a difference between discipline and punishment. When owned, it was discipline regulary with floggging, spankings, etc. When punished, it usually meant having something taken away from it. it has been punished by having to go to bed without supper, having to spend the night in the garage, forced to write hundreds of times, its offence and also being whipped or paddled although as it stated, whippings were administered on a regular basis even when slave was not in need of "punishment"

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RE: Punishment - 7/6/2010 11:00:23 PM

gungadin09

Posts: 3232
Joined: 3/19/2010
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Sorry, i'm weighing in again on this subject...

In my example, the reason i accepted my boss's punishment so well was because it came from someone i admired and who (i believed) had my best interests at heart and who was trying to teach me something. If i hadn't respected him, if i hadn't seen a point to the abuse, if i thought he was just a bully throwing his weight around, i would have wearied of this treatment very quickly. Regardless of how badly i wanted the job, i would not have put up with the abuse for so long if i thought he was just being mean.

pam

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RE: Punishment - 7/7/2010 12:13:52 AM

myotherself

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Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
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I have only had one punishment ever in a D/s relationship. I did something I thought he wanted (his instruction was rather ambiguous). It wasn't what he wanted. It wasn't even a big deal. We talked about it, he agreed his instructions could have been clearer and that it was very possible that I misinterpreted what he said in the way I did.

I thought it was all sorted, until I got a voicemail about taking my 'punishment'. WTF??? I called and said I thought we'd sorted it out, he agreed we had but because I hadn't done exactly what he wanted (even if his instructions were as clear as mud), then I was to be punished. I didn't want to be with someone who couldn't take personal responsibility for his own mistakes, and who didn't realise that there's a difference between an honest mistake and a deliberate mistake, so that was the end of THAT relationship.

I now make it clear that I don't do punishments. For me, they're unnecessary, emotionally damaging and demeaning. I know couples who use punishment and they're ok with it. For me, it's a deal-breaker.

But funishment I'll take any day!

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RE: Punishment - 7/9/2010 1:57:01 AM

phoenixmoonn13

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Joined: 6/11/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Miyani

For us, a punishment dynamic is valuable because it gives closure. Maybe it's juvenile. But if something happens, and we talk about it, we have addressed the core issue and not treated the symptom. My boy will continue to beat himself up, thinking I'm disappointed, thinking he's wronged me. Punishing him allows him to move past it.

But I would never just punish him for something and not address the reasons behind the misbehavior. We sit down and discuss it like adults, too. Everyone I've met personally who has a punishment dynamic does the same. We just add an element, because we need it, or because we like it.

same with us i need the closure that punishment gives

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RE: Punishment - 7/9/2010 6:04:03 AM

ownedbyPF

Posts: 126
Joined: 2/18/2010
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We have a punishment dynamic. It isn't pretty. It isn't funishment. I hate it, but I desperately need it. I have to have my ass on the line in order not to cross the line. I'd like to say that I am capable of being obedient and giving, respectful, and all the rest without it, but I'm not. If I were I would have made a much better wife. Instead I operate on a level of letting things slide, and I can get over anything pretty quick which is good when you are talking about anger, but not so great when you are talking about guilt over disappointing him. I would feel bad for a couple of hours and then promptly sweep it from my mind. I might even reallllllly want to stay within the lines of acceptable... until there is a moment it doesn't work for me and then I can justify why it's okay for me to push past that line. With my Owner, when I feel the temptation to slack off in what I'm supposed to do, or when I'm inclined to bottle something up, or when I'm angry and could easily say something really awful...... the fear of being whipped for it is what reels me back into where I need to be... where I really want to be. I need to fear him a little bit. I need to know that he will force me to do whatever it is that is required of me. It's what gives me the strength and resolve to do what I know I need to do, even if it's hard.

In the beginning I was so flippin greatful that he was capable of really punishing me, not letting me walk away thinking that was fun, or that was it??? I still am grateful he can be that harsh and strict with me. I thrive in it. Now that we've been together a few years it's engrained on what to do and how to do it. The knowledge of what will happen if I don't is rock solid in me and I do everything I can to avoid it and he rarely needs to do it. If however, I thought that I could let things slide, that he'd slacked off... I'd slide right on out of the box.

It isn't about loving him, love doesn't begin to feel like a strong enough word. It isn't that I don't desperately want to please him. It isn't that I don't want to be obedient. It's just that sometimes you just really are tempted to blow off your day and not get the laundry done, or you are mad and want to snap off, or you find laying yourself wide open to talk about something is really hard and you'd rather just shove it in a bottle. And some days you just don't feel like going to the gym! Instead of convincing myself that all of those things are okay because of x, I suck it up and do it. Instead of getting angry and mouthing off, I think about what I need to say and we talk it through. Instead of bottling things up, or protecting myself from feeling vulnerable, I lay myself out and he makes me feel safe. Instead of the laundry mounting, it's done aaaand folded aaaaand even put away!

We talk... ALOT. We talk about all of it, I get whipped, I sob on his shoulder, he pulls me back together and we move on...
~s

< Message edited by ownedbyPF -- 7/9/2010 6:12:35 AM >

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Post #: 47