Punishment (Full Version)

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delicatelydirty -> Punishment (7/3/2010 4:21:41 PM)

Ok yes I know this has been done before but I hate digging through the archives [:'(]

First of all my thoughts on punishment are pretty much WTF and why? I am a slave and for me I am all about pleasing him, so if I stuff up it is never intentional and we sit down and discuss it, like adults.

If he decided that I needed to be "punished" I would realise that I had made a huge error in judgment and tell him I am not 6 years old and please try not to let the door hit him on the way out. Don't get me wrong the whole funishment thing is great, I will be cheeky he will spank me and yay we all have a great time but punishment gah, every time I see a thread on "how should I punish her for ..."  I just cringe.

So for the purpose of expanding my mind I want to her from those who have punishment as part of their dynamic, what do you get out of it? Does it actually help? and are their times it has done more harm than good?





LadyCimarron -> RE: Punishment (7/3/2010 4:35:06 PM)

Its just another dynamic. I don't think people should read more than that into it. Some people have a real desire to be punished. Some people have a real desire to administer punishment. Its no different than any other desire a person in this lifestyle may have.



Mishna -> RE: Punishment (7/3/2010 4:46:41 PM)

I used to interact with a dom who felt that appropriate punishment was to do exactly the things I said would destroy a relationship for me; the things that caused me the most emotional anguish. It was, indeed, a punishment, but more than that, it was damaging to me and there was no value in what happened, except I was able to leave the relationship.

Now that I'm on the flip side, I want to stay away from punishment. I'm an adult, the person I'm interacting with is an adult, and between us, we should be able to communicate and figure out the situation.

But, it's all personal choice. Some prefer that particular type of dynamic. Go for what works for you.



delicatelydirty -> RE: Punishment (7/3/2010 4:48:39 PM)

Oh I get that, I just wonder why and like to hear peoples take on it because over the years there have been lots of things that I have thought "are you kidding, that's just nuts" then someone explains it in a way I never would have thought and suddenly it doesnt seem so odd...

And I am by no means judging what others do, I was simply stating that for me it is one of those WTF things. I am sure there are lots of things I do that make others go WTF...

I am simply curious (and it is cold and I am procrastinating because I don't want to go out and clean up the big spider filled shed)



Miyani -> RE: Punishment (7/3/2010 4:55:20 PM)

For us, a punishment dynamic is valuable because it gives closure. Maybe it's juvenile. But if something happens, and we talk about it, we have addressed the core issue and not treated the symptom. My boy will continue to beat himself up, thinking I'm disappointed, thinking he's wronged me. Punishing him allows him to move past it.

But I would never just punish him for something and not address the reasons behind the misbehavior. We sit down and discuss it like adults, too. Everyone I've met personally who has a punishment dynamic does the same. We just add an element, because we need it, or because we like it.



delicatelydirty -> RE: Punishment (7/3/2010 4:59:29 PM)

Miyani.... that makes a lot of sense, I know I am always hardest on myself and while I can forgive others and move on I spend a great deal of time beating myself up over stuff



Jeffff -> RE: Punishment (7/3/2010 4:59:39 PM)

I have raised children.

I don't want to raise another.



laurell3 -> RE: Punishment (7/3/2010 5:00:24 PM)

WHAT? I have to stop calling you Daddy?


man I can't even type that with a straight face....



Jeffff -> RE: Punishment (7/3/2010 5:01:35 PM)

CHange my depends bitch!



Plasticine -> RE: Punishment (7/3/2010 5:02:13 PM)

There's quite a difference between punishing with things that are actually bad for the person and punishing by making them do things that are good for them but make them uncomfortable.  You can punish very effectively without breaching any trust if you make your intentions clear and your reasons actually make sense.



laurell3 -> RE: Punishment (7/3/2010 5:02:25 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff

CHange my depends bitch!



sighs....yes SMOD!



delicatelydirty -> RE: Punishment (7/3/2010 5:05:22 PM)

what ... anteaters wear depends ... geez you learn something new everyday



laurell3 -> RE: Punishment (7/3/2010 5:12:22 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: delicatelydirty

Ok yes I know this has been done before but I hate digging through the archives [:'(]

First of all my thoughts on punishment are pretty much WTF and why? I am a slave and for me I am all about pleasing him, so if I stuff up it is never intentional and we sit down and discuss it, like adults.

If he decided that I needed to be "punished" I would realise that I had made a huge error in judgment and tell him I am not 6 years old and please try not to let the door hit him on the way out. Don't get me wrong the whole funishment thing is great, I will be cheeky he will spank me and yay we all have a great time but punishment gah, every time I see a thread on "how should I punish her for ..."  I just cringe.




Your preference on punishment is mine as well. I'm not a child, I really see that type of dynamic as something that would be overly critical and negative for me. That having been said, I'm not judging anyone else's dynamic, I know it works for others. For me personally, I am rather overly critical of myself. His disappointment is enough and not because of role, but because I truly want him to be happy. It is an option he could exercise (but wouldn't), but I honestly just really can't see the necessity. "Punishment" by withdrawing contact is a deal breaker for me. It would absolutely end any relationship I was in without question.

Funishment is totally different and I agree very hot, although he doesn't need to find a reason to play with me.



LadyPact -> RE: Punishment (7/3/2010 5:19:04 PM)

Let Me see if I can explain it in the right way.

Even though it has been over a year since I punished clip the last time, I still consider this a punishment dynamic.  I wouldn't even have to had punished him prior.  The fact that I have the right to punish him if I deem it necessary makes this a punishment dynamic.  That's the real basis of whether it is included or not. 

While you bring up a very good point that communication should be able to be used to address any issue, there are times that is not sufficient.  You asked a very specific question of did it help.  There have been exactly three times during this dynamic that punishment worked where communication did not.  In My opinion, that means the punishment was effective and successful.  None of the three incidents that warranted punishment have been repeated.

Punishment in the way I use it comes in the form of tiered corrective action.  If there is a pattern of behavior, the way I correct it and address it becomes greater as the problem persists.  Should we get to the place where there is a punishment involved, it's pretty much the last resort before saying there is an area of incompatibility that is not a good match for the dynamic.  If I punish and it happens again, the collar is most likely coming off. 

I say this on just about every thread that comes up when being asked about why I include punishment.  I think a lot of people think of punishment in the wrong way.  I don't punish over stupid stuff like My eggs are over cooked or circumstances such as working too many hours prevented a journal entry from being done.  To Me, that's silly.  I also happen to think it's silly for a Dominant to need advice on how to punish someone when they are the person in authority over their submissive.  I don't need to fix your (the Dominant's) problem.  YOU as the Dominant need to be competent to fix your own problem.  If that's YOUR sub, you should know what to do with them.



lally2 -> RE: Punishment (7/3/2010 5:39:50 PM)

SMOD?  - you dont have to clarify that by the way, just it made me smile a bit))

as for punishment - if i did do something so henious that it deserved genuine, no frills or frolics punishment then id take it and gratefully move on knowing the deck was clear and the issue was gone.  in some cases i think id almost prefer that to a long arduous post mortem of how henious id been.

i agree totally that we are adults and i believe that punishment is a bad word to use, purely for its 'youve been very naughty and now im gonna spank you' undertones.  i actually think its a kinky word to be honest, for some it seems to really do it for them on a kinky level, and go for it, absolutely!

to me being put through a post mortem would be a punishment frankly - thats why i think the word sucks generally from my POV.  in fact if you think about it, any action that puts the spot light on a big booboo is punishment for a sub who hates to get things wrong.

its the ones who love to get things wrong so they can be funished but pretend its all misery and woe that make me want to scream, thankfully we dont get so much of that anymore. 

and Doms who come here asking how they should funish theyre sub for some stoooooopid prangup and pretend its all dreadful when theyre really itching to go for it - another scream inducer for me.

so generally funish away - just dont wrap it up as anything else and if people need closure its a way to go, but i wish we could call it something else.  punishment generally engenders an ick response or a yippie response but rarely the response its intended to promote.  so it sucks, did i say that already, its late and i need to go sleepies.



BentUnit -> RE: Punishment (7/3/2010 6:11:42 PM)

I accept physical punishment as my Dom's right to dish out for infractions.
I personally have issues with the use of emotional sadism being used as a punishment.
I've got a lot of mental scaring left over from the last relationship I was in and now it just leaves me in a bad mind space.



sunshinemiss -> RE: Punishment (7/3/2010 6:35:20 PM)

I don't get the first fucking thing out of it.

I mean seriously.


*edited because it was too personal.
best,
sunshine



DesFIP -> RE: Punishment (7/3/2010 6:56:13 PM)

In theory he has the right to punish me. In actuality every single time he could have chosen to punish me was actually caused by miscommunication. The time he sent me an email with a list of what I was to where that day stand out in memory. I disobeyed without a thought because no panties, short skirt and high heels are not appropriate for chaperoning a fourth grade hiking trip. (He had gotten my schedule mixed up.) Should I have been punished for that? Not in my book, or his. Nor should I have been expected to cause the trip to be cancelled by not having sufficient number of chaperones. Nor disappoint my kid.

Even in those relationships where there is some punishment, it is very rare. Meaning years can frequently pass between. If you have to punish someone frequently for disobedience it means either you're giving impossible orders or you aren't inspiring love, respect and the desire to please. Those relationships don't last.



DarlingSavage -> RE: Punishment (7/3/2010 6:57:33 PM)

I am here for the funishment! 



lusciouslips19 -> RE: Punishment (7/3/2010 6:59:04 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Miyani

For us, a punishment dynamic is valuable because it gives closure. Maybe it's juvenile. But if something happens, and we talk about it, we have addressed the core issue and not treated the symptom. My boy will continue to beat himself up, thinking I'm disappointed, thinking he's wronged me. Punishing him allows him to move past it.

But I would never just punish him for something and not address the reasons behind the misbehavior. We sit down and discuss it like adults, too. Everyone I've met personally who has a punishment dynamic does the same. We just add an element, because we need it, or because we like it.



I kind of understand it. Because this past week I did some things that was damaging to my relationship and I almost blew up something really great. I will feel better if he punishes me and I can feel like I have done some pennance.



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