|
gedienstig -> RE: Three things... (7/10/2010 4:36:04 AM)
|
Maybe some practical advice from another msub. I'm not pretending to be the "Hitch" of BDSM, I know how hard it is to find a decent Domme if you're in for a serious relationship. This is advice for people trying to find a long lasting relationship with BDSM elements. It is also for people trying to find it on this site. I know everybody's first piece of advice is "go to a munch, to your community", but for me that wasn't so helpful. I'm no geographically located in a country with a big community, and there is still some sort of "fear" of walking into an S&M bar, knowing nobody who's there, so I can understand how going into the real life community might not be the best advice for everyone. I always thought these tips were common knowledge, but apparantly they're not.
1. The soul search
Think what you want and even more important, what you don't want. If you're interested in a real relationship, you'll have to also make it clear to your future Domme what you're not into, and be totally honest with her about this. It is better to turn down (or be turned down) by a Domme who doesn't share your likes and dislikes, then lie to her, fall in love with her (vice versa) and then having to end the relationship because she really likes to pee up your nostrils and you're against it. Well, this is a silly example of course (whether you're in for 24/7 or not would have been a better example), but being able to present yourself as good (as in honest) as possible is a must. If you have no experience, try to find what you think you like and dislike, and tell your Domme up front you have no experience, need to try out things, and you think you like this and this, and dislike that and that but that it is still a journey for you.
2. The iniation of contact
Yes, this is where most subs fail. If you are looking for a relationship you cannot immediately mail the women on here all your fantasies. If your profile contains some fantasies, that's usually enough for them to know in the beginning (PS: make sure your profile is more vanilla than kink). Tell them a bit about who you are (basic info is enough, you don't need to immediately say where your work place is located and how much you make), but also ask them a question about their profile. Even if you already know the answer to that question; it is a sign for the Domme that you have read her profile; and she is not just getting a copy paste message.
Remember the Domme also needs something to reply to, so besides introducing yourself, a question or two for her to answer is also welcome (and don't ask: "Do you spank right or left handed?"). Usually she will also send you some questions too in her next e-mail. Remember, this is like courting a real life woman. And what do women like? (I will get flamed for this by the women here) They like to talk about themselves, so keep asking questions and keep showing interest. Hopefully your interest is genuine, and you're not using this tip to "get some".
3. The first contact
The best tip for getting the first contact is to have real expectations. She's not going to show up dressed in leather, ordering you around. Heck, she might even get her own coffee. A first meeting is often like your first mail, mostly about normal stuff. If she introduces the topic of kink, feel free to respond and tell her, if she doesn't it might not be the best idea to bring it up yourself. This meeting is usually to see if you're a nice guy in real life too, and not just an internet sweet talker. Use this opportunity to prove her you are, because there's usually only one chance for this and if you get their seal of approval, beautiful things might lie in your future. It is not that they wouldn't like to "beat you up" as much as you would like for them to beat you up, but they control themselves to find a decent guy to do it with. And so should you be able to control yourself and get to know the woman before you get to know the Pro Domme. Remember, they're usually not asking you to do something they couldn't do themselves.
Damn, this turned out to be a lot more than my initial three little pieces of advice, so sorry Otters if this didn't reall turn out what you were expecting.
|
|
|
|
