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Would you move/relocate? - 7/13/2010 9:37:11 PM

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This doesn't have a whole lot to do with a dynamic as a whole, but I'm kinda feeling a bit lost.

Would anyone here move if they missed their friends from another state?

Assume the following factors:

1. You're single

2. You only know a handful of people, mostly work acquaintences - but, they're not exactly the kinda people that you'd go out with (for whatever reason: they're married/have a family, etc)

3. You only have 1-2 people that you know, that you'd consider "true" friends - you've known them for several years, and your friendship is fairly deep.

4. You have very little in the way of a social life (because of points 2 & 3).

A typical day in your life is this:
You wake up.
You shower.
You go to work (if you have a job).
You come home.
You either cook a small meal or order out. That's during the week.

The weekends are spent mostly playing video games or watching movies - nothing really "social", unless you count talking with your roommate about whatever. No bar hopping, no clubbing, none of that kinda stuff.

If you had friends in another state that you knew, and you were really close with, would you move to be closer wth them? I guess what I'm ultimately asking is, would your social/support network (I hate using that phrase, but......) be a motivating factor in relocating?

I ask because I've been thinkin about moving. Specifically, so I can be closer with people I knew before I moved - I'd have friends that I can hang out with, whatever. I feel like I accomplished what I set out to do up here, even though my initial reasons for moving were wrong. (It was a woman) If life hands you lemons, make lemonade, right? After we sort of crashed & burned, I focused on myself: went to school, got a degree & some computer certifications, then spent the next several years building my career up.

Now that I feel like I've accomplished that... I feel kinda.. empty.

Thoughts?

Thanks in advance.

BP

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RE: Would you move/relocate? - 7/13/2010 9:41:51 PM

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Under those circumstances, I would certainly move if there was work available. Even if I didn't have my parents, I wouldn't leave this area because my whole support system is here! It's important to have a realtime social net.

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RE: Would you move/relocate? - 7/13/2010 9:45:46 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Under those circumstances, I would certainly move if there was work available. Even if I didn't have my parents, I wouldn't leave this area because my whole support system is here! It's important to have a realtime social net.

Thats the thing that worries me the most. The company a friend of mine works for, lost their IT person. She asked me to send her my resume, which she forwarded to her boss. Her boss said that he was impressed by it, but they haven't gotten around to filling the position yet. Which, is a catch-22: most companies wont hire unless your already in the state, but, you can't really move untill you find suitable employment, you know?

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RE: Would you move/relocate? - 7/13/2010 9:52:21 PM

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Understand that I am not single and My situation is that I move every few years.

Believe it or not, I actually would move back to GA if the opportunity presented itself. (Yes, this is over and above our possibility of moving to HI.) It is always easier to go back to a place you are familiar with and the people that you know. I have family ties there as well.

The thing is, I don't think I'm in the position to do that just now. Wherever we land next, I know that I have to make new friends and get re-established. That means, as soon as the moving part is over, I do what I can to get out into the local community and make new friends. Even if that means I have to make an investment. My old friends didn't just drop into My lap either and I have to remember that. It was because I went out to meet people and that's how they became My friends in the first place.

I do still get homesick at times and I still think about friends in GA quite often. I had a great time last month when I got to see so many of them again. Still, that shouldn't prevent Me from forming friendships here. If it does, I only have Myself to blame.

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RE: Would you move/relocate? - 7/13/2010 10:01:14 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Understand that I am not single and My situation is that I move every few years.

Believe it or not, I actually would move back to GA if the opportunity presented itself. (Yes, this is over and above our possibility of moving to HI.) It is always easier to go back to a place you are familiar with and the people that you know. I have family ties there as well.

The thing is, I don't think I'm in the position to do that just now. Wherever we land next, I know that I have to make new friends and get re-established. That means, as soon as the moving part is over, I do what I can to get out into the local community and make new friends. Even if that means I have to make an investment. My old friends didn't just drop into My lap either and I have to remember that. It was because I went out to meet people and that's how they became My friends in the first place.

I do still get homesick at times and I still think about friends in GA quite often. I had a great time last month when I got to see so many of them again. Still, that shouldn't prevent Me from forming friendships here. If it does, I only have Myself to blame.

When you say that you're not in a position to do that, do you mean financially or other?

That's another semi-motivating factor - NY is retardedly expensive. I mean, some 1 bedroom apartments (in a decent area) are like 1200+ a month, and forget about Long Island. I lucked out with my current apartment (even though I have a roommate). But if I was living alone, my rent would be almost double what it is now.

The thing is, I don't make friends easily. I'm more of a quality over quantity type person. I'd rather have 5-6 close friends, than a dozen or so semi-close friends. One person in my circle of friends, I've known for over 15 years (he lives in TN, but is thinking about moving to Florida for very similar, if not exact, reasons)

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RE: Would you move/relocate? - 7/13/2010 10:14:21 PM

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I make social contacts very easily, and I know what you mean about only wanting a few close friends.

The making a living bit is the most important thing--is there a job market where you are going?

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RE: Would you move/relocate? - 7/13/2010 10:20:36 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

I make social contacts very easily, and I know what you mean about only wanting a few close friends.

The making a living bit is the most important thing--is there a job market where you are going?

Hmmm.. nothing like NY. A lot of mom & pop shops, up untill you go down south towards the Miami/Ft Lauderdale area.

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RE: Would you move/relocate? - 7/13/2010 10:24:13 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: blackpearl81
When you say that you're not in a position to do that, do you mean financially or other?

That's another semi-motivating factor - NY is retardedly expensive. I mean, some 1 bedroom apartments (in a decent area) are like 1200+ a month, and forget about Long Island. I lucked out with my current apartment (even though I have a roommate). But if I was living alone, my rent would be almost double what it is now.

The thing is, I don't make friends easily. I'm more of a quality over quantity type person. I'd rather have 5-6 close friends, than a dozen or so semi-close friends. One person in my circle of friends, I've known for over 15 years (he lives in TN, but is thinking about moving to Florida for very similar, if not exact, reasons)

It's completely dependent on My husband's career.

Even with quality over quantity, you still have to lay the ground work. You have to get to know people. That's true no matter where you live.

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RE: Would you move/relocate? - 7/13/2010 10:28:08 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: blackpearl81
When you say that you're not in a position to do that, do you mean financially or other?

That's another semi-motivating factor - NY is retardedly expensive. I mean, some 1 bedroom apartments (in a decent area) are like 1200+ a month, and forget about Long Island. I lucked out with my current apartment (even though I have a roommate). But if I was living alone, my rent would be almost double what it is now.

The thing is, I don't make friends easily. I'm more of a quality over quantity type person. I'd rather have 5-6 close friends, than a dozen or so semi-close friends. One person in my circle of friends, I've known for over 15 years (he lives in TN, but is thinking about moving to Florida for very similar, if not exact, reasons)

It's completely dependent on My husband's career.

Even with quality over quantity, you still have to lay the ground work. You have to get to know people. That's true no matter where you live.

This is true. But isn't it easier to expand an already existing circle, than to build one up from scratch? It feels like that's where my comfort level drops off, to be honest. I mean, I'm really shy in person, which is probably why I don't make friends easily.

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RE: Would you move/relocate? - 7/13/2010 10:33:54 PM

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I already consider it expanding on the circle. It's a lot easier to keep in touch these days.

Not to nail you or anything, but it doesn't sound much like you're really looking to expand. I sounds more like you want to rely on friends in your last location and it doesn't have that much to do with making new ones. It seems more like you want the safety net, rather than meet new people.

How long have you been in NY? What have you done to meet new friends since getting there?

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RE: Would you move/relocate? - 7/13/2010 10:43:50 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

I already consider it expanding on the circle. It's a lot easier to keep in touch these days.

Not to nail you or anything, but it doesn't sound much like you're really looking to expand. I sounds more like you want to rely on friends in your last location and it doesn't have that much to do with making new ones. It seems more like you want the safety net, rather than meet new people.

How long have you been in NY? What have you done to meet new friends since getting there?

I moved up here at the tail end of 2001, so a hair shy of 9 years. I'm always willing to meet new people, providing I'm with someone I already know. As twisted as this sounds, it just makes it easier for me to be myself :-/

Admittedly, not a whole lot. When I first moved up here, I didn't know anyone. I'd go out drinking with my uncle, but that was the extent of it. Because of that, I spent a large amount of time online - mainly chatrooms & video games.

I did meet one person, and we hung out a lot...but over the years she gradually became an...."Eeyore" type of person, and it was emotionally draining (if that makes any sense?) and it became less and less fun to hang out with her. We still keep in touch, but it's a "once in a blue moon" type deal where she'll shoot me an email to say hi or whatever.

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RE: Would you move/relocate? - 7/13/2010 10:55:38 PM

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I understand your issue since I tend to be shy like that. What I would try is.. if you're comfortable with your gaming friends, try to meet them. You already share something you enjoy so it cant be too bad. Same for the bdsm community in NY.. look for a place where youll feel comfortable and share something with the people there. You dont have to talk to everyone but even for us, shy people, theres always that person that you see and you know youre gonna get along or he/she is just in the same boat you are.

Thats what id do anyway. Sometimes it takes a lot out of me to do it but 99% of the time is worth it.

I wish you luck either way

Edit to add: sorry, im not a Domme. Just saw where I was posting lol

< Message edited by alatheia -- 7/13/2010 10:57:22 PM >

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RE: Would you move/relocate? - 7/13/2010 11:04:06 PM

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Yes, assuming those factors i would move.....because i know that, in my profession, no matter where i go there will be jobs for me. At first when i saw the title of the thread, before i read the whole OP, i'd thought it meant would i move for Someone, lol. My answer to that would also be yes.

~sweetsub~

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RE: Would you move/relocate? - 7/13/2010 11:32:17 PM

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Hello Black Pearl -
Here's what I've learned from moving about quite a bit. Take what you like, throw the rest away.

We all need friends. For most people our ability to create strong friendships is not tied to where we are geographically. We have good social skills, we suck, or we're somewhere in between. However, on occasion, there are places we can't actually find friends regardless of our good social skills. I've been to two places in my adult life where that was the case. I stayed in each place for about a year, and then got the hell out of Dodge! On the other hand we also need to make sure we are open to new friendships as other friendships fade out or the people get involved with other things (family, children, work, etc.). Are you truly open to meeting new people or are you just going to be with your old friends? We need to keep that sort of thing fresh.

I have learned that there are certain things that people need. For me, it is ART. Without having access to museums, galleries, musical performances, some kind of sustained art community, something in me falls apart. My dear friend R feels the same way about nature. He needs breathtakingly beautiful nature - that is why he goes to the Amazon, the Grand Canyon, Chiapas Mexico, etc. My friend M needs fascinating buildings / architecture. And then another friend of mine must have music. He would just wither up and die without a group he could jam with. I have learned that we need to know the thing that sings to our own soul, and we must make certain we have that. When I recently moved, I made sure to live somewhere that I can be in the artistic part of town in less than an hour. I go there at least once or twice a month (just saw a Rodin exhibit in fact and am planning to go see the Keith Haring this weekend... life is sweet!) What do YOU need in order for your soul to be filled? At some point your friends will not be there, you will need to be open to other people... generally that will be the people who dig the same stuff you dig.

Relocating for friends is a serious crap shoot. If there is a reason beyond the friends - a good job, sustain your avocation, joining a particular community - then a lateral move is not a bad idea. However, if someone moves for *friends*, then that's more of a risk.

In the end, we each decide for ourselves. Perhaps it's time to look at what YOU need for YOU... I mean what would happen if all your friends left / died / got married / had children and then had no time for you? What then?

good luck, and I feel for you....

sunshine

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RE: Would you move/relocate? - 7/14/2010 12:05:13 AM

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@ Alathea: Unfortunately, 3/4 of my gaming friends live out of state. The closest one, lives in Connecticut.

@ Sunshinemiss: I think my reason for initially moving up here was all wrong. But, I made as best an experience as I could from it. I advanced myself educationally, and careerwise, but that doesn't negate the feeling of emptyness I've been feeling, especially as of late.

I think it's more or less the factor if me being able to call one of them up and seeing if they'd like to do something. I don't have that up here, and it's made me pretty miserable over the last few years.

*Edit*

Sorry for the late reply, I tried going to bed earlier, but had no luck.

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RE: Would you move/relocate? - 7/14/2010 8:51:31 AM

CallaFirestormBW

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I've been considering this same thing for almost 2 years now. I had the opportunity to move back to my old home, and a LOT of interest from people there in having me -come- back, including a job lined up as soon as I said "yes". A much larger percentage of our household lives in the direction I'd be moving.... however, for me, I made the decision -not- to relocate back to my old haunts. I moved in this direction because of someone who wanted to be a part of our household -- specifically, a person who was tied to responsibilities that required that we expand our household in -this- direction instead of hir coming in -our- direction. I was fine with that, and was ok when it didn't work out and xhe left the House. However, truth be told, I realized this past year that I never really embraced my new home, and spent an awful lot of time thinking about how much better things had been in my OLD home... so I barely scratched the surface, for over a decade, of the opportunities available right where I am now.

I'm an introvert, so while I'm perfectly -capable- of getting out there and socializing, I don't really enjoy doing so. However, that doesn't mean that I -won't- do so... and that's the difference. I started thinking about what was important to me, and started exploring the options available to enhance those important things through social connections... and then I gave myself a kick in the pants and made myself start building community here... and I discovered that going back, with all those old expectations and old situations, especially since I am a decade older and have grown accordingly, would not give me the impetus I needed to continue my growth... so I'm staying where I am, and trying some new experiences instead of leaning so heavily on what 'was'.

Calla

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RE: Would you move/relocate? - 7/14/2010 9:40:55 AM

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Is there a possibility that if you moved to be nearer to your friends that initially you may see them a lot but after a while they may settle back into their usual routines and have less time for you?

I moved to a city where I knew no one apart from a cousin (whom I rarely see) and my flatmate who shifted over with me. I have now been here two years and have made friends through work and by forcing myself to go to bdsm events where I knew no one at all and felt so terrified I thought I would throw up ha ha.

I still miss my friends from back home and am actually home at the moment with my family for a few more days which is divine but I also feel proud of the life I am building for myself in a new place.

Would I move or relocate to be nearer my friends? I wouldn't move just to be closer to friends as I know that as uncomfortable as it makes me feel, I do have the ability to go out and make new friends. However if I knew I had a secure job or my family needed me or there were other reasons as well then yes I would move.

I wish you all the best in whatever decision you make

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RE: Would you move/relocate? - 7/14/2010 10:06:51 AM

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If I felt the way you do and wasn't able to make friends easily then yes I would move.

I tend to be pretty much a loner and only have a handful of extremely close friends and most of us don't live near each other anyway but we keep in contact in other ways and visit each other from time to time.

My suggestion is to get out and make friends. Go to social functions, get a hobby where other people enjoy the same things together, join a gym, etc...

Check out meetup.com and see if any of the groups there interest you.

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RE: Would you move/relocate? - 7/14/2010 11:50:03 AM

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In the Fantasy World, I would love to live in Ft Lauderdale!! Well, Hollywood, really, but that area's getting kind of run down. Anyway.

I look at my friends like Sunny, and just BOW DOWN to their personal courage. I would be deeply unhappy if I had to endlessly pick up stakes and go new places. But then, I have lived in this area my entire life, and moved ONCE, as an adult, to the house we live in now. I am not practised at changing my location. I've pondered moving for jobs in the past, and decided it was a no go. To me, moving to family and friend connections that go back a long way is an act of plain common sense. I say this in spite of the fact that I have dear friends scattered across the globe.

Sunny has some wonderful points about the things that we *need* to have to find contentment. Maybe you could just VISIT the old stomping grounds, and see what it feels like. Pick a hotel, don't stay with friends, and see how it all feels "as if" you were in a new place with no one that you know. South Florida has changed a lot in the last ten years. It might not feel right to you anymore.

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RE: Would you move/relocate? - 7/14/2010 2:13:19 PM

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I recently upped and moved to a completely different state because that's where a job was. I was miserable in California, and the job prospects were horrible. Quite happy now in Michigan. Have zero social contact with pretty much anyone, but at least I've been gainfully employed for about a year now and things have definitely turned around for the better in all other ways.

So I guess I already answered the question by my previous actions.

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