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Who needs manners when we're all strangers... right? - 4/17/2006 5:53:30 PM

mixielicous

Posts: 1283
Joined: 4/6/2006
From: Boston area, Massachusetts
Status: offline

i have read a lot of threads in here and i am mildly horrified at some of the responses recieved.

now, i understand that its totally legit to doubt someone's stories, to wonder why they would desire to do something without being prepared, i even understand telling someone why a possible activity could possibly be a bad idea.

but what i dont understand is why people on this forum pick each other to pieces. isnt this a place, a refuge for us to come, and ask advice/opinions from like minded persons?

isnt it a place for learning?

instead, most of what i see are people being chopped down, berrated for their questions and beliefs, and simply put to doubt.

ever heard the motto if you dont have anything nice to say, dont say anything at all? it seems to allude many here.

[and this is no way directed towards anyone inparticular, because many people are guilty of it]

it makes me pensive to post my questions/doubts/worries because i wonder if people will snicker and post replies that are so offensive they make my heart race.

my 2 cents, not worth much, but ethical none the less.

i hope i am not the only one to see this.

Post #: 1

RE: Who needs manners when we're all strangers... right? - 4/17/2006 5:59:20 PM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

It's only a computer screen. If you are going to lay it out in front of cyber friends (and strangers), be prepared for the good and bad and the nonsensical as well. There are some who will always live to see how far off kilter they can send you (it's a hobby for them). Take from it what works for you. You will find some kind people here who are willing to help.

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(in reply to mixielicous)

Post #: 2

RE: Who needs manners when we're all strangers... right? - 4/17/2006 6:02:43 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: mixielicous
but what i dont understand is why people on this forum pick each other to pieces. isnt this a place, a refuge for us to come, and ask advice/opinions from like minded persons?

If you want advice and opinions from people- you aren't asking for refuge. If you want refuge, go find a puppy.

And I'm not sure what made you think we're like minded. Are vanillas like minded?

quote:

isnt it a place for learning?

And do you think people learn more when they are given hugs or when they are forced to look at different ideas?

I think both are great depending on the circumstance. And sometimes I force when people want me to hug.

quote:

instead, most of what i see are people being chopped down, berrated for their questions and beliefs, and simply put to doubt.

Why shouldn't they be put to doubt, if there is something to doubt?

If an idea cannot stand up to honest, intelligent criticism, then it can't. Again, there are a variety of ways of giving honest and intelligent criticism, and honeestly I think the majority you get here are helpful and useful- with the jerks making themselves obvious and thus easily avoidable.

quote:

ever heard the motto if you dont have anything nice to say, dont say anything at all? it seems to allude many here.

elude...if you only want to hear nice things from others, go get a puppy. No this does not excuse rude behavior, but when you put something in a public forum, you have to expect a variety of answers, not all of which will be the "hug it's all going to be ok" variety.

quote:

it makes me pensive to post my questions/doubts/worries because i wonder if people will snicker and post replies that are so offensive they make my heart race.

Is that your issue on being too oversensitive and letting an ONLINE forum control your feelings?

You aren't going to change what people post. You can only change how you react towards it. I think the majority of things posted here are fun, interesting, thought-provoking and good social fodder.

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(in reply to mixielicous)

Post #: 3

RE: Who needs manners when we're all strangers... right? - 4/17/2006 6:02:52 PM

CrappyDom

Posts: 1883
Joined: 4/11/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline

If someone is so timid, so terrified of criticism that they cannot post anonymously on the net, then in my personal experience, those people generally have no business having anything but vanilla sex.

I am assumed by shock at how rough and tumble S&M groups are that you are not just new to this site, but new in general. Many of have seen these same issues, same problems, same drama repeated over and over again. So when we see something, we are quick to jump on it.

And you would be amazed at how much many of us DO hold back. I have read a couple of posts here from women I doubt are women, from wives who I think are husbands, etc. I let them pass because I think they are harmless.

If you read more of the posts by those who you think offensive you might be surprised to find those very same people metaphorically get down on their knees and whisper soft supporting posts to someone who they believe deserve one.

(in reply to mixielicous)

Post #: 4

RE: Who needs manners when we're all strangers... right? - 4/17/2006 6:03:57 PM

amaidiamond

Posts: 1793
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Watford / London
Status: offline

I have to say that so far on this forum I have stated oppinions, asked questions and generally discussed things however I have not been lashed out at or picked to pieces, I see no malice involved when people on the forums are challenged

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 5

RE: Who needs manners when we're all strangers... right? - 4/17/2006 6:04:48 PM

JohnWarren

Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline

You seem to be confused. This is a chat board, not a shrink's office.

Seriously, anyone can come here and say anything. If you can control that I suggest you contact King Canute and tell him he's wrong.

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Post #: 6

RE: Who needs manners when we're all strangers... right? - 4/17/2006 6:06:31 PM

mixielicous

Posts: 1283
Joined: 4/6/2006
From: Boston area, Massachusetts
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

And I'm not sure what made you think we're like minded. Are vanillas like minded?

oh dont get me wrong, i meant like minded only in the fact that everyone here has some kind of kink, or something along those lines.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 7

RE: Who needs manners when we're all strangers... right? - 4/17/2006 6:13:27 PM

mixielicous

Posts: 1283
Joined: 4/6/2006
From: Boston area, Massachusetts
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: JohnWarren

You seem to be confused. This is a chat board, not a shrink's office.

i dont exactly understand how i could be confusing this forum with a shrinks office, am i crying my problems out all over the place? am i divulging my innermost secrets?

no i just was wondering if anyone else saw the things i did.

And while i understand why everything cant be given to you with a hug [to reference LA] because its true, you wont learn that way, i was just merely asking if i was the only one who thought maybe some people here were too abrasive in their responses.

apparently so

point taken.

< Message edited by mixielicous -- 4/17/2006 6:14:21 PM >

(in reply to JohnWarren)

Post #: 8

RE: Who needs manners when we're all strangers... right? - 4/17/2006 6:14:42 PM

sweetbbwsub31

Posts: 331
Joined: 3/22/2006
Status: offline

Although i don't agree with what some people post and the way they handle things i enjoy reading the message boards and have learned a lot from them. We aren't all going to agree and a good debate is healthy in my opinion.

(in reply to mixielicous)

Post #: 9

RE: Who needs manners when we're all strangers... right? - 4/17/2006 6:21:17 PM

MHOO314

Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

If something is put out there---someone will like it, someone will hate it, someone will walk away from it---kind of like your used furniture---human nature doesn't change.

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(in reply to mixielicous)

Post #: 10

RE: Who needs manners when we're all strangers... right? - 4/17/2006 6:21:42 PM

MstrssPassion

Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
Status: offline

if they ain't bitching about the type email they are getting or the lack thereof... they'll be in here bitching about all the rest of the stuff they're reading

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Post #: 11

RE: Who needs manners when we're all strangers... right? - 4/17/2006 6:22:10 PM

subcheryl

Posts: 280
Joined: 11/2/2004
Status: offline

this is part of why I no longer visit this site like I use to. The attitude on this forum has changed and very rarely do I see constructive advice or opinions given to anyone. I don't like cattiness or bitchiness so stay away and let those who interact this way have at it.

(in reply to mixielicous)

Post #: 12

RE: Who needs manners when we're all strangers... right? - 4/17/2006 6:23:04 PM

Arpig

Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline

As a rule i do try to be polite, however when the question, or more likely the situation posited in the lead up to the question seems to me to be idiotic, or the poster appears to be such from what they say, then I will not be polite. I am a plain speaker in my everyday life (I once walked out of a sales promortion meeting at my last job, telling them I was not a whore and to stuff theire dishonest sales tricks where the sun won't shine...so it isn't just on the boards I am a jerk)and I will be that way here.
If you do not want contrary opinions, then do not post on an open forum, otherwise you take the good and the bad. I am probably mostly the bad, but oh well, that is just me and the way I see the world.

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Post #: 13

RE: Who needs manners when we're all strangers... right? - 4/17/2006 6:37:06 PM

MLskajira

Posts: 275
Joined: 2/17/2006
Status: offline

Arpig, this girl thinks You are good.
You have a point, when one posts in a public forum, they open themselves up to all kinds of responses, sometimes without prompting.
if this girl did not thrive on confrontation, she would be in tears by now, but she does, and her heart is pumping.
challenge this girl

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Post #: 14

RE: Who needs manners when we're all strangers... right? - 4/17/2006 6:37:39 PM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline

Yeah there are a few cranky folks here, and even some snarky butts, but if you can wade through them, you will find most are very interesting intelligent perspectives from almost every POV.

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(in reply to mixielicous)

Post #: 15

RE: Who needs manners when we're all strangers... right? - 4/17/2006 6:42:54 PM

Arpig

Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline

Um Tigress...am I cranky, or a snarky butt?

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Big man! Pig Man!
Ha Ha...Charade you are!

Why do they leave out the letter b on "Garage Sale" signs?

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Post #: 16

RE: Who needs manners when we're all strangers... right? - 4/17/2006 6:45:00 PM

TemptingNviceSub

Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline

Mildly speaking we are not the girl scouts.We are adults,we say what we think,you do not have to like it...however..In the time you have been here have you learned anything? If you have, then mission accomplished.If you have not then possibly you were to focused upon how the info was imparted.There have been many times that a shoulder to cry on has been offered.A support if you will. And there has been many times when a cheer of goodwill has also been sent out.You take the good with the bad.My advice to the OP?..you need to be less sensitive..the world out there is a lot rougher than in here....be well.Tempting

(in reply to mixielicous)

Post #: 17

RE: Who needs manners when we're all strangers... right? - 4/17/2006 6:47:48 PM

MstrssPassion

Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Arpig

As a rule i do try to be polite, however when the question, or more likely the situation posited in the lead up to the question seems to me to be idiotic <snip>

If I am reading you correctly this is exactly why I posted the way I did. The vast majority of my replies read like mechanical journals when I am doing my damnedest to express accurate information or solid advice, but when you find an opening line like the subject line of this thread, it is just screaming for a snappy come back.

I have expressed heart felt, sincerity to many both on the boards & on the other side of the site, but I am also one that follows through with "enters mind~exits mouth~has ass to back it all up" & hide thick enough to deal with any backlash.

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Post #: 18

RE: Who needs manners when we're all strangers... right? - 4/17/2006 6:49:55 PM

Proprietrix

Posts: 756
Joined: 7/15/2005
From: Ohio/West Virginia
Status: offline

I don't mind the picking to pieces thing a whole lot. If nothing else, it lets me know that some people interpret things differently than others.
I really don't mind *Constructive* criticism. We all have areas we can learn and grow. Critique can hurt, but it's not in vain.
I don't mind misspellings or bad grammar.
I don't mind repeated threads.

What I do mind is when people make a point to be insensitive, rude, demeaning and sarcastic, for the sake of absolutely nothing. Posts like "If I had a dime for every time a whiner posts, I'd be a rich man" in response to someone who starts a thread about how things didn't work out with his Mistress.
That kind of nonsense assists no one constructively. It simply cries of "I didn't listen to a word you said, or care even slightly about this thread, nor do I have anything positive to offer, but I need people to see my name, so I'll post a rude, sarcastic, irrelavent comment."

What I do mixielicious, is when I see the same person consistently adding NOTHING to the topic at hand, and ONLY posting for the purpose of getting people riled, I block them. And, although it gets me verbally blasted at times, I do try to stand up for the person whom I feel they were rude to.

There are some people who annoy me, and might even piss me off, but as long as they're offering something of substance, (whether it meshes with my personal views or not), I don't block them, because I could potentially learn something from them.

So far that has worked for me. It's made this whole internet experience a bit more bearable. And either way, I'm sure not losing any sleep at night.

(in reply to mixielicous)

Post #: 19

RE: Who needs manners when we're all strangers... right? - 4/17/2006 6:51:57 PM

Vancouver_cinful

Posts: 1911
Joined: 2/3/2004
Status: offline

I have many wonderful friends in my life. I can categorize them into 2 groups, the ones who will hug me, when I go to them with something that is bothering me, and the other group, who will kick my ass into doing something about it.

I know which ones to go, dependant on my needs in the moment. I couldn't do without either group. I need both of those responses to keep me balanced.

When I post on here I expect to get both responses as well. I take what I can use and toss away the rest. This forum for me is about engaging my brain, and I come here freely. I don't have a right to expect anything from anyone here. Not even respect, to be honest.

If I feel attacked by anyone on here, and I can't really recall that happening, than I know I can learn from what they say, or write them off as bad news. My choice.

Cin

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quote:

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(in reply to mixielicous)

Post #: 20

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