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RE: Who needs manners when we're all strangers... right? - 4/18/2006 7:20:01 AM   
Dustee


Posts: 32
Joined: 4/18/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Proprietrix

What I do mind is when people make a point to be insensitive, rude, demeaning and sarcastic, for the sake of absolutely nothing.  Posts like "If I had a dime for every time a whiner posts, I'd be a rich man" in response to someone who starts a thread about how things didn't work out with his Mistress.
That kind of nonsense assists no one constructively. It simply cries of "I didn't listen to a word you said, or care even slightly about this thread, nor do I have anything positive to offer, but I need people to see my name, so I'll post a rude, sarcastic, irrelavent comment."

What I do mixielicious, is when I see the same person consistently adding NOTHING to the topic at hand, and ONLY posting for the purpose of getting people riled, I block them. And, although it gets me verbally blasted at times, I do try to stand up for the person whom I feel they were rude to.

There are some people who annoy me, and might even piss me off, but as long as they're offering something of substance, (whether it meshes with my personal views or not), I don't block them, because I could potentially learn something from them.

So far that has worked for me. It's made this whole internet experience a bit more bearable. And either way, I'm sure not losing any sleep at night.



I agree strongly with the above and do much of the same. 

What you've observed, Mix, is something that I've seen on every message board I've ever participated on (been doing this for two decades now). It's SOP (standard operating procedure) for online communications.  A lot of adults are actually children inside and, when there is nothing outside themselves to inhibit their behavior, as there often is in real life,  they will act like children at the least provocation. It is also SOP on all message boards for stupid and irresponsibly hostile behavior to be justified whenever someone critiques it with various "ruff-n-tuff" sounding phrases like, "it's only a cyber board" or "it's a tough world, get used to it."  It's a weak justification, obviously, but you're not going to change these people, nothing you can say will help them to grow up, so the best solution is, as Proprietrix pointed out, is often to put these individuals on ignore and don't lose any sleep over it.  

If you don't want to invite the circus clowns into your personal life, you can always try asking your questions privately to those individuals who responses you consistently learn things from and whose minds you've grown to respect. 



(in reply to Proprietrix)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Who needs manners when we're all strangers... right? - 4/18/2006 8:53:10 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		I just LOVE using these forums to speak my opinion wether its wanted or not!!!
Yes, many people on the forums seriously lack manners. However I feel that is just a sad reflection on our society today. I remember when I used to go into a chatroom on another site and someone said something sarcastic to me and then appologised all over himorherself hoping I did not take offense. My reply was such "there is NO ONE on this site that can hurt, offend, or really anger me. Mildly pissy at times yes, but really upset....hellll NO!" The reason being, no one on here really knows me. And even if we did know one another personally and you tried to upset me chances are its not going to happen. My way of thinking is that nasty thoughts are the problem of the person speaking/typing them. They only reflect badly on the person venting them, not me. Someone spoke of being treated badly on another site by several people and said that if it continued they would leave. While it is that girls choice to be sure, my opinion is such that  the nastiness I have seen only put the attackers in bad light. I guess I just get bored when it is acknowledged thus allowed to go on and on and on........Personally, I would just ignore the BS and let them be the fools. I have better things to do with my time than feed someones "pay attention to me because I have issues" crap.
I do agree however that even in the piles of steamy smelly crap there are occasional nuggets of gold that I have learned from also. I think that like a few others have said, given that we are all somewhat anonymous and it is easier to be more open/blunt/downright assy than it is when you have to face the person and be held accountable. If you cannot grow a bit thicker skin and will be hurt or offended then perhaps this is not the place for you.

(in reply to Dustee)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Who needs manners when we're all strangers... right? - 4/18/2006 9:23:57 AM   
mixielicous


Posts: 1283
Joined: 4/6/2006
From: Boston area, Massachusetts
Status: offline 		Ok, i just wanted to thank you all for your [varied] responses. i was mostly looking for the opinions of others. i kind of feel the need to say, that i do not feel personally attacked in any thread i posted, this came as a result of reading a 4 page thread that i wasnt even really involved in.

i completely understand how you have to take the bad and good [thats how we learn after all] i was just brining to light that a lot of ppl here do it much more brashly than needed.

And its also good to know about that blocking ability.


(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Who needs manners when we're all strangers... right? - 4/18/2006 9:27:05 AM   
mixielicous


Posts: 1283
Joined: 4/6/2006
From: Boston area, Massachusetts
Status: offline 		and on another note, yes i am a sensitive person. theres not much i can do about that, is what makes me who i am. there are many things i have experienced in my life which made me who i am, and a lot of it are things i cant change. i am proud of my sensitivity i feel it gives me a look on life that a lot of people do not posess.

i am not asking the meanies to be any less mean [although a few people here felt the need to tell me to toughen up] just to be polite with their mean-ness.

/shrug

(in reply to mixielicous)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Who needs manners when we're all strangers... right? - 4/18/2006 9:59:05 AM   
JohnWarren


Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mixielicous
i am not asking the meanies to be any less mean [although a few people here felt the need to tell me to toughen up] just to be polite with their mean-ness.

/shrug


You're going to have to be clearer here.  I don't see a difference in the two.

_____________________________

www.lovingdominant.org

(in reply to mixielicous)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Who needs manners when we're all strangers... right? - 4/18/2006 10:21:32 AM   
mixielicous


Posts: 1283
Joined: 4/6/2006
From: Boston area, Massachusetts
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JohnWarren

quote:

ORIGINAL: mixielicous
i am not asking the meanies to be any less mean [although a few people here felt the need to tell me to toughen up] just to be polite with their mean-ness.

/shrug


You're going to have to be clearer here. I don't see a difference in the two.


well i dont know how to be any more clear on the subject. People can be mean by nature, it does not mean that they have to also be rude.

Thats like saying nice people will love you no matter what, simply b/c theyre nice.

an example, someone could say "i dont think this, such and such is a bad idea, i know this because ........" [polite]

OR
"you are niave/ignorant to think that, why would you even consider, how do you think this is even worthy of discussion" not so polite.

same thought, same speaker, different levels of consideration to how their words may be precieved.


(in reply to JohnWarren)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Who needs manners when we're all strangers... right? - 4/18/2006 10:37:05 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mixielicous
"you are niave/ignorant to think that, why would you even consider, how do you think this is even worthy of discussion" not so polite.

I think she's trying to say "Attack the issue, not the person."

Unfortunately, a lot of people don't know how to separate the two, so even when you ARE only discussing the issue, they take it personally and when a person is asking for advice/perspectives on their own person/situation, you really can't help but be critical of such.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to mixielicous)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Who needs manners when we're all strangers... right? - 4/18/2006 11:07:30 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		As I said before, its all only a magnified reflection of the world in general. None of us can make all the rest behave as we feel is appropriate.....though some of US do try!!....grinning......I have found that its often best to ignore those that irritate us most or sometimes ask why they are so blasted irritating. It is often a problem within ourselves that needs addressed rather than putting it on the offensive one. Quite simply, if have no sense of smell then a skunk does not stink but is just a rather cute furry creature. It is our nose that finds him offensive. He is not offending us personally just to make our lives miserable. If you take the power to offend away from the offenders.........they they are just (usually not so cute) creatures.
Yeah, I am sure its all a silly reference and over simplisitc and blah blah blah.........BUT I have to tell you I have way more important things to worry about that mouthy jerks that want to run around trying to cause trouble. Its all about the gooooooood energyyyyyyy......karmaaaa and all that stuff! AND the upside of that is sometimes, once in a greeeaaat while......its contagious!
Have a wooooooonderful day and don't sweat the crapola!

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Who needs manners when we're all strangers... right? - 4/18/2006 11:37:22 AM   
JohnWarren


Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mixielicous

quote:

ORIGINAL: JohnWarren

quote:

ORIGINAL: mixielicous
i am not asking the meanies to be any less mean [although a few people here felt the need to tell me to toughen up] just to be polite with their mean-ness.

/shrug


You're going to have to be clearer here. I don't see a difference in the two.


well i dont know how to be any more clear on the subject. People can be mean by nature, it does not mean that they have to also be rude.

Thats like saying nice people will love you no matter what, simply b/c theyre nice.

an example, someone could say "i dont think this, such and such is a bad idea, i know this because ........" [polite]

OR
"you are niave/ignorant to think that, why would you even consider, how do you think this is even worthy of discussion" not so polite.

same thought, same speaker, different levels of consideration to how their words may be precieved.


OK I get it now.  To you, any disagreement with your views is "mean" but it's OK if it is offered with flowers.

Not my definition, but your call.

_____________________________

www.lovingdominant.org

(in reply to mixielicous)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Who needs manners when we're all strangers... right? - 4/18/2006 1:00:34 PM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

A lot of adults are actually children inside and, when there is nothing outside themselves to inhibit their behavior, as there often is in real life,  they will act like children at the least provocation. It is also SOP on all message boards for stupid and irresponsibly hostile behavior to be justified whenever someone critiques it with various "ruff-n-tuff" sounding phrases like, "it's only a cyber board" or "it's a tough world, get used to it."  It's a weak justification, obviously, but you're not going to change these people, nothing you can say will help them to grow up, so the best solution is, as Proprietrix pointed out, is often to put these individuals on ignore and don't lose any sleep over it.  

If you don't want to invite the circus clowns into your personal life


No one, at least as far as I have read, has justified bad behavior by telling someone to realize it is something that will not stop and they should get a thicker skin so it doesn't bother them. That is not justification of the behavior, that is advice for dealing with it. You may think that we are trying to validate bad behavior... that isn't the case at all. It is a harsh reality that bad behavior exists and can only be dealt with, not suffocated into nonexistence.

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to Dustee)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Who needs manners when we're all strangers... right? - 4/18/2006 1:27:29 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		Is it that you're simply new to reading these boards? I'm "new" too. I can understand why you posted this thread; to me, I'm guessing it doesn't mean you don't see people as individuals with their own perspectives or even need to "toughen up" acc. to anyone's particular "standards". You were just asking a question. And you found out about the Block feature, so you discovered something that could be useful. I haven't blocked anyone yet and don't know if I ever will, but it's nice to know I could if I wanted to do that.

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 4/18/2006 1:30:11 PM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to mixielicous)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Who needs manners when we're all strangers... right? - 4/18/2006 1:58:48 PM   
MrrPete


Posts: 614
Joined: 11/7/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Arpig

Um Tigress...am I cranky, or a snarky butt?


Gosh! Do we really have to chose?

(in reply to Arpig)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Who needs manners when we're all strangers... right? - 4/18/2006 3:06:02 PM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MLskajira
thisa girl has just abadnoed one of her threads because of a dom and his gaggle of subs that wanted to pick apart everything this girl said. they have called this girl a liar and accused her of being mentally ill ,so she has just walked away. when they find something that entertains them more than attacking this girl, then she may go back.
wonder if they will chase this girl around the boards and attack her where they find her.
this girl is pretty thick skinned, but if these personal attacks persist, KoM and his little harem just may succeed in running this girl off of collarme altogether.


MLskajira,

A minor correction here...  None of the female submissive's who posted in the bonding issue thread are Knight's subs or are they part of his "little harem".  He only owns two girls and neither of us posted to that thread.  Only one of the girls does he actually know in person and she is a friend and a play partner.  The others only know of him from his posts on this board.

Know your facts before you start telling stories.

Knight's kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to MLskajira)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Who needs manners when we're all strangers... right? - 4/18/2006 3:28:10 PM   
denika


Posts: 619
Joined: 8/30/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

quote:

ORIGINAL: MLskajira
thisa girl has just abadnoed one of her threads because of a dom and his gaggle of subs that wanted to pick apart everything this girl said. they have called this girl a liar and accused her of being mentally ill ,so she has just walked away. when they find something that entertains them more than attacking this girl, then she may go back.
wonder if they will chase this girl around the boards and attack her where they find her.
this girl is pretty thick skinned, but if these personal attacks persist, KoM and his little harem just may succeed in running this girl off of collarme altogether.


MLskajira,

A minor correction here...  None of the female submissive's who posted in the bonding issue thread are Knight's subs or are they part of his "little harem".  He only owns two girls and neither of us posted to that thread.  Only one of the girls does he actually know in person and she is a friend and a play partner.  The others only know of him from his posts on this board.

Know your facts before you start telling stories.

Knight's kyra


Thank you kyra,  

Lumping everyone together is easier than knowing who we are.
I've gone back and read the threads on Bonding and can't find anywhere that I called MLkajira a liar, that is a strong word to fling around. Mind you that being said and done  I actually regret posting  on it to begin with since what ever has been said is twisted out of context.   I can not  and do not speak for KOM but I have a feeling that He has way better things to do  than chase her from board to board.

peace
denika

(in reply to kyraofMists)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Who needs manners when we're all strangers... right? - 4/18/2006 3:37:54 PM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline 		Welcome to the forums Mixielicous.
You will in time learn which posters to read and which to avoid.  Indeed some people make it a hobby to come online and attempt to throw you off kilter.   There is nothing wrong with being sensitive, but once you learn that some folks annoy you without the benefit of teaching you anything constructive in the process, you learn to block or skip their posts, as that is one effective way to deal.        M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to mixielicous)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Who needs manners when we're all strangers... right? - 4/18/2006 3:56:13 PM   
CAROLF


Posts: 56
Joined: 1/29/2006
Status: offline 		well, i'm still and always will be, i think, very new!! i read as many posts as i can, and i have learned that the same people respond to the posts and the majority of those people give awesome advice, opinions etc.  This is, perhaps, the most intellegent, quick witted group of people i have ever "seen"  i have never one time seen rudeness.  I have laughed, a lot!, and wondered, and sometimes the replies make me think and think.  Sometimes, i just toss away the info, as it does not pertain to me, but never, ever, would i take it personally, jeesh, it's not about me.............is it??? omg!! it is, isnt' it? 

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Who needs manners when we're all strangers... right? - 4/18/2006 4:01:53 PM   
missturbation


Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline 		I posted a question on here not so long back and wasn't prepared for some of the replies i recieved. A couple of them yes i felt were a personal attack on me but when i sat back and thought about it i realised that they werent.
I found the honesty and straight forward talking helped me a great deal.

(in reply to Vancouver_cinful)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Who needs manners when we're all strangers... right? - 4/18/2006 4:06:32 PM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CAROLFbut never, ever, would i take it personally, jeesh, it's not about me.............is it??? omg!! it is, isnt' it? 


Damn.. and here we were hoping you wouldn't figure it out so soon.... we were using code by pretending to be talking about ourselves all the while just discussing you... and I thought we were so good at it.

*tongue firmly in cheek*

kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to CAROLF)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Who needs manners when we're all strangers... right? - 4/18/2006 7:00:36 PM   
KittenWithaTwist


Posts: 490
Joined: 8/3/2005
Status: offline
quote:

but what i dont understand is why people on this forum pick each other to pieces. isnt this a place, a refuge for us to come, and ask advice/opinions from like minded persons?


No. This is a discussion forum. It is here that we discuss things with other people who know something about what we want to discuss. You wouldn't go into a discussion forum about dog obedience to discuss punishing your submissive (I hope), so likewise, you wouldn't come to this forum and discuss training your dog to jump through hoops.

This is a place for learning-but that doesn't mean it's a place for hand-holding, positive reassurance, and coddling the newbies. Some people are mean, straight-forward, blunt, or rude. That's life. If we could all "just get along", the world would be a better place. But it isn't.

quote:

ever heard the motto if you dont have anything nice to say, dont say anything at all? it seems to allude many here.


What is this, kindergarten? Or a place for adults to discuss BDSM? Gosh, I really thought it was the latter. I'm certainly not one to strive for bitchiness, but if I see someone playing the stupid card, I'm also not going to be the cute "subbie" (shudder) or Mommy Domme that takes the "little one" aside to teach her/him about the birds and the bees.




_____________________________

"Time travel: It's a cornocopia of disturbing concepts." ~Ron Stoppable

(in reply to mixielicous)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Who needs manners when we're all strangers... right? - 4/18/2006 7:56:25 PM   
Vancouver_cinful


Posts: 1911
Joined: 2/3/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists
A minor correction here...  None of the female submissive's who posted in the bonding issue thread are Knight's subs or are they part of his "little harem".  He only owns two girls and neither of us posted to that thread.  Only one of the girls does he actually know in person and she is a friend and a play partner.  The others only know of him from his posts on this board.

Know your facts before you start telling stories.

Knight's kyra


Yes, I just found out on that thread that supposedly I belong to KoM. Considering I have never met KoM, and my profile shows me as unattached, I think it was a huge leap to that assumption.

Ah well, such is life online.

Cin

_____________________________

Cin

quote:


My Karma Account is huge, but I just can't seem to make a withdrawal!!

http://cinful.wordpress.com

(in reply to kyraofMists)
Profile   Post #: 60
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