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"A Submissive's Place" - 8/2/2010 1:54:14 PM

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Recently someone contacted me on the other side and when I looked at his profile, there was quite a bit about putting and keeping a submissive in her/his place. This caused me to wonder what the heck was meant by that. I tried to ask a Dominant friend I know and all he could come up with was something about conquering but that didn't make any more sense to me.

So the question/s are these, What does it mean to you when you either hear/see that phrase or use that phrase. What is a submissive's place and how does one put/keep him/her in it? Is that something you look for in a D/s or M/s relatiionship and how does that manifest to you. In addition, are you looking to conquer or be conquered and how does that manifest?

Thanks in advance,
heartfelt

_____________________________

Life is an exciting business, and most exciting when it is lived for others.

Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood.

Life is either a great adventure or nothing.

Helen Keller

50 NZ points

RE: "A Submissive's Place" - 8/2/2010 2:03:09 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: heartfeltsub
Recently someone contacted me on the other side and when I looked at his profile, there was quite a bit about putting and keeping a submissive in her/his place. This caused me to wonder what the heck was meant by that. I tried to ask a Dominant friend I know and all he could come up with was something about conquering but that didn't make any more sense to me.

I can only vaguely speculate. But my best answer is that for those who are submissive by relationship orientation as opposed to by personality attribute, then the "role" (and let's not get all wired on that word) of "submissive" is a role which needs to be reinforced.

Carol and I don't have to worry about this because our D and S sides exist "by personality". For me, "putting Carol in her submissive place" is a lot like "putting carol in her breathing place". I don't often find myself needing to remind her to breath.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to heartfeltsub)

RE: "A Submissive's Place" - 8/2/2010 2:07:41 PM

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To me it means someone's read way too much bullshit on the internet and is seeking to fill his ego with fantasy.

The only person that truly "puts" a submissive "in her place", is her.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to heartfeltsub)

RE: "A Submissive's Place" - 8/2/2010 2:08:01 PM

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I would suggest that it is 'headspace' to which he refers.

What does it take to put or keep one in a dominate (or submissive) frame of mind? What does it take to derail that frame of mind?

What would our lives be like if we didn't have to be taken away from those thoughts.

Jeff

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

(in reply to leadership527)

RE: "A Submissive's Place" - 8/2/2010 2:10:59 PM

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From: The cold bit of the UK
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I've had a few messages from doms telling me that I need to 'know my place'...and to be honest, it got me to thinking too.

I think that I know my place within a relationship, and it's nothing that can be forced. I can't be 'put' there, I can only desire and strive to be there. And on the other side of the coin, he should desire and strive to be in his place too.

I do get annoyed by doms who tell me where my place is and what I should do while I'm there, but it always comes off as patronising and a bit 'wank-fest-too-much-porn' for me to take seriously.

Within a relationship I'd say my place is where I fit best to complement him. Whether it's at his feet or at his side, then that's where I should be to make 'us' work.

_____________________________

There's nowt so queer as folk

(in reply to heartfeltsub)

RE: "A Submissive's Place" - 8/2/2010 2:12:54 PM

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I love that terminology when I'm in the depths of submission - my "place" being on my knees, on my back, lower than him, serving him, or some combination of those things - but they're just words, meant to arouse and stir up lots of fun psychological reactions. There is no real "place" for me.

(in reply to laurell3)

RE: "A Submissive's Place" - 8/2/2010 2:13:06 PM

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My last owner viewed my place as a more "lowly" type of place - bottom rung of the ladder, so to speak. It was a mindset he chose to keep me in and would knock me back down into it whenever he felt I was acting..."deserving".

I am not in a dynamic like that now. I am encouraged to be all that I be, so to speak, and to explore as much as I can - about myself and about life. There is no "lowly place"; He tells me I belong at his feet and by his side. He is the authority but I am not made to feel "less than" in any way. There is no "putting in place" for me now. I am happily exactly where I need to be.

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.

(in reply to heartfeltsub)

RE: "A Submissive's Place" - 8/2/2010 2:13:33 PM

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Not much for the conquering in barbarian fashion. I much prefere 'seducing' the enemy into opening the gates, or in turn being seduced.

The only context I can really come up with when I hear the phrase 'put you in your place' is either in a playful manner of "Your place is on your knees... !*zip*" Or the abusive "Your place is what I dictate and I'll beat you senseless if you don't do what I want."

(in reply to mstrjx)

RE: "A Submissive's Place" - 8/2/2010 2:20:58 PM

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quote:

So the question/s are these, What does it mean to you when you either hear/see that phrase or use that phrase. What is a submissive's place and how does one put/keep him/her in it? Is that something you look for in a D/s or M/s relatiionship and how does that manifest to you. In addition, are you looking to conquer or be conquered and how does that manifest?

When I see a phrase like that I tend to blow it off as something that doesn't pertain to me. The way I see it is that everyone has their own kinks and if that means "conquering" then I guess that's just their thing. I also don't look to be completely dominated in a relationship. Play time is D/s time. My Master and I are friends above all of this and we still need that time to just be friends. I'm still his equal. Play time, my place is bowing to Him and pleasing Him in any way he wants. I REALLY enjoy the balance we have and both aspects of our relationship are equally important to both of us. But to those that are into conquering or being conquered more power to ya, have fun with it

_____________________________

No kind of sensation is keener and more active than pain it's impressions are unmistakable. -Marquis DeSade

(in reply to leadership527)

RE: "A Submissive's Place" - 8/2/2010 2:23:53 PM

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I've seen a lot of subs' profiles that mention this, and I take it to mean that they'll test limits and need to know that the limits are real.

I will keep a sub in her place,but I won't put her there.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to ProlificNeeds)

RE: "A Submissive's Place" - 8/2/2010 2:27:57 PM

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_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to ProlificNeeds)

RE: "A Submissive's Place" - 8/2/2010 2:45:06 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven
I've seen a lot of subs' profiles that mention this, and I take it to mean that they'll test limits and need to know that the limits are real.

That's very true. I'm totally like that. I realize this makes me somewhat of a pain in the ass, but if I feel I can push limits or break them, I will. I love to struggle, but I'm only doing it so that I can really feel the invisible chains surrounding me. I like knowing they're there and that they can really hold. So yeah, I suppose I like being "kept" in my place, if not "put" there.

(in reply to DarkSteven)

RE: "A Submissive's Place" - 8/2/2010 2:56:55 PM

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Joined: 4/28/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: heartfeltsub
So the question/s are these, What does it mean to you when you either hear/see that phrase or use that phrase. What is a submissive's place and how does one put/keep him/her in it? Is that something you look for in a D/s or M/s relationship and how does that manifest to you. In addition, are you looking to conquer or be conquered and how does that manifest?

When I hear/see that phrase I think someone's been watching too much kinky porn. To me, a submissive's place is wherever she is most pleasing and helpful to her Dominant." If I'm drawn to submit to Someone, I just naturally stay "there." No one else can really "put me there," conquer me, or beat me into submission. I don't look for that in a relationship, because if I'm not already in that mindset with Someone, then He's not the One for me anyway.

~sweetsub~

_____________________________

Member: Lance's Fag Hags.

"That's not just a chip on her shoulder, that's the whole potato!" ~Lady Angelika~

In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

(in reply to heartfeltsub)

RE: "A Submissive's Place" - 8/2/2010 3:16:29 PM

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: heartfeltsub

Recently someone contacted me on the other side and when I looked at his profile, there was quite a bit about putting and keeping a submissive in her/his place. This caused me to wonder what the heck was meant by that. I tried to ask a Dominant friend I know and all he could come up with was something about conquering but that didn't make any more sense to me.

So the question/s are these, What does it mean to you when you either hear/see that phrase or use that phrase. What is a submissive's place and how does one put/keep him/her in it? Is that something you look for in a D/s or M/s relatiionship and how does that manifest to you. In addition, are you looking to conquer or be conquered and how does that manifest?

Thanks in advance,
heartfelt

It just sounds like Net geek rhetoric, along the lines of "kneel bitch!" as an opening line to a sub.

Some wannabe is acting out his vanilla perception of how Doms and subs supposedly interact....

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to heartfeltsub)

RE: "A Submissive's Place" - 8/2/2010 3:18:12 PM

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Joined: 11/5/2004
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That is an interesting thought, the difference of submissioni by relationship orientation than by personality. However the Dominant friend that i asked about this, who understood what the guy's profile meant is Dominant by nature and not just when in a D/s relationship. So although i think it is an interesting thought, which i would agree with, i think i am still missing something.

Thanks for your reply,
heartfelt

_____________________________

Life is an exciting business, and most exciting when it is lived for others.

Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood.

Life is either a great adventure or nothing.

Helen Keller

50 NZ points

(in reply to leadership527)

RE: "A Submissive's Place" - 8/2/2010 3:19:16 PM

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Joined: 11/5/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3

To me it means someone's read way too much bullshit on the internet and is seeking to fill his ego with fantasy.

The only person that truly "puts" a submissive "in her place", is her.

i personally would agree with that, that is how it feels to me, that i have to bow the knee, not be forced to my knees. Thank you for your reply laurell.

_____________________________

Life is an exciting business, and most exciting when it is lived for others.

Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood.

Life is either a great adventure or nothing.

Helen Keller

50 NZ points

(in reply to laurell3)

RE: "A Submissive's Place" - 8/2/2010 3:22:19 PM

Posts: 1641
Joined: 11/5/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: mstrjx

I would suggest that it is 'headspace' to which he refers.

What does it take to put or keep one in a dominate (or submissive) frame of mind? What does it take to derail that frame of mind?

What would our lives be like if we didn't have to be taken away from those thoughts.

Jeff

Hmmmm, interesting idea. i am not currently in a D/s relationship and when i play lately, it feels more like bottoming than submitting and i find it not as fulfilling. And currently i am not in a "submissive" frame of mind. That doesn't make me any less of a submissive, just that i am not submitting to anyone at the moment. Hmmm, i will have to think more about it.

Thank you for your reply,
heartfelt

_____________________________

Life is an exciting business, and most exciting when it is lived for others.

Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood.

Life is either a great adventure or nothing.

Helen Keller

50 NZ points

(in reply to mstrjx)

RE: "A Submissive's Place" - 8/2/2010 3:25:33 PM

Posts: 1641
Joined: 11/5/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida

My last owner viewed my place as a more "lowly" type of place - bottom rung of the ladder, so to speak. It was a mindset he chose to keep me in and would knock me back down into it whenever he felt I was acting..."deserving".

I am not in a dynamic like that now. I am encouraged to be all that I be, so to speak, and to explore as much as I can - about myself and about life. There is no "lowly place"; He tells me I belong at his feet and by his side. He is the authority but I am not made to feel "less than" in any way. There is no "putting in place" for me now. I am happily exactly where I need to be.

That is what "a submissive's place" has struck me at times, something lower, something less than, of less worth. That definition of it would definitely make me angry.

Thank you for your reply,
heartfelt

_____________________________

Life is an exciting business, and most exciting when it is lived for others.

Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood.

Life is either a great adventure or nothing.

Helen Keller

50 NZ points

(in reply to NuevaVida)

RE: "A Submissive's Place" - 8/2/2010 3:26:46 PM

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Joined: 4/24/2010
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Well said and desireable circumstance indeed!

(in reply to laurell3)

RE: "A Submissive's Place" - 8/2/2010 3:27:40 PM

Posts: 1641
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

I've seen a lot of subs' profiles that mention this, and I take it to mean that they'll test limits and need to know that the limits are real.

I will keep a sub in her place,but I won't put her there.

May i ask what that statement means to you, what does it mean it keep a sub in her place, what does that look like? What would it look like if you were to put her there and why is that somethiing you don't do?

Thanks in advance,
heartfelt

_____________________________

Life is an exciting business, and most exciting when it is lived for others.

Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood.

Life is either a great adventure or nothing.

Helen Keller

50 NZ points

(in reply to DarkSteven)

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