RE: Do you consider yourself "damaged"?

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gungadin09 -> RE: Do you consider yourself "damaged"? (8/7/2010 4:49:55 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: domiguy I hope to see you on the news... I would tell my friends...."You know that crazy bitch that ate those puppies and then gutted her boss?...I saw her tits." i can do better than that. When they catch me eating those puppies, i will dedicate it to all of you. i will say, "This one is for all of my friends on collarme. i LOVE you, man!" pam

kiwisub12 -> RE: Do you consider yourself "damaged"? (8/7/2010 5:52:01 PM)
Have you (group you) ever seen a tree, say, an oak , and thought how beautiful and perfect it was? and got closer and realised that there were stumps from broken branches, and holes in the trunk from woodpeckers, and holes in the leaves from insects and the thing is, those things don't make it any the less awesome. If anything, they make it even more incredible that it had those things happen to it ,and it continued to grow and reproduce and be even more beautiful. If it was perfect, it wouldn't have been tested in real life , against all types of weathers and pests - and would collapse the first time a strong wind came along - because it wouldn't have been tempered. All the things we consider stressful and negative contribute to temper our moral fiber, and make us the people we are today. There is not one thing in my life that i would change - because it would alter who i am. And do i consider myself "damaged" ? - yes, but not in a negative way. I am not perfect because i have been through things and came out the other side stronger. Sometimes sadder, but we can't be happy all the time, other wise we wouldn't appreciate the joyful highs.

marie2 -> RE: Do you consider yourself "damaged"? (8/7/2010 6:15:07 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kiwisub12 Have you (group you) ever seen a tree, say, an oak , and thought how beautiful and perfect it was? and got closer and realised that there were stumps from broken branches, and holes in the trunk from woodpeckers, and holes in the leaves from insects and the thing is, those things don't make it any the less awesome. If anything, they make it even more incredible that it had those things happen to it ,and it continued to grow and reproduce and be even more beautiful. If it was perfect, it wouldn't have been tested in real life , against all types of weathers and pests - and would collapse the first time a strong wind came along - because it wouldn't have been tempered. Beautiful. :)

OneMoreWaste -> RE: Do you consider yourself "damaged"? (8/7/2010 10:34:47 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: gungadin09 Does anyone else feel that being somehow "damaged" is an asset in BDSM? Like, maybe, we're a big club of freaks who have just learned to embrace it? i feel like if i was a normal, well adjusted person i wouldn't be here. As much as my weirdness embarasses me, i'm still kind of proud of it. i don't think i would want to exchange my fucked up life for a normal one. I think that if you're content with who you are, and have adapted (to your satisfaction) to the challenges you've faced, and even strike a note of pride in being "different"... you're really not "damaged." You have traits and experiences that you believe make you unique. Does that make it easier to relate to the "BDSM Community"? Well, probably. Because everyone feels that way about themselves, so that gives you a common ground [:D] Being damaged isn't good. i wouldn't recommend it.

MindOnFire -> RE: Do you consider yourself "damaged"? (8/9/2010 3:42:15 AM)
I've been looking at this thread for days, trying to figure out if I feel damaged or not... So the answer is both yes and not. I am damaged when it comes to other people, my mind is damaged. I am capable of turning down a wonderful man just because I know he's not into BDSM. BUT being the narcissistic and smug bitch that I am, I actually feel special and proud because of my BDSM cravings. I am proud to be part of that brave group of people who are not afraid to pursue their desires, despite the fact that most people consider that ... let's say strange.

MercTech -> RE: Do you consider yourself "damaged"? (8/9/2010 11:49:52 AM)
Now, you only eat the puppies on a visit to the Phillipines.... you can get them at a butcher shop already prepared for cooking. <no shit!> quote: i can do better than that. When they catch me eating those puppies, i will dedicate it to all of you. i will say, "This one is for all of my friends on collarme. i LOVE you, man!" pam If one is more than a little off from the center of the bell curve in either direction, you get labeled and ostrasized. Speaking as a person who was knifed in the P.E. locker room for aceing an Algebra test in the 8th grade I have an inkling. It really gets tiresome to always edit the spoken word so as not to stand out in a corpspeak world. <grin> "We must celebrate diversity" is a common phrase but what they really mean is "We will accept differences but only if the difference is found on the short list of differences approved by the appropriate committee." And where is that dictionary of non verbal communication we are supposed to follow? Stefan

Aileen1968 -> RE: Do you consider yourself "damaged"? (8/9/2010 12:11:24 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: gungadin09 i do. i've always seen myself as kind of a freak. When i was little, it used to really bug me, how different i was from everyone else. My interests, aptitudes, thoughts, feelings, whatever-- always seemed at sixes and sevens with other people's. i used to watch others, copying them, trying to figure out what i was doing wrong. i even kept a notebook. i wrote down what people were wearing, how they acted, what they said. i was trying to understand what "normal" was, so i could learn to be that. Needless to say, it didn't work. i could never learn to be different than i was. Eventually, i just gave up on it. For years i resigned myself to being depressed and isolated. i thought that's just what life had in store for me, and i should just accept it. It was years before i learned to see any value in being different; to view it as an asset instead of a liability. i would like to say that as an adult i've learned to embrace my "freakdom", but i'm afraid it's not that simple. i'm much more content now than i was as a youth, but i still struggle fitting in in groups; still get thrown off balance walking the line between what's conventional and what's really me. i find myself frequently misunderstood or misjudged, and i still have problems with insecurity and low self esteem. At least it's not as bad as it used to be. Does anyone else feel that being somehow "damaged" is an asset in BDSM? Like, maybe, we're a big club of freaks who have just learned to embrace it? i feel like if i was a normal, well adjusted person i wouldn't be here. As much as my weirdness embarasses me, i'm still kind of proud of it. i don't think i would want to exchange my fucked up life for a normal one. Any thoughts? All you freaks out there, sound off! pam I just can't relate to you or anything you say at all. I am the farthest thing from damaged and have always and easily been able to find happiness in my life even during very sad times.

gungadin09 -> RE: Do you consider yourself "damaged"? (8/9/2010 12:31:33 PM)
Any Dominants out there think they're damaged? Or, any men? Guess we've mostly heard from female subs, so far. pam

Jeffff -> RE: Do you consider yourself "damaged"? (8/9/2010 12:33:22 PM)
I may be fucked up.... but I am not FUCKED UP. Life can kick you around but the term damaged is not something I would apply to myself. Nor would I date anyone who did.

mnottertail -> RE: Do you consider yourself "damaged"? (8/9/2010 12:36:54 PM)
My shits flakier than a box of post toasties. But since I am only looking for blowjobs, you ain't gotta know that now, do you?

sexyred1 -> RE: Do you consider yourself "damaged"? (8/9/2010 12:52:52 PM)
I also think it is important how you define the word damage. To me, damaged is not getting over things in your life, letting them defeat you. Damaged is when you are depressed, isolated, suicidal, hurt, distrustful, in pain all the time. Damaged is when you cannot let things so, you don't move on, you blame your victimhood. Being into BDSM or being eccentric or anything else, is self expression, not damage. Yes, someone could come to BDSM from a place of real damage, but I venture that for most of us into it, are into it for how it makes us feel and who we are inside, not as an antidote to whatever perceived damage we have.

LaTigresse -> RE: Do you consider yourself "damaged"? (8/9/2010 12:57:50 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: gungadin09 Any Dominants out there think they're damaged? Or, any men? Guess we've mostly heard from female subs, so far. pam I guess it's all in how you look at it. I've had some pretty freaky and fucked up shit happen in my life. Some of it was far from fun. But yanno, I don't look at it as damaging, I look at it as life lessons. Shit that's made me stronger, and hopefully, wiser. I wouldn't trade any of it because it's all part of what made me who I am today and I happen to think I am pretty fucking cool. Scars and all. What is the opposite of damaged? Is it perfect? I hate perfect. I am very glad I am not perfect. Perfect is boring. I hate boring. When I get to that ripe old age of 105 or so, I want to know I LIVED. I want to have good stories to tell, wisdom to pass along.... a few more scars and a lot more laugh lines.

gungadin09 -> RE: Do you consider yourself "damaged"? (8/9/2010 1:15:09 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sexyred1 I also think it is important how you define the word damage. To me, damaged is not getting over things in your life, letting them defeat you. Damaged is when you are depressed, isolated, suicidal, hurt, distrustful, in pain all the time. Damaged is when you cannot let things so, you don't move on, you blame your victimhood. Being into BDSM or being eccentric or anything else, is self expression, not damage. Yes, someone could come to BDSM from a place of real damage, but I venture that for most of us into it, are into it for how it makes us feel and who we are inside, not as an antidote to whatever perceived damage we have. To me, being damaged is not the same as being a victim. It just means that something happened, something went wrong somewhere, and that changed who i am as a person. i'm not "normal", but i'm not saying that's a bad thing. i can be insecure at times, and i tend to overanalyse life; almost as if i'm doing some kind of mental "balance check" to see if i'm where i'm supposed to be, to make sure i'm not getting too far off course. But, deep down, i'm kind of proud of my quirks. i wouldn't want to exchange my life for any other. My experiences made me who i am, a deeply interesting person, if sometimes a little neurotic. To me, being "damaged" can also be a good thing. It's like those grapes that get that fungus, "noble rot", and then they make this special kind of wine out of it. To me, "damaged" doesn't mean inferior. It just means something happened to change you. pam

LaTigresse -> RE: Do you consider yourself "damaged"? (8/9/2010 1:24:29 PM)
But........what is 'normal'? Everyone has something. Just that some of us hide it better than others.

laurell3 -> RE: Do you consider yourself "damaged"? (8/9/2010 1:28:14 PM)
But that's true of EVERYONE in the world in varying degrees. This: quote: i've always seen myself as kind of a freak. When i was little, it used to really bug me, how different i was from everyone else. My interests, aptitudes, thoughts, feelings, whatever-- always seemed at sixes and sevens with other people's. i used to watch others, copying them, trying to figure out what i was doing wrong. i even kept a notebook. i wrote down what people were wearing, how they acted, what they said. i was trying to understand what "normal" was, so i could learn to be that. i would like to say that as an adult i've learned to embrace my "freakdom", but i'm afraid it's not that simple. i'm much more content now than i was as a youth, but i still struggle fitting in in groups; still get thrown off balance walking the line between what's conventional and what's really me. i find myself frequently misunderstood or misjudged, and i still have problems with insecurity and low self esteem. At least it's not as bad as it used to be. implies to me that you approach life as though you believe that you are different and somehow less than others. You aren't. Everyone in the world has issues. Everyone is shaped by the events in their lives. Mimicing behavior isn't actually uncommon or an indication that you necessarily have a disease. If someone grew up in a traumatic environment and did not learn normal social cues in that environment, mimicing is how they eventually learn to fill in those blank spots. It happens all the time with children that were abused/isolated/neglected. However, I would suggest to you that your issues are clouding your perspective. There is NO normal. There is no necessity to be like everyone else. The world is full of people that are all different. Find a way to learn to be comfortable with your differences and find others that you feel comfortable with. If you have ongoing problems with depression, get help, it is unlikely to get better on it's own and may very well get worse. And if you really feel badly about yourself, BDSM will not fix that for you and this is likely not the place you should be until you know for sure that you are approaching this with the right motivations.

mnottertail -> RE: Do you consider yourself "damaged"? (8/9/2010 1:28:58 PM)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TXZMZ-XvvzI Q.E.D.

angelikaJ -> RE: Do you consider yourself "damaged"? (8/9/2010 1:29:58 PM)
There was a movie (based upon a book by the same name) called Damage. In it was a line that went something like Damaged people are dangerous. We are dangerous because we know we can survive. At the time when I saw the movie, I needed to believe I was just a little bit dangerous. To the OP, you have issues with self esteem and other things such as being misunderstood that could be helped with counseling. Life could be easier and you would still be you. You won't lose that which makes you Pam. I have damaged places. Some of my damaged places have healed over and you can't see the scars anymore. Some of the scars are still visible ... some of the damage may be apparent in certain types of light... healing is a process. Broken places mend. I am not my damage; my damaged places aren't me Thanks to dcnovice for the Leonard Cohen quote from Anthem which I read on CM for the first time: "... Ring the bells that still can ring Forget your perfect offering There is a crack in everything That's how the light gets in. ..." Pam, You write: "i feel like if i was a normal, well adjusted person i wouldn't be here." Why is it that you equate not being "well adjusted" as a requirement for being into BDSM? It sounds like there is shame or not okay-ness caught up in your feelings about your desires. For awhile, I felt that way too, I suppose. I don't now. edit typo

gungadin09 -> RE: Do you consider yourself "damaged"? (8/9/2010 1:59:23 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: laurell3 But that's true of EVERYONE in the world in varying degrees...There is NO normal. There is no necessity to be like everyone else. i think our lives are acted upon by two opposing pressures- the pressure to conform, and the pressure to be ourselves. i think it's naive to say, just ignore the pressure to conform. It IS necessary to be like everyone else, to SOME degree. People who stray too far from the norm are locked up. And even for those who are not, being TOO different can be stressful. But, like you said, everyone experiences these feelings, not just me. Having said that, if there is no "normal", then there is no "normal" degree of self confidence, no "normal" degree of insecurity, no "normal" degree of introspection, and no "normal" amount to want to talk about these problems. i think i do accept myself. Just not in the "normal" way. pam

LaTigresse -> RE: Do you consider yourself "damaged"? (8/9/2010 2:03:24 PM)
Pam, I just gotta say that I think you are WAYYYYYYYYY too hard on yourself. Way too hard.

laurell3 -> RE: Do you consider yourself "damaged"? (8/9/2010 2:07:05 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: gungadin09 quote: ORIGINAL: laurell3 But that's true of EVERYONE in the world in varying degrees...There is NO normal. There is no necessity to be like everyone else. i think our lives are acted upon by two opposing pressures- the pressure to conform, and the pressure to be ourselves. i think it's naive to say, just ignore the pressure to conform. It IS necessary to be like everyone else, to SOME degree. People who stray too far from the norm are locked up. And even for those who are not, being TOO different can be stressful. But, like you said, everyone experiences these feelings, not just me. Having said that, if there is no "normal", then there is no "normal" degree of self confidence, no "normal" degree of insecurity, no "normal" degree of introspection, and no "normal" amount to want to talk about these problems. i think i do accept myself. Just not in the "normal" way. pam Sure, except where you say it's leading you to be isolative and depressed. It's not a standard of being "normal", it's a standard of being functional and healthy. We're all insecure at times. We're all upset at times. If it gets to the point that it interferes with your ability to be healthy and functional, there's a bigger problem at hand.

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