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Substance abuse - 8/11/2010 8:55:07 AM

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I wasn't sure where to put this post so I put it here. The poll/question is this---Would you get involved with someone that may have an issue with either perscription meds, alcohol or drugs? If the answer is no then I am pretty sure I know the reasons why but I was more curious on the yes answers. If the answer is yes then would you try and get the person help if it was indeed a problem?

P.S. I created this id to remain anonomous...just in case you were curious.

RE: Substance abuse - 8/11/2010 9:03:12 AM

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I would not. However I have dealt with drug addict siblings my entire life. It destroys people and those around them.

However, I think if the love were already there. Well, I know people would. My nephew got married for the 2nd time in May as an alcoholic. He died in July as an alcoholic. In my opinion he took his own life by driving drunk. The wife married him knowing full well what he was. She even allowed him to leave the bar knowing he was drunk.

(in reply to aliaslogin)

RE: Substance abuse - 8/11/2010 9:05:33 AM

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If I were not already involved with the person who has the substance dependency problem, I would not get involved after finding out. I was married to a man who became an alcoholic years in, and if that were an issue at the start, I would never have stepped into that nightmare. I have done the "let me help you" thing, and truth be told, it led me down a path of co-dependency and despair when the help I offered was rebuffed. So no, I may wish the very best to an addict or an alcoholic, offer support, etc., but I will not let my life get wrapped up with one if I know about it from the beginning.

Red

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RE: Substance abuse - 8/11/2010 9:14:06 AM

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I can honestly say that I might very likely ditch a person for substance abuse. Let alone go into a relationship knowing it exists.

I've had enough of it in my life and will not bring more of it into my life. I simply do not have the patience for people that cannot take personal responsibility and get the help they need to overcome.

< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 8/11/2010 9:29:22 AM >

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RE: Substance abuse - 8/11/2010 9:18:27 AM

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Once upon a time in a galaxy far, far away... oops, different story -

I once got involved with someone who said they were in recovery. When I learned that was not true, I proceded forth with the relationship because they made promises.

He lied to me. I lied to me. I stayed for very self destructive reasoning: I believed that if I was taken in by the lies then I deserved what I got.

I left long after I no longer cared if I woke up in the mornings.

The cure for that was his trying to kill me in a drunken rage.

But inbetween the beginning and the end was a bottom for him: he wanted help, I was at a crossroads and stayed while he went through detox and a program... and then slipped off the edge again.

I did go to Alanon.

It did help.

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RE: Substance abuse - 8/11/2010 9:21:16 AM

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*hugs angelikaJ*

Al-Anon helped me, too.

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RE: Substance abuse - 8/11/2010 10:36:57 AM

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--maybe. If the guy has cleaned up- I might. A guy who is still living the problem NO.

These guys are incapable of loving another person. They are married to their drug.

My 1st bf had a drug problem. The 2nd one had a gambling problem. The 1st one cleaned up his life- but I moved out of state.

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RE: Substance abuse - 8/11/2010 11:00:31 AM

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No.....if that makes me wrong, I don't really care. I've seen how substance abuse, be it legal or illegal drugs, can destroy everyone close to the person. Friends I will stand by, up to the point where they seem to not care about their own well-being. Until the person with the problem decides that they really want help, they won't seek it out, and getting dragged down into the cycle of fighting, abuse and promises made just isn't what I'm about.

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RE: Substance abuse - 8/11/2010 11:01:34 AM

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Thank you ALL for sharing your stories. Things like this can dfficult to discuss and I very much appreciate all of your openess and candor.

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RE: Substance abuse - 8/11/2010 11:38:56 AM

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We could better reply- if you gave more details about the guy and situation.

I often think no relationship is better then a bad one.

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RE: Substance abuse - 8/11/2010 12:09:34 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: pahunkboy

I often think no relationship is better then a bad one.

I've lived this and you're right.

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Do not challenge me to a battle of wits & come to fight unarmed.

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RE: Substance abuse - 8/11/2010 12:52:56 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: pahunkboy

We could better reply- if you gave more details about the guy and situation.

I agree that I would get better responses if I gave more details. Unfortunately, the person that this involves is on CM.

All of the responses have helped my peace of mind!

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RE: Substance abuse - 8/11/2010 12:53:15 PM

WinsomeDefiance

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Absolutely not.

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RE: Substance abuse - 8/11/2010 1:15:27 PM

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Yes and no to this question, since for many years and this is the male of our profile I was addicted to illegal drugs, I have been clean for better than 25 years now and the reasons I became adicted was due to PTSD from my life at that present time, still have PTSD, and night mares from my experiences however I quit useing drugs on my own, usually everyone whom has a brain will finally get sick and tired of being sick and tired of the whole mess and either seek help, or quit themselves. I have had cancer twice from the things I did which is the major cause of my PTSD, and have beaten it twice as well. Would we as a couple get involved with someone whom we know has this type of problem the answer would be yes as long as we felt they had one single chance of becoming whole again and seeing the damage they are doing to themselves and those around them.

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RE: Substance abuse - 8/11/2010 1:21:30 PM

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Good on you but I don't think

"usually everyone whom has a brain will finally get sick and tired of being sick and tired of the whole mess and either seek help, or quit themselves."

is true.

Not one substance abuser in my life has been able to quit that easily. My father is quite a bright man, but prefers rum over family. My ex husband used to be brilliant, but cannot comprehend even the simplest of concepts, due to frying his brain with years of booze and drugs. And on and on.....

Only my daughter was able to get her shit together. And what that took, I will never choose to go through again. I would certainly never put my loved ones through it by bringing an addict into their lives.

Given the family history I just cross my fingers for my grands.

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Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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RE: Substance abuse - 8/11/2010 1:23:25 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishTempests

Yes and no to this question, since for many years and this is the male of our profile I was addicted to illegal drugs, I have been clean for better than 25 years now and the reasons I became adicted was due to PTSD from my life at that present time, still have PTSD, and night mares from my experiences however I quit useing drugs on my own, usually everyone whom has a brain will finally get sick and tired of being sick and tired of the whole mess and either seek help, or quit themselves. I have had cancer twice from the things I did which is the major cause of my PTSD, and have beaten it twice as well. Would we as a couple get involved with someone whom we know has this type of problem the answer would be yes as long as we felt they had one single chance of becoming whole again and seeing the damage they are doing to themselves and those around them.

Thank you Irish for this response.

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RE: Substance abuse - 8/11/2010 1:35:16 PM

ThatDamnedPanda

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quote:

ORIGINAL: aliaslogin

I wasn't sure where to put this post so I put it here. The poll/question is this---Would you get involved with someone that may have an issue with either perscription meds, alcohol or drugs?

What, exactly, do you mean by "an issue?" There are issues, and there are... issues. If you're talking about someone who drinks a little more than they should a little more often than they should, or someone who blazes a bowl every now and then, that's one thing. Something to be concerned about, but not necessarily a dealbreaker.

But if you're talking about someone with a serious drug problem, that's a fish of a entirely different kettle. For the sake of discussion, I'm guessing your question is more along those lines.

I would never get involved with anyone whose life was so out of control. I'm not judging anyone in that circumstance; I'm not saying they're bad people at all. My dad was an alcoholic, and he was one of the finest people I ever met. But I won't join my life with a life that's that unstable and chaotic, and I don't know how I could let myself fall in love with someone who can't control their own life. I won't even date regular smokers, for the same reason. I won't get intimately involved with people who make dumb, self-destructive decisions because it's the easy way out, and an addiction is an addiction is an addiction.

< Message edited by ThatDamnedPanda -- 8/11/2010 1:36:48 PM >

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RE: Substance abuse - 8/11/2010 1:43:58 PM

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aliaslogin,

First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you.
F. Scott. Fitzgerald

When people are in active addiction their addiction is their best friend, their lover and their God.

You are no match for it.

At least that is what my experience has been with family members, friends and the person mentioned above.

When they make promises, they want to mean them, and in that instant they perhaps do, but they are incapable of keeping them. I learned the importance of having a back-up plan.

There are people who can love unconditionally well enough and detatch with love in such a way that they are able to love a partner who is actively addicted.

I am in awe of them. And I know I can not do that.

Have you seen the movie Leaving Las Vegas?

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http://www.collarchat.com/m_3234821/tm.htm

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RE: Substance abuse - 8/11/2010 1:48:08 PM

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the thing is- this type of friend can pull you down.

in some bad ways.

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RE: Substance abuse - 8/11/2010 1:59:00 PM

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I would also like to say that I have friends that are in recovery and have been for a long time... they are truly great people.

They are reliable and trustworthy.

_____________________________

The original home of the caffeinated psychotic hair pixies.
(as deemed by He who owns me)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_3234821/tm.htm

30 fluffy points!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQjuCQd01sg

(in reply to pahunkboy)

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