|
LadyPact -> RE: Defining Gender: No Wrong Answer (8/15/2010 6:51:38 PM)
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: SthrnCom4t
Calla - outstanding post. Thank you for taking the time to define where your boundaries are and your perception of the differences between omission and commission. I can very much relate.
Otters and I have had this discussion of 'when to disclose', as it's been a very hot topic on another board. In my head, I tend to place it in the same box as an STD or Erectile Dysfunction.(not suggesting being trans is a disease/dysfunction, nor that it's in any way negative....more so that it is an 'intimate' detail that I may or may not need the general public to know.)
If we're having coffee, I don't really need to tell you my sexual details. If I want to sleep with you, then not only will I ask you a lot of questions, I'll be open and share my history with you.
No one can know the absolute 'right' time that the other person is ready to hear intimate details. If the other person isn't interested in sleeping with me/isn't interested in an emotional relationship, etc, my disclosure would be a moot point. Also, in not knowing that person well, how do I know he/she wouldn't share that intimate detail with the rest of the team/office/other PTA members?
Also, if I don't have much experience with *trans/STDs/ED/women who squirt, <insert your preference here>*, in my world it's not a common thing, therefore, I might UNCONSCIOUSLY assume other people are just like me, and I don't even consider that any questions need to be asked.
Always being safe to be open about who we are (poly, kinky, trans, etc) would be ideal, but the reality is, depending on where you are, what state you live in, the history and education of the person you're with, etc, requires us to use awareness and good judgment. It doesn't guarantee safe passage, but it does help avoid poor situations.
As an aside, and knowing how difficult some of our intimate details and preferences are, even if it's not something I'm into personally, I realize and acknowledge the courage it takes to reveal, and have great honor for the privilege of being included.
It's somewhat ironic that some of the very things that you wrote about are so close to the way I feel on the subject, with two exceptions. One is that we're one different sides of the topic and the other is that I feel the description didn't go far enough.
I thought you did a really good job in attempting to find a way to deal with sexual intimacy. (Agreed, not a disease, but damn hard to find a good analogy.) The problem is for Me, it falls short because it isn't covering emotional intimacy. Literally, that thing that makes Me tend to call someone a friend, rather than an acquaintance. While not the same as romantic bonds, even platonic relationships do have an intimacy to them. Even from professional life, there is a difference to Me between a co-worker (someone I only spend the required time with) and a friend that I happen to work with (someone socialize with because I like them). The first category, I'm going to care a heck of a lot less than the second.
There's a huge chunk of a person's life that is taken up by the gender issue. In many cases, it's a minimum of eighteen years. In Otter's example, it's darn near forty. That's a lot not to let a person in on.
|
|
|
|
