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I have never posted in this section, but I have a question - 8/13/2010 9:15:40 PM

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From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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I have a friend who calls himself a "switch". We were talking about his orientation and he tells me about certain things that make him a switch (I don't want to get into the specific actions). These things he related to me made me at first think he liked to bottom, because of the actions he was describing... but then he said to me...

"I like to tell a woman what to do, I tell her when to do it, and I want her to comply with what I tell her"

He sounds like a dominant when it comes to his relationship orientation...he wants to be with a woman he controls. He just wants her to do certain topping actions at his behest sometimes... where he directs from the bottom...

Is he a switch?

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RE: I have never posted in this section, but I have a q... - 8/13/2010 10:02:56 PM

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Sure! Frankly, I think everyone does some things on both sides of the D/s dynamic. Most create their label based on criteria in their head of which actions are more dominant/submissive and how often they spend taking such actions. There's no definitive "switch line", though, that enough of the opposite dynamic will make you cross over. However, if he wants someone to really understand what he wants/need, detailing it in the way you have would be much more meaninful than saying "I'm a switch".

(in reply to juliaoceania)

RE: I have never posted in this section, but I have a q... - 8/13/2010 10:09:18 PM

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Thanks for your view....

I have never talked that in depth with a self labeled switch, so I found it really interesting

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RE: I have never posted in this section, but I have a q... - 8/14/2010 12:26:56 AM

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Possibly, but there is such a thing as a masochistic dominant or a dominant that likes activities that typically are viewed as submissive.

I don't really think actions in and of themself are submissive or dominant though, so I guess my question is, does he always want to retain control? Is he doing these activities and having control at the same time? I don't really think there's anything wrong with the label bottom as opposed to sub, but if he's looking to always be in control but enjoys certain activities when he is in control, I'm not sure that would make him what we commonly refer to as a switch.

Overall, the labels are just kinda silly anyway. I'd tell him to call himself whatever he wants.

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(in reply to juliaoceania)

RE: I have never posted in this section, but I have a q... - 8/14/2010 1:10:49 AM

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*FR
In the end it's all labels anyway, the important thing is that he knows what he wants, and he can express it concisely to those he is involved with.
I would say anyone who wants to both be in control or on top, while alternately being the bottom or controled at some point, could qualify as a 'switch'.

(in reply to laurell3)

RE: I have never posted in this section, but I have a q... - 8/14/2010 8:07:47 AM

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quote:

Overall, the labels are just kinda silly anyway. I'd tell him to call himself whatever he wants.

That was what I said when we were done with this conversation... it doesn't really matter. Although it might help him find more compatible partners if he labeled himself in a way that was more conducive to communicating his likes and dislikes...

I thought he sounded 100% dominant in his self description...

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to laurell3)

RE: I have never posted in this section, but I have a q... - 8/14/2010 8:38:43 AM

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Yeah me too from what you described, but if he wants to experiment, switch might be a good starting point, although there can be a stigma associated with the label at times.

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When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

RE: I have never posted in this section, but I have a q... - 8/14/2010 9:02:19 AM

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quote:

although there can be a stigma associated with the label at times.

I had considered giving him a link to this forum, because I do not think he is even aware of the stigma (or the extent of it).

He is a very attractive successful and articulate man. He has little trouble finding dates. In fact if I am ever unattached again I would date him....lol. We have been friends for several months.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to laurell3)

RE: I have never posted in this section, but I have a q... - 8/14/2010 10:10:30 AM

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I personally consider the stigma to be a good measuring stick to avoid the close-minded amongst us. I'm not sure it's worth worrying about that much really.

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When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

RE: I have never posted in this section, but I have a q... - 8/14/2010 10:15:47 AM

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Julia - I like to consider people more broadly than a label, I also know this is your preference. I understand that labels are good for starting points and in order to get a general picture of the person. I guess what I want to say is...is he yet another attractive guy living in CA? ; -) He sounds like a dominant who enjoys some sensation servicing.

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(in reply to juliaoceania)

RE: I have never posted in this section, but I have a q... - 8/14/2010 10:17:33 AM

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quote:

is he yet another attractive guy living in CA? ; -) He sounds like a dominant who enjoys some sensation servicing.

My state is crawling with hot, successful dominant men... so when are you moving out here so we can do lunch?

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Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to KatyLied)

RE: I have never posted in this section, but I have a q... - 8/14/2010 10:49:52 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

I have a friend who calls himself a "switch". We were talking about his orientation and he tells me about certain things that make him a switch (I don't want to get into the specific actions). These things he related to me made me at first think he liked to bottom, because of the actions he was describing... but then he said to me...

"I like to tell a woman what to do, I tell her when to do it, and I want her to comply with what I tell her"

He sounds like a dominant when it comes to his relationship orientation...he wants to be with a woman he controls. He just wants her to do certain topping actions at his behest sometimes... where he directs from the bottom...

Is he a switch?

He sounds like the opposite of me, I label my self a "switch" because about 5 to 10 percent of the time I like to "play" the dominant role. I know though my true calling is as a "submissive male" since I much prefer to be the one not in control, and as I learned from being in the military you are either a "leader" or a "follower".

Martially,
Some Knucklehead in NJ

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(in reply to juliaoceania)

RE: I have never posted in this section, but I have a q... - 8/24/2010 11:51:28 AM

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Reading this thread. Is anyone referring to switch in a non sexual, not behind closed doors, non play or what ever label you want use, manner ? Is that what this switch label means on the web?

Seems that the more I read (Not just in this thread) the more CM is geared towards labeling and matching ones sexual orientation more so than the important parts of life.

. . . or perhaps I just infer that from the comments I have read.

(in reply to pogo4pres)

RE: I have never posted in this section, but I have a q... - 8/28/2010 7:20:20 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ProlificNeeds

*FR
In the end it's all labels anyway, the important thing is that he knows what he wants, and he can express it concisely to those he is involved with.

I'd say this is the only (sexual/kink) thing that matters.

Is he a switch? If he says he is, and he has a definition that works for him and is pretty much in line with what folks think (to avoid huge confusions), sure why not?

best,
sunshine

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RE: I have never posted in this section, but I have a q... - 8/29/2010 11:25:51 AM

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The label switch encompasses both those who switch in terms of power and those who switch in terms of giving or receiving sensation. It's one of the most confusing things about the label, it doesn't make clear which you switch in, or if it's both.

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RE: I have never posted in this section, but I have a q... - 10/6/2010 5:31:26 PM

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Joined: 10/5/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

I have a friend who calls himself a "switch". We were talking about his orientation and he tells me about certain things that make him a switch (I don't want to get into the specific actions). These things he related to me made me at first think he liked to bottom, because of the actions he was describing... but then he said to me...

"I like to tell a woman what to do, I tell her when to do it, and I want her to comply with what I tell her"

He sounds like a dominant when it comes to his relationship orientation...he wants to be with a woman he controls. He just wants her to do certain topping actions at his behest sometimes... where he directs from the bottom...

Is he a switch?

labels, shmabels.... why are you trying to put him in a box??

(in reply to juliaoceania)

RE: I have never posted in this section, but I have a q... - 10/8/2010 5:52:00 PM

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I wear the "switch label" (or whatever one wants to call it) because I do not associate fully with either dominance or submission. I like both. I like to top very much, and I have enjoyed having a couple of lovely girls as my subs, whereby I was much more than a top, I was very much the dominant half of the equation. I also like to bottom occasionally, and have done so to only 3 people (other than my Sir). Two of those people are ladies from here on the boards and the other is a gentleman from my local club. I have a masochistic bent, so getting thumped on is ok by people I honestly trust, and who have the "OK" from my Sir. I'm not one of those "naturally submissive" types, and people who have tried to bring that out in me ususally get laughed at. For me, the feeling is either there or it isn't. Honestly, I've only had that "subbie" feeling with maybe 4 people total in my life, and one of those includes my Sir. (the other 3 were men who were amazingly gifted in their specific BDSM "craft" and those skills fell into my kink basket quite nicely)

~ Red

*edited for clarity*

< Message edited by Daddysredhead -- 10/8/2010 5:55:16 PM >

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RE: I have never posted in this section, but I have a q... - 10/9/2010 7:27:33 AM

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The word 'switch' is whatever you want it to be. We have switch couple in our profile because there is no other choice and yet our dynamic is possibly very un-switchy.

When I look at my partner, I can't find an ounce of submission in him. He's a demanding leader and does it with such natural ease. He is confident and used to getting what he wants out of life. He enjoys pain occasionally and he can take pain without giving submission.
He tried the dominant only route but most subs can't cope with someone as open minded and adventurous as him and there attitude bored him silly. He didn't want someone who needed leadership, he wanted someone who could understand his reasoning in a sensible manner and believe in him.
I am a dominant woman that allows this one special man to lead my world in that sensible manner and I do so because he's such a friggin good leader. I'm pretty adventurous when it comes to pain and rough sex (either way). I love the way he can take pain from me, I see it as such strength.
We both have a lot of need in us to dominate and so we settled that by having a fem sub to share.

Who cares what other closed minded people think. It may be tougher finding the right partner but when it happens its one hell of an amazing journey.

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(in reply to Daddysredhead)

RE: I have never posted in this section, but I have a q... - 11/23/2010 11:48:35 PM

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I consider myself a dominant but enjoy being a toilet.....after all why should they have all the fun? LOL

(in reply to allthatjaz)

RE: I have never posted in this section, but I have a q... - 11/24/2010 3:13:28 PM

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We do the exact same thing when We bottom... the Dominant portion of Our personality just doesn't go away. We don't necessarily think that makes us a switch, but for many people, it does.

But, in the end, the label is what he decides it is based on his definitions.

Master Fire

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(in reply to juliaoceania)

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