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RE: Meeting a dom online - how to ensure safety? - 8/31/2010 5:09:22 PM   
SylvereApLeanan


Posts: 8275
Joined: 11/1/2007
From: Hell
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysliloneds

they must have 'pestered' the hell out of law enforcement; people can't even file missing persons reports prior to being missing for 72 hours so i really have a hard time believing this part of your story to be true and i stand by my words.


She was held captive for months before being taken into protective custody. The people who abducted her are currently on trial. You can stand by your words all you like, I'll stand by mine.

_____________________________

Sylverë
Dark Muse
30 Fluffy Points
Grumpy Cat is my spirit animal.
Shadow Governess & Mean Girl
"There's something that doesn't make sense. Let's go and poke it with a stick."— The Doctor

(in reply to daddysliloneds)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Meeting a dom online - how to ensure safety? - 8/31/2010 7:25:48 PM   
Wolf2Bear


Posts: 3204
Joined: 9/6/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mattyp61

Hey everyone,

When meeting someone from this site, how do you (personally) determine if they're real/safe? I've been thinking about meeting at a coffee shop and having a quick chat or something, but it's always hard to tell someone's true intentions... and if someone lies to me and has bareback sex with me (for example) that would not be worth it...

Thanks for everyones' replies in advance!


Hmmm....

Let's see, met someone through here back in March. We chatted several times on YIM 3-4 months. I invited him to come visit for 5-6 days, he accepted. Met him at airport, we drove out of town to attend a kink event and spent 5 days playing and enjoying each other's company. A month later he returned and we went to a Bear Run. I didn't set up a safe call or two nor did either of us ensure we had a back up plan in case things went wrong. Point being is we all have a level of comfort when it comes to taking any type of risk. I let my instinct guide my actions and my instinct proved that this person was safe to spend time with and play with on the first meeting. Would I meet this person again...damn right I will. Do I trust this person...yes.



_____________________________

~Resident Sadist Approved~

Take the pain
Take the pleasure
I'm the master of both
Close your eyes, not your mind
Let me into your soul
I'm gonna work it 'til your totally blown

(in reply to mattyp61)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Meeting a dom online - how to ensure safety? - 9/1/2010 11:19:48 AM   
phoenixmoonn13


Posts: 398
Joined: 6/11/2010
Status: offline 		i used gut instinct but mine is exceptionally strong i am also an empath which helps and i use it in my work as i am a reflexologist and meet clients in their homes not once YET got it worng when in someones house, i may have refused to see someone who could ahve been ok but better safe than sorry. when i first met master i had spoken to him on phone and skype many times and videod skype i knew his address etc etc and yes i did use my gut insinct and went straight to his house however, i would not recomend this for most people. a couple of people had his details and he knew it he was very happy

(in reply to asilentscream)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Meeting a dom online - how to ensure safety? - 9/5/2010 5:24:45 PM   
hausboy


Posts: 2360
Joined: 9/5/2010
Status: offline 		Hi all
thought I'd put my two cents in for what's it's worth.

I'm a bit old school about this--but long before cell phones and internet--we checked references.  I was living out west (san fran) and when I met someone who interested me, and the interest was mutual, we exchanged cards, and arranged a coffee meeting during the daylight hours and in a public place where we would talk, see if we were both looking for something in common, and then conduct scene negotiation.  We always checked references--which meant either we spoke to someone who knew them, had seen them play, or played with them in the past..... or I would arrange to watch them play with someone at an upcoming play party. 

Times have changed--so now I meet in public first, and have a thorough e-mail exchange to make sure that we fully understand one another's expectations.  I always do a safe-text periodically (not just after) and I make it clear that there are folks who know where I am--and expect a text-- I have never had anyone have issue with it.

(in reply to asilentscream)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Meeting a dom online - how to ensure safety? - 9/5/2010 6:13:35 PM   
salmaggio


Posts: 6
Joined: 9/5/2010
Status: offline 		please let me know how.

(in reply to mattyp61)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Meeting a dom online - how to ensure safety? - 9/5/2010 7:07:12 PM   
Nineveh


Posts: 1299
Joined: 2/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: m0nk

Why does there seem to be more focus on the legitimacy of the dom?

It seems to be all the slaves who are deceitful...


Doms are more dangerous.

(in reply to m0nk)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Meeting a dom online - how to ensure safety? - 9/5/2010 7:31:20 PM   
femasoslave


Posts: 472
Joined: 5/24/2009
Status: offline 		Mistakes happen! I have had someone lie to me, saying they were a Dom when they werent....these things happen...its a part of the learning curve.
Just use your common sense and if you make a mistake, so be it, we are all only human and mistakes happen.
Just don't be afraid to meet, how do you know unless you take that chance, you could get run over by a bus tomorrow.
Good luck

(in reply to mattyp61)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Meeting a dom online - how to ensure safety? - 9/5/2010 8:15:02 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		I used to worry far more about it then I do now. I only meet local men so it is not so big of an issue. When meeting someone that comes from a far distance, there is way more expectation on the meeting. Now I tell my friends and family I am meeting a new man, where i am going, and I call when I am done. First meet is casual.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to mattyp61)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Meeting a dom online - how to ensure safety? - 9/7/2010 2:28:47 PM   
Comeonelieen


Posts: 2
Joined: 9/7/2010
Status: offline 		What I have been doing is asking if they have facebook (at least you can see something of thier real life outside of the site) and a voice verify.  even the nicest of nice you cant really trust.

(in reply to mattyp61)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Meeting a dom online - how to ensure safety? - 9/8/2010 1:20:44 PM   
Gage46Bstn


Posts: 34
Joined: 11/8/2008
From: Master Greg
Status: offline 		I had a first meeting / audition with a local submissive last year. About 45 minutes later he asked very politley if he could make a "safety call"  He had given his roomate my information and address to call the police if he didn't call in. Smart but could be a real problem. What if he was really into it and forgot? Or .... ?
All I need is the cops at my (very discreet) front door looking for a BDSM "Victim"

What do you all think? Good idea on his part or not?  I'm split.


_____________________________

There is no more fulfilling, erotic, animal, enlightened and masculine relationship possible between two males than a Master / slave relationship.

(in reply to asilentscream)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Meeting a dom online - how to ensure safety? - 9/8/2010 1:22:15 PM   
Gage46Bstn


Posts: 34
Joined: 11/8/2008
From: Master Greg
Status: offline 		Very good idea and something I have never heard before - Thanks

quote:

ORIGINAL: Comeonelieen

What I have been doing is asking if they have facebook (at least you can see something of thier real life outside of the site) and a voice verify.  even the nicest of nice you cant really trust.


_____________________________

There is no more fulfilling, erotic, animal, enlightened and masculine relationship possible between two males than a Master / slave relationship.

(in reply to Comeonelieen)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Meeting a dom online - how to ensure safety? - 9/8/2010 1:43:24 PM   
janigrey


Posts: 126
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		Wow - so many good points and so many pointless personal stories...
Resident Sadist gave a great quick list:
coffee shop 1st
med papers
ID swap
safe call

I would add that you could meet someone and decide to play at a public dungeon - to get a feel of the person before you played privately.

Someone else also pointed out about why is it always about the legitimacy of the Dom...because they are the person doing the rope work - not being tied down - but your point should be - Doms should have safe calls too. The sub you talk to online and invite to your house could bring a big burly man - and rob you.

Safety is a two way street.


jani

(in reply to asilentscream)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Meeting a dom online - how to ensure safety? - 9/8/2010 7:06:23 PM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: janigrey
..........play at a public dungeon.........

Ist play at a public dungeon

Good advice to add to the quick list. 


_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to janigrey)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Meeting a dom online - how to ensure safety? - 9/8/2010 7:32:49 PM   
hausboy


Posts: 2360
Joined: 9/5/2010
Status: offline 		I've had someone text me on the first time--and discussed it ahead of time so my top knew it was coming--and when I've topped, I encourage my bottom to do the same if she feels more at ease.  First time out, I rarely get into that heavy a headspace (certainly not that soon) that neither of us will hear the text (I keep the phone in earshot)  After the first meeting, I have rarely felt the need.

To me,. playing in a public play space was always safest but it had pros and cons--the only real "con" for me was that sometimes a top felt the need to play heavier in public because of the audience, but I rarely played with a top that I hadn't watched play with someone else.  Gave me a good feel for their style, likes/dislikes, personal flair etc.

Socials (I detest the word "munches", sorry...) are great opportunities to get to know folks which should give you a good idea if you wish to go further.



(in reply to Gage46Bstn)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Meeting a dom online - how to ensure safety? - 11/7/2010 2:31:02 PM   
love2cubound


Posts: 9
Joined: 9/18/2010
Status: offline 		I personally like to give the submissive a female referral to call first hand. A submissive I have play with in the past assures the submissive Ihave played with other women safely and with kind consideration.

(in reply to asilentscream)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Meeting a dom online - how to ensure safety? - 11/7/2010 3:15:02 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		How does that prove anything?  Anyone can say you are a good guy.  You could pay a stranger to pose as a submissive and say you are safe.  Unless the reference is someone she knows personally, it really isn't worth anything.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to love2cubound)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Meeting a dom online - how to ensure safety? - 11/7/2010 3:20:22 PM   
MstrPBK


Posts: 573
Joined: 1/2/2008
Status: offline 		simple: only release information about yourself that is generalized but honest. Keep the personal information to yourself until your 100% sure about the person your conversing with. And even then share only what your fully comfortable with.

MstrPBK
St. Paul, MN USa


< Message edited by MstrPBK -- 11/7/2010 3:21:27 PM >

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Meeting a dom online - how to ensure safety? - 11/7/2010 3:26:27 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		When I met guys I chatted with them online for a period of time to get to know what type of man he is, to feel him out and then set up a meeting at a coffee shop. If after that we still got along then we'd go to dinner, etc...ya know...date. I know, I'm sooo old fashioned <shrug>.

Seems to have worked out very well so far.


(in reply to asilentscream)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Meeting a dom online - how to ensure safety? - 11/7/2010 3:27:31 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline 		~ FR ~

I wasn't meeting people online to play with.  So the ideas of exchanging medical papers, meeting at a public dungeon, etc, would not apply to me at all.

He and I met online, talked via email and phone for awhile, until we had a good idea of what the other person was like, and then met for dinner a couple of times, publicly.  He gave me his business card at our first dinner, but it wasn't something I had asked for.    We were just getting to know each other to decide if there was relationship potential.  Talk of "playing" wasn't a part of that.

I suppose it depends on someone's intentions for meeting.  Listen to your instincts.

The first time I went to his house alone (it was 2 hours away at the time, and for an overnighter), I gave someone close to me his pic, address, and place of employment.  I called to let her know I had arrived and all was well, and let her know I would call in the morning when I left.  That was really for her peace of mind.


_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Meeting a dom online - how to ensure safety? - 11/7/2010 7:07:57 PM   
dory007


Posts: 40
Joined: 7/2/2009
Status: offline 		the 29.95 on line background check is a single girl's best friend.then on to the meet and great 
  • public place
  • bring a friend if you feel the need
  • have a safe call
  • never go anywhere but the assigned place on the first meet
  • never play on the first meet

If you go on to second date, i like to make that one semi public too, like a munch or munch group social. for first time play, never play where you alone with the person. don't ever trust anyone too soon. 

(in reply to mattyp61)
Profile   Post #: 40
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