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A Question for the Dominants - 4/22/2006 12:24:31 PM

Areflectionofyou

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Im in a unique living situation right now. Two years ago i separated from my Master/husband and the Divorce was final early this year. I moved home, after selling mine. Just as of recently, the past two weeks or so, the situation has been not so pleasent with my mother. The reason being , i am possibly relocating to Texas. She has been absolutely untolerable to be around to me and the kids. I confided in my Soon to be 24/7 Master telling him that i need to move sooner than later. I never said that it had to be with him , i am a adult and can do this myself. I felt he should know because he owns my heart. I think he now thinks that i need him for a escape from here. I have a good job, and good kids , i was just willing to telocate for the right man. This got worse when my Mom (im 34 btw) overheard me telling him i would relocate. I handed Master the decision to make of cutting ties with me or slowing it down , after the comment about the baggage.I guess i feel lost right now and very vulnarable. Its easy to label this situation as baggage, but frankly...kids aren't baggage and neither am I. I truelly have feelings for My owner, and want him to know that im his even not living with him.

RE: A Question for the Dominants - 4/22/2006 1:06:09 PM

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From: Delray Beach, FL
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You might consider a temporary move away from your mother but not to your master. I know I'd be very nervous if I suspected someone was moving in with me to get away from an uncomfortable situation.

Prove you can be happy on your own. That's the only way you'll really know if you want to be with him

_____________________________

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(in reply to Areflectionofyou)

RE: A Question for the Dominants - 4/22/2006 1:40:35 PM

Level

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I think John hit the nail on the head. You state you have a good job, well, find an apartment or house to rent for awhile. See if you can "calm the waters" with your dominant. Just don't allow yourself to feel so pressured (by your mom, dominant, or yourself) that you make a serious mistake.

Level

(in reply to JohnWarren)

RE: A Question for the Dominants - 4/22/2006 2:20:50 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: JohnWarren

You might consider a temporary move away from your mother but not to your master. I know I'd be very nervous if I suspected someone was moving in with me to get away from an uncomfortable situation.

Prove you can be happy on your own. That's the only way you'll really know if you want to be with him

I could not agree more

_____________________________

Enjoy the Journey,
~Cloudz

"Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain."

(in reply to JohnWarren)

RE: A Question for the Dominants - 4/22/2006 2:44:56 PM

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It sounds to me that you were/are prepared to move out from your moms on your own anyways. Maybe the only err you made was with how you expressed this to your Master.

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Different Strokes for Different Folks

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(in reply to Cloudz)

RE: A Question for the Dominants - 4/22/2006 4:24:34 PM

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There seems to be a bit missing from your narrative...but it appears that when you stated you need to move now He reacted poorly, leading to your cutting ties/slow down/baggage statement...I hope this goes well, I agree that optimisticly, this is just a communication issue which can be straightened out...if not, I do agree that you and your children are not baggage and that this will obviously figure in your choices. The decision to belong to another has been demonstrated to me that it is pretty intense for both involved and once certain 'barriers' are taken down, the reality can be overwhelming...not that I'm a touch bitter at this moment <g>
Peace and I hope this becomes however you need it to,
C

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(in reply to Areflectionofyou)

RE: A Question for the Dominants - 4/22/2006 7:07:23 PM

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i agree that you should get your own place for a while before relocating. Take your time in this.. there are children involved.

(in reply to Areflectionofyou)

RE: A Question for the Dominants - 4/23/2006 7:07:12 AM

Areflectionofyou

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Thankyou A/all for the replies and the very sound advice. I did offer to move on my own , and he didn't want that either. Sometimes fear of the unknown after people have been hurt by others is overwhelming. Slowing things down is the right approach by all means. Cerckl i just want to hug you right now Dear one. I understand exactly the pain you feel. Remember i am here for you...even if its only here or by phone.

(in reply to Areflectionofyou)

RE: A Question for the Dominants - 4/23/2006 7:30:06 AM

Level

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Areflectionofyou

Thankyou A/all for the replies and the very sound advice. I did offer to move on my own , and he didn't want that either. Sometimes fear of the unknown after people have been hurt by others is overwhelming. Slowing things down is the right approach by all means. Cerckl i just want to hug you right now Dear one. I understand exactly the pain you feel. Remember i am here for you...even if its only here or by phone.

Oh sure, offer to hug C......... ignore the rest of us. Fine.

Level

(in reply to Areflectionofyou)

RE: A Question for the Dominants - 4/23/2006 8:33:19 AM

Arpig

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From: Increasingly further from reality
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I think that what you need to keep in mind is the fact that you are first and foremost a person and a mother....you need to do what is needed for your kids first, and your master second (I know, as a Dom I shouldn't be putting anything before my needs....but I am a realist as well).
One way to look at it is that you are a slave to your children first, they have the senior claim to you, and you have to honour that before any other duties.

_____________________________

Big man! Pig Man!
Ha Ha...Charade you are!

Why do they leave out the letter b on "Garage Sale" signs?

CM's #1 All-Time Also-Ran

(in reply to Areflectionofyou)

RE: A Question for the Dominants - 4/23/2006 12:29:09 PM

Areflectionofyou

Posts: 258
Joined: 4/4/2006
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ok hugs to Level as well(((((hugs))))))) sorry Sir

quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

quote:

ORIGINAL: Areflectionofyou

Thankyou A/all for the replies and the very sound advice. I did offer to move on my own , and he didn't want that either. Sometimes fear of the unknown after people have been hurt by others is overwhelming. Slowing things down is the right approach by all means. Cerckl i just want to hug you right now Dear one. I understand exactly the pain you feel. Remember i am here for you...even if its only here or by phone.

Oh sure, offer to hug C......... ignore the rest of us. Fine.

Level

(in reply to Level)

RE: A Question for the Dominants - 4/23/2006 12:35:04 PM

Areflectionofyou

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Joined: 4/4/2006
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My children always come first

(in reply to Arpig)

RE: A Question for the Dominants - 4/23/2006 12:59:56 PM

MasterandCommand

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If you put your child first then the child sees that the father is not important in the scheme of things... it is also a motivation for the father to not accept the child as his own (which is difficult in the first place) and it takes away any authority the father might have in the family.... in essence, it makes the new father a third wheel.... one of the main reasons that second marriages with children have a 65% failure rate.

If you are going to marry a Man, then you need to accept him as being first and trust him to be the father and leader, not the third wheel behing your child at your permission.

(in reply to Areflectionofyou)

RE: A Question for the Dominants - 4/23/2006 1:03:57 PM

Areflectionofyou

Posts: 258
Joined: 4/4/2006
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I have sole custody and he chooses not to be appart of their lives....his choice

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterandCommand

If you put your child first then the child sees that the father is not important in the scheme of things... it is also a motivation for the father to not accept the child as his own (which is difficult in the first place) and it takes away any authority the father might have in the family.... in essence, it makes the new father a third wheel.... one of the main reasons that second marriages with children have a 65% failure rate.

If you are going to marry a Man, then you need to accept him as being first and trust him to be the father and leader, not the third wheel behing your child at your permission.

(in reply to MasterandCommand)

RE: A Question for the Dominants - 4/23/2006 1:09:16 PM

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I have to agree..find your own place...get settled...spend time with the kids..Your Dominant may be trying to help, but you need a little time to yourself and your kids to adjust to being on your own. Children first...and see where it goes in a bit with the Dom. Dont be in any hurry if he is truly the one for you he will understand and knows kids first,.

(in reply to Areflectionofyou)

RE: A Question for the Dominants - 4/23/2006 1:29:02 PM

TemptingNviceSub

Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
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I agree with most...move to your own place, show your ability to be an independant person to yourself your children and to your potential Master.Then proceed with your life from there, knowing you can do it alone if needful.This I feel would show any Master that the sub/slave he recieves gets one who chooses to give of herself to him rather than is forced by circumstances to do so...be well..Tempting

(in reply to Areflectionofyou)

RE: A Question for the Dominants - 4/23/2006 4:00:17 PM

Arpig

Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
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quote:

If you put your child first then the child sees that the father is not important in the scheme of things... it is also a motivation for the father to not accept the child as his own (which is difficult in the first place) and it takes away any authority the father might have in the family....

BUNK!!!!
Pure unalduterated BUNK!!!
I would say that the reason 2nd marriages with children have such a high failure rate is the new husband refusing to accept that the children DO come first...if they were his kids he would insist on it, but since they are not his, he views them as an imposition...a single mother (or father) is a package deal....you get em all or you get none.

_____________________________

Big man! Pig Man!
Ha Ha...Charade you are!

Why do they leave out the letter b on "Garage Sale" signs?

CM's #1 All-Time Also-Ran

(in reply to MasterandCommand)

RE: A Question for the Dominants - 4/23/2006 4:34:01 PM

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Joined: 4/29/2005
From: eastern Ontario, Canada
Status: offline

quote:

quote:

If you put your child first then the child sees that the father is not important in the scheme of things... it is also a motivation for the father to not accept the child as his own (which is difficult in the first place) and it takes away any authority the father might have in the family....

BUNK!!!!
Pure unalduterated BUNK!!!

I wholeheartedly agree ... the man who may become her Master is *not* the father. If I understand correctly, the man who is the father was divorced .. and these are two different people?

I'm going to take a different stance, and disagree that children come first .. for then this teaches them to be selfish and not respecting of others' needs. Perhaps this might be a different spin on things, but the way I see it is:

-I come first,
-my family is next,
-everything else .. at one time or another .. comes third.

For if I am not taken care of, then who can take care of the kids? If I am so distraught and burning the candle at both ends trying to attend to everybody else's needs but my own, this will only lead to stress, burnout, depression, etc etc etc. If my needs are met (ie, thirst, safety and security, a peaceful place to live), then I can take care of my family .. errr mainly the child. If he is taken care of, then I can focus my attentions elsewhere. If however there are basic needs, then these have to be taken care of first before I can expend energies elsewhere .. else it's no fun for anyone.

OK .. back to the original question =)
It sounds like the difficulty is also in the situation with your mom .. for if you think about it from her point of view, her little girl is going all the way to Texas! Have you lived far from her before? Perhaps she just needs to be reassured.

As for your gentleman friend .. well whether he likes it or not, you have children. They are not a curse, but a blessing .. they make you more than who you are. It might have frightened him to be faced with this reality so soon and under unfortunate circumstances .. perhaps a step back from both situations would be good?

You need your own space, and sounds like you are more than able to do it. Then <evil grin> you will not have your mom listening in on the telephone calls heheh

< Message edited by foxnotinsox -- 4/23/2006 4:37:39 PM >

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(in reply to Arpig)

RE: A Question for the Dominants - 4/23/2006 4:36:43 PM

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Joined: 7/10/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterandCommand

If you put your child first then the child sees that the father is not important in the scheme of things... it is also a motivation for the father to not accept the child as his own (which is difficult in the first place) and it takes away any authority the father might have in the family.... in essence, it makes the new father a third wheel.... one of the main reasons that second marriages with children have a 65% failure rate.

If you are going to marry a Man, then you need to accept him as being first and trust him to be the father and leader, not the third wheel behing your child at your permission.

That's not merely preposterous, it's downright appalling! It's all very well from the perspective of Man-as-owner-and-master, a concept which naturally gets a good bit of respect in certain branches of WIITWD.

I see it this way, though. If my ex-wife were to start putting the desires of some new boyfriend ahead of the needs of our children, I would be absolutely flippin' LIVID!!!

Whatever type of relationship she might form with some new guy would be her business... but that business would become my business the moment it became detrimental to my girls. Believe me, I'd expect the good of my children to take priority over any guy she might want to hook up with!

Even if you're a Gorean "women are property" lifestyler who would devalue the woman's views completely, there is still another man in the picture who has some serious vested interests in the matter.

(in reply to MasterandCommand)

RE: A Question for the Dominants - 4/23/2006 9:13:24 PM

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Joined: 4/7/2006
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I am not taken care of......but this does NOT affect the care i give my children! Submissive in my mind does not mean incapable, nor selfish.....i hope you are not a mother. They are not spoiled by any means in us taking their needs 1st......they are our responsibility to take their needs 1st!

Arpig is quite right.........i think you're very confused.

(in reply to foxnotinsox)

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