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RE: Anyone ever do a scene like this? - 9/14/2010 4:54:24 AM   
favesclava


Posts: 1608
Joined: 2/15/2007
Status: offline 		He told me i was beautiful i shook my head no. He appeared angry , said somethoing to the effect was i questioning His words? i hung my head and felt lost . he ripped my favorite t- shirt off , grabbed me by my hair and told me i was beautiful . i still couldnt agree. so He smacked me til i did. from that day on i changed. as i posted once before. one day i looked in the mirror, saw myself through His eyes, and i saw i was beautiful. a day doesnt go by that Master doesnt do or say something about how i look to Him and all those that stare. i feel better about myself than when i was young .

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RE: Anyone ever do a scene like this? - 9/15/2010 6:45:35 AM   
wandersalone


Posts: 4666
Joined: 11/21/2005
Status: offline 		For me an actual scene where my Master was complimenting the parts of myself that I am uncomfortable about would be awful and I probably would agree with whatever he was saying just to get him to shut the hell up ha ha

I have a lot of issues about all of the scarring I have from liver surgery a number of years ago.  Often when we are laying next to each other and talking  Master will be idly stroking my scars and I don't even think he realises he is doing it.  I realised the other day that I don't flinch any more when he touches that part of my skin. 

I think it is a wonderful idea Steven however for some people it may backfire and make them feel more self conscious


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RE: Anyone ever do a scene like this? - 9/15/2010 8:19:45 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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I used to have trouble complimenting myself. My last dom helped me overcome this by stopping me when I did not accept a compliment by minimizing my good qualities when I received one. I thought i was being "humble", he hated it when I did that and would stop me, and say "The polite thing to do when someone compliments you is to say 'thank you'."

You may encounter the exact opposite of what you intend if you make it about a sexual game. If you want to reinforce that she should value herself I think it would be better to do so at unexpected times... Believe it or not, it works just to have someone interrupt negative self talk and order you to say the opposite of what you are thinking.. He also used to interrupt me when I would say something like "I am so stupid!" and challenge those sorts of thoughts I was having.

If he had done it in the bedroom, I would have found it a hot role play, and very fun sexually speaking, but it wouldn't have the same impact as what I described above.

< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 9/15/2010 8:20:00 AM >

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RE: Anyone ever do a scene like this? - 9/15/2010 11:28:32 AM   
PrimalConsonance


Posts: 463
Joined: 7/11/2009
From: Southern New Jersey
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

I've known too many women that get squirmy and uncomfortable when complimented.  I'd like to help my next sub get past that, if she's got that problem.

I foresee a scene in which I make a submissive strip naked, and compliment her on aspects of her body, her style, her sense of humor, etc., and she is forced to reply "Thank you" to each one.  I don't know what you'd call a scene like that, sort of an antihumiliation scene.

Anyone ever do something like that?  It sounds hot as hell to me.




I've had a couple of submissives over the years that had body issues and one had a similar issue with compliments (I have just recently started to overcome that issue concerning myself for that matter).  I did what you were, and it was very good for them as well.  This helped them change their self-image and made them more healthy on a number of levels as well as develop them into submissives with more depth and willing to trust and explore BDSM and open doors they thought they'd never open ever with themselves.  It's fearful, dreadful, and therapeutic (which is fearful and dreadful in itself), and sometimes what we do here in BDSM is a form of therapy in one way or another, unless you use scenes in a malicious manner intent on potentially damaging someone seriously by exposing them to their deepest or more serious fears for the sole purpose of  getting a kick out of it.  In that sort of situation, a trauma can ensue that only mental health-care professionals can begin to deal with.  We mustn't break our toys if we want to play with them again. 

But this form of anti-humiliation sounds very good, and would promote it wholeheartedly.  I think the ripple-effect this form of play has when done right will reap some mighty fine rewards for everyone involved.   


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RE: Anyone ever do a scene like this? - 9/16/2010 8:43:28 AM   
Hardbutt


Posts: 78
Joined: 3/16/2005
Status: offline 		DarkSteven,

Yes, I have done this very successfully several times. One particular sub had a lot of self-doubt, I had already helped her through a number of difficult personal issues before we ever played together. Once we become lovers, I required her to ditch her usual cut-offs and always wear a skirt and blouse over a modest bathing suit for our sessions. Swim suits were a big problem in her mind but I liked one in particular on her and insisted she comply. I let her know that showing herself to me in a suit and handcuffs were her price of admission to our sexual games, she would not get past the foyer without wearing exactly what I demanded.

The key element for her was that I did not stand in front of her telling her that she was beautiful, expecting a rote reply, but that I was touching her and whispering in her ear as I complimented each aspect of her body. The closeness and the sincerity of the lust in my voice gets her trembling with excitement, for her this was not an exercise or training but a passionate display of desire between us. She could only respond with her voice since I had her hands cuffed and would not allow her to touch me while I circled and caressed. At first her replies were just recited, but with gentle and persistent fingertips, I would get her squirming and breathless. I did this several times every time we got together and within a few months she would go to the beach and obediently leave her short and shorts in the car when I asked, of course being careful about timing and location of asking. She really enjoyed showing off for me and was not uncomfortable knowing others would see her middle-aged body at the beach. Her smile grew bigger than her dress size!

Have done this with a few others, I feel that success is likely if you are genuine and comforting with your presentation. Don't put her in an uncomfortable spotlight, just make her feel like it is a treat to be admired. Make the compliments a regular part of foreplay rather than her focus.

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RE: Anyone ever do a scene like this? - 9/16/2010 10:39:22 AM   
bliss4us09


Posts: 106
Joined: 3/31/2009
Status: offline 		I like the idea. My twist on it has been to ask a sub to tell me about her body - what she likes about it, what she doesn't like - while I'm looking at it.

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RE: Anyone ever do a scene like this? - 9/16/2010 3:54:50 PM   
VaguelyCurious


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From: United Kingdom
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quote:

ORIGINAL: wandersalone

Often when we are laying next to each other and talking  Master will be idly stroking my scars and I don't even think he realises he is doing it. 

If they are raised then he quite possibly doesn't-people are naturally attracted to boundaries and texture changes when they stroke, so scars/hairlines/cheekbones(/shoulder dimples, which I have, which is why I'm so aware of this) are something people automatically stroke because they like the feeling of the edges.


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RE: Anyone ever do a scene like this? - 9/17/2010 11:43:29 AM   
HisFirstAngel


Posts: 13
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Status: offline 		Hmmm... I think that hearing it and believing it are two different things.  If I may put myself in her place...I am complimented often.  At a restaurant, men compliment my eyes.  At the gas station, men tell me I'm beautiful.  At the store, I see the way I'm looked at. I hear that I'm attractive a lot.  But I do not believe it.  Does that make sense?  I have to admit that it doesn't to me.

I'm not certain that a scene such as this, DarkSteven, would make her actually believe it.  I agree with Hardbutt, I think that the repetitiveness may help.  I think that it would make her more self conscious in the beginning, but perhaps once it's repeated enough, she may actually believe it.

And, DarkSteven,  I'll volunteer for the test position.  I've always wanted to see CO.  I hear they have huge, very intriguing, betta bowls!


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RE: Anyone ever do a scene like this? - 9/17/2010 1:03:31 PM   
afkarr


Posts: 328
Joined: 1/13/2010
Status: offline 		Steven, you could turn Pro Dom with this one. How many cookies does it cost?

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RE: Anyone ever do a scene like this? - 9/17/2010 1:32:14 PM   
VaguelyCurious


Posts: 5264
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From: United Kingdom
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quote:

ORIGINAL: HisFirstAngel

Hmmm... I think that hearing it and believing it are two different things.  If I may put myself in her place...I am complimented often.  At a restaurant, men compliment my eyes.  At the gas station, men tell me I'm beautiful.  At the store, I see the way I'm looked at. I hear that I'm attractive a lot.  But I do not believe it.  Does that make sense?  I have to admit that it doesn't to me.

It makes sense to me. People tend to value compliments based on how much they value the person giving them-so a random at the gas station is not going to have too much impact if you don't believe what they are saying yourself..

I have a question for you: do you still brush off the compliment if it's someone you care deeply about giving it, in private, with a deadly serious expression on their face? Because that's a very different context, no?

edited for spelling.


< Message edited by VaguelyCurious -- 9/17/2010 1:33:16 PM >

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RE: Anyone ever do a scene like this? - 9/21/2010 6:55:47 AM   
HisFirstAngel


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quote:



ORIGINAL: VauguelyCurious

I have a question for you: do you still brush off the compliment if it's someone you care deeply about giving it, in private, with a deadly serious expression on their face? Because that's a very different context, no?


To be honest, I think would. I would feel like they are saying it because they feel like they have to. A stranger doesn't have to say a thing. Then again, I'd have to be in the situation to really say.

< Message edited by HisFirstAngel -- 9/21/2010 7:01:36 AM >

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RE: Anyone ever do a scene like this? - 9/21/2010 7:11:36 AM   
poise


Posts: 9509
Joined: 7/3/2010
Status: offline 		I've never thought of myself as having a low opinion of my body image...
and he has seen me completely naked and vulnerable many times,
but imagining myself in a scene like this has me blushing..and reaching for a blindfold.
I think if I dont actually see him looking so intently...Id be able to breathe better.

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RE: Anyone ever do a scene like this? - 9/21/2010 7:13:42 AM   
littlebitxxx


Posts: 732
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

I've known too many women that get squirmy and uncomfortable when complimented.  I'd like to help my next sub get past that, if she's got that problem.

I foresee a scene in which I make a submissive strip naked, and compliment her on aspects of her body, her style, her sense of humor, etc., and she is forced to reply "Thank you" to each one.  I don't know what you'd call a scene like that, sort of an antihumiliation scene.

Anyone ever do something like that?  It sounds hot as hell to me.




After skimming through the replies:
I  think that this is a great idea.   Everyday compliments are nice and are usually sincere when blurted out randomly but there can be too much "out time" to react negatively.  There's leeway to her reaction and, with me anyway, it's a whole lot easier to pooh-pooh or make a deprecating remark.   I learned the hard way just to say thank you, smile and move on because to counter a compliment can be seen as calling him a liar. 

"You look great, that dress is very becoming."
"What?  This old thing?  Just something I threw on."
It sounds like she didn't care enough to dress nicely for him but just threw on some old rag.

"I love your ass, so nice."
"Naw, it's too big/too small/not round enough/starting to sag/whatever"
In her mind, she  may be thinking that yeah, nice ass what about the rest of it?  Chopped liver?

I love your idea of a whole scene in that way, commenting on every part and having her face it and take whatever compliment it is with just a thank you and a smile.  "They" say a Dom shouldn't tear down a sub unless he can rebuild her, especially if it's a huge trigger for her.  Positive "honest" reinforcement goes a long way to making someone feel comfortable in their own skin.   And doing it in a scene fashion gives her no leeway to refuse, you have a captive audience (pun intended) and it is a safe and secure environment for her, one she already knows and is comfortable in. 


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RE: Anyone ever do a scene like this? - 9/21/2010 7:45:15 AM   
HisFirstAngel


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Status: offline 		Ah, yes, Poise....a blindfold would help tremendously!

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RE: Anyone ever do a scene like this? - 9/21/2010 8:52:29 AM   
poise


Posts: 9509
Joined: 7/3/2010
Status: offline 		I should add that while I may blush profusely...Id find this incredibly hot
and a delicious journey outside of my comfort level.

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RE: Anyone ever do a scene like this? - 9/21/2010 11:55:47 AM   
Twoshoes


Posts: 1218
Joined: 7/27/2010
Status: offline 		I'm going to admit reading this thread gives me such a buzz.

And it's isn't just all the vulnerability from the submissives either.
I'm guessing I'm switch-y enough to let someone do this to me...

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RE: Anyone ever do a scene like this? - 9/26/2010 8:55:09 AM   
subkatslut


Posts: 81
Joined: 9/14/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: HisFirstAngel

Hmmm... I think that hearing it and believing it are two different things.  If I may put myself in her place...I am complimented often.  At a restaurant, men compliment my eyes.  At the gas station, men tell me I'm beautiful.  At the store, I see the way I'm looked at. I hear that I'm attractive a lot.  But I do not believe it.  Does that make sense?  I have to admit that it doesn't to me.

I'm not certain that a scene such as this, DarkSteven, would make her actually believe it.  I agree with Hardbutt, I think that the repetitiveness may help.  I think that it would make her more self conscious in the beginning, but perhaps once it's repeated enough, she may actually believe it.



See I have to agree. Someone can tell me something a million times but if 'I' don't believe it about myself it will not translate to me believing you. Doesn't matter who you are.

Repetitiveness can work for some people with some things. It's called brain washing. I suppose used properly some may say that's fine and others wouldn't. Body image for some women is deep seated.

So yes I do think you can teach her to accept a compliment but achieving a sincere change in self-esteem as benevolent as the thought is becomes far harder and possibly impossible for some. Just depends on the sub as a person and how deep seated it is.

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RE: Anyone ever do a scene like this? - 11/4/2010 5:32:47 AM   
BbcSlutKc


Posts: 60
Joined: 9/25/2010
Status: offline 		thats an amazing idea!!!

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RE: Anyone ever do a scene like this? - 11/4/2010 12:35:55 PM   
DomYngBlk


Posts: 3316
Joined: 3/27/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: poise

I've never thought of myself as having a low opinion of my body image...
and he has seen me completely naked and vulnerable many times,
but imagining myself in a scene like this has me blushing..and reaching for a blindfold.
I think if I dont actually see him looking so intently...Id be able to breathe better.


I've not thought of you as being a blushing girl to be honest. It is an interesting side of you.

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RE: Anyone ever do a scene like this? - 11/4/2010 10:41:12 PM   
switch2please


Posts: 494
Joined: 12/5/2008
Status: offline 		B compliments me often, whether it's looking in my eyes and telling me I'm wonderful or grabbing my ass and smiling in a way I know means 'I get to have that as much as I want'...   It's definitely a good thing.
As a scene, it might make me uncomfortable at first, but it's nice to know that someone enjoys the parts of me that I cannot change. It's validating, in a way. I tend to appreciate compliments on what I do - like write or draw - more than those about physical appearance, but that's because I wasn't able to choose the latter. For that reason I value compliments about my clothes or how I do my makeup more than those about my body type or facial structure, but if he puts a hand on my throat, you'd better believe I listen

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