What do You mean, she doesn't understand Your needs Sir?

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What do You mean, she doesn't understand Your needs Sir? - 9/26/2004 9:04:48 PM

zeloma

Posts: 4
Joined: 9/17/2004
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Someone recently asked this girl if she truely wanted to serve...she thought it was a silly question till she found He was married and only looking for free pussy wherever He could find it. These men are slaves to their wives and so come here looking to be a Master of the Moment, that is, till their leash is tugged and they are returned to the cage they have made for themselves.
For some reason they think that if they are honest about being in an unhappy marrage, we will somehow understand that, NO! they are not real slaves, because they are Masters in their hearts! They know this because they can come here and command free pussy whenever they want! Unless of course thier wife finds out. Then of course the leash is tugged they have to go home and clean the kitchen.
This girl sees not that they are a Master in thier hearts, for if they were they could Master enough will to make either thier wife understand or GET THEMSELVES OUT!
This one invites honest constructive, retort, perhaps You can make her understand why, if they are Masters in thier hearts, they remain slaves to thier wives.

< Message edited by zeloma -- 9/26/2004 9:07:12 PM >

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RE: What do You mean, she doesn't understand Your needs... - 9/26/2004 9:40:56 PM

proudsub

Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
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quote:

This girl sees not that they are a Master in thier hearts, for if they were they could Master enough will to make either thier wife understand or GET THEMSELVES OUT!

There are many reasons doms/dommes in vanilla marriages won't leave their spouses. This is true for subs/slaves also. First and utmost is love, next is family. Many discovered their bdsm needs after they had well established marriages and families, and they don't want to leave but they do want to experience and fulfill their needs. Some may be only looking for pussy as you put it, but i believe many are sincerely trying to explore their dom or submisseve side and have to go outside their marriage to do that.

There are several other threads on vanilla marriages, here are a few:

married, married

married men

vanilla partners

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RE: What do You mean, she doesn't understand Your needs... - 9/27/2004 3:28:49 AM

theroebabe

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Joined: 7/25/2004
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Well i have found that some people like the thrill and hunt of the chase as well. Meaning they like to titalate and tantalize a sub but thats the extent of it, and it gets them masturbation material.

Some doms like to please, and tell the sub whatever the sub wants to hear to try and get their way. There are people like this in all walks of life and i doubt it will change anytime soon, some people just have no honor in how they deal with life, and others do the best they can with the paths they have taken.

Each of us has to decide weather or not to follow, to decide what works best for us. Its not easy to determine who has ulterior motives and who really wants a sub to serve. My former dom did not have sex with me regularly as he thought it spoiled a sub and that was all she would want, lol, but then i wasnt allowed to get it else where so you know how this story ended right? So for some its not about sex its about control. This is why its hard to find the one that is right for each of us and let the others ones pass us by!

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RE: What do You mean, she doesn't understand Your needs... - 9/27/2004 4:48:49 AM

INSIDEYOURMIND

Posts: 483
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To me being a Dom is about honor and respect, it is not either to cheat on a spouse, even if you are using a cloak of exploring. Finish a relationship, then do your searching, if you are truly unhappy in a relationship, it serves no purpose to continue it.
In this day and age of STDs, it is unfair to involve a person you made a commitment to in any possible contamination.
The men or women that stray from their marriage (yes, believe it or not, women do it too!) use excuse after excuse for why it is ok, when in fact, it's not!

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RE: What do You mean, she doesn't understand Your needs... - 9/27/2004 11:36:40 AM

zeloma

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Thank you INSIDE, You put it better then this girl could. Whatever excuse O/one makes for breaking a vow, T/they have still broken T/thier word. To this girl, truth in the BDSM lifestyle is one of the MOST important aspects. So You come to this girl and say, "I have told a lie to be here." The fact that You have shared this? This makes a girl trust You? "Yes Master Liar Sir, this one understands that once You tie her down, she is safe." >>>PPLLEEEZZZZ
If a Top can not finish a relationship with honor, then can this girl expect honor from Them? If They can not tell Thier spouce, this one is expected to believe that if a subject is hard to speak of, They will be forthcoming with her?
This one knows that proudsub is honorable, she knows less of therobabe, but has heard nothing against her...but you think this is okay to lie and cheat and hurt a spouce because someone has decided that T/they have needs? Is this how you wish to be treated???

(in reply to INSIDEYOURMIND)

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RE: What do You mean, she doesn't understand Your needs... - 9/27/2004 12:10:51 PM

NoCalOwner

Posts: 241
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quote:

This girl sees not that they are a Master in thier hearts, for if they were they could Master enough will to make either thier wife understand or GET THEMSELVES OUT!
This one invites honest constructive, retort, perhaps You can make her understand why, if they are Masters in thier hearts, they remain slaves to thier wives.

Excellent point! Proudsub also makes good points about couples staying together because of love and family. My background differs from hers, so I have a 3rd reason to add to her list.

3) Lethargy and fear. My first marriage was bad after a year, and after a dozen years was almost intolerable. By the 15 year mark it was absolutely hopeless, purely the stuff that migraines and ulcers are made of. Why did I stick around? Sure, I was thinking about the kids, and not wanting to be cruel to anyone, but there comes a point when it seems like you're doing more harm than good by staying together. Beyond that point, there is nothing left but lethargy and fear. Your marriage may be a disaster, but it's a known, predictable evil, and the rut you've been in for years may seem comfortable compared to tossing a few things in the car and throwing away your life as you've known it.

During the latter years of that marriage, I did a lot of sneaking around. I fooled around with about twice as many women while I was married as I had when I was single. None of the women concerned impressed me as the ideal "Plan B," so rather than bolt, I just continued to cheat. It kept me sane, sort of. Then one day, one of them fell head over heels in love with me, and I was forced to see that while I might get some comfort out of cheating, it could come at the cost of making someone I cared about absolutely miserable, no matter how careful my sneaking was. She abruptly moved out of town without telling me where she was going. I never saw her again.

A while later I met someone who was the PERFECT Plan B, and that was that. I spent 10 minutes packing and took off, as an angry ex-to-be yelled at me from the driveway. Everybody lived happily ever after.

My points?

Even if the spouse never finds out, sooner or later people are gonna get hurt, and those people may well include you.

If the marriage is shot and you're the answer, the marriage will implode very, very quickly. If that doesn't happen quite soon after you meet, don't hold your breath, it probably never will. You're probably regarded as providing some of the fun that's missing from the marriage, but not as a potential replacement for it, and you will end up feeling like zeloma. It could also be that the marriage isn't really shot, and you still end up feeling like zeloma.

I don't think that I was in any sense being a Dom during my first marriage. Dominance shouldn't require acting deceitfully, and it is part of life, vanilla and otherwise, not just some sort of roleplay. I became a Dom the day I regained my honesty and left.

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RE: What do You mean, she doesn't understand Your needs... - 9/27/2004 12:29:09 PM

January

Posts: 891
Joined: 4/17/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: zeloma
He was married and only looking for free pussy wherever He could find it. These men are slaves to their wives and so come here looking to be a Master of the Moment, that is, till their leash is tugged and they are returned to the cage they have made for themselves.

I guess I've never thought of cheaters as "slaves to their wives". Cheaters are slaves to their own needs. Neither is masterful, but the latter view seems less contemptuous of the cheater (and, at the same time, more respectful of bdsm).

JMO,

January

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RE: What do You mean, she doesn't understand Your needs... - 9/27/2004 3:42:01 PM

cheeba0228

Posts: 230
Joined: 7/27/2004
From: Detroit
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O.k. now I have heard enough on this subject that I feel the need to inject my 2 cents. All I have to say on this subject is why do you care. I find no fault in a married man or woman looking for someone else to fulfill their kink. What I do have a problem with is if they choose to keep it a secret from their husband and/or wife. If I were married any woman that I decide to marry would have to understand that I do not plan on limiting myself to only her for the rest of my life. Nor do I expect her to limit herself to me. The lying I disagree with but the poly situation is totally understandable to me. As for if its cheating I view it like this....If your not lying to the significant other than your not cheating. Basically just because it doesnt work for you doesnt mean you have any right to knock it for others. But the lying is something that I agree is a big problem.

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RE: What do You mean, she doesn't understand Your needs... - 9/27/2004 4:58:27 PM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
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zeloma,

The downside of this BDSM lifestyle becoming more public, and more having more people aware of it, is that you have to sift through more crap. Regardless of what you are seeking this lifestyle is perceived as a source of an 'easy lay'.

When is comes to females this is a penultimate problem. Think for a minute about the typical horny 'one handed web surfer' out there. Sites like CollarMe provide what, to them, must be perceived as their dream come true. Here are self identified submissive females craving to serve them! Just reading the profiles must have them oozing. They not only have no idea about the lifestyle but know even less about woman.

They're married? So???? you are submissive it should be a privilege to suck their cock (once you find it). Why do you think most of them send you pictures of one, or have their profile picture be a cock? They're letting you know - THEY'RE PRICKS!

The Dommes don't have it much better. Dominant - submissive - whatever it takes for the possibility to get laid! Again - most just getting off reading the profiles and imagining what it would feel like for anyone other then themselves touching them. Even if the post reads "looking to nail your cock & balls to a board!" (btw-saw that in person at the Folsom Fringe-and I'm STILL CRINGING!!)

Sometimes we were all better off when this was underground and you really had to work to get people to accept you into their circle.

Merc & beth

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RE: What do You mean, she doesn't understand Your needs... - 9/27/2004 5:56:39 PM

proudsub

Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
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quote:

Why do you think most of them send you pictures of one, or have their profile picture be a cock? They're letting you know - THEY'RE PRICKS!

LMAO!!

quote:

This one knows that proudsub is honorable

Thank you zeloma, but if you have read all my posts you would know that the opposite is true as i did dishonor my marriage vows. I know i hurt Hubby deeply and am sorry for that. However i don't regret it because it opened up a dialogue between me and Hubby and led to Him becoming my Dom.

The mistake i made was not going to Hubby first with my needs, but i truly never thought He would understand.

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proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan

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RE: What do You mean, she doesn't understand Your needs... - 9/28/2004 12:58:12 PM

TheLadyAlisad

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Joined: 8/15/2004
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Having read these replies, I have to say that I agree with zeloma. When I was a child My father sat both his daughters down and taught them the difference between right and wrong in this way. "...all you have to do is look at what you are doing. If you are not lieing to anyone, cheating anyone or stealing from anyone, and you are not afraid to tell anyone exactly what you are doing, you can think, it is okay."
Now I am 40 something and since that time I can not tell you how many times I have used that little bit of wisdom to keep correct in My dealings with this world. Those who have to lie, cheeta, are those zeloma rails against, not poly relationships where everyone knows and agrees to what is happening. I have had submissives who were married and came to Me for scenes because thier wives could not make themselves use a strap on, but thier wives knew where they were and what they were doing when they were at My house. Beleive Me when I say that is the only way I will scene one because the difference between a live Domina and a dead one can be only a doorbell ring away when having an affair in Texas with a married man.
Proudsub sweetie, you are too hard on yourself. You made a boo-boo, people make boo-boos, lucky you were that hubby decided not only a boo-boo was okay, but decided you were worth looking into Dominance as a way of life. But just cause you once made a boo-boo does not make you dishonorable now. What it makes you is more careful in the future to do nothing to dishonor yourself....or am I wrong?

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