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valeca -> RE: Y/your Opinions Needed Now!!! (4/23/2006 8:03:33 PM)
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I'm sorta on the fence here. I think some great points have been made about this girl needing to be responsible for herself, but I'm aware of how hard it can e to re-wire a thought process to become self-reliant.
I'd be inclined to say having someone there to help this girl is a good thing, but in minimal ways...a sounding board for example, rather than someone to run to to ask what to do--it's a very fine line sometimes, and very easy to go from one crutch to another. In shelters, they do indeed offer the support that can be so desperately needed, but they will not tell a woman what she should do. They'll offer suggestions, and they'll provide the information on where to go, they'll be a physical presence when that support is needed, but the final decision (including returning to the abusive spouse) is always in the hands of the women living there--it's stressed that she has that control in her life, but that her decisions are her own and will be supported . I believe that's the route that would most benefit the girl in question...providing options, suggestions and information, but remaining hands off in any decision making. By doing so, she proves to herself that she has the strength to run her own life. Anyone can tell her she has the strength and power to do things for herself, but it's another for her to prove it to herself...and much more rewarding in the long run. She'll be able to stop and say, "I did that! I really did!", and that'll make it that much easier to do the next thing...and the next....and the next. It's certainly not easy. In fact, it can be downright terrifying, especially if one has never had to take the reins of one's life before, but the fear lessens with each decision and choice made, and eventually, the fear goes away and is replaced with a certain self-respect and a modicum of pride.
Good luck to everyone invloved...
Edited to add: Fast reply used; not directed toward you, in particular, LM.
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