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RE: The need to be rude?!? - 10/11/2010 3:23:11 PM   
Icarys


Posts: 5757
Status: offline
Okay I apologize..I missed all of that at the end and didn't see why you were afraid. I'm sorry.

The way you posted it as well didn't say to me that you were scared.


_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

Alaska Bound-The Official Countdown Has Started!
http://tinyurl.com/872mcu3
http://alturl.com/mog7m

(in reply to WolfyMontgomery)
Profile   Post #: 421
RE: The need to be rude?!? - 10/11/2010 3:24:13 PM   
Steelslilbit


Posts: 130
Joined: 8/10/2009
Status: offline
Using quick reply, got to page 10 and just couldn't take it any more.  This should probably be moved to the off topic of discussion board because by page 10 it is sooo far from the OP it's actually quite entertaining.  The initial topic was about a girl who didn't like the "rude" messages being sent to her through email.  By page 10 we've gone from that to how it's rude to not respond to email.  I've been laughing so hard reading this.  It's not that some of you haven't made very good points....but by and large it's all semantics and political correctness to begin with.  You can't please everyone.  Someone out there is going to think even a very polite email rude because it's coming FROM SOMEONE YOU DON'T KNOW.  If you don't like an email you're being sent, block it.  Feel free to hide your profile.  Who cares if someone thinks you blocking them is rude or hiding your profile means you have something to hide?  Do you know them?  Do you care what they think of you?  If I ever came to care what every individual on this site or the internet thought of me I'd put a bullet in my head and end what would no doubt turn into a life of misery, angst, and regret. 

I could really give a hoot less what the ratio of men to women is on this site.  What I know from personal experience is that new women's emails are blown sky high and it's amazing that any of us stuck around long enough for it to dwindle down.  I have no idea what guys go through when they first log on, it may be different, it might not be.  I don't care enough to make a male profile to find out myself.  And the amount of time that goes into an email doesn't matter to me in the least.  Some of THE MOST OFFENSIVE emails I've ever gotten were incredibly long winded.  I had one guy for an initial email send me a story of what he would do to me if he ever got me alone, and it made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up.  However I don't respond to "hi" either, and most of the initial emails I get now a days are closer to the "hi".  Fortunately I am only looking for friends (mostly in my area that I could eventually meet), and to keep in touch with some of the friends that I have made during my time here.  I get to be more picky about what emails I respond to.  Oh, and speaking of which, don't you ever think you have the right to tell me who to respond to and who not to.  Just as I would respect your right to respond to or not respond to a rude email, if you are going to take it personally that someone hasn't responded to your well thought out and polite email.....perhaps online looking/dating/BDSM is not for you.  I agree that perhaps your skin is a bit too thin when it comes to this.  I have had more than a few polite emails never responded to, and all I can say is that it never stopped me from writing the next profile that struck my attention.

Rude is, in fact, a matter of opinion.....in a realm where opinion is like an asshole, everyone has one and everyone swears theirs smells like roses.

Amazing how so many people can be right, and wrong, all at the same time, simply based on where you want to look at it, and who's opinion you want to take into account first.  The world is not soft and squishy people, get over it is right.  And stop trying to make the rest of us more soft and squishy just because you think we should be.


_____________________________

i'll try anything once, twice if i like it.

If you wanna know you better ask, and if i don't want to answer i won't.

Offical Language: Caryn-ese
(Translator available upon request)

(in reply to barelynangel)
Profile   Post #: 422
RE: The need to be rude?!? - 10/11/2010 3:27:03 PM   
samboct


Posts: 1817
Joined: 1/17/2007
Status: offline
Lady P

"I have to say this. In other words, you expect other people to do what you are not willing to do. "

I must admit, there are times when it seems I can't win for losing...Not at all. You and Icarys and LadyNTrainer and Peon jumped into the breech and gathered the data. I think you've done well- so why exactly do I need to replicate the experiment? Am I going to gather new insight? What you've reported is believable and I trust accurate- so what else is there to learn? From my perspective, using someones data shows that you trust them.

"My issue with these, though they may improve in cutting down the volume, is that nice people will get put off and prevented from being able to contact each other. The one stellar person that wrote on the other account was message 38 or 39. "



Life involves compromise. This site is not perfect, and even if all my wonderful suggestions would be implemented, it still wouldn't be perfect. My assumption here is that new users receive a flood of email. Clearly, if one in 50 people that contacted you was worth pursuing, then that's not a great track record, suggesting that much of the early emails are using a shot gun approach. If the object is to encourage the rifle bullet approach, rather than the shot gun approach, well, yes, the riflemen may have to be a bit patient till the initial flood of emails dies down. (Assuming it does.) Why exactly is this such a problem? A reasonable guy is going to try and put himself in the other persons shoes- isn't that what a lot of this thread is about?

" think you're looking at the wrong angle here. I think it will be harder on the males writing than the females receiving. I believe many males would complain. "

I don't use emoticons well, and I guess my sense of humor doesn't necessarily make it across.

"The idea of a second reporting button does not stop the women from having to receive them. Somebody out there has to be subjected to the nastiness or abuse. That's not acceptable, in My view."

This may be a case where the perfect becomes the enemy of the good. The only way to never receive a nastygram is never to be on the site. Cutting back on the chances of getting a nastygram by not replying merely selects (in the Darwinian sense) the male population that's left to have a propensity towards nastygrams. As Peon points out quite eloquently, If women treat reasonable men coldly, we'll leave. (paraphrase- feeling lazy.)

I'd suggest that reducing the chances of getting a nastygram are as good as can be achieved. It's like an improved spam filter- it's not going to catch everything, but as you've pointed out several times, there has been improvement. Trying to have a filter that detects nastygrams before opening might require a real working AI- and that's a far scarier concept.


Sam



(in reply to lusciouslips19)
Profile   Post #: 423
RE: The need to be rude?!? - 10/11/2010 3:28:57 PM   
WolfyMontgomery


Posts: 234
Joined: 9/28/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Icarys
Okay I apologize..I missed all of that at the end and didn't see why you were afraid. I'm sorry
The way you posted it as well didn't say to me that you were scared.


Thank you for apologizing. I write that way because I am not scared, because I laughed it off. See the logic? If I hadn't laughed, I would have been scared, or hurt, or appalled, or whatever, and that would have soured my views of men (and women, since I've had posts from them too, just not as many). To keep myself from being totally soured and to keep myself from being a frightened, uncertain person (or rather, even moreso than I am now, hah), I laugh.

If I had suddenly gotten serious and scared in that post, I would have been contradicting myself, and thus would have opened the door for said fear to be let in.


_____________________________

~Eleven

-A Wolf of a Different Color

Fear me and my Gleaming Metal Chompers of DOOM!
..........that means my braces. >_>

(in reply to Icarys)
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RE: The need to be rude?!? - 10/11/2010 3:37:37 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
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Fast reply...

Good Lord...    

< Message edited by Lockit -- 10/11/2010 3:38:09 PM >


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RE: The need to be rude?!? - 10/11/2010 3:38:11 PM   
Icarys


Posts: 5757
Status: offline
Your welcome..I guess what really trumped me up was the few seriously nasty things that I didn't see and then what you brought up as issues.

I missed them and saw the worst thing you had on it was that you had a Master already and 2 was that you listed water sports as another issue.(Maybe I should go back and look now!).Since I like water sports and a lot of people do..I thought ..Okay this is gross to some but it's not anything to get up in arms about.


_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

Alaska Bound-The Official Countdown Has Started!
http://tinyurl.com/872mcu3
http://alturl.com/mog7m

(in reply to WolfyMontgomery)
Profile   Post #: 426
RE: The need to be rude?!? - 10/11/2010 3:43:23 PM   
WolfyMontgomery


Posts: 234
Joined: 9/28/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Icarys
Your welcome..I guess what really trumped me up was the few seriously nasty things that I didn't see and then what you brought up as issues.
I missed them and saw the worst thing you had on it was that you had a Master already and 2 was that you listed water sports as another issue.(Maybe I should go back and look now!).Since I like water sports and a lot of people do..I thought ..Okay this is gross to some but it's not anything to get up in arms about.


Hahaha... if it was only watersports then I wouldn't have minded so much - but they don't list "Doing your Daughter" as an available hard limit, so I can't exactly say that I had "I won't do my children" on my profile, it's just common sense.

And in addition to that, there were other things that if I hadn't laughed at them, would have otherwise been appalling:
Giving him my Social Security Number
My Bank Account Number
Beastiality
Prostitution
The very large list of things he'll do to me that are kinda scary for a first message (whipped, tortured, abused, branded...)
Make money that I don't get to keep cuz it's just gonna go to him (given, all my money is Master's, but that's cuz he decided to take two years to build my trust)

Those things I added in a separate paragraph so as not to confuse them with the things that were blatantly obvious that he should have seen.

Yeah, if I didn't laugh, I would be scared that someone - a complete stranger - was expecting me to give him all that stuff.

< Message edited by WolfyMontgomery -- 10/11/2010 3:44:16 PM >


_____________________________

~Eleven

-A Wolf of a Different Color

Fear me and my Gleaming Metal Chompers of DOOM!
..........that means my braces. >_>

(in reply to Icarys)
Profile   Post #: 427
RE: The need to be rude?!? - 10/11/2010 3:48:51 PM   
Icarys


Posts: 5757
Status: offline
I'm sure you know it's irrational. Hopefully will grow a thicker skin..I say thicker skin but that can sometimes turn into a harder heart and that isn't good either. It's hard to balance.

_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

Alaska Bound-The Official Countdown Has Started!
http://tinyurl.com/872mcu3
http://alturl.com/mog7m

(in reply to WolfyMontgomery)
Profile   Post #: 428
RE: The need to be rude?!? - 10/11/2010 3:53:09 PM   
Twoshoes


Posts: 1218
Joined: 7/27/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19
So why cant men stop being jerks?
Why does the female always have to make nice?
Why doesnt anyone confront the truth in the generalization?

Because there is no truth in your sweeping generalizations to confront. Personally, I'm often considerate, willing to make nice first and willing to confront sweeping generalizations.

Perhaps, your experience is tainted because sensitive men who value harmony over judgments, such as myself, tend to actively avoid people prone to polarizing sweeping judgments. Those kinds of people actively screw up the harmonious relationship matrices we actively strive to create.

I like to make nice, mediate for people, make sure everyone is happy and inspired, etc.
quote:


How about we stop being bitter, when we get treated with more respect?

I wouldn't approach someone for a conversation who's made it clear that most men seem to bother her, because I wouldn't want to make her uncomfortable. Seriously.

(in reply to lusciouslips19)
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RE: The need to be rude?!? - 10/11/2010 3:54:44 PM   
WolfyMontgomery


Posts: 234
Joined: 9/28/2010
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Most people are irrational in some way or another. And as I said, I have very thin skin, I'm an emotional person, and I do often let things that people say get to me. I don't like being shocked or appalled that someone was expecting that out of anyone, much less me. So instead of being afraid, or appalled, or angry - because you have to feel SOMETHING, at least I do - I just chose to laugh.

It keeps my heart from getting hard, and it helps my skin thicken just a little bit because I didn't take it seriously - I just laughed.

< Message edited by WolfyMontgomery -- 10/11/2010 3:55:22 PM >


_____________________________

~Eleven

-A Wolf of a Different Color

Fear me and my Gleaming Metal Chompers of DOOM!
..........that means my braces. >_>

(in reply to Icarys)
Profile   Post #: 430
RE: The need to be rude?!? - 10/11/2010 3:59:23 PM   
Icarys


Posts: 5757
Status: offline
quote:

Most people are irrational in some way or another. And as I said, I have very thin skin, I'm an emotional person, and I do often let things that people say get to me. I don't like being shocked or appalled that someone was expecting that out of anyone, much less me. So instead of being afraid, or appalled, or angry - because you have to feel SOMETHING, at least I do - I just chose to laugh.

It keeps my heart from getting hard, and it helps my skin thicken just a little bit because I didn't take it seriously - I just laughed.

Fair enough.

This is where the petty came from originally. It showed up without the aid of that letter I believe so I was originally commenting on it..No worries..That was a bad email that I would have blocked as well and reported.

I joined Collarme.com to meet new people, make new friends, join the forums, and of course, have fun reading all those crazy emails from the not-so-good Doms with my Master so that we can giggle over the crazy demands and the obvious lack of intelligence when they apparently didn't notice that I state in my profile that I'm already owned. Does that make us bad people?


_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

Alaska Bound-The Official Countdown Has Started!
http://tinyurl.com/872mcu3
http://alturl.com/mog7m

(in reply to WolfyMontgomery)
Profile   Post #: 431
RE: The need to be rude?!? - 10/11/2010 4:02:23 PM   
LadyNTrainer


Posts: 1584
Joined: 5/20/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19
I dont think its sexist if its my expreince with the class of online e-mails I get from men.


It is my experience also, and that of many, many others.  The percentage of emails in my inbox that address me as a person and acknowledge me socially is extremely low.  Peon says the current count is around 5%, and that's about normal, or perhaps slightly above normal.  95% of people emailing me on my "here to make friends in the lifestyle" profile are socially ignoring me while sexually pursuing me.  As another woman here pointed out, while you can laugh it off for awhile, being consistently dehumanized by the vast majority of the people talking to you does get to be pretty wearing.


quote:

I find this to be an experience that women face. Eveytime the issue about the degradation of women comes up, instead of being treated like its a real issue, its minimized and not confronted. Why is that?


I don't know.  But there are some men who make a pretty insistent point of yelling and criticizing women when we talk about this particular experience, insisting that it's not true, or we're all just overreacting.  It doesn't matter how clearly and factually we explain what is happening or even directly show what is happening.  They still think it's not real, or that we shouldn't feel this way just because 95%+ of the guys in our inbox are ignoring our requested boundaries and/or ignoring anything we have to say while trying to get sex or kinky play from us.  Eventually feeling tired and discouraged from that is a pretty normal human reaction, but there are guys who keep insisting that we should just suck it up, or who criticize the ways we do find to cope. 

I think it says more about the guys in question than the validity of our experiences, honestly.


_____________________________

Your dominant Personal Trainer for fitness and body shaping in the lifestyle. Let my fetish be your motivation.

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RE: The need to be rude?!? - 10/11/2010 4:02:33 PM   
WolfyMontgomery


Posts: 234
Joined: 9/28/2010
Status: offline
And that statement of giggling over the crazy emails of not-so-good Doms was a direct reference to the one that I showed on this thread and the others that I've gotten like that one. I don't giggle if they just didn't read my profile and ask if I wanna be their slave - so long as they're polite about it when I turn them down.

The guy showed either an obvious lack of intelligence (or maybe lack of sanity) to want me to do so many illegal things. Thus I giggle. It's the same thing. I make a joke out of them - which is mean, but I'd rather make a joke out of it then take it seriously.

I don't giggle if they're still sane though.

< Message edited by WolfyMontgomery -- 10/11/2010 4:04:49 PM >


_____________________________

~Eleven

-A Wolf of a Different Color

Fear me and my Gleaming Metal Chompers of DOOM!
..........that means my braces. >_>

(in reply to Icarys)
Profile   Post #: 433
RE: The need to be rude?!? - 10/11/2010 4:05:26 PM   
Icarys


Posts: 5757
Status: offline
Fair enough.

_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

Alaska Bound-The Official Countdown Has Started!
http://tinyurl.com/872mcu3
http://alturl.com/mog7m

(in reply to WolfyMontgomery)
Profile   Post #: 434
RE: The need to be rude?!? - 10/11/2010 4:12:29 PM   
lusciouslips19


Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Twoshoes

quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19
So why cant men stop being jerks?
Why does the female always have to make nice?
Why doesnt anyone confront the truth in the generalization?

Because there is no truth in your sweeping generalizations to confront. Personally, I'm often considerate, willing to make nice first and willing to confront sweeping generalizations.

Perhaps, your experience is tainted because sensitive men who value harmony over judgments, such as myself, tend to actively avoid people prone to polarizing sweeping judgments. Those kinds of people actively screw up the harmonious relationship matrices we actively strive to create.

I like to make nice, mediate for people, make sure everyone is happy and inspired, etc.
quote:


How about we stop being bitter, when we get treated with more respect?

I wouldn't approach someone for a conversation who's made it clear that most men seem to bother her, because I wouldn't want to make her uncomfortable. Seriously.


That is not what I do. I am polite to those that are polite. But if one sends me a long line of rude e-mails,Im not going to be nice anymore. Especially since I was not responding  to the 3 previous e-mails, you would have thought that ignoring would stop that flow.

This site seems to have gone the way of men trolling for quick sex and much cheating on vanilla partners. Yes, I know sweeping generalizations.

I have been on this site for  along time.Im mostly here to go the these boards to catch up with friends.

I dont take it personal but I dont tolerate BS. But many here can tell you that I am nice. But submissive does not equate with stupid or innocent or having to tolerate rudeness.

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to Twoshoes)
Profile   Post #: 435
RE: The need to be rude?!? - 10/11/2010 4:23:52 PM   
LadyNTrainer


Posts: 1584
Joined: 5/20/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CynthiaWVirginia
This is so true.  And yes, it impacts me; I burn out on an average of every 2-3 months.  Being treated as a non person by hundreds for every one person who sees me as a human being gets very old.  It's a bone weariness that kicks into effect after a while. 
 
It's like...going to a ballroom expecting to dance...but each smiling male who approaches asks for a quick f*** and beating in the back room instead of a dance.  Complete with dick pix and butthole shots with dildos stuck inside to entice me.   
 
Ah...here comes my next dance partner.
"Ma'am, wanna f*** my hot tight virgin arse???  The closet is over here...btw, my name is tom, dick, or harry." 
Then comes the evil attitude, or cold silence when I say no.
 
Sometimes I wish...when woman are told to just suck it up they would disappear for a month.  Preferably en masse.  Oh wait, that's what many have already done. 
 
I keep bringing more r/t submissive female friends here and they keep leaving because they refuse to suck it up. 


Nail.  Head.  Hammer.  Hit.

What part of this description of what it actually feels like to have a female profile on an adult site is difficult to understand or believe?  This is really how it is.  This is really what it feels like.  Snarking at us for telling the truth about this experience, or telling us that it doesn't really feel that way, or that we should just suck it up and not feel anything at all when this happens, is in no way constructive or helpful.  I have absolutely no idea what anyone wants to accomplish by telling us that we're lying about the experience, or that we shouldn't feel bad about being ignored and dehumanized while being pursued for sex.  Men get incredibly angry at women for ignoring and dehumanizing them while pursuing them for money.  I see a remarkable amount of genuine rage on those threads.  And somehow that's okay, while women are simultaneously expected to "suck it up".  Human feelings just don't work that way.  Even if you're relatively thick skinned, at a minimum it's going to get very, very tiresome.

I don't think that generally blaming men or generally blaming women is a good thing, even though there certainly are people of both genders who are selfish users.  Neither is invalidating the weariness and frustration that any human being is likely to feel if this is the majority of their experience on a given site.  If a 95% of a woman's emails are from men who ignore and dehumanize her seeking sex, or if 95% of a man's emails are from women who ignore and dehumanize him seeking money, eventually they are quite likely to get bloody sick of wading through the garbage and either put tighter filters in place or leave the site in disgust. 

I don't know how it is with men and scammers, but in my experience as a woman, for the most part even the strictest filters don't actually improve the percentage of real human contact even if they may cut down on the total number of emails. So a lot of women do end up leaving, and that shouldn't be a surprise to anyone.


_____________________________

Your dominant Personal Trainer for fitness and body shaping in the lifestyle. Let my fetish be your motivation.

(in reply to CynthiaWVirginia)
Profile   Post #: 436
RE: The need to be rude?!? - 10/11/2010 4:35:03 PM   
lusciouslips19


Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline
Thank you for saying so eloquently what I wasnt expressing but trying to express.

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to LadyNTrainer)
Profile   Post #: 437
RE: The need to be rude?!? - 10/11/2010 4:35:24 PM   
JstAnotherSub


Posts: 6174
Status: offline
fast reply

I read til I couldn't take it any more, then I did the Evlyn Wud Sped readin Corse for the last 15 pages.

This is the internet.  Any asshole who is afraid to leave his or her house because the mean people are out there can log on.  Folks are fucking crazy.  This site, in particular, is based on being a sick fuck to many.  How can any one be surprised that folks are dickheads here, or anywhere on the www.....

I am really amazed this can go on for 22 pages.  IT IS THE FUCKING INTERNET PEOPLE!  Someone who calls you a unt, dickhead, asshole, fat ass, whirly gig, opossum, fake, scammer, repuke, democrap, redneck, on and on and on and on, someone who types those words does not affect you unless you are wacko and allow it to.



_____________________________

yep

(in reply to LadyNTrainer)
Profile   Post #: 438
RE: The need to be rude?!? - 10/11/2010 4:50:42 PM   
Twoshoes


Posts: 1218
Joined: 7/27/2010
Status: offline
Well, your profile certainly doesn't give off the same vibe (as those couple of posts). I'm sure you can be nice.

< Message edited by Twoshoes -- 10/11/2010 4:54:12 PM >

(in reply to lusciouslips19)
Profile   Post #: 439
RE: The need to be rude?!? - 10/11/2010 5:06:08 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WolfyMontgomery

And in addition to that, there were other things that if I hadn't laughed at them, would have otherwise been appalling:
Giving him my Social Security Number
My Bank Account Number



Wolfy, I'm not planning to ask you for either of those.  But could you give me your mother's maiden name, just in case?




_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to WolfyMontgomery)
Profile   Post #: 440
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