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Thoughts on being shown gratitude - 10/7/2010 9:07:54 PM   
anniezz338


Posts: 1183
Joined: 8/17/2010
Status: offline 		When I please a Dom and he truly enjoys me, it makes me really happy and I let him know I am glad. But is it seen as gratitude? Is gratitude something that can come in different vocal terms or should it be more formal, more somehow like being told how grateful I am he used me for his pleasure.

Should gratitude be more literal? Thanks in advance :)
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RE: Thoughts on being shown gratitude - 10/7/2010 9:26:05 PM   
pwnerandpwned


Posts: 83
Joined: 4/13/2010
Status: offline 		Just depends on the recipient, I'm sure. Being literal with thank yous certainly does need to be done from time to time, though, just to make sure they realize that was gratitude they saw. On the contrast, though, if it were only just "Thank you, Sir" all the time, I would start to wonder if it was all that geniune. The mix of the two would probably give me the most assurance my girl was indeed thankful.

(in reply to anniezz338)
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RE: Thoughts on being shown gratitude - 10/7/2010 10:02:03 PM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline 		Well, if it's a Dom you know intimately and having a relationship, then as mentioned above, it's highly individualized.  However, lets say you just bottomed to someone you don't know that intimately, foot/boot kissing is pretty much a universal sign of gratitude and respect.  

_____________________________

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I give good thread.

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RE: Thoughts on being shown gratitude - 10/7/2010 10:15:24 PM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: anniezz338

When I please a Dom and he truly enjoys me, it makes me really happy and I let him know I am glad. But is it seen as gratitude? Is gratitude something that can come in different vocal terms or should it be more formal, more somehow like being told how grateful I am he used me for his pleasure.

Should gratitude be more literal? Thanks in advance :)


Greetings anniezz,

Gratitude is defined as: the quality or feeling of being grateful or thankful. In my opinion that provides vast latitude in expression that allows for individual interpretation. You're focusing on how to display gratitude rather than recognizing what inspires the feeling in itself. Instead of attempting to regiment your behavior, allow a natural response that's based on the emotions that follow rather than a prescribed formula that may not resonate.

From a personal standpoint, I express gratitude for the large and small. I try to make a concerted effort to acknowledge the blessings I've received and indicate this in many ways. Some are devotional: which include affirmations and paying homage to the sacredness I see in the individual. There's the supposedly mundane and practical that goes unheralded that I enjoy calling attention to. Don't forget acts of service. And finally there's the recognition of your being and the hand print he's affixed upon your life.

A wonderful way to pay tribute to these things is to affirm them on a daily basis by embodying the spirit of gratitude rather than limiting yourself to verbal cues instead. You'll come to see that gratitude is found in other traits, such as grace, patience, love, etc. As you avail yourself to the myriad ways you can let it show you'll have little difficulty doing so.

Namaste,

~porcelaine


_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to anniezz338)
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RE: Thoughts on being shown gratitude - 10/8/2010 4:00:45 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		Ask your Dom what pleases him.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to porcelaine)
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RE: Thoughts on being shown gratitude - 10/8/2010 7:07:01 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		How I show it depends on my depth of feeling. I can just say thank you, or I can rub my cheek against his chest, and tell him what a wonderful man he is and how grateful I am to be with him, to have him to turn to. But him grabbing the kettle when it whistles, although I am grateful for, does not require a long song and dance. Just "oh, you poured the tea while I was in the bathroom. Thanks honey".


_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


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RE: Thoughts on being shown gratitude - 10/8/2010 11:49:33 AM   
anniezz338


Posts: 1183
Joined: 8/17/2010
Status: offline 		Resident, your funny. I always enjoy your posts.

Thanks for all your responses. Truthfully, they seemed more mellow than I actually expected. Maybe the sort of gratitude I'm thinking about is more in a scene situation. Some of the profiles I have read seem to be a little more ritualistic and I'm guessing maybe in that sense, some expect formal gratitude to be shown in a scene.


(in reply to DesFIP)
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RE: Thoughts on being shown gratitude - 10/8/2010 12:14:34 PM   
Bravado


Posts: 87
Joined: 6/15/2010
Status: offline 		My personal opinion is that gratitude is shown by obedience. Ideally, a dominant man rewards himself every day by leading a submissive girl to please him. Not necessarily sexual, and of course not necessarily man over woman or heterosexual.

If she can cook pasta smothered with butter, sprinkled with tarragon, and spiced up with ground pepper and chopped garlic, then all the better.

(in reply to anniezz338)
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RE: Thoughts on being shown gratitude - 10/8/2010 12:16:53 PM   
Bravado


Posts: 87
Joined: 6/15/2010
Status: offline 		Oh, and in terms of scenic gratitude, a kowtow with your face in the floor while loudly proclaiming that you are a very grateful slave would probably make a man feel like hot shit.

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RE: Thoughts on being shown gratitude - 10/8/2010 3:00:55 PM   
Adrenochrome


Posts: 50
Joined: 12/27/2004
From: Canada
Status: offline 		I personally prefer it if my property gives me thanks in a formalized, ritual manner ("thank you, Master" after being given an instruction, or a deserved punishment, etc). I feel that it helps maintain standards and positions within my household. At the same time, there are those little moments that wash over her and make her express gratitude to me in some small way, some word, some gesture. Those, I think, are the most rewarding, due to their honesty and frank intimacy.

As others have said, though, perspectives on these sorts of things vary from Man to Man. I find it hard to imagine a Dominant who did not enjoy the boost received by one's submissive showing gratitude, however.

_____________________________

"Guidance is internal." -- NASA Countdown

(in reply to Bravado)
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RE: Thoughts on being shown gratitude - 10/9/2010 5:18:29 AM   
barelynangel


Posts: 6233
Status: offline 		I know this may sound ackward so bear with me.  When i was with my former master, while i was very secure being his slave and knew he was the one who held me to him and not my holding him to me so to speak, my gratitude with him was more of a i was grateful he chose me rather than someone else to find his pleasure with.  I mean as a Man he could have chosen anyone else but instead he chose me to find his pleasure and to give him pleasure.  That is a HUGE concept with me when i am mastered by a Man.  While i am secure in being a slave with a Man, i never forget that concept of choice he has and i try very hard not to take it for grant it.  Believe me i am not a floff floff type of slave wherein i gush my gratitude or such, but there were days when it just hit me and i would simply at times say thank you for choosing me or thank you for keeping me. Whether it was me running and jumping in his arms to press kisses all over his face and then sum -- grins wickedly, or when i had been disciplined and it was more than just poor behavior but some other concept that he knew i needed from him and i was drained and he was holding me in his arms where i would just wrap my arms around his neck and whisper thank you for keeping me or sometimes simply a whispered thank you because he didn't necessarily need it spelled out for him.

I guess the biggest thing was, he knew i knew he chose me and i knew he made the decision to keep me, and somedays it was simply something IIII needed to acknowledge to him, even though i knew he knew it.  Gratitude however, should be more shown than said as i believe most people know.  grins i was a bad slave lol but my gratitude wasn't necessarily in my obedience to him but in the interaction between us and the faith, and belief i had in him and yes, also the demand unspoken of him that he maintain his mastery over me.  He knew that was my security and by having that from him i was in fact secure and in that there was the gratitude of my reactions to him and his mastery of me.  HE didn't need my obedience to him to show my gratitude but what he did need was my reactions to him as my Master and to his mastery of me.  The obedience was secondary, the way he saw it -- obedient or disobedient i was still his slave lol and one simply got rewards and the other got consequences.  My gratitude to him stemmed from his knowing pretty much all the time what i needed but more importantly knowing what i needed before i did.  And my gratitude many times was shown even if i didn't realize it by accepting his knowing this and doing something about it -- it was my security and in being secure, i was showing him gratitude.  By trusting in him to do what needed to be done and being able to follow him, was a way of showing him gratitude.  When that trust was gone, so was my security, and so was my gratitude and the relationship was no longer.

angel

< Message edited by barelynangel -- 10/9/2010 5:25:30 AM >

_____________________________


What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
R.W. Emerson


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RE: Thoughts on being shown gratitude - 10/9/2010 10:03:52 AM   
anniezz338


Posts: 1183
Joined: 8/17/2010
Status: offline 		barely, I agree with the being chosen. Even in every relationship we have, we should be grateful for the people who have chosen us (and us them) to be in each others lives. When it is shown and said, the bond just gets stronger and /or cements it for life.

I found the comments "enjoy the boost" and "make a man feel like hot shit" by Bravado and Adenochrome very telling. Simplistic yet pleasing to Him. I like it :)

(in reply to barelynangel)
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RE: Thoughts on being shown gratitude - 10/9/2010 1:02:09 PM   
Zevar


Posts: 801
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: anniezz338

When I please a Dom and he truly enjoys me, it makes me really happy and I let him know I am glad. But is it seen as gratitude? Is gratitude something that can come in different vocal terms or should it be more formal, more somehow like being told how grateful I am he used me for his pleasure.

Should gratitude be more literal? Thanks in advance :)


Gratitude is a feeling that is immeasurably valuable. Demonstrating gratitude indeed assures others that they are appreciated and that others are thankful for them and all they offer.

Without gratitude Life would be likened to the absence of sustenance for the soul. Gratitude surpasses limitations in how it is expressed. Methods and forms in expressing gratitude are inclined toward uniformity thus limitations in how gratitude is freely expressed.

Therefore gratitude is best expressed when the individual expressing gratitude decides how it is expressed, when and toward whom. Otherwise it is merely mechanical conduct that is devoid of authentic appreciation that dwells in the depth of gratitude when freely expressed.

Take care!

(in reply to anniezz338)
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RE: Thoughts on being shown gratitude - 10/9/2010 3:30:47 PM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		Gratitude   -  i show my gratitude to my Sir - recently by buying him a big tea mug, in "manly colours" - as in no flowers and black with big white spots. He had mentioned he wanted a bigger mug for hot tea.        This is the man who bought a tea kettle and my brand of tea when i started dating him, so for me, buying him a big mug was an expression of gratitude for his thoughtfulness - which made me feel very welcome in his home.

I don't know if my Sir picked up on the nuances, but it really doesn't matter - i did it for him and he appreciates the thought even if he doesn't get it all.     

For me expressing gratitude is part of keeping our relationship alive and special, as in not taking each other for granted.   And something that i like to do.

(in reply to Zevar)
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RE: Thoughts on being shown gratitude - 10/10/2010 4:55:12 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		angel, that was a beautiful way that you expressed a submissively thankful mindset.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to kiwisub12)
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RE: Thoughts on being shown gratitude - 10/10/2010 5:59:19 AM   
lally2


Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline 		ive thanked people for being in my life plenty of times - a couple were Dominants.  it wasnt that i said outright 'thank you for being in my life' but curled up next to them and telling them how happy i am to be with them and feeling them hug me back is all about the intimacy between two people, whatever relationship youre in.

everyone needs to feel valued and needed on a variety of levels i think.  turning it into some sort of ritualistic thing has its place maybe at a certain moment when those feelings are bubbling up and expressing them in that way would mean alot but like others have said, simply enjoying being with them, thinking of small ways to show youre love and happyness is just as poignant.

i baulk with the word gratitude for some reason - gratitude would suggest that for anyone to give you the time of day is a big deal - i am grateful for my happyness and my fortune but to be grateful that he choses to be with me feels a bit strange to me.  without sounding full of myself if i am who he chose then to be grateful for that somehow negates his choice, if you see what i mean here - are his powers of choice so poor that he chose someone less than he could have by choosing me? - for a few reasons thats not a healthy thing to think - but im not explaining this well, so ill give it up before i blather away into a next para. x

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to DarkSteven)
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RE: Thoughts on being shown gratitude - 10/10/2010 7:49:12 AM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline 		Well last night's tearful display of joy, gratitude and love was certainly an example lol.  It involved kissing his hands, his feet, and expressing how good he is to me, and what a good man he is, and how thankful I am to him for who he is and that he came into my life and brought me into his.

There's so much - from the little things like the way he caresses my face, to the big things like bringing me into his family (his daughter and himself), as his daughter has touched my life in ways I can't even begin to explain....to the way he played with my nephews while their Dad is very ill, battling cancer, to his patience with some of my past traumas that come visit my mind on rare occasions, to the way he loves me, to placing such a priority on family, to indulging me when I've discovered a cool new band I want him to hear...to being so encouraging with my weight loss...and it goes on.

I tell him specifics like that.  I let him know exactly what I am grateful for.  He says he sees my gratitude in the way I treat him, and in my behavior and in the way I express myself and in the way I submit to him. 

I'm a fan of making each other feel important.  I let him know how important he is to me, and he does the same in return.  Two way gratitude is delicious :)

But none of this is "scene" related or ritualized, as your (OP's) subsequent post suggested.  It comes spontaneously and is heartfelt.  Sometimes gratitude is expressed by a smile and a thank you, and sometimes in a more intense display.  Just depends on circumstances and how moved I am in a particular moment. 

It's not one-sided for us.  While he doesn't get on his knees in tears, he does tell me how much I mean to him and how grateful he is for who I am in his life.  


_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



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RE: Thoughts on being shown gratitude - 10/10/2010 9:07:52 AM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: anniezz338

When I please a Dom and he truly enjoys me, it makes me really happy and I let him know I am glad. But is it seen as gratitude? Is gratitude something that can come in different vocal terms or should it be more formal, more somehow like being told how grateful I am he used me for his pleasure.

Should gratitude be more literal? Thanks in advance :)


There is no *should* about it. Everyone has their own ways of expressing their gratitude, their appreciation and when and how.... There's no formal package about these things.

Are you grateful or happy/glad? I can be happy but not necessarily feel *grateful* specifically. Just because a situation gave me a great deal of pleasure doesn't mean I feel *grateful* for it.

It's down to how you interpret a situation. A lot of the time I accept nice things without any feeling of gratitude whatsoever. I enjoy being fucked but I don't feel grateful that I was...lol. It's situational.

I *appreciate* M being in my life but I'm not *grateful* for it. It's not as if he's doing me a favour....lol

agirl






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RE: Thoughts on being shown gratitude - 10/10/2010 9:19:35 AM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		there are different ways I show gratitude depending on the situation.

Hugs, kisses, telling him how much I love him, telling him thank you, kissing his feet, body rubs, cooking, cleaning, being the best slave I can be for him.

(in reply to agirl)
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RE: Thoughts on being shown gratitude - 10/10/2010 9:58:52 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		It depends a lot with me on the situation and the person. Oner of the social skills I've never mastered nor felt comfortable with is someone or a group of people thanking me for something I have done and even more embarrassing for me is when they go a tad over the top and proclaim that it (what ever it was0 is the best they have ever seen (this never includes some female stroking my ego regarding some sexual experience though). To be honest, when I finish a demonstration, lecture or even a few songs, I just want to find the darkest corner of the bar and enjoy either a single malt scotch or a couple of coffees before I face what may be misguidedly referred to as my adoring public/fans/groupies or what ever. Having said this, most times I do appreciate a simple thank you and a smile. I was brought up on the basis that it cost nothing to say thank you or please. Ergo I make a point of thanking people when it is appropriate. There are times when I may or receive a vote of thanks in the form of an intimate moment, kiss on the cheek or just a hand squeezing my shoulder. Unlike some masters, I will always be polite with sub/slaves and especially those in the house collar which includes thanking them for a job well done. They ten know that I have found them pleasing.

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to littlewonder)
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