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RE: How many times should one make a request. - 11/7/2010 11:49:46 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy

The audience wants to know, did he get in the door with one email or two?

He was in by the end of the first paragraph. I remember literally laughing out loud in delight.

But I'll fully accept that he's exceptional-it's just that your comment seemed funny given the timing.

_____________________________

Sthetic on FetLife.

(in reply to cloudboy)

RE: How many times should one make a request. - 11/8/2010 12:46:38 AM

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I will say I wrote VC a meek and polite mail once and soon thereafter she felt compelled to send me links to a bunch of interesting threads to read-about masculinization, submissive bi males and the like. :)

And I didn't really want anything from her besides figuring out who this unknown VaguelyCurious person is.

To tell you the truth, everyone I casually messaged from the forums replied to me with so much interest, men and women alike that I had mistakingly thought everyone was friendly and considerate here...

The only person to ever ignore me completely was a guy whose car model I asked about after he thoroughly bragged about it in one thread.

P.S. Peon, you have mail.

(in reply to VaguelyCurious)

RE: How many times should one make a request. - 11/8/2010 3:31:14 AM

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Yeah... people I recognize from the forum get consideration, even if I don't like them, because at least I know they're not spammers.

Or if they are, they're really motivated spammers who are flippin' original about it. I respect that.

http://xkcd.com/810/

Randy Munroe explains this feeling better than I could. As usual.

_____________________________

bloody hell, get me some aspirin and a whiskey straight

"The role of gender in society is the most complicated thing I’ve ever spent a lot of time learning about, and I’ve spent a lot of time learning about quantum mechanics." - Randall Munroe

(in reply to Twoshoes)

RE: How many times should one make a request. - 11/8/2010 5:12:28 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Twoshoes
To tell you the truth, everyone I casually messaged from the forums replied to me with so much interest, men and women alike that I had mistakingly thought everyone was friendly and considerate here...

This is very common, in My opinion. People from the forums tend to want to talk about topics, rather than trolling. Names in the inbox that are recognized from the boards darn near always have a different approach. Granted, there are some that a person easily associates with those who do troll on the boards, but those are a different category and the number is so few that it's barely worth mentioning.

One of the best recommendations going around this place in regard to a higher percentage of emails to be answered is to participate on the forums. It does increase the responses.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Twoshoes)

RE: How many times should one make a request. - 11/13/2010 10:54:16 AM

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Lack of response can come from different scenarios:

1. Zero interest
2. Some interest but not enough yet to write back, especially with the number of emails received
3. Some interest but waiting to hear from all potentials before deciding who moves forward, much like it would be for going through resumes for a job opening.
3. Interest but no time yet to respond

There have been times when I have written only once and there have been times when I have followed with another note. At times the other note has not made a difference and at times it has. If you choose to write again, I think the point about remaining classy is an important one.

First, the odds of the second attempt bringing a response are greater if the first attempt was well placed. By well placed I mean it was well written and it was directed to someone where there exists some compatibility.

Second, I would let a week or two pass before sending a second note.

Third, it would help to be thoughtful in the second attempt. I would include something to the effect:

I hope you don't mind this email for it is not my intent to pester you. If you are not interested, I will gladly respect that decision. I am aware that dominant women get an overwhelming number of emails and many that are a waste of their time. I seek to separate myself from those who write blanket emails because they are playing the numbers. I write to reiterate my interest and emphasize that I wrote my email because I find you interesting because (whatever reason). If you find time to respond and have a conversation with me, I would welcome it.

I agree with the comments about changing the username. I wish you well.

Cheers,

Sea

(in reply to lickenforyou)

RE: How many times should one make a request. - 11/28/2010 11:18:54 AM

teror

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its quite amazing how long this post is...to me anyway.

i was pointed to this post by someone i sent a communication to (i won't mention any names).
i was polite...i thought anyway...i had read the person post and responded with what i considered to be a thoughtful message.
However i did not get a response. This to me is similar to greeting someone in a friendly manner and being ignored. So i asked if i was doing something wrong, hoping to get some constructive criticism like, oh well i didnt really get much from your profile (its admittedly thin) or i don't think you really read my profile because you said this or that...what did i get for my efforts? i was pointed to this thread and blocked....ok..
So i'm reading the thread and responding to it.

in the end IMO this is not have anything to do with what the other person said in a message its about how we choose to conduct ourselves in response to other people.
No one is saying you have to respond to EVERYONE, it seems people want to cloud the issue with... oh i should respond to spammers or people who are openly rude or sending me inappropriate pictures....of course You shouldn't. if its clearly spam (which i've gotten) or clearly the person is being rude,You move on, don't respond, block them....whatever You like.
If on the other hand You can see that the response is at least genuine and You choose to ignore or not acknowledge the persons attempt at communication because You didn't like how they constructed their message or because they didn't respond to that one item in the very first message then that is just rude You are being as bad as someone who sent You a distasteful message because You said no thank you.
Just say thank You no thanks and move on, if they are rude back then that is the time to block someone...
i am far from perfect, but i try and am trying to be better at the way i treat people and the way i interact with people. As much as it is disheartening to recieve messages that ar distasteful its equally disheartening to not receive acknowledgment at attempts to communicate simply in the endeavor to find that special person to make You feel complete and that makes a good life great.

todd

(in reply to WyldHrt)

RE: How many times should one make a request. - 11/28/2010 11:29:42 AM

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todd, the gist is that, while you make an analogy between an Internet message and a real life encounter, they are NOT the same. Your example is an unhurried greeting, but a more apt analogy might be dozens of men saying hello in a blur, some of them flashing the Domme as they do so.

If you're looking to make an impression on a Domme, you'll do MUCH better to get to know folks in this forum and others by just bantering, and then saying hello after they've seen your personality through your posts.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to teror)

RE: How many times should one make a request. - 11/28/2010 11:51:24 AM

teror

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Hi, thanks very much for Your response. ill agree to disagree with You on this point.

The fact of the matter is that while the type of interaction is different the way we choose to respond should not be.
And, i would argue that responses online should in fact be even more thoughtful since there is plentiful opportunity to BE thoughtful about the response.
Those who choose not to be should not get the benefit of Your time. Simply say thank you and move on.

Again for those who wish to cloud the discussion, i am not talking about spam, those who are openly rude to start off or those who are showing You their private parts without Your request.

i will agree that i would probably get responses if i perused the forums and responded more, however this isn't really my personality. i am not afraid to state my case when i feel strongly about something however i am for the most part a rather quiet person and shy when i do not know people.

Are You suggesting that people are dismissive simply because i have been around since '06 and haven't posted to the forums? That would be rather sad,

(in reply to DarkSteven)

RE: How many times should one make a request. - 11/28/2010 12:44:23 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: teror

i will agree that i would probably get responses if i perused the forums and responded more, however this isn't really my personality. i am not afraid to state my case when i feel strongly about something however i am for the most part a rather quiet person and shy when i do not know people.

It depends on how you view these forums, I think, teror. Some see them as akin to seminars; others see them like pubs or clubs. Whatever, I do believe it's good to get your name and face known a little. Besides, I have a hunch that you have a good personality; it'd be a shame not to show it off a bit.

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(in reply to teror)

RE: How many times should one make a request. - 11/28/2010 6:18:50 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: teror

Hi, thanks very much for Your response. ill agree to disagree with You on this point.

The fact of the matter is that while the type of interaction is different the way we choose to respond should not be.
And, i would argue that responses online should in fact be even more thoughtful since there is plentiful opportunity to BE thoughtful about the response.
Those who choose not to be should not get the benefit of Your time. Simply say thank you and move on.

Again for those who wish to cloud the discussion, i am not talking about spam, those who are openly rude to start off or those who are showing You their private parts without Your request.

i will agree that i would probably get responses if i perused the forums and responded more, however this isn't really my personality. i am not afraid to state my case when i feel strongly about something however i am for the most part a rather quiet person and shy when i do not know people.

Are You suggesting that people are dismissive simply because i have been around since '06 and haven't posted to the forums? That would be rather sad,

So, what you're saying here is that you don't prefer to talk to people on the forums because you don't know them, but when people don't know you, it's not supposed to work the same way? Sorry, but I'm afraid it doesn't. Just like you, I'm going to be more willing to speak with someone if I've gotten to know them a bit. Just the same as I'd have a conversation with an old friend, rather than someone I don't know that I'm passing on the street.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to teror)

RE: How many times should one make a request. - 11/28/2010 6:54:16 PM

teror

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Status: offline

Thanks for Your comments, However please do not put words in my mouth or assume i meant something that i did not.
i prefer to not participate in forums in general because it doesn't happen to be my preferred method of communication, its not the type of person i am. In this case i felt strongly about the subject matter.

Of course You are willing to speak with people You know over those You don't that is human nature and i agree, but again, that's not what this is about, its about what You choose to say to another or treat them once they have opened a line of communication with You in an environment that was built for the purpose of communication (i mean the collective You)

Again, i am not speaking about spammers or people who are out and out rude in their first communication or sending inappropriate pictures.

commence the flaming i suppose....

(in reply to LadyPact)

RE: How many times should one make a request. - 11/28/2010 9:54:28 PM

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Why would anyone flame you? We've discussed this matter ad nauseam, and your views are opposite to the majority of the women on the boards. You are not required to change your views or behaviour to suit your target audience.

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[page 23 girl]

(in reply to teror)

RE: How many times should one make a request. - 11/28/2010 10:48:32 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: teror

Thanks for Your comments, However please do not put words in my mouth or assume i meant something that i did not.
i prefer to not participate in forums in general because it doesn't happen to be my preferred method of communication, its not the type of person i am. In this case i felt strongly about the subject matter.

Of course You are willing to speak with people You know over those You don't that is human nature and i agree, but again, that's not what this is about, its about what You choose to say to another or treat them once they have opened a line of communication with You in an environment that was built for the purpose of communication (i mean the collective You)

Again, i am not speaking about spammers or people who are out and out rude in their first communication or sending inappropriate pictures.

commence the flaming i suppose....

No worries on the meaning of 'you' (as in general, rather than specifically Me).

It's fine that you don't want to participate in forums just the same as it's fine that some of us have no interest in dealing with anyone who is only interested in the personals side of the site. That might be why you were directed to the thread by whomever it was that you contacted. So that you could see that there are a number of people who feel that way. If you happened to be dealing with someone, like Myself, who says they are only here for communications through the forums, it may have been a quicker way for you to hear what's been said without it needing to be repeated.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to teror)

RE: How many times should one make a request. - 11/29/2010 5:20:15 AM

CynthiaWVirginia

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From: West Virginia, USA
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Thank you, LNT, for having the patience to explain all of this. My son is autistic and I usually don't go into the difficulties it brings, especially socially. Learning social cues has been very difficult, and I use time together watching old movies to help him learn over time. I talk about everything with him, and he is picking up on more...but raising him has been like raising Star Trek's Data.

I just don't think the guys are going to get it, but I do. I will read over these pages again when my eyes aren't so tired because you have explained some things to me that my son cannot.

(in reply to LadyNTrainer)

RE: How many times should one make a request. - 11/29/2010 5:42:34 AM

CynthiaWVirginia

Posts: 1915
Joined: 2/28/2010
From: West Virginia, USA
Status: offline

(Finally reading at page ten.)

So okay, I will get back to the original subject and add a further two cents.

Lately my mail volume has picked up again and today I had 18 good letters and could not answer four of them. I am just too tired to answer and have to put it off until tomorrow. Over the holidays, I had to spend less time here so one letter from a friend here got buried behind four pages. The red button was off because I had opened it but had to run out the door to go shopping, and help mom get ready for her vacation in Florida.

The hard thing is to have several interesting people to talk with, and then new interesting people say hello...some are just not going to get a fair chance to make a good impression.

Sometimes it might be the right person, but catches me at the wrong time...so if someone checks in with me weeks later everything might have changed by then. I go from burnout, to wanting to top and cool off, lol, to having an interest in someone.

I am sure that some people stop talking with me because someone else piqued their interest more. Maybe it worked out, maybe it didn't. Checking back can be a good thing, and if someone really has no interest...try not to be offended if they use the block button.

By the way, welcome to the message boards, teror.

(in reply to CynthiaWVirginia)

RE: How many times should one make a request. - 11/29/2010 10:15:14 PM

Posts: 2400
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From: Austin, TX
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I don't expect a response to an email I send if the other person is not interested. If I do get a no-thanks response, I am impressed and send a note to say thanks for the response and wish the other person well.

Imagine someone who moves into a new house in a new builder community. They are getting mail from various businesses who might have something they will need. It would be unreasonable to expect they write back each business and thank them for the letter and indicate there is no interest. It's not a mirror situation but one can draw parallels and empathize.

Also, I have received emails from dommes where I did not feel an interest. Even with the small amount of mail I receive, I sometimes put off responding just because I am not in the state of mind to write a response immediately, or because I am in a rush to get to other things. In general, people avoid an interaction that carries some form of negativity. Potential customers avoid follow up calls where they might have to say they chose another company. The matter is not unique to women and occurs in various aspects of life.

Cheers,

Sea

(in reply to CynthiaWVirginia)

RE: How many times should one make a request. - 12/10/2010 7:43:12 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lickenforyou

i've sent emails to a couple of Dommes and received no reply, which is fine. If someone is not interested they're not interested.

i don't want to harass or stalk anyone, but i also don't want to give up too easily. i assume that if someone read my message and didn't respond that they're not interested. So, i'm asking a Mistress, have You ever reconsidered after a second email?

thanks

I just read this off of F's profile, If I have not responded to your first 30 messages, 31 wont make a difference! I have too much mail to respond to all, I will respond if interested, and no pic is a great way to guarantee no response.

(in reply to lickenforyou)

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